Parenting The Kid In Front Of You Become A Calm Mama

I often talk about parenting the kid in front of you, not the one you wish you had or the one you’re afraid they’ll become. 
Today, I’ll explain three thoughts that you’ve probably experienced when you don’t like your kid’s behavior or parts of their personality, why judgments about your kid aren’t helpful and what to do instead.
You’ll Learn:
The parenting advice I give the mostWhy behavior is really just information - and what to do with itHow raising a kid is like baking a special kind of cakeThe long term benefits of unconditional acceptance.
It’s never too late to commit to shifting how you think and feel about your kid. 
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I just got home from a trip to Paris with my newly-turned-18-year-old son. I got to spend a lot of time with him, getting to see and know who he is right now. We had an amazing trip, and there were also times where I found myself feeling a little uncomfortable, sad or disappointed about his views or attitude toward certain things. 
I’m continuing to work through some of those feelings even after we’ve returned home, and I hope my experience will help you parent the kid in front of you, too.
 
Why Parenting The Kid In Front of You Is ImportantWhen we’re in a relationship with someone and we make their behavior mean something negative, then it is going to sour the relationship and the way that we interact with them. 
When you perceive your kid in a certain way, thoughts and feelings come up, and these drive your actions. It's really important to work on how you think and feel about your kid and not put that negative attitude or judgment on their behavior.
This can be really hard because as a parent, it is your responsibility to help your kid learn how to be in relationship with themselves and others. You’re trying to teach values like politeness, generosity and kindness. 
But sometimes, you see your kid behave in ways that are opposite to those values. What often happens is that you get so caught up in the behavior and what it means that it prevents you from actually parenting and teaching them the skills they need in order to become who they’re meant to be. 
Your child is on a journey of development. In order to help them grow, you have to accept how they are right now, from a neutral place, and see it either as a part of their personality that hasn’t fully developed or a skill that they haven’t yet learned. 
 
3 Negative Mindsets to AvoidWhen your kid behaves in a way you don't like, it's easy to make their behavior mean something negative - either about you as a parent, them as a person, or their future.
All of these negative stories impact how you show up as a parent; and have a negative impact on your child.
These are the three negative mindsets I see causing the most long-term harm. 
 
#1: Making your child’s behavior mean something about you. If you look at your child’s behavior and think, “I’m a bad parent,” it makes it feel really personal. It puts you into your own story and takes you out of what’s going on with your kid. 
You might find yourself overparenting, being overly strict, harsh or mean. Often, this is where I see parents skip past calm and connection and go straight to correction and consequences. 
Behavior is a coping strategy, and the behavior you’re seeing is just information, data about where your child needs support, tools and skills. 
Instead of thinking, “How does this behavior affect me? How does it reflect on me?”, try asking, “How is this behavior going to affect my child? What skill is missing here? What do they need to learn?”
When you see that they’re acting the way they are because they’ve overwhelmed