Love University with Dr. Alexander Avila Dr. Alexander Avila

Would you like to have amazing love, romance, and sex?  Now you can by applying certain simple “biohacks” (utilizing biology for health and happiness) to completely transform your relationships.  Our guest on Love University, legendary relationship luminary Dr. John Gray (marsvenus.com), educated us on male/female hormones and the power of understanding and appreciating our differences. With over 40 years helping couples, and as the author of the most trusted relationship book of all time (Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus), Dr. Gray illuminated our minds with his amazing insights on love and romance, as follows:
*Men and women need polarity to be sexually and romantically happy.  Polarity in relationships is the spark occurring between two opposing energies: masculine and feminine. According to Dr. Gray, men need to be more on their male side (generating more testosterone), and women need to be more on their female side (creating more estrogen), for sexual arousal and romantic love to rise to the highest levels. In romantic “pair bonding,” a man and woman give each other a benefit they can’t give themselves . For example, a man gives a woman a sense of emotional security/safety, while the woman gives the man her appreciation and feminine warmth and affection. These complementary energies then fuse to create sparks and attraction.
*When men are overly emotional they are on their “female” side—producing more estrogen. Getting angry, contrary to popular belief, is not a “masculine” or “macho” experience. When men allow their negative feelings to overwhelm them, they produce more estrogen. This is also the case when men indulge too much in pleasure or have an addiction.
*A woman can help a man replenish his testosterone.  She can ask for his help (this also raises her estrogen as well), encourage his “cave time” (when he goes in his room, office, or garage to engage in hobbies, interests, or activities), and appreciate his talents and accomplishments (“You’re so smart,” “Great job”).
*A man can help a woman replenish her estrogen.  He can listen to her feelings without judgment or trying to solve her problems (ten minutes), give her four nonsexual hugs a day (six seconds each), and do a five-minute task for her with a smile (something she can do for herself, but she’s happy when her man does it).
*Brahmacharya, sexual abstinence for a higher purpose, can be a healthy thing.   Dr. Gray was a celibate monk and practiced sexual abstinence for spiritual reasons. There is great power in giving your sexual energy “an upward turn”—instead of having physical sex, you can transmute or apply your erotic energy to do creative, humanitarian, or spiritual works. You can also invest your sexual energy in one adored, devoted, and committed love partnership as you and your partner create peace and greatness through your love.
In the end, the goal is for men and women to understand, respect, appreciate and love each other as the unique and beautiful souls they are. Together, we can create a path to a higher light and radiate love without expectation throughout the world.

Are you shy? If so, then our latest show on Love University Podcast is perfect for you.   In Dr. Avila’s landmark book, The Gift of Shyness (https://bit.ly/4cEjgMb), he outlined the hidden gifts (talents) of shy people and how they can achieve romantic and personal success. As a shy person, you’re likely a deep, reflective person who is a good listener and empathetic to others. The challenge you face as a shy person is what Dr. Avila calls the Observer (or Self-Observer)—the part of your mind that makes you feel self-conscious and worried about what other people think about you (making you want to withdraw socially). The key to transforming your shyness into an asset is to diminish the Observer while developing more of your Actor, the spontaneous and natural part of your personality. With the right Actor-Observer balance you can rule your social and romantic world. Here’s more of what we learned about The Gift of Shyness on the show:
*Realize that shyness is really a gift. Up to 50% of the population is shy. Yet, for years, there has been a strong stigma attached to being shy. Shy people were known as “social rejects,” “wallflowers,” or “socially phobic.” In reality, shyness, used rightly, can be a great gift. As coined by Dr. Avila, the new definition of shyness is “a life-enhancing state of extraordinary social sensitivity and profound self-reflection.”  Embrace your gift of shyness, accept yourself as you are, and you can do wonders in your life.
*Vanquish your Observer.  The Observer is the part of your mind that is constantly judging and criticizing your social performance (“You’ll say something stupid; you’re not attractive or charming enough to win the hearts and attention of others”).  To diminish the Observer, give it a name and draw what it looks like in a notebook.  Maybe you call it “Weak Willy” or “Pathetic Patty.” Now visualize that it is getting smaller and smaller as you say to it, “Observer, you are nothing but a figment of my imagination. I will toss you out like yesterday’s trash.  Goodbye, Observer.”
*Access your inner Actor:  To develop your Actor, the spontaneous, natural, and fun part of your personality, think of an actor from stage or screen that you admire. Consider how they dress, talk, walk, and act. Now, in front of a mirror at home, practice talking like they do, adopt some of their facial expressions; you may even try out some clothes that remind you of them. Your goal is to tap into the spontaneous and natural part of you that “doesn’t give a #**” about other’s social approval. You won’t just imitate or copy the actor you admire, you will play with some of the characteristics you admire about them, while adopting your own personal Actor style. Soon, you will be free and natural—more charismatic and attractive than ever before—attracting the interest and attention of  the people you’re interested in.  
Yes, you can be socially and professionally successful, charismatic, attractive, and desirable—while still being shy. You can be confidently shy. You can be romantically shy. You can be powerfully shy. The key is to embrace the positive aspects of being shy while transforming the self-conscious parts of your personality. When you do this, you will be a fully integrated and balanced human being who can achieve your dreams and make the world a better place. Here’s to a beautiful and confident Shy You.

Recent research into neuroplasticity has told us that our brains can change over time in a positive way. Through various techniques and exercises, you can restructure your brain to experience more beneficial and uplifting thoughts and feelings.  Our guest on Love University, Dawson Church, esteemed brain science expert, enlightened us on how to rewire you brain so you can have more joy, creativity, and success in your life. Here are some of the important lessons we learned from Dawson:
*Find the blessing in small things: When his home burned down and he lost his possessions and two beloved cats, Dawson learned how to be grateful for the smallest of things (he found a pair of eyeglasses that were scratched up, but usable). No matter how difficult life seems, counting the good things in your life can uplift your mindset and lift you from doubt and despair.
*Build the things that won’t burn in a catastrophic fire.  After the horrific fire, Dawson realized that he needed to focus on the things that won’t burn up in life: for example, compassion, optimism, and love. It’s impossible to burn these things because they are in your mind and soul. Concentrate daily on building up these powerful traits and you won’t feel at a loss when things go wrong.
*Engage in positive and productive activities.  In one study, subject using a smart phone app recorded feeling happier when they did a task, even if it was somewhat repetitive and routine, than when they were just sitting still and thinking about their problems. This week, find something you love to do—art, sports, music, working with your hands, being in nature—and lose yourself in it.  By doing this, you will have great passion and joy as you diminish your negative overthinking mind, known in the East as the “monkey mind”—the mind that never stops chattering.
*Take the 30-day meditation challenge.  As Dawson explains, his students agree to meditate for thirty straight days no matter what. He has found that a majority of his students become “positively addicted” to meditation because pleasurable brain chemicals are released. Once you begin to get over your resistance to meditation (and the monkey mind), you will find that the activity becomes self-rewarding and you want to keep doing it—feeling more refreshed, focused, and at peace the more you do it.
*Extend loving energy without expectation.  One of the best ways to rewire your brain is to give love to others without expecting anything in return. Smile at others, give them sincere compliments, help them with practical tasks, give them the gift of empathetic listening (listen from their point of view).  When you give love without expectation to others, you also give it to yourself. You become the healer as well as the healed.
Yes, it is possible to remodel your brain, no matter what you have gone through in life.  Develop a mind of gratitude, engage in positive and productive activities, mediate, and give unconditional love to others and to yourself. If you do these things, you are well on your way to having a beautiful and loving brain that brings joy, contribution, and success into your life. Here’s to your new Bliss Brain.
 

 
 
Does life sometimes get you down?  You try hard to find the answers for a successful, happy, and loving life, but you often come up short. If this sounds like you, then you’re about to receive some powerful solutions for your pressing problems and challenges.  In our latest Love University episode, Dr. Avila answers some of your most crucial questions for ultimate living. Here are some of the important things you will learn:
*How to Handle People Problems
*How to Get Ahead
*How to Truly Relax
*How to Handle Defeat
*How to Find Someone to Love (and Keep the Love Strong)
*How to Live a Joyous Life and Achieve Your Dreams

 
There is a powerful way to access your greatest talents and achieve your grandest goals. It is called Brahmacharya—the use of sexual and romantic energy for a higher purpose. Our guest on Love University, Melissa Barragan, multimillion dollar real estate producer, applied the principle of Brahmacharya and explained how it led her to a powerful realization of self-love and transformation.  After initiating a lifestyle of romantic abstinence beginning in 2023, she achieved her biggest sale ever--$25 million in one day (Valentine’s Day, 2024)--and helped a loving family find their perfect forever home. Here are some of the highlights from Mellisa’s experience of personal awakening:
*God Is Your Valentine. Although Melissa wondered if she would find romantic love after her Brahmacharya experiment, she realized that her true love was God (Higher Nature). Instead of feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day, she experienced a great feeling of unity and love with her Higher Nature as she spent the day with a lovely family and helped them achieve their real estate dreams.
*Fusing Passion, Love, and Romance.  The happiest and most influential couples in the world like Grant and Elena Cardone (real estate and motivation) have the ideal blend of love qualities.  These Supercouples are able to combine mind, body, and soul to create a tremendous partnership in which they transmute their attraction and love for each other into greatness and contribution for the betterment of society.
*Livmor, Love More.  Melissa coined the phrase #Livmor (Live More) to symbolize the importance of focusing on abundance, joy, and love—every day of your life. We often feel disappointed and frustrated when we try to find happiness in externals: relationships, money, work, or experiences.  The truth is that true happiness is based on inner love and peace. To live more, we need to love more: Ourselves, others, and a Higher Nature. When we do everything with love—spending time with loved ones, eating, exercising, making love, working, giving, helping, and contributing—life becomes an absolute joy.
It’s about you now. Decide that, starting today, you will give your life energy an upward turn.  Instead of wasting your vital life forces on superficial relationships, distractions, and negativity, you will use every ounce of your energy to live more, love more, and be more.  When you do this, you will achieve everything you have ever dreamed of, and your life will be a miracle come true.