Relationships Done Different

Relationships Done Different, Access Consciousness
Relationships Done Different

Wherever you are when it comes to your relationships, what if there is way more possible?! And what if that starts with having a relationship with…. you! If you are ready to let go of everything you bought as true about relationships, join us for the Relationships Done Different Podcast . Conversations and inspirations to turn your relationships into creationships. Join our hosts as they discuss the insanity we can choose when it comes to relationship and how they all see relationships now very different using the tools of Relationships Done Different and Access Consciousness..

  1. 12/30/2023

    Being A Caring Caregiver with Rudrani Devi

    In this episode, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator Rudrani Devi about being a caring caregiver. Rudrani has never had to fill the typical maternal or caregiving role, but after her mother moved in with her during Covid, she found her world was turned upside down. After going through a period of exhaustion, resentment and weight-gain, she began to facilitate herself and created the space she needed to care for both herself, and her mother.   Key points from this episode’s conversation Becoming a Relationships Done Different Facilitator Caregiving Done Different Coming into Allowance In allowance of you or of them? Setting Boundaries Breathing Through It Ask For Help Becoming a Relationships Done Different Facilitator In 2019, although Brendon and Simone had been doing Relationship Done Different classes, there was no such thing as an Access Certified Facilitator for Relationships Done Different yet. Rudrani really wanted them to create it, especially after reading the book ‘Relationships:  are you sure you want one?’ She recognised that the tools were amazing and that they could create so much in the world, and she was a big believer that you teach what you most want to learn.  So, what did she do? She snuck in as a host for a few of Simone and Brendan’s classes, and became a Certified Facilitator the very first time it was offered. Her life changed immensely by facilitating the classes, as did her facilitation in her role as a Relationship Counselor. She was able to marry her two roles - as a Certified Facilitator and as a Relationship Counselor - with her clients. For example, a participant in one of her Relationships Done Different classes was going through a divorce. After attending the class, the woman decided that instead of going through with the divorce, she and her husband would simply live apart, in their own homes, and date each other again. This arrangement may seem strange, but the relationship is still going strong today! Caregiving Done Different Rudrani is the caregiver for her mother, which is a complete role reversal of the mother-daughter relationship for them. Rudrani has never had her own children (although she prides herself on being the favorite aunt!), and has never had to fill a typical care-giving role. However, there came a point where her mother was no longer able to care for her home herself, and they began to discuss the possibility of her moving in. Rudrani thought it would be simple and fun as her mother was a go-getter and independent. So independent, in fact, that even after Rudrani renovated her home and created a private section for her mother, it took Covid hitting to convince her to finally move in. At that time, Rudrani was in the middle of hosting a Certified Facilitator Relationships Done Different class online, which involved being up the whole night (as Simone and Brendan were in Australia). She found classes at these times manageable when she was alone, but with her mother around, she struggled. Her mom moved in, got Covid, and Rudrani had to look after her. She was EXHAUSTED. She wasn’t in Allowance of anything, and she felt her life was suffering because of her mom. She felt she was being a bad daughter, and she put on weight (and blamed her mom for it!). Eventually, she recognized that she had to  start facilitating herself and asking what she needed to be in that situation. Coming into Allowance Rudrani had to come into Allowance of how much her mom loves her trauma drama. For example, her mom is a piano teacher and when she was teaching, she would demand all sorts of programs and posters that take time away from Rudrani’s work. Instead of going into resentment and stress over these demands, Rudrani took a step back and decided that it was okay. She also looked at the 5 Elements of Intimacy, which are the basis of Relationships Done Different and every class she facilitates. It’s amazing what melts others’ and her own world, every time they go through those 5 elements. In allowance of you or of them? Rudrani had to be reminded of how much space she is for her mother. She had to acknowledge that she is that space, and even just acknowledging that was such an honor for her. She also has to ask herself whether she was that space for herself, as so often when people are looking after their parents, they lose themselves. She chose to be that space for herself. For example, she recently did a 3-month challenge after realizing her body really loved form and structure. She was weighing her food and working out, and this was taking time away from her mother. Her mom would demand attention but Rudrani recognized she needed to be that space for herself and would prioritize her diet. In 3 months she lost all the weight, and it was an Honoring of herself and being in Allowance of her requiring to take care of herself. She didn’t make herself wrong for prioritizing herself. Setting Boundaries Rudrani’s mom wants to feel significant in her world, so she gives her tasks to include her. It could be a really simple task like getting her to cook pasta sauce for a dinner party, but it gives her that feeling of being useful. Rudrani also made it clear that her mother would want for nothing, but she would have to give her space at times too. She still needed to go out with her friends and facilitate classes, and she couldn’t invite her mom to everything. She had to set a boundary and initially it was hard for her mom to receive that. Her mom is busy, and teaches almost every night, so she’s a busy lady! When she’s facilitating piano lessons, she’s amazing. But when she walks out of teaching, she immediately goes to the ‘take care of me’ space, which Rudrani accepts. Luckily, Rudrani and her mother really care about each other, which is that allowance and that vulnerability and being willing to set boundaries when it’s necessary. Breathing Through It Breathing really comes in handy. One weekend,her mom had a fall. When Rudrani found her, she had to stop, lower the walls and barriers, fill the eight corners of the garage, and breathe. This probably only took a few seconds, but she needed that before she could be that space for her mother again. Fortunately, the fall was nothing serious, but taking that moment to become still and take a breath when there is chaos was a game changer. She has to do that a lot with her mom! Ask For Help Something else that creates more space for caregivers is being in allowance of having siblings -  or anyone else that could help - help in any way that they see fit, even if you don’t agree with it. Rudrani’s older brother helps out whenever she is too busy to look after her mom, and it works out great! Her brother feels useful, her mom gets to hang out with her son, and Rudrani gets the space to honor herself and her choices. As a caregiver, there’s a lot of allowance, being present with your body, being kind to you and being willing to ask for help. Be willing! Don’t be so righteous about things that you insist everything must be done your way and you don’t ask for help. If you’re choosing to create something different in our world, whether it’s in your relationship or how you live your life, thank you! Your choosing greater allows us all to choose greater.   Relationships Done Different   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/ Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/  Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?   Guest Rudrani Devi   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rudranidevi/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GetHappyWithRudrani Website:         https://www.rudranidevi.com/ Twitter:            https://twitter.com/RunningRu Youtube:          https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdxLo9__EeU2KRfsc1gB7pw TikTok:            https://www.tiktok.com/@rudrani_devi?lang=en

    21 min
  2. 12/22/2023

    Changing Your Relationship With Your Body with Anaa Abualfaraj

    In this episode, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator Anaa Abualfaraj about changing your relationship with your body. Anaa grew up in a part of the world where relationships were taboo, and the only relationship she knew was the marriage relationship. Everything was taboo - even showing skin was taboo - and she didn’t know how to love herself. She was born with a body, but she was never taught how to love or listen to it. She started Access Consciousness in order to have a relationship with herself, as that was a relationship she had never had and one that she had always been searching for. Before Access Consciousness, she never knew she could have an Interesting Point of View, where nobody was right or wrong, and that she could follow her own path.  Becoming an Relationships Done Different facilitator gave her the space to explore the relationship with herself and with her body. Growing Up in Judgment Anaa was raised in an environment where, as a woman, you needed to be quiet, hide your skin and lower your voice. It was a constant judgment on her body. Now, in social media, there is a different type of judgment: this picture of perfection. There are certain skin tones and body types that it seems everyone aspires to have. We see this perfection in social media but when we look at ourselves and we don’t match up, we hate ourselves. It creates a separation with the self and creates so much judgment! As a child, Anaa had a very interesting relationship with her body. Her way to comfort herself was to eat, and her way to fit in with others was to eat, and her way to quiet her voice was to eat. In 12th Grade, she was around 100 kilograms and she hated herself. It was her way to cope with everything around her. It was as if she saw her body as wrongness and was keeping it in a cage and feeding it like an animal. The “Aha” moment When she started with Access Consciousness and the Relationships Done Different tools, it was like she finally let her body out of its cage. She was asking questions, but her body refused to answer or to give awareness because it had been locked up for so long and there was a lot of judgment. The ‘Aha’ moment was when Anaa first heard Gary Douglas say, “You and your body are in a relationship together.” She realized that she couldn’t control her body:  her body had awareness by itself. She decided to discover everything that was possible with her body.  She asked, “What do I love about carrying a weight that I love to hate? And what is the value of having this body that I’m always in constant judgment of?” She asked her body to show her how she could be in relationship with it. Essentially, she started talking to her body. There was no awareness, no answer, but she was determined. She asked what she could be or do different for her body and she started to listen. She looked at how her body felt when she ate certain things. Previously, she exercised from a judgment and hated it, but after asking her body what type of workout it enjoyed, she started walking. She tried different exercises and she experimented with the number of times she went each week. All the time, she kept asking questions and getting an awareness of what was good for her body.’ Talking to your body The biggest shift for Anaa and her body was asking questions. The one question that she asked for months was, “What is the one thing I eat that you don’t like?” She became aware that her body reacted to gluten, so she gave it up for about two years. She doesn’t have a gluten allergy, her body just doesn’t desire gluten and she honors her body by not eating it.  The body sometimes rebels against its person. Anaa respects everyone who is vegan/vegetarian, but when people are on a very fixed diet, the body sometimes rebels. Your lifestyle  needs to be a constant choice. Everyday you should be waking up and choosing your diet. It’s a conscious choice, an exploration and non-stop questioning. The 5 Elements of Intimacy  When you’re in a place of being unhappy with your body, start with the 5 Elements of Intimacy. They are Trust, Gratitude, Allowance, Honor and Vulnerability. Anaa started with Vulnerability. She asked how she could be vulnerable with her body, and all this judgment came raining down. She listened to all of the judgments and didn’t try to fix them. Instead, she went to Interesting Point of View, I have this Point Of View.. Previously, whenever she looked at herself in the mirror, she always saw herself as the ugliest person in the world. She never received compliments about her body and her face. Through the Access tools, she went to how she could be with her own beauty and how she could discover what else is possible from that place. She trusted her body to choose the way it was, and she trusted herself to choose the energy. She chose Gratitude by looking at all the places she loved about her body and having gratitude for them. Gratitude always brings more, and she started to notice other things she loved about her body. Where there is judgment there is no gratitude, but where there is gratitude there is no judgment. Next, she started honoring her body. She asked her body what it wanted; with everything from food to coffee all the way to the type of pillowcase it desired! She asked her body about the clothes it wanted to wear and about how much skin it wanted to show. It was a constant playing with the body and putting it first. Then, Allowance. She asked her body to show her how to be in the world. We choose these amazing bodies - the vehicle we chose to move around in the world - and without them we would not be here. So if you chose this vehicle, how can you be in Allowance with it? Ask questions every day When you wake up in the morning ask: What else is possible with my body? My beautiful body? Show me the magic it can be! And everywhere you find yourself judging your body, destroy and uncreate that. We are inundated with judgment from social media and the media. What can we choose beyond all of that? And what else is possible? Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/ Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/  Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?   Guest - Anaa Abualfaraj Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joy.by.anaa/?hl=en Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/anaa.abulfaraj

    22 min
  3. 12/15/2023

    Learning How To Love Yourself with Ashely Rose Jellis

    What would you have to be willing to let go of about you in order to access greater receiving?  In this episode, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator Ashlee Rose Jellis about learning how to love yourself by truly receiving yourself. In Ashlee’s journey to love herself, she has been exploring the power of not taking things personally and using vulnerability to access more receiving. She has discovered an ease with herself that has filtered into every relationship she has.  Key points from this episode’s conversation Love yourself first Taking Rejection Personally Rejection is not real Is this personal? Vulnerability as a pathway to receiving Love yourself first Ashlee’s life has changed significantly since using the tools of Relationships Done Different. Previously, she struggled with everything related to relationships and used to wonder when it would be over and when she would finally get it right. She took many personal-development classes and courses because she was on a path of how to love herself. She wanted to learn to love herself because she had heard everyone say, “You can’t love another before you love yourself.” It wasn’t until her first Relationships Done Different class that she actually understood what that meant. Her world has changed in so many different ways. Before, she didn’t trust herself, and was the person in the relationship who tried to control their partner. She was constantly in her head, worrying about everything. Now she has an ease, first and foremost, with herself. And that has filtered into every relationship she is in. Often, we focus on romantic relationships as the ‘sole purpose of our life.’ For example, you’re right if you’re in one, and you’re wrong if you’re not in one. Relationships Done DIfferent invited Ashlee to a space of changing how she relates with everything: with her body, her business, and with money. That’s something that changed dynamically for her that she never expected! Taking Rejection Personally Before using these tools, Ashlee took everything personally and interpreted every form of rejection as a reflection of her worth. Rejection is something that we believe is true. When someone rejects us - whether we are dating someone, whether it’s romantic or a friendship - we have this idea that rejection is REAL. The truth is: rejection is not real and true, and it is often a choice we make to separate from ourselves and from others. We may make it about others, but you cannot reject anything or anyone before rejecting yourself. It is this illusion that we function from to stop us from having more of ourselves. Since diving into the topic and using the tools, Ashlee has discovered that what is underneath everything is a fear of us being too close to ourselves. It is interesting because many of us express a desire for more closeness and connection and intimacy with people, but we forget that in order to have that with others, we have to create that with ourselves first. We cannot have closeness with another without actually getting closer to ourselves.  This scares people more than anything because we don’t have reference points for getting close to ourselves. Most people think of it in a negative way and believe that if they get too close to themselves they will discover that they are a terrible person and that there are a multitude of reasons for people not to like them. So we avoid getting close to ourselves because we have decided that there is already something wrong with us. In actuality, what is more true is that you are not willing to have the greatness of you and to see where you are brilliant and a gift.  Rejection is not real What have you decided receiving yourself looks like or means? So often, we look at it in a negative way, as we don’t want to get too close, in case we discover too much. What have you decided will happen if you truly receive you? As soon as we make our rejection from another real or true, it stops us. When we decide we’ve been rejected, we have to look for the why - why they have done that, why we have been rejected - and we start looking for rejection in everybody else. Realize that rejection is not real or true: it is always subjective. We think that people reject us because there is something wrong with us, rather than because we can only receive another to the degree that we can receive ourselves. So, in a totally conscious world we would not need to reject, because we would not desire to reject ourselves. Is this personal? What if, every time you were rejected by something or someone, you asked the question: Is this actually personal? Is this about me? Or is this about them? That creates so much space and freedom. Really start looking at whether it is about you or about them. We are not trained to receive, we are trained to reject. We are trained to separate from everything, including ourselves. For Ashlee, receiving is a willingness to be open; with no walls, no barriers, and being willing to receive all information. When we are open to receiving all information, we can also receive the awareness that maybe things are not personal and have nothing to do with us. This gets challenging as, to be willing to receive the good, the bad and the ugly, we must be willing to not make things personal or relevant. True vulnerability comes in here, because vulnerability is the way to receive more. Have you ever noticed when you are vulnerable with someone, there is a closeness? You are receiving not only more of them, but more of yourself. Vulnerability as a pathway to receiving Receiving is not cognitive, but vulnerability is a way to access more receiving. On Ashlee’s path to not take things personally, she started by looking at where she could add more vulnerability into her life, and where she could go beyond being right. This can be excruciating for people because they start to receive more of themselves, and when you have decided you are bad you don’t actually want to receive yourself! Would you be willing to lose the judgments of you and the person you have decided you are? Would you be willing to lose taking things personally? What can you receive that you do not want to know you can receive? And what if you could receive that with greater ease?   Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/ Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/  Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?   Guest Ashlee Rose Jellis Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ashleerose___/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ashleeroseBF/ Website:          https://ashlee-rose.com/ Telegram:        https://t.me/+RMxy474iO6_mJyGn Youtube:          https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnCvA7ZGnrHKsATXhfLhHhQ

    18 min
  4. 12/10/2023

    Reprioritising Relationships with Dr. Imene Benzamouche

    In this episode, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator Dr. Imene Benzamouche about re-prioritising your relationships. Imene grew up without a model of a joyful relationship and found herself resisting the idea of relationships. As an unmarried woman, she faced a lot of judgment in her community. Through addressing her own personal judgments, going into allowance, and rediscovering joy, she transformed not only her relationships but her entire life. Key points from this episode’s conversation Having Drama in Relationships Choosing Relationships Done Different Melting Your Judgments Not choosing a relationship in a community that considers it a must Going to Allowance How to get to a place of clarity about your choices Choose a joyful life Easy ways to find joy What energies do you want in your life? You have to be the priority.  Having Drama in Relationships Imene’s life was dramatic before she found Relationships Done Different. She had a conflict, in that she always gave amazing advice to people and had a really good perspective on relationships, but found it difficult to follow her own advice. Whether it was with family, friends, romantic partners, or business partners, relationships were always a little bit hard. She didn’t know how to deal with people, how to be, or what she wanted. Choosing Relationships Done Different Relationships Done Different was one of the classes Imene resisted. She convinced herself there was no resistance, but class after class would go by without her signing up, and eventually she realized that she wasn’t choosing it. This was terrifying because she recognized she was going to have to look at where she was right and wrong in relationships. She had perspectives that she couldn’t apply to this reality according to her point of view, because she thought she was so right and at the same time believed she was so wrong. Finally, she asked, “Okay, what would my life be like if I actually chose this?” And she felt a sense of relief and expansiveness. So the next class, she was there! Melting Your Judgments The class brought about so much change within Imene and within all her relationships. She started seeing how the relationships in different periods of her life - especially those with her parents - had affected her relationships with men and women in the present. Facilitated by peoples’ questions in class and using the tools and the manual,  she looked at what she had hidden from herself. Her judgments on relationships melted away and she started discovering how and what she actually wanted as her life and her relationships. Her whole life, not only her relationships, changed.  Not choosing a relationship in a community that considers it a must Imene faced a lot of judgment as she is from an Arab background and being unmarried at thirty is not accepted in her community. Growing up in this landscape, she didn’t have a model of a joyful relationship and the relationships she looked at were not very appealing. When she asked herself what she actually liked in a relationship, whether she wanted kids, whether she wanted to be married, or whether she even wanted to commit or not, it didn’t sound joyful for her. Not only was she being judged, but she was also judging the relationships she was seeing. Going to Allowance Imene used to feel resistance to others’ point of view, because she didn’t know what she wanted and what her point of view was. As she started getting over the rightness and wrongness of being or not being married, she realized it was just choice. When you get to the space of acknowledging that everything is just a choice and you don’t have to choose something just because it is the accepted thing to do, you can go to Allowance.  For example, people used to pray for Imene to find a husband, and eventually she recognized that they were saying what they were saying from what they thought was a place of kindness. When you acknowledge what is true to you and you know what you want, you get to be in Allowance and can receive whatever other people say about your marital status as a kindness, without any charge or any significance.   How to get to a place of clarity about your choices Start using the tool of indulging!  Take three days (or as many days as you choose), and indulge in a choice, and then take three days and indulge in the opposite of that choice. For example, Imene was not sure if she wanted to get married. She took 3 days and dived into the space of being married and what her life would be like. Then she took 3 days and indulged in the space of not being married and what that life would look like. Usually, before the end of the second three days,  you KNOW which choice to choose. Choose a joyful life For Imene, a choice should make you feel joyful, and the tool of indulging will help you know what is joyful for you. She went back to what makes her body joyful and it became so clear what energy she was looking for. With a joyful life, you live better, your health is better, your money flows are better, and your relationships are better. if you have the space of joy and you are creating that space of happiness, life is fun! Easy ways to find joy Look at what you enjoy most, what you like having in your life, and what you would miss if it was gone from your life. If you struggle to know what is joyful to you, try something simple like going for a walk, cooking, or getting in nature.  We don’t consider choices to be easy, and we consider being in a relationship such a serious choice, to the point that we can lose the priorities that we have and the things we enjoy in life.  What energies do you want in your life? If you would like the energy of gratitude in your life and you’re in a relationship with someone, are you thankful they exist? Are you thankful they are choosing to be with you? Are you thankful for the joy they bring into your life?  If you don’t have the energies you desire in your relationship, perhaps ask yourself why you’re with that person and whether or not you’re simply fulfilling society’s point of view about relationships. You have to be the priority.  Many people are brought up to make other people happy, and everyone ends up losing.  When you don’t have a relationship with yourself, you unconsciously expect it from someone else but can never receive it, because you haven’t gifted it to yourself. When you gift yourself that energy, you remove the lack, and allow yourself to receive it from other people. Create a relationship with yourself and discover what makes you tick, and take it from there. What can you gift to yourself today that you have been expecting others to gift to you, that if you gifted to you could change your whole reality?   Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/ Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/  Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?   Guest Dr. Imene Benzamouche, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator Dr. Imene Benzamouche’s website Dr Imene Benzamouche’s Instagram Dr Imene Benzamouche’s Facebook

    25 min
  5. 12/01/2023

    Finding The Fun & Joy In Relationship with Layal Alnajjar

    In this episode, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator Layal Alnajjar about Finding The Fun & Joy In Relationship. Layal is a Relationships Done Different facilitator and creates classes in the Middle East. Layal used to struggle with relationships and found herself choosing from a space of lack and need. She believed she needed a partner to ‘complete’ her. Through honouring her relationship with herself, she has discovered how to create a life of joy and abundance.   Key points from this episode’s conversation Living a life of total ignorance   When choosing a relationship, where do you choose from?   Switching from functioning from a space of need Finding the joy in your relationship with yourself Tools to get out of the space of need and lack Living a life of total ignorance Before Relationships Done Different, Layal lived a life of total ignorance. It was a litany of judgments, and she believed she was always wrong when it came to relationships. The first  Access class she took was not Relationships Done Different, but Talk To The Entities!  However, with the entities and that relationship with the universe, the invitation to be a RDD facilitator became clear. Being You Changing the World changed things for her. It clicked for her that she could be herself and that being herself was okay, and she began to seek more. The first relationship she realized she was sucking at was the relationship with herself. She recognized that she wasn’t demanding enough of herself, and she struggled with the idea that she didn’t fit in with others. And without knowing how to fit in, she acted from the place of  wanting to show others how different she was, so they could judge her. She believed she needed to struggle.  Now Layal doesn’t have the need to show others she is different: she knows she is different.  When choosing a relationship, where do you choose from? Something Layal has noticed in her facilitation of Relationships Done Different, the sessions she has and the Access classes she takes, is that often people are seeking relationships out of need, and not out of the acknowledgment that a relationship could complement their lives. People feel there is a lack within themselves when they are not in a relationship, and that in the eyes of society they are wrong.  They can’t enjoy their lives, even if their lives are full of excitement and joy, as there’s always this nagging feeling of lack.  For example, there was a time when Layal used to feel like she was always the third wheel with other couples. The feeling of the third wheel was so strong that she started to think that there was something wrong with her, and that she shouldn’t go out.  When she acknowledged that it was okay that she wasn’t in a relationship, she could create a relationship from a space of abundance and having another person as a complement to her life, instead of completing it.  Switching from functioning from a space of need In Layal’s first Relationships Done Different class, even before becoming a facilitator, she had an ‘ah-ha’ moment. There are so many questions that you don’t ask yourself when you are or aren’t in a relationship. And when you have those questions coming at you, it’s like eye-opening. Creating a relationship was never in Layal’s realm of possibilities before. She felt lonely, trapped, sad, depressed and, even though her divorce was her choice, she still felt inadequate. There wasn’t an inkling of thinking that she could create, firstly, a relationship with herself. That was never on the table. She always thought people got into a relationship in order to feel complete and that relationships were the only way to feel complete. But what is ‘complete,’ really? That’s the lack, and the need. And why would you choose lack and need? Instead, she started acknowledging that everything she does and all the people in her life are to increase the fun and joy that she already has in her life, and that she doesn’t need a man in her life to show her what fun is. She is the creator of her life, her relationships, her fun and her money. Finding the joy in your relationship with yourself When you really start to create and enjoy that relationship with yourself, you’ll be able to create the relationship you’re looking for. Many aspects of your life change when you get out of the need and lack elements. Everything becomes so joyful, and the amount of pleasure we can have in being in a relationship with ourselves is unmeasurable.  Start by honoring yourself and knowing what you really require.  Many of us love romance, but how often do we romance ourselves? How many times do you light a candle when you’re having dinner alone? How many times do you enjoy good music and dance when you’re alone? We tend to wait and, as Layal always says in her classes, “if you’re waiting you’re wasting.” Don’t wait for the candles to be lit by someone else. Do it for yourself.  How many times have you waited for someone else to give you the gift of your life? And how does that make any sense? Tools to get out of the space of need and lack How can you find that joy within your relationship with yourself? It can be by doing something that used to give you joy as a child or when you were younger. Anything, like dancing by yourself or going for a walk or giving yourself a massage!  The first thing Layal asks every day is: “Where is my fun and joy?”  She also asks what her reality is, because often everything we use - especially in relationships - we use from the point of view of others. We look to other people and we dismiss our lives through other people’s point of view.  When we ask what our reality is, we become more present with ourselves. It doesn’t mean other people’s realities are wrong or right, they’re just not yours.  If you’re going to do anything, whether it’s opening a bank account or buying groceries, ask yourself: “ Would I have fun?” It’s almost like you are demanding to have fun, from every molecule of the universe. There is a saying somewhere: ‘You are what you seek.’  What if you could seek fun? What if relationships were just fun and games?   Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/ Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/  Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?   Guest Layal Alnajjar, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/layal71/?hl=en

    22 min
  6. Creating Ease With Family with Kayla Leung

    11/24/2023

    Creating Ease With Family with Kayla Leung

    Relationships with our family members can be complicated, but what if they don’t have to be?  In this episode, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator Kayla Leung about how the tools can transform your relationships with your family.  Kayla previously struggled with her family members and believed she would always be the black sheep. However, through choosing the Access tools, she has transformed her relationships and has allowance and gratitude for her family members.   Key points from this episode’s conversation How can Relationships Done Different change your point of view on relationships? Our first relationships are with our families The tools can change your family relationships Choosing from Possibility Stop Reacting Being grateful for our families Ask for advice Give compliments   How can Relationships Done Different change your point of view on relationships? Kayla used to avoid committed relationships and preferred short-term, non-committal ‘situationships’. Kayla is a Doctor in Psychology and specializes in family and marriage therapy. She saw many clients who complained about their relationships falling apart, which reinforced her belief that relationships would only cause trouble for her. She had an “I’m better by myself” mentality. When Kayla gained access to the tools and read Simone’s book, “Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?”, she had a realization that there was a space or a possibility in relationships that she had never considered. People  tend to go into the rightness or wrongness of being or not being in a relationship, but what if there is a space beyond that, where relationships can be just for fun? Even if you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to be in it forever. Through this awareness, Kayla became open to having and choosing relationships.  Our first relationships are with our families The first relationships we all go into are those with our family. Often, they can be complicated, but having peace with your family, you shouldn’t have to fight, defend, make yourselves small or fit a certain mold to meet their expectations. You shouldn’t have to fight for your individuality.  The tools can change your family relationships Kayla previously had terrible relationships with her family and believed she would always be the outcast, the black sheep of the family. Over time, with the tools, so much has changed. Her parents had a difficult marriage, which influenced her points of view about relationships and marriage. She used to avoid committed relationships because she thought they would lead to future problems. When Kayla began going into allowance, she realized that their relationship didn’t belong to her, and her points of view began to change. Many children grow up in similar situations, and feel they have to ‘choose a side.’ They tend to see one parent as the ‘victim’ and the other as the ‘villain’, and try to protect the ‘victim’ by making the ‘villain’ wrong. That becomes a part of their life story.  Kayla realized she wasn’t choosing relationships because she was trying to avoid having the same relationship as her parents. Choosing from Possibility Kayla was choosing from probability, not possibility. Probability is trying to predict whether or not you will follow or copy your parents’ relationship. This is not Choice. Possibility is unpredictable and allows you to choose something different. When Kayla started choosing for herself, she noticed that her sibling relationships began to change too. She had previously had a very difficult relationship with her older sister but when she chose the way she wanted to live and honor her family, things began to shift.  Even if a person treats you terribly, they are still a gift, as they show you that you are strong enough to handle that treatment. You may have difficult times with someone, but when you are choosing from a space of not making them wrong, you allow them to be, while still being you. Now, Kayla and her sister are best friends. They accepted each other’s differences and acknowledged their strengths. When you admire someone, you can no longer judge them. And when you are grateful for them, it changes everything. You may have a person in your life that likes to control or manipulate you. Give them the allowance to act in that way, without accepting it for yourself. Remove yourself from their games and politely tell them to behave that way with someone else. Say it with a smile and don’t let them affect you.  Stop Reacting This may sound easier said than done, so what can you do to get yourself to this space? When you find yourself reacting, stop for a second, and ask yourself:  “Is this something I am not willing to choose or be? Or is it something I secretly really want to do, but I judge it so badly as wrong?”  The thing that really makes you react is often something that you judge as wrong. Maybe you really want to do it but have decided that you can’t, because then you will be like the person you’re judging. When you go into the space of, “I can choose it, if I want to,” the judgement loses its power. Being grateful for our families Be grateful for your family and what they can contribute to you, as everything that we are today, they contributed to. We learn so much from our families, and they shape our world and our perceptions (whether we want to admit it or not!). Your family usually serves as the first guide for your life. When you go into a space of anger and annoyance at a family member, ask yourself:  “What gift are you to me that I have not been able to perceive and receive?” Ask for advice Often the last person anyone goes to for advice is a parent. There is so much love, hate, judgement mixed up in our familial relationships, that we don’t want to ask. However, asking people for advice actually melts so much tension! It dissolves many of the disagreements and shows you are willing to receive from them. Whether you receive the advice or not doesn’t matter, but it’s a wonderful tool to dissolve that separation. Give compliments Everyone loves to hear how great they are! Acknowledge the strengths and successes of people you’re in relationships with. A little bit of acknowledgement goes a long way, and when your partner is happy, your life is greater.   Relationships Done Different Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/ Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/  Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?   Guest Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drkayla1234/?hl=en Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drkaylaleung Website: https://www.kaylaleung.com/    Useful Links: The Clearing Statement explained Access Consciousness Website

    26 min
  7. 08/08/2023

    How do you see you in relationships? with Shivam Saxena

    Are you eternally waiting to be in an intimate relationship? Is your relationship status constantly in your background dictating your choices?   On this show, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Shivam Saxena, about making the demand to no longer judge - you or anyone else - and enjoying whatever relationship status you are currently in. When Shivam stopped judging as a way to honour herself, everything became so much more ease.   What if making yourself happier was a greater choice than needing to be in a relationship?   Keys points from this episode’s conversation   Are You Living On An Autopilot Of Judgement? Who Are You Really Judging? Have Allowance Of Your Partner’s Judgements of You Embrace Your Current Relationship Status Are You Living On An Autopilot Of Judgement? How many people go about living their lives as if they are on autopilot, a little bit away, simultaneously constantly evaluating what they are doing and what they should be choosing and cannot choose, what they deserve, what they don't deserve, what they can have, what they are allowed to have, what the right age is to do things, etc.  It's kind of like there are two of you, one is trying to live and the other one is focused on, "Am I doing it right? How much am I screwing it up?" Trying our best trying not to make mistakes. All of this is judgement.   Who Are You Really Judging? People talk about relationship patterns. Who you are in relationship with may change, and you may change. You may think you have chosen a relationship that is entirely different this time, but then patterns emerge anyway. For Shivam, she noticed these patterns were so much about the judgements she had of herself, or how she saw herself. For example, if she saw herself as someone who was hyper, she noticed she would find people to be in relationship with who judged her as hyper and called her hyper.  How many times do we think they are seeing something in ourselves that we need to change, when in actuality, we are the ones who have already decided there is something wrong about us? Then the relationship becomes like a project of you working on yourself; "Thank you for showing me what is wrong about me. Now I will get to work on it," rather than enjoying the relationship and having the joy of having another person in your life. It's those places where you start to pick on each other's imperfections in relationship, rather than ask questions.   Have Allowance For Your Partner’s Judgements Of You One tool that really helped Shivam in her relationships is the willingness to be an allowance of your partner's judgements. There is a demand in all of our worlds to have a judgement free reality, but what happens is, a lot of times people start functioning from a judgement adverse mode; judgement of being judged. When you are in a closed relationship with someone who sees you day in and day out, the expectation of them to be totally judgement free can be a burden. That is not kind to the other person.  Shivam says that things got very easy when she stopped having the expectation that her partner couldn't judge her. It's about allowance. And, she says the funny thing was, that allowed the gratitude of him not judging her to start showing up.  Oftentimes, we wait for the gratitude in the relationship to show up; it's there in the beginning and then it starts to go wonky and you wait for the evidence; "Is he grateful for me?" How many choices do we make in relationships based on what the other person is making? Which is reaction. when you start really choosing what works for you, without discounting the other person or judging them, things become more ease for everyone. It comes down to, how do you see yourself and the relationship that you have with you?  Shivam made a choice to work on not judging. The greatest freedom she got from judging was when she realised that when she chooses judgement, she is not honouring herself. That's her not having her back. Making the choice to not judge, was a way to honour herself, because it was a commitment to herself rather than something to make others like her more.  When you truly choose the 5 Elements of Intimacy with you, it changes how you show up in the world; which has an effect on whoever you are interacting with in relationship.   Embrace Your Current Relationship Status What if you could embrace whatever relationship status you are currently, rather than waiting for the next relationship? How much do we let your relationship status run in our background constantly: single, it's complicated, he hasn't asked me out yet or he hasn't proposed yet? It has an impact on the choices you make. Shivam is currently not in an intimate relationship and her advice to others is to just enjoy it. There are many aspects of not being in a relationship that you can enjoy. It could be flirting with other guys, or maybe not having to check your schedule with anyone allowing you to just fly off to anywhere without checking in with what your partner is doing. Enjoying not being in a relationship is a choice. And it is beautiful. For Shivam, there was an energetic shift when she realised that not being in a relationship was not an interlude, or a phase that will pass; it's not a gap period. A relationship is not a destination. When she changed her point of view, her life started changing. What if you made the demand to enjoy it; whatever it is? "What are the infinite ways of me enjoying this, and receiving this and embracing this?" What if making yourself happier is a greater choice than needing to be in a relationship by a certain age, or whatever your culture or society is expecting of you? It's not about filling a gap. Whatever your relationship status is today, it's okay - even if you are waiting for a relationship. What if you just enjoyed today regardless? and embraced it?   Relationships Done Different   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/ Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/  Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One? Guest Shivam Saxena, Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness, Relationship Done Different Facilitator Shivam Saxena’s Access Consciousness Profile Shivam Saxena’s Instagram Shivam Saxena’s Facebook Useful Links: The Clearing Statement explained Access Consciousness Website

    17 min
  8. 08/01/2023

    Do you really need a relationship? with Ryan Tee

    Do you know what you desire when it comes to being in a relationship or not? Are you willing to have your own back and support you fully in creating your own reality regardless of what other people are saying or projecting at you?   In this episode, your host, Leandra Costa, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Ryan Tee, about knowing what you truly desire when it comes to relationship and tools to create that for yourself, no matter what others are saying and doing.   Ryan has been facilitating classes for many years, and one thing he has noticed again and again across the globe, is that there are so many people who don't actually desire a relationship but they think they do. And, from there, different problems show up. Relationship is a choice. It's not a necessity. If you like you, you know what works for you and what doesn't, and you create your own reality, regardless of what other people want you to choose or not.   Keys points from this episode’s conversation   Be Clear On What You Desire Are People Just Trying To Control You? It’s Imperative To Like Yourself First Leaving A Relationship ‘Needing’ A Relationship   Be Clear On What You Desire Many years ago, Ryan was facilitating a private session, and as always, he started it off by asking the client what they would like to get out of the session. This particular client answered that she would like to have a relationship, but he could sense the heaviness in what she said, indicating it wasn't quite true. So he asked her, "Do you really want one?" and she responded "No." As he questioned her further, he asked "Who wants you to have a relationship?" and she said her Mum.  This is an example of someone else putting pressure on you to have a relationship. And it doesn't have to be verbal. Ryan said his parents used to put pressure on him to have a relationship, but even though they don’t verbally do that anymore, whenever he sees them, he knows what they are thinking.  The pressure could be from parents, it could be from friends, it could be from relatives and it could be from the entire society; people looking at you like someone is missing in your life. Ryan has noticed that very often, the people who project that at you have a relationship or are in a marriage, and they are not that happy; it's like they are looking for the next victim. Maybe their parents told them to have a relationship and they did, and they see someone else not in one so they pass all the points of views they got from their parents on to that person. Ryan says he is very clear on what he desires and what he doesn't desire. Right now he doesn't desire a relationship, and he has a happy life. So, when someone says or projects at him that he should have a relationship, he knows what his reality isThis knowing allows him to thank them for their opinion and not have it affect him; "Thank you, but no thank you." Most people, however, are not really clear in what they desire, so when someone projects at them "You should do this" or "You shouldn't do that," such as "You should get married and have children," they are more likely to be influenced and think, "Maybe that is a good idea."  Do you know what you desire? Are you willing to have your own back and support you fully in creating your own reality regardless of what other people are saying or not saying?   Are People Just Trying To Control You? Ryan's parents don't say their point of view about relationship out loud to him anymore because they don't feel like they can control him anymore. They now just say, "As long as you're happy," even though they still think he should be in a relationship.  If someone keeps giving you their points of view, have a look at that. They don't do it to everyone, just certain people. How are you attracting that? How are you attracting people coming to you telling you what you should do in your life? What are you being that lets people feel like they can control you, or that they can project their points of view on you, or impose them on you?   Ryan has many friends and family members who state people keep telling them what to do or are strongly judging them for what they are doing. Ryan doesn't have that in his life. It's not that he doesn't have friends. He has friends that wouldn't do that to him. 1/ They know they cannot control him; that they would be wasting their time. 2/ If people keep trying to control you, why are you still hanging around them?  If you complain about someone trying to control you and you  still hang around that person, who is the problem? Ryan has judgemental friends. He chooses not to see them very often. It goes back to the most important thing; do you even like yourself? If you really liked you, would you put yourself in a situation or friend circle where you get judgments constantly? It's like cultivating relationships with people who give you more of you and are kind to you. If you like you, you won't keep putting yourself in a place where people are judging you.  Like yourself so much that you won't let anyone judge you, abuse you, or control you.   It’s Imperative To Like Yourself First For Ryan, it’s essential to have a good relationship with yourself; whether you want a relationship with another person or not. You must at least like you. If you don't like you, you don't care about your whole life.  Can you love someone who doesn't love themselves? It is very hard. No matter how much you try to prove to them that you love them very much, they will be like, "Nobody loves me." They will find evidence that nobody loves them; even you if you are in relationship with them. So, you have to like you first. Then, if you find someone that likes themself and you are both willing to create a life together, that's a great relationship.  If you like you, you know what works for you and what doesn't , and you create your own reality, regardless of what other people want you to choose or not. From this space, it's way easier to create a great relationship Leandra suggests that if you're not sure you like you, what if each day you find one thing that you like about you? So many of us grew up without that space of learning to like ourselves. Ask, "What am I grateful for about myself?" Suddenly you will start to have that sense of you and from there you can have more of you. On the first day of a Relationships Done Different class with Ryan, a lot of time is spent talking about liking yourself, as a lot of the time people have a resistance to it. People really have to work on it. If you are familiar with the Access Consciousness clearing statement, clear everywhere you have judgments of yourself, everywhere that you don't like you or hate you. Clearing all of that is the beginning. There is also a class available in the Access Shop which Dr. Dain Heer, the co-creator of Access Consciousness, facilitated a couple of years ago called, Truly Liking You… and Your Life. If you keep choosing things that don't work for you, including your relationships, most likely you need to work on liking you first. Five years ago, Ryan was in a group session with Dain who asked everyone, "If you could have anything out of this session, what would it be?" Other people were asking for more ease or more joy or whatever, and when it was his turn, he said he wanted to stop his money problems. Dain’s response was, "What if it was about you liking you, so that you don't create those problems for you? I could stop that problem for you, but you will create it again. Keep it simple; you liking you."  and Ryan went, "yes! that." He didn't receive the session that well at the time. It took about 6 months after that for him to get it. The entire session came back to him and he understood what Dain was saying. Then a lot of things changed for him. When you put yourself first and like you, you will look after you and be the kindness you require. With that comes the relationship you desire, the money that you want, the business that you want, etc.   Leaving A Relationship Relationship is a choice. It's not a necessity. Ryan doesn't see any difficulty in ending a relationship. In the past he did. He used to judge himself for it. In his head he'd be like, "The other person didn't do anything wrong. If I end it I will be a terrible asshole." What if neither you nor the other person needs to be wrong and it was just a choice? - "Nothing is wrong here. I just don't desire a relationship."  People tend to make relationship too significant, which makes getting into a relationship or ending a relationship not easy. Now, Ryan prefers to look at it from the following analogy. Let's say you work for a company and the company pays you well and you are happy there, but one day you decide you don't want to work there anymore. The company is not wrong. Nothing is wrong, you just desire to work somewhere else, or maybe you desire to take a break from work, so you hand in your resignation letter. It's just a choice.  Why should it suddenly become something you cannot choose when it comes to an intimate relationship? Or something where you create so much trauma and drama in your head before you end it? What if you could ask a question or talk with the other person; "I've changed so much. You've changed so much. What can we be or do from now on, changing this relationship or being with it in a different way?" ‘Needing’ A Relationship In Asia, a lot of people who come to class feel like they need to have a relationship, especially women. A lot of them have parents that tell them, "You don't need a high education. You don't need to make too much money. You just need to get a husband." It's more of a cultural thing. As a result, they always have that little voice telling them that they just need to find a husband to take care of them. Those points of views are very dis-empowering for them.  You can desire someone to take care of you,

    24 min

About

Wherever you are when it comes to your relationships, what if there is way more possible?! And what if that starts with having a relationship with…. you! If you are ready to let go of everything you bought as true about relationships, join us for the Relationships Done Different Podcast . Conversations and inspirations to turn your relationships into creationships. Join our hosts as they discuss the insanity we can choose when it comes to relationship and how they all see relationships now very different using the tools of Relationships Done Different and Access Consciousness..

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