Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel Ruth Reymundo Mandel & David Mandel

Working with domestic violence means professionals come into contact daily with complex & challenging trauma.   Beyond the complexity involved with working toward the safety of the family, working with domestic violence survivors  often confronts professionals with their own prior experiences of abuse and trauma.  Partnering with  survivors using the  Safe & Together Model is powerful, efficient and effective. This very same process may reveal to practitioner where they were blamed for the abuse they suffered, where their own strengths or needs were not acknowledged and can even trigger their own memories of trauma. 

In this Podcast Ruth & David discuss how latent in the concept of Partnering is a powerful way to support professionals who have experienced violence & who also encounter challenging & traumatizing dynamics in their day to day work.  Many practitioners have reached out to express their own self revelations when learning the Safe & Together Model & how the six part process of Partnering helped in their healing.

In this podcast the six steps of Partnering are looked at from a worker supportive standpoint which improves worker wellbeing, safety, satisfaction & assures that organizations are responding in a Domestic Violence Informed way to the needs of professional victim survivors in their employ.Ruth & David leave the listener with a series of questions which may assist in the process of Partnering with Professional survivors & with ourselves when we are uncovering our own trauma. 

Also listen to: 

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-3-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-have-their-own-histories-of-abuse/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-2-episode-23-minisode-on-worker-safety-well-being-when-workers-are-survivors-themselves/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/6-steps-to-partnering-with-survivors/

https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/season-3-episode-7-understanding-and-validating-survivors-acts-of-resistance/



Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

When we think about domestic violence only in terms of what is added - violence and danger - instead of what is taken away (safety, self determination, quality of life), we fail at naming some of the most profound effects of domestic violence perpetrators’ behaviors on survivors. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about what survivors' often "lose" at the hands of domestic violence perpetrators.

In this episode: 
Stories of recent successes of the Safe & Together Model from around the globe The importance of Perpetrator Pattern mapping to accurate documentation of harm including what has been taken awayDavid & Ruth also talk about how survivors describe  perpetrators stopping them from being the parent and the person they could've  been.  They offer up practical tips for practitioners about how to explore these losses including how to go beyond the question "are you afraid at home?" They also offer  validations for survivors' experiences of loss and limits. 

Other related episodes
Season 3 Episode 12 Weaponize & Fabricate: How Domestic Violence Perpetrators’ Behaviors Intersect With Survivors’ Mental Health And Substance Misuse Issues

Season 3 Episode 7: Understanding And Validating Survivors’ Acts Of Resistance

Season 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety & Wellbeing: An Interview With Researcher Dr. Emma Katz


Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Toxic Trio. Triple Play. Trifecta.
All over the globe, professionals working with families have shorthand jargon that reflects the prevalence of the complex mixture of issues that many families experience. Unfortunately these phrases do not usually enhance the ability to partner with survivors or intervene with perpetrators. 

In this episode of Partner With A Survivor, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the Safe & Together Model’s intersections offers a more powerful and accurate way to discuss the relationship between mental health, substance misuse and domestic violence. Point by point they explore how perpetrators' behaviors intersect with adult and child survivors’ mental health and substance misuse. They examine how perpetrators 
CauseExacerbateInterfere WithFabricate Weaponize these issues. They highlight the importance of contexualizing the survivors’ issues back to the perpetrators’ pattern and  envisioning how perpetrators’ might be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. 
Other Related Episodes
Season 3 Episode 2: Perpetrators’ Weaponization Of Mental Health And Addiction Against Survivors
Season 2 Episode 10: Trauma-Informed Is Not The Same As Domestic Violence-Informed: A Conversation About The Intersection Of Domestic Violence Perpetration, Mental Health & Addiction
Season 2, Episode 5: How Professionals Can Avoid Being Manipulated By Perpetrators
Episode 30: 4 Ways The Concept Of Trauma Bonding Works Against Survivors
Episode 18: Survivors Aren’t Broken! An Intimate Discussion About Support And Partnership In Relationships

Conversations about domestic violence often start from a victim blaming perspective: “Why doesn’t she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?”  or “I can’t trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.”  These victim blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors  and holding perpetrators accountable as parents. They also prevent accurate assessments and increase worker frustration with survivors. 
In this episode of Partnered With a Survivor, Ruth & David discuss the Safe & Together Model practice of 'Pivoting to the Perpetrator'  which offers specific steps to interrupt victim blaming, and to shift the focus on to where it belongs– the perpetrator’s behaviors. The practice helps professionals 
better assess whether interventions with perpetrators are helping or hindering survivor safetyBetter recontextualize how survivor “denial” or “non-compliance” is shaped by the perpetrator’s behaviors and the failures of systems’ interventionsBe successful with their most challenging cases through better collaborations with survivors and more effective interventions with perpetrators In this episode, Ruth and David lay out what Pivoting is, why it is important & how to do the three part practice in your work. They discuss the application of  Pivoting and how it is an essential skill for domestic violence-informed practice. 
Other Related Episodes 
Season 3 Episode 7: Understanding And Validating Survivors’ Acts Of Resistance

Season 2 Episode 22: Minisode On Worker Safety & Well-Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety And Victim-Blaming

Season 2, Episode 1: 6 Steps To Partnering With Survivors

Episode 2: Victim Blaming

With upsetting frequency, the news will report a story of a child murdered by their mother’s partner. Sometimes this murder happens in the context of separation. Other times it is part of perpetrators' overall pattern of violence toward multiple family members. Unfortunately, dramatic homicides only tell part of the story. There are strong correlations between domestic violence and neglect deaths.  Child suicides also appear to happen in the context of domestic violence. 
In this episode Ruth and David explore the connection between domestic violence and child deaths including: 
How males are three times more likely to murder their own children How domestic violence may be the single major precursor to child abuse and neglect fatalities The barriers to fully identifying pathways to child deaths in the context of domestic violence Actions professionals can take to improve the prevention efforts through identification of the risk of child death  including better understanding of how perpetrators interfere with the care of children Self-care note: The content of this episode may be very challenging for some listeners.

In this episode, David & Ruth discuss with Dr. Emma Katz in her new book, “Coercive Control in Children’s and Mother’s Lives.” Dr. Katz shares the story behind the development of this groundbreaking book, where she shares her learnings from interviews with 15 groups of mothers and their children.  In this far ranging conversation, David, Ruth and Dr. Katz discuss: 
How she was inspired to write the book by identifying how the literature was ignoring the experience of children in homes impacted by coercive controlThe “magic” question that unlocked the stories of adult and child survivors How children and their mothers are impacted by perpetrators’ coercive control How an emphasis on physical violence can blind professionals to key aspects of the experience of children The similarities between the experiences of adult and child survivorsHow children’s agency is minimized and adult survivors are blamed through the use  of the term “parentification” How mental health approaches are deficient in their identification of protective efforts How the use of the term “historic abuse” rarely useful How adult and child survivors heal from coercive control 

To buy Emma Katz's book Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives (Oxford University Press, 2022) Use the discount code ASFLYQ6 to get 30% off
To buy Amazon Kindle of Emma Katz's book Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives (Oxford University Press, 2022)
Emma Katz's popular, free to download 2020 article 'When Coercive Control Continues to Harm the Children Post-Separation' 
Emma Katz on Twitter
Emma Katz on ResearchGate
Emma Katz on Instagram 
Emma Katz on Facebook
Emma Katz on LinkedIn 
Emma Katz on Youtube
Emma Katz's previous podcasts
SHERA
SHERA on Twitter


Listen to these related Partnered with a Survivor episodes 
Season 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety & Wellbeing: An Interview With Researcher Dr. Emma Katz
Season 2 Episode 8: “I Spiraled Down To A Dark Place:” An Interview With A Young Survivor Of Officer-Involved Domestic Violence And His Mum
Season 1 Episode 1: Coercive Control And Consent