How to Stop Trying to Get Everyone to Like You Time to Feel

Episode Transcript







Time to Feel, Episode 7







How to Stop Trying to Get Everyone to Like You







Hey everyone! Welcome to another episode of Time of Feel. I’m your hostess, Holly Soulie, and today, we’re going to talk about how to stop trying to get everyone to like you.







I used to struggle trying to get absolutely everyone to like me. But after a while, it got really uncomfortable. So I decided to make some changes. If you can relate, here’s how to stop trying to get everyone to like you.







First of all, it’s natural and healthy to want people to like you.







You can want people to like you without needing them to like you. 







When you want people to like you, it means you still feel good about yourself even if someone doesn’t like you.







On the other hand, when you need everyone to like you, you feel bad if they don’t.







So, let me share with you the 4 steps to stop needing everyone to like you.







Let’s start with Step #1 Acknowledge the Pattern







First, you have to acknowledge that what you’ve been doing is no longer working for you. 







A few years ago at work, I was on a team with someone who didn’t like me very much. It seemed like no matter what I did, I could never get her to like me. 







No matter what jokes or light conversations I tried to strike up with her, nothing worked.







I even tried having a direct, open conversation with her about how we could work better together.







Basically, I really put myself out there (really far…way too far actually) to not only try to work well with her but also to try and get her to like me. 







And it stressed me out so bad! I would think about it outside of work hours because every interaction felt like pulling teeth. 







Eventually, I got so tired that I finally acknowledged that it just wasn’t working to try and get her to like me. I was making myself miserable and it was adding stress to my life. 







Next, Step #2 Commit to Working On It 







Second, you have to commit to yourself that you’re going to work on the need to get everyone to like you.







And this is important because the need to be liked can run deep, even back to your childhood. That means that when you try and get someone to like you, it can actually feel compulsive. 







Looking back at this relationship with my coworker, I remember saying things and acting in a desperate way that really wasn’t me. 







For me, committing to working on it meant that I was committing to stopping myself in my tracks whenever I would realize I was making another desperate joke or comment to her. 







When you consciously commit to yourself that you’re going to work on it, then you’ll be able to choose a new way to do things.







Next, step #3 is to Refocus Your Energy on Yourself







Now that you’ve committed to stop trying to get everyone to like you, you’re ready to start actively working on it!







Next, choose one specific relationship you want to work on. For example, that one specific person that doesn’t like you and it drives you crazy. You could start there.







So, now it’s time to unplug your energy from that person. 







When you ‘unplug’ from someone,