Ramblings of fiddur Fredrik Liljegren

For only $42 / week I will keep your Chakras aligned and have you Abide in Essence Nature ™️ with Pure Wakefulness. Sign up now and get a free T-shirt with a picture of me blissing out in the tempel of आनन्द  कुण्डलिनी  (that's Ānanda Kuṇḍalinī for the illiterate ones who don't yet read sanskrit; basically meaning "F*****g Bliss!" 😏)
Gratitude to Roaman for passing this shakti teaching down the guru line.
Namaste brothers and sistersI’m glad you gathered hereI stole this little songTo sing of things that I hold dear
You see I used to be like youJust a fool in the 3DUntil one day I woke up KNOWINGI’m a Starseed
So now I’m a coach, I’m a healerI’m an indigo childTake naked pictures by a waterfallBecause I am so “wild”
My favourite word is “sacred”And I use it all the timeCause it’s really good for businessNever sad I’m always high
[Chorus]
Cause I'm spiritualLove and light the language that I speakI don't need to face realityI'm tripping every week
I'm spiritualChanting as I burn my little sageI'm not delutionalI AM the Golden Age!
You see I love to meditateBut only when somebody’s lookingI wouldn’t want to waste a chanceTo get another booking
My coping mechanismis to smile and power throughAll the shit I should be working onBut that’s what holy people do
I’ll realign your chakrasIf you’re life is getting hardI’m sending love and blessingsNow please swipe your credit card
I don’t deal with human dramaI live in the 5th dimensionBut the truth isI’m just craving your attention
[Chorus]
Cause I'm spiritualLove and light the language that I speakI don't need to face realityI'm tripping every week
I'm spiritualChanting as I burn my little sageI'm not delutionalI AM the Golden Age!
Im'a call it intuitionBut it’s just another thoughtI take no responsibilityit’s all the planets’ fault
So when mercury is in gatoradeI’m gonna be a 🤫I put flowers in my lemonadeAnd call myself a witch
I gave myself a name thatI don’t even understandI’m really really good at…nothingBut I own a conscious brand
See I’m constantly blissed outAnd I make sure that people knowHave you even seen my Instagram?I’m always in the flow!
[Chorus]
Cause I'm spiritualLove and light the language that I speakI refuse to face realityI'm tripping once a week
I'm spiritualStressing as I burn a little sageI'm half delusionalI think I'm living in a Golden Cage

Kundalini2
0:00/3:42
1×

Growing up in Sweden, I learned that emotions should be controlled. Other kids will try to startle and scare you, and if you can't keep your cool and shrug it off, you've failed, you'll get laughed at. The grown-ups showed their mastery in this; I can't remember ever seeing my parents crying, or any adult for that matter.  Even laughing was something to keep under control or to the right situations.
Excitement could be put in slightly approving words, like "OK, that sounds like a good idea".  But never should you let your feeling of excitement go up into a "WOW HELL YEAH LET'S DO IT, I CAN'T WAIT!". And there too, in kid play culture it was almost systematically suppressed. One kid would offer a suggestion of something really good, and as soon as excitement was shown, it could be laughed at as "Did you really think you could join in?" or whatever the suggestion might have been.
Slowly but surely, before I was a teenager I was quite adept at not showing emotions. Exciting suggestions were met with a "mhmm". Instead of laughter, I mostly had a short inaudible titter through my nose, almost more sounding like a snort than a laugh. Crying was gone completely. Going to amusement parks and riding a roller coaster was basically relaxing, and mostly an exercise in showing how untouched I could be.
I never wanted to stop feeling. I never consciously viewed emotions as anything bad, and I even saw myself as being in good contact with my emotions, but also in control over my expression.
My journey in self development, my spiritual path, and maybe just general maturation as a human adult, at last got me to start expressing more. In the last 3 years, I've started letting go of inhibitions around allowing my emotions to show, and it quickly became so clear that the expression is part of the emotion itself. When I let it express, I let it flow. Laughing out loudly, the joy gets to fill the space and flow through and around me. Screaming and banging in rage takes the tension and blockage out of my body. Crying out and having tears flow down my face, my whole being is overtaken by the sadness, and there is a profound ecstasy in feeling that movement in my body. Sadness, when I can let it move, isn't something to avoid, it is a beautiful intense emotion putting colours to my experience of the life!
But still, often when I relax and allow myself to feel, I notice the patterns of wanting to shy away and suppress the uncomfortable emotions, especially if someone can see me. Often when we have gatherings here at Hökås, circling and sharing intimately, letting down our defences, I have some hours when I face feelings of being unwanted or not included in the group. At the same time I can see myself keeping others at a distance because of the habits of hiding my emotions. I go away to the corner of the room, I put on a neutral face whenever someone is looking toward me. But then, catching myself doing this, relaxing into that it is OK to feel and be seen feeling, I can see the patterns from everything I suppressed when being teased as a kid and all much worse things my mind made up around it.
The emotions come with triggering thoughts, like that I'm unwelcome, unworthy, unwanted, and my mind starts working at plans and strategies to fix it! Maybe if I'm smart enough, if I look better, or can make people laugh, they'll want me to join?
So many emotions had been bottled up during decades of fears and inhibitions going under the fancy names of "self control" and "fitting in". But emotions are energy, and energy that doesn't flow gets stuck, creating tension and blockages. For me, I would guess that the frequent headaches I've had since I was a kid at least partly are due to blocked emotions, leading to tensions in jaws, neck, and shoulders.
In Sanskrit sources of classical tantra and Indian philosophy, they talk about samskaras (संस्कार), stored up impressions in your energy body (both mental and emotional). It is similar to the west

I have many teachers, inner and outer.  Every morning, in my ceremony, I meet up with some of them.
This morning, when meeting the mistress of ovate, she was a young girl, sitting on the grass, playing with something on the ground.  Without looking at me, she tells me "It's OK to cry, you know."  I felt the tears flowing up, a tension I was barely aware of softening a bit.  There was no sympathy or pity or any emotion in what she said, just the simple naturalness of the statement, relaxed and soft.
Then she came in the form of a young woman. "It's OK to be horny, you know?"  Her statement a little bit playful, poking at my fear of showing emotion.  My years of feeling wrong for ever having an arousal that wasn't reciprocated. I could go into how the society deems any man with an erection a danger, because a few cannot control themselves, but no, this is my fear of being wrong, my fear of letting anyone see that I'm moved or touched.  These last 2-3 years has been a journey of finding acceptance for parts of me I wasn't even aware I had rejected, and even less having the idea that it could be accepted by anyone else. Not digging for any background of why I inhibited my own emotions so much in the first place, I feel the gratitude of my community of teachers in everyone I meet and feel safe with. A softening opens up, allowing both tears and arousal at the same time.
Joining in, she now comes as an old crone, chuckling a bit and stating "It's OK to die, you know."  ...  It is, I know. I've often imagined myself living for quite many years ahead, and I couldn't really feel into any fear of dying.  I seldom feel fear about anyone else dying either. It's just death, the most certain part of any life.
It's OK.  I sit with these statements for the rest of my ceremony.  Grateful for inner teachers and my daily practice.
Thank you.

Its ok
0:00/2:38
1×

My religion is surrender.  My spiritual path is relaxation.
Surrender to whatever there is, because it is the only thing that is. What comes to your attention, is the reality to attend.
The path of relaxation leads to the most beautiful of destinations: Here.
All that tension does, is fighting to get away from here.  Tensing up to keep away the discomfort, which in the end is just the discomfort of the tension that it tries to keep away.
So relax.  Nothing is under control.
There are practices on the path of relaxation, the path to here; what's a spiritual path without a discipline? 😉
There is yoga asana, for how else will I relax when leaning sideways from a ladder screwing a beam in place?
There is still meditation, the relaxation of just observing, the mind, the sensations, the emotions.
There is ceremony with spirits that as frankly as a child points out to me where I'm still deceiving myself, so I can relax tensions I didn't know I had.
There is ceremony again, with powers filling me with the presence of awareness to catch myself wanting to flee from here, when here is where I am, the only where I am.
There is qi gong and other energetic practices, giving me the energy to see the melody, to feel the beauty, and to hear the softness of reality.
And relating... In it all is relating. Relating to what is, to who is.
Relating when relaxed, surrendered;  I am free to love.

Surrender as religion
0:00/2:19
1×

I first came across "tantric massage" 20 years ago through a book by Kenneth Ray Stubbs.  But it wasn't until the fall of 2019 when I received a lingam massage and my own energy channels opened up widely that I really started to experience the depth and width of it and started giving yoni massages more often to a couple of women.  Studying more (both video courses of yoni- and taomassage, and live teachings), I now combine it with my knowledge of energy channels like the microcosmic orbit and the body's yin/yang flow, and it has became a ceremony of worshipping the divine feminine.
In our society, many men have littered the path into the yoni with their own lower urge to release themselves, dump their load, fed by sexualised imagery.  And that, together with shame and all shoulds and should-nots, leaves scars in the hearts of women, blocking off parts of their feeling, their openness and ultimately the creative forces themselves.  Few people have a healthy relationship with their own sexuality, and a so called "tantric massage" can help to heal this, to release blockages and de-armour this source of all creation.
In being honoured to deeply touch the inner essence of a woman, to experience her whole being open up in an increasing flow, I really feel the base point of the creative forces in the universe.
A tantric yoni massage opens up for a full flow of life through the very potent energy source of the womb, opening up for healing in all areas of life.  It is beautiful to witness and a deep honour to facilitate and assist in opening this flow.
The word yoni is Sanskrit, योनि and has many meanings: place of birth, source, origin, spring, fountain, place of rest, repository, receptacle, seat, abode, home, lair, nest, stable, the womb, uterus, vulva, vagina, female organs of generation. – Christopher Hareesh WallisTreading the path toward the origin must be done with open intuition, feeling into the woman and building trust, step by step releasing tension.  It is always different, but here is what this ceremony could be like:
Before I meet her, I make sure that I am in my own flow.  I do my daily ceremony, renewing and affirming connection to ancestors and helper spirits, and let go of any blockages in my own body.  I put myself into a mindset of grace, a state of reverence of the divine, doing qi gong to have my energies in order.  Clearing and setting the space.
Meeting her, feeling the flow of love, I hold the space in openness.  I feel into her body with my awareness, and let her express where she is in her beingness right now, what draws her attention and where insecurities might lie.  Meeting in a long hug, relaxing, and sitting down in eye gazing for a while, allowing for whatever comes up.
The massage starts with guiding her into a relaxed state.   I place my still hands on energy centres, for her to let her thoughts rest, let go of disharmony, receive acceptance, open up for curiosity and freedom in centeredness.  She is reminded throughout to breathe deeply all the way down to the perineum.  With flowing strokes I start to balance and invite flow to her energy channels all through the body.  I move as in qi gong, breathing out when stroking away from my body, breathing in on the way back.  Only soft touch on yin channels, a gentle pressure on yang.  Tactile massage mostly, some muscle massage where needed, mostly on neck and shoulders (but when more tension is present, deeper muscle work could be done before the energy massage to get an uninterrupted flow).  Following the microcosmic orbit going up her spine and neck, down the front to perineum…  Flowing out in legs and arms.  I activate energy centres in her heart and sacrum with a soft knocking, then mixing the chi from those energy centres in a flow around the spine.  All the while I keep a meditative mind and the energy in my own body flows up my spine and out into my hands with every breath.
After massaging the whole body - neck,

I'm quitting ejaculation, and it is changing my life!
This is my personal journey how I came to do "Semen Retention" and the experiences following that the last 3-4 months.  It's personal; for generic information, follow the links at the bottom.
Trigger Warning!  This post includes a lot of metaphysical woo-woo 😏
My experiences include:
Great energy in all my endeavors.Increased presence, feeling of being me and standing in my own power.Getting rid of social anxiety.Deeper personal relating, eye contact, open honesty.Accelerated personal development, facing fears and expanding comfort zone.Full body orgasms without ejaculation.Less need for sleep (delayed effect, goes away with a single ejaculation).Decrease in body fat.My journey includes a lot more than just semen retention, but it was a step that profoundly accelerated everything.  I have a hard time expressing how big this shift has been for me; each week has felt like a month of active self development, and I can only hope to inspire someone else to try this out and get their own amazing new perspective on life!
I am beautiful and fucked up in the most glorious way! - Fia, Shedding SkinsFirst encounters with non-ejaculationBack in 2000 I bought some of Mantak Chia's books.  The one I studied most teaches how to awake and use the microcosmic orbit, circulating the qi energy for improved health.  The other ones are about "sexual kung fu"; I read some and tried practicing non-ejaculatory sex in 2001 with what later became my wife, but I was not very successful, rather it was just frustrating for us both with me stopping constantly.  He talks about not ejaculating, and that there are great benefits from circulating the jing energy stored in the semen through the microcosmic orbit, but I never managed to experience that back then…
The teaching is that according to taoism and traditional chinese medicine, our semen contains huge amounts of jing, and by frequent ejaculation (like every week and more…), that energy is lost and instead a lot of otherwise available energy goes to producing new semen.  There are physical parts of this, like nutrients required for the body to form new semen, testoterone increases after 7-10 days without ejaculation etc.  Jing energy from semen can be transmuted to other types of qi and used for bodily healing, and if you learn to move it through the microcosmic orbit, it leads to even more healing and eventually spiritual enlightenment.
In ayurvedic terms, they talk about ojas, a type of energy said to promote mental strength, stability, endurance, patience, calmness, good memory and sustained concentration, happiness, contentment and bliss!
But, most importantly the effect is one of the change in mindset; regarding yourself, your sexuality, and your relating to other people, especially the people of your arousal.
A meeting of hearts 💞Jumping ahead to the summer of 2018.  We had our annual shamanic gathering here at Hökås gård, with people offering different workshops.  This year, Ove & Maria held a "Hearts meeting" ceremony with breathing together in double circle and then sitting in couples breathing through each other, eye gazing, for a long while; breathing deeply, laughing, crying, seeing the full beauty of this woman I only knew as an acquaintance before.  It was very intimate, and at times arousing.  The rest of that weekend during the gathering, I was frequently sexually aroused, and honestly had a hard time not looking at all the beautiful women as sexual beings, and at the same time feeling shame for having that association in a non-sexual context.  I tried going for masturbation, but my heart was not interested, it didn't feel right…
After the gathering, I started feeling an urge to meet people, being more personal.  Up to this, most of my free time outside work and family I dedicated to projects and open group activities; the activity was the focus, not the person.  Now I was interested in being more p