“I did not come to teach you. I came to love you. Love will teach us.‪”‬ Sabina Rademacher - Love & Relating Snippets

That phrase I read somewhere some time ago, i can’t remember where.

But it is so simple and clear…..

Is it?

Well, I am still in the phase of learning, even as a coach…

The sad truth is we have not been taught what relationship means. Nobody showed us how to deal with conflict and that conflict is part of relationships… any…

We kind of clinch to the romantic idea of “once I found him/her, it’s all bed of roses forever…

Are you kidding me? It’s a hard wake up when the reality hits you.

It had hit me 2x with long term relationship before I decided to find out what is really behind it, what is it in me that my relationships don’t work out!! Originally I thought, relationship is not for me, I give up, next life time… but then, I felt determined to look deeper. -   I can’t expect  ever the other one to do it for me, nor to love me if I don’t know how to love myself.



The pure truth I found: I was unable to handle conflict.

I was an emotional illiterate.

Full stop.

Nothing else.

And that fact can be changed. I only need to be aware and practise.



There are 2 more points which helped me to see light out of the tunnel:

1. Relationship will always mean we will have different points of view, discrepancies or conflict. That the way life is.

2. Real growth comes from intimate relationships.

Staying in a Long term relationship in love and growing together,   is the biggest challenge in our life time.

Question here is: AM I UP FOR THIS CHALLENGE?



I said yes to it.

Now, where to start?

I needed to learn  to stay  deeply in connection with myself when I got triggered.

That is the key.

And I did not.

I went into blame and complain. (it does not matter if it’s shown externally or it is internally). It is still blame.

Staying in connection with myself means I listen to my body, I can feel somewhere in my body something is not right. There is a low frequency. Where is it? How does it make me feel? What am I afraid of here?

Step 2 is: I acknowledge it to myself: I feel….. e.g.very angry/or sad….. and it is ok right now to feel like this.

Step 3: I ask myself: what do I need right now? Mostly it is a hug or if angry, having a tantrum (most of us were not allowed to have one, society does not like tantrum)… so if I need a hug, I give it to myself, if I need to have a tantrum, I go somewhere where I can have it by myself in privacy.

Step 4: only when I am out of that trigger, I speak my truth as soon as possible to the other who caused it, with calmness and I speak from the “I”, not from the you.

If the trigger hits me right in a conversation with someone, I still listen to my body. I still can feel the low frequency and saying to myself, it’s ok.

Step 2 is to ask myself: What would love do now? This question makes me curious and curiosity pauses hurt, I don’t get stuck, instead I become curious about the other and the situation. I am able to ask: How did you mean this? Would you mind to rephrase? I heard… did you mean that? (rephrase the sentence)…. This curiosity stops us from reacting and staying in connection.

What helped me is to starting trusting that whatever is in front of me has come to help me grow. And it comes now, because I am able to handle it.

I practise balancing my mind and heart.

And then I feel gratitude and love…

Until the next learning trigger….

Part of life, … Mastery of Self and the Union..

Just realised tomorrow will be the 10/10/2020, so this podcast is in the honour of the master numbers 1 and 2