How do we stay in the heart space coming back over and over again: What would love do now? When things go pear shaped.
How do we relate? How do we perceive? How do we communicate? How we can stay open and open up again?
Heart space is the place where you are empowered to be yourself, where you can trust that whatever decision you make, is the right one.
When someone is in that heart space – they can’t hurt, hate or take advantage!
I show YOU, how being in the heart space opens you up to love more and be loved more.
Tools for the road and not getting lost in relating...
Do you get lost?
I have and I confess I still do sometimes, but I am so grateful to my tools.
However, I was like Alice in Wonderland not knowing which road to take.
If I do not know myself, I don't know where to go nor can I express and show myself fully. I can't show who I really am. And that may keep me in the loop of pretending who I am, to please others and be loved, or to worry constantly what others may think of me.
I need a road map!!!
To navigate my road to relating. I don't have a crystal bowl on my head, where others can look into and say: "Oh, that is how Sabina ticks"... and it won't help them anyway, if I am not clear what my needs and wants are, what my values are and what my boundaries are.
I am the one being responsible to find out:
what are my needs and wants?
what are my values?
what are my boundaries?
Then I know for what I stand up for, how I want to show up. I am stronger and empowered and I can communicate and show others in a clear manner who I am.
CONSCIOUSNESS through Covid? - Conscious Relating and Conscious Split up
Numbers in divorce rates are breaking records in US especially. What is there to do?
Can we look - and are we willing to look - at our relationship and start to learn to connect in a conscious way? And if not, can we split up in a conscious way?
In this interview with Dr Pat, we look at questions such as:
Is it possible to develop Conscious Relating? and how?
What is Conscious Relating in the first place?
What is it NOT?
The path to stay & grow together is not a destination. It is a path.
And in case we do want to split up?
What is the difference between a Conscious Split up vs a separation/ divorce?
Many people get a divorce however they don’t let go from each other emotionally for years. Others separate without being divorced and continue to live in disharmony and blame.
Conscious Split up is a chance to grow. Conscious separation is a human separation, a healing process. If we choose this way, we become role models, especially for our children, for our next generation. We learn to stay in respect for self and the other.
Find out more here or on my web: www.sabinarademacher.com
“I did not come to teach you. I came to love you. Love will teach us.”
That phrase I read somewhere some time ago, i can’t remember where.
But it is so simple and clear…..
Well, I am still in the phase of learning, even as a coach…
The sad truth is we have not been taught what relationship means. Nobody showed us how to deal with conflict and that conflict is part of relationships… any…
We kind of clinch to the romantic idea of “once I found him/her, it’s all bed of roses forever…
Are you kidding me? It’s a hard wake up when the reality hits you.
It had hit me 2x with long term relationship before I decided to find out what is really behind it, what is it in me that my relationships don’t work out!! Originally I thought, relationship is not for me, I give up, next life time… but then, I felt determined to look deeper. - I can’t expect ever the other one to do it for me, nor to love me if I don’t know how to love myself.
The pure truth I found: I was unable to handle conflict.
I was an emotional illiterate.
And that fact can be changed. I only need to be aware and practise.
There are 2 more points which helped me to see light out of the tunnel:
1. Relationship will always mean we will have different points of view, discrepancies or conflict. That the way life is.
2. Real growth comes from intimate relationships.
Staying in a Long term relationship in love and growing together, is the biggest challenge in our life time.
Question here is: AM I UP FOR THIS CHALLENGE?
I said yes to it.
Now, where to start?
I needed to learn to stay deeply in connection with myself when I got triggered.
That is the key.
And I did not.
I went into blame and complain. (it does not matter if it’s shown externally or it is internally). It is still blame.
Staying in connection with myself means I listen to my body, I can feel somewhere in my body something is not right. There is a low frequency. Where is it? How does it make me feel? What am I afraid of here?
Step 2 is: I acknowledge it to myself: I feel….. e.g.very angry/or sad….. and it is ok right now to feel like this.
Step 3: I ask myself: what do I need right now? Mostly it is a hug or if angry, having a tantrum (most of us were not allowed to have one, society does not like tantrum)… so if I need a hug, I give it to myself, if I need to have a tantrum, I go somewhere where I can have it by myself in privacy.
Step 4: only when I am out of that trigger, I speak my truth as soon as possible to the other who caused it, with calmness and I speak from the “I”, not from the you.
If the trigger hits me right in a conversation with someone, I still listen to my body. I still can feel the low frequency and saying to myself, it’s ok.
Step 2 is to ask myself: What would love do now? This question makes me curious and curiosity pauses hurt, I don’t get stuck, instead I become curious about the other and the situation. I am able to ask: How did you mean this? Would you mind to rephrase? I heard… did you mean that? (rephrase the sentence)…. This curiosity stops us from reacting and staying in connection.
What helped me is to starting trusting that whatever is in front of me has come to help me grow. And it comes now, because I am able to handle it.
I practise balancing my mind and heart.
And then I feel gratitude and love…
Until the next learning trigger….
Part of life, … Mastery of Self and the Union..
Just realised tomorrow will be the 10/10/2020, so this podcast is in the honour of the master numbers 1 and 2
Do youngsters hide truth from their parents? How can we create a deeper trusting relation with our children in all aspects?
Recently a friend of mine wrote an article in Linkedin about her 15 year old daughter confessing that sexual activity of different degrees and recreational drugs is a normal part of school life for teenagers.
And yet they are all hiding this fact from their parents.
As a result, relationships at home are routinely dishonest. Young people feel they have to lie about what they’re doing and can’t discuss with parents what’s actually going on in their lives.
How sad is this?
I recall the time of my own kids being teenagers bringing all their friends, saying: “with my mum you can talk about anything”.
That 15 year old teenager also mentioned that her own parents’ readiness to acknowledge and talk about these realities was giving her a greater sense of maturity and balance in handling these aspects of her life.
Unfortunately, at home, parents still show a lack of trust towards their own children. They are trying to control and shut down the possibility of experimentation which makes their children more likely to experiment irresponsibly.
As a coach, I see that damage over and over again, caused through lack of trust by their own parents when my coachees were young.
Would it not be easier to support our children from early on?
To get the best results in our relationships with people old or young, we need honest communication, vulnerability and trust.
When we allow ourselves to speak to our own children about our own doubts, vulnerability confusion we might have experienced or still do, it creates trust.
And when we speak to them as someone who, however young and inexperienced, is capable of rational thought and spoken to accordingly, they become stable, happy and resilient. They develop trust in their own essential competence and ability to manage their own life.
The same is valid if we would allow us to have a dialogue with our children around the subject sexuality. Not the typical one, but a truthful one. Love and sex is what moves us the most in life. It’s one of the most important subjects of our life.
I keep wondering:
Why is this issue still such a sensitive issue between parents and children?
What about we parents become role models, supporting our children to an open, authentic and loving understanding of what love and sexuality means. Children who had parents talking with them about sexuality in ages between 7 to 10 are freer and more open to seek advice of their parents, even when they are older. They establish a deeper trust relationship with themselves, their parents and their future partner(s).
For that reason, I create a workshop called Love and Sex a dialogue for parents and children to create a new, deeper and trusting communication around this important issue in our life: LOVE
You can find more info on my web: https://www.sabinarademacher.com/love-and-sex-a-dialogue
When I feel anxious......
We are in the constant state of restlessness... anxiousness...
We are running on this low grade fever of anxiousness, assigning it to this problem... that problem.
And actually just because we live in that state, we keep attracting more of it, instead of really working on our anxiousness.
What is really behind our anxiousness?
Do you want to know how to work with this?
Find out here!
And I love to hear from you: www.sabinarademacher.com
Have we created a paradox with intimacy/ sex?
To what has the most beautiful act of life been reduced to?
An orgasm driven performance act?
A way to understand ourselves? An Escape for being present and being in feel?
And yet, we all long for deeper longer lasting relationships. We all wish for more intimacy. We all wish for deeper, longer lasting connection in our intimate relation. This feeling of “One-ness” Is it utopia or possible?
Find out more here in this interview with Transformation Talk Radio, US, The Dr. Pat Show