Questions In Your 20s Caroline

‘Being an eldest daughter is like an unpaid internship for the rest of your life.’
It’s a bit dramatic but holds some truth to it, so let’s unpack that together. Today, I want to cast a spotlight on an experience that’s more niche than the adulting experiences I normally talk about, the experience of a first-born daughter. I hope this episode serves some form of solace for my fellow eldest daughters. And for those listening who aren’t, I hope this gives u a better idea of some of the things we experience so you have a deeper appreciation for the older sisters who may be your friends, partners, family members, or your own.
ReferencesBologna, C. (2023) Are you ‘parentifying’ your children? here’s what you should know., HuffPost. Available at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/parentification-parentified-children_l_6536b883e4b0689b3fbd8ac2 (Accessed: 30 May 2024).
Horner, P. et al. (2012) The relationship of birth order and gender with academic standing and substance use among youth in Latin America, Journal of individual psychology (1998). Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3375868/ (Accessed: 30 May 2024).
Jacobson, R. (2024) Firstborn girls most likely to succeed, Scientific American. Available at: https://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/observations/first-born-girls-most-likely-to-succeed/ (Accessed: 30 May 2024).
Morgan, M. (2023) Are you okay or are you an eldest daughter?, What Is Eldest Daughter Syndrome & How Do I Heal? Available at: https://www.refinery29.com/en-au/eldest-daughter-syndrome-oldest-sibling-family-responsibilities (Accessed: 30 May 2024).
Valenzuela, D. (2022) Have you been a victim of eldest daughter syndrome?, Katie Couric Media. Available at: https://katiecouric.com/lifestyle/parenting/eldest-daughter-syndrome-parentification/ (Accessed: 30 May 2024).
Yang Hu Professor (2023) What is ‘eldest daughter syndrome’ and how can we fix it?, The Conversation. Available at: https://theconversation.com/what-is-eldest-daughter-syndrome-and-how-can-we-fix-it-202016 (Accessed: 30 May 2024).

A few months ago, I re-entered a stage of my life that feels so familiar, yet so foreign: the talking stage. While the core themes of joy, excitement, adversity, and heartache of having a crush are universal and have stayed the same, I’ve noticed so many differences as a woman in her 20s.
This week we dive into maintaining high standards for the people you choose to spend time with, why we stay in relationships that don’t serve us, and the most gate kept pages of my journal (!!!).

Further reading:
The Peculiar Longevity of Things Not So Bad https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/danielgilbert/files/peculiarlongevity.pdf

Physical touch is a very important part of feeling connected with another person. Biologically, there are nerve fibres on our skin that sense touch which are associated with feeling physically and emotionally connected with another person. Our ability to touch the people we love, both sexually and non-sexually, can have a big impact on the depth that we feel love for another person as well as how loved we feel by others. It depends on our love language, it can be one of the most important parts of a relationship for people whose love language is physical touch, but can be of little importance for people who are more receptive to love in the forms of acts of service, quality time, thoughtful gifts, or words of affirmation. These 2 aspects of human connection, physical touch and navigating the different love languages of people in a relationship, can change when people enter long distance relationships. How do we adapt the ways we show our love when we cannot physically be with our partner? When is a long distance relationship not worth the longing?
References:
Jakubiak, B K, & Feeney, B C. (2019). Interpersonal touch as a resource to facilitate positive personal and relational outcomes during stress discussions. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(9), 2918–2936. doi:10.1177/0265407518804666
Lee, J E, & Cichy, K E. (2020). Complex role of touch in social relationships for older adults’ cardiovascular disease risk. Research on Aging, 42(7-8), 208–216. doi:10.1177/0164027520915793
Wasling, H.B. (2014). Fight off loneliness with touch | Helena Backlund Wasling | TEDxGöteborg [Video]. Youtube. URL https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omIWt3xq648

Part 1: The ‘girl dinner’ trend on tiktok has had beautiful yet unintended consequences of reclaiming the word ‘girl’ in a way that empowers women and redefines the domestic expectations of labour for women.
Part 2: When we cast rigid boundaries between our personal and professional lives, we may be compromising the psychological safety of our workplace or uni environment
Part 3: The weaknesses of having a type A personality can become our strengths, although it requires adjustments to the ways in which and with whom we spend our time

References
Chamlou, N. and Temple, J. (2023) Type A personality: Common traits and lifestyle tips. Available at: https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/type-a-personality-traits/ (Accessed: 03 December 2023).
Gallo, A. (2023) What is psychological safety?, Harvard Business Review. Available at: https://hbr.org/2023/02/what-is-psychological-safety (Accessed: 03 December 2023).
Greene, A. and Silva, K. (2016) ‘#WordsAtWork: David Morrison wants Australians to stop saying gender-based terms like “guys”’, ABC News, 1 June.
Ivana, F. (2021) ‘Time anxiety: what it is and how you can deal with it’, Clockify, 23 December. Available at: https://clockify.me/blog/managing-time/time-anxiety/ (Accessed: 03 December 2023).

"Love is a quiet, reassuring, relaxing, pottering, pedantic, harmonious hum of a thing; something you can easily forget is there, even though its palms are outstretched beneath you in case you fall.” - Dolly Alderton, ‘Everything I Know About Love’
Tune in and let’s appreciate some of the book’s most powerful quotes together, and reflect on how they relate to what my female friendships have taught me, my appreciations for my male friendships, and the journey of finding peace with myself in my 20s.

are you a judgemental person? then you’re going to love this episode. Let’s discuss some AITA cases and weigh in on who was in the right or wrong, for fun.
AITA if I said I had a problem with my fiancée adding a ring enhancer to the engagement ring I just gave her?
AITA for wearing clothes that wouldn't fit my friend
AITA because I reacted badly when my husband went for lunch with a coworker