Relationships Done Different Relationships Done Different, Access Consciousness

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

 


Honouring Self With Kindness
Kindness Is Having Your Own Back
Kindness Versus Being Nice
Judgement Versus Empowerment
Ask For More Kindness To Show Up

 

Honouring Self With Kindness

There is an honouring of self in Simone Milasas’ world, cofounder of Relationships Done Different. There is a demand in her world which does not sway, yet it is delivered with kindness. Even letting someone go from her team is a kindness. It is kinder to everyone, and creates greater, if you just tell people what you are aware of and ask questions, rather than put up with something that is not working.

Most people think that kindness has to look a certain way.  For years Paula thought she wasn’t kind because she wasn’t this soft, sing songy kind of lady.

 

Kindness Is Having Your Own Back

As a mum, Becky always gave her kids a lot of choice. They don't always fit in, but they definitely have kindness to themselves. If they don’t want to hug, for example, they say so, and that’s okay.  Becky’s mum, however,  takes it personally; “If you don't hug me, you don't love me.” Rather than put up with this, they will tell her “Don’t manipulate me.” They have this sense of self where they have their own back. They're not giving themselves up even when Becky’s mum is guilt tripping them.

 

Kindness Versus Being Nice

How often are you unkind to yourself to maintain the illusion of being nice? The amount of things we've all done in our lives to be nice, which are not kind to you, is staggering.

More often, what people think is being kind is actually being ‘nice’. Being nice usually means you lose yourself in order to take care of others’ happiness. Kindness is more about allowance and the willingness to be what's required; which includes yourself.

Chris just ended a relationship that wasn't working. The ‘nice’ thing would have been to put up with it and not create any sort of conflict or discomfort. The kind thing for everyone involved was to end it. It may not have seemed it at the time, but it was so required and there lies the kindness. Kindness doesn’t mean comfortable. Chris had to look at it and ask, "Where and how is this actually contributing to me?"

There is a way to do it with kindness that creates greater for everyone. And, when you are willing to be that energy for you, you show other people that it's possible.

A friend of Chris’, Kass, waiting for a table at a restaurant with a friend. When the next table became available, they were dismissed and passed over for a white couple behind them. Kass’ friend got really angry, saying it was because they were black. Kass, however, dealt with it with kindness, whilst still asking for what she desired and deserved; "I'm sorry dear, you must not have seen that we were here before them.  Would it be possible for you to serve us now?"

 

Judgement versus Empowerment

One of the biggest areas where relationships seem to fall apart is communication and knowing how to say something. If there is no judgement, what does communication look like?

A retail shop owner that Chris knows was complaining to him about his staff.  Chris asked him, “Are you judging them? Is  managing your shop with a loaded gun how you can communicate and empower your staff?”

Chris is always interested in what his friends and staff know, rather than micromanaging and dictating to them. Kindness is empowering people to what they know and to have the greatest life they possibly can.

He is not interested in having relationships with people who constantly judge and nitpick and make everything wrong. If you take the judgement and the wrongness out, what is there to nitpick at?

Ask for what you require and be that energy of what you demand and what you are reaching for, without judgement.

We can all be unkind and we can all be really kind; it's a combination. If you are making yourself wrong for the times you are not kind

 

Are you grateful for your body? Do you have allowance for it? For years Simone used to dismiss her body and find it annoying, until she realised that judging your body does not create anything greater!

 

In this episode, Simone Milasas discusses two chapters from the book, Divorceless Relationships, with Paula Peralta; Getting To Know Your Body and Secrets To Great Sex.

 

If you have total communion with your body, then you can have great sex; because it’s your body that copulates. Embodiment should be about joy in your body, and your body being a contribution to you and you being a contribution to your body and being. Treat your body like a best friend.  

 

There is only one thing you want hard in life!



Keys to success

 


Stop Judging Your Body
Greater Communion With Your Body
Have Gratitude For Your Body
Communion & Relationship
Holding Onto A Relationship
Winners, Losers & No Counts
Sex, Sexuality, Copulation & Intimacy
Great Copulation
Your Body Doesn’t Have A Judgement
Too Tired To Copulate
Positive Judgements
Being Orgasmic Energy
The Joy of Embodiment



Stop Judging Your Body

For years Simone used to view her body as annoying. She dismissed her body and would have judgments such as, "I could get so much more done if I didn't have a body," as well as judging its size and shape. And, when she stopped judging her body for its size and shape, she started judging it for ageing.

Judging your body doesn't create change. 

In the last 5 years, Simone has stopped judging her body so harshly. She asked herself, “What if I stopped judging it and was just super happy to have a body in this lifetime and be in communion with it?”

A whole space is available when you stop judging your body. It's like a muscle. The second you go to judge, catch yourself and stop. No one else can do it for you.  Simone says that even though she has less judgement of her body now, she still has to practice.

 

Greater Communion With Your Body

Be in tune with what your body is asking for. A while ago, Simone hurt herself in pilates and was talking to Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, about it. He told her that she needs to stop doing whatever it is she is doing the moment something gets so much fun.  It seems counterintuitive but for Simone, that is when she stopped asking her body questions and just continues doing what she finds so much fun. You really have to pay attention to what your body is asking for and listen. Now Simone catches herself when she does this and asks, "Have I stopped asking my body?"

It's about asking your body what it requires. Listen to your body and follow the energy. There is no right or wrong. Your body might desire something for 2 days, 1 day, 2 weeks, 1 month; it's not a longevity thing. Listening to your body and being in communion with it will create greater.

Start your day by conversing with your body. Put your hands on your body and have a little chat; “Hey body, how’s it going?” Put your attention on a part of the body, or on your organs or cells and ask it, “What do you require?”

Being in communion with your body also leads to greater sex. You can't have great sex if you are not in communion with your body; because it's your body that copulates!

 

Have Gratitude For Your Body

Your body is your best friend, and we treat it like crap by constantly judging it and getting frustrated. What if we changed that to constant gratitude?

What part of your body do you love, find wonderful?  What if you looked at your body through someone else's eyes? 

 

Communion And Relationship

The greatest relationship you can have is with you and your body; then you can pick and choose in a really different way because you are not looking for someone to fulfil you. Only you can fulfil you.

Hollywood movies portray themes like, "you complete me" and "soul mate." What if everything you have been told is a lie?

If you have communion with you, you can add somebody to

Do you get annoyed with your partner? Can your partner never do anything right? Or, do you judge yourself as being wrong all the time within your relationship? What if there was another possibility?

 

On this show, your host, Christopher Hughes, has a raw and vulnerable discussion with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Carolyn Sinclair, about her marriage and their relationship together; including her husband’s last days.

 

What if your interaction with all the people you are in relationship with wasn't a reaction but a choice to create something?

 

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

 


Your Point of View Creates Your Reality
Love Is Always A Judgement
Gratitude & Creationship
Allowance
You Get To Choose To Be Happy Every Day



Your Point of View Creates Your Reality

When you decide your partner is wrong, nothing they ever do will be right. 

A few years back, Carolyn had decided her husband was wrong and was considering getting a divorce. After attending a Choice of Possibilities class with Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, she began to realise that it was her point of view that needed to change, not the situation.

It was she who had decided things he did were annoying, and she realised that it was she who was creating the problems because she had to be right all the time and everything he did was wrong.

Carolyn began to ask questions of herself; “What was it about me that I only saw the things that were irking me, when previously we used to have so much fun together?”

She also started using the tool, interesting point of view, every time she felt annoyed. Saying “Interesting point of view I have this point of view,” over and over in your head dissipated all the mind stuff that was going on and made everything so much better and happier.

What if you didn’t have to be right and you used the tool, interesting point of view?

 

Love Is Always A Judgement

When someone says, “I love you,” it can mean so many different things; and, it is always a judgement. When you love someone or something, there is generally a ‘because’ attached; I love you because x, y or z.

What if instead you used gratitude? When you are in gratitude, you can't be annoyed; the things or behaviours that previously annoyed you no longer matter.

Gratitude doesn't need a ‘because’; it's an appreciation for what is without any expectation of anything that could be different.

 

Gratitude And Creationship

For Carolyn, everything got better with gratitude; even her sex life. 

In this world, you have to spend quality time together and have meaningful moments to maintain your love and to prove your love. But when you take all that away and are just enjoying each other, it's a different thing.

When you look at the definition of ‘relationship’, it means the distance between two things. Instead of being in a relationship, be in a creationship. You want to have a partner that together you create 20 times more than you do individually.

 

Allowance

We can't live on this planet without relating to or interacting with others; ie without having something to do with other people.

As head of Customer Service for Access Consciousness, Carolyn possibly interacts with a lot more people than most; and, many of those involve ‘complaints’, where the customer is annoyed. The two tools that Carolyn uses for greater ease in this customer service role, and in life, are allowance and interesting point of view. 

Allowance is like being a big rock in the middle of a stream. Do you get banged around and have to avoid everybody, or are you just letting everything flow by? The choice is yours. When you don't resist and react or align and agree, it changes the energy between you and the other person; because every molecule is consciousness, and we all interact.

Having allowance for others is not just kind for them, it's kind for yourself too. If you don't do trauma and drama and you are

 
Have you ever asked your body to contribute to you? When you are in communion with your body, without judgement, magic can happen.

 

On this show, your host, Becky Vannes, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Chrissy Dorn, about your relationship with your body and ways to enhance it.

 

Your body is talking, are you listening?

 

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

 


Start Asking Your Body
Get Out Of Your Mind
Have Allowance With Your Body
Gratitude
There Are Two Ways You Can Live Your Life
Ask Your Body To Contribute



Start Asking Your Body

When you don't have a relationship with your body, you choose with your mind and you don't ask your body what your body requires.

Chrissy had a skiing accident and realised her body had tried to warn her many times beforehand not to go, but she wasn't communicating with her body.

How many times does your body tell you that you are not involving it in the equation and not asking it what it wants to eat, who it wants to be with, etc.?

What does your body require?

Every morning when Chrissy wakes up she asks her body "Body, what do you require?" "What can I contribute to you today?"

We all come from the Earth, so when you contribute to your body you are also contributing to the Earth; it's the same energy.

 

Get Out Of Your Mind

When you are in your mind, you are trying to control everything. As soon as you try to control with your mind, you can’t hear the whispers of the Earth. What if you were out of control with no definitions, conclusions, judgements and separations?

How do you know if you're using your mind? It could be a headache, it could be that you are really tired, etc.

Chrissy was tripping a lot. Her body was trying to tell her to be present in this 10 seconds rather than in the future.

How often is disease a sign from your body to be present enough to look at it? 

 

Hold your hands somewhere on your body and really earth yourself and connect yourself with your feet on the ground. That's when you start sensing what it is like to be in your body, then you can ask "Hey body, what do you require now?"

Other great questions when you have pain or dis-ease are:

"Who does this belong to? Is it mine?" "What is it, what can I do with it, can I change it, if so what is the next step?"

Your body shows you the way, the Earth shows you the way.

 

Have Allowance With Your Body

Your point of view creates your reality. What are you creating when you keep judging your body all the time?

What if you were in allowance of whatever your body chooses to be, rather than looking in the mirror and judging it? 

Your body always keeps changing, just like the Earth keeps changing, every 10 seconds.

Whatever your body looks like, when you are so in oneness with your body, you can wear anything and have so much presence; you don't need a modal shape for that.

Once you are in allowance of your body, you can honour your body with whatever it wants. Trust your body that it will show you the way of what is a greater contribution for both you and your body and the entire Earth.

What if that is trust with your body; that it always knows what will create greater right now?

It’s not just trusting that your body knows, but also that your body trusts you; you are all oneness. It’s like a tango where sometimes the body leads and sometimes you lead.

What can you create with the tango called your life?

 

Gratitude

Once you create this communion with your body and it becomes your best friend, gratitude falls into place much more easily.

Even in the shittiest situation, your body shows you how you can deal with that. Be grateful for every single situation that you and your body have allowed yourself to have; even cancer. Your body is showing you where some changes are needed and giving you something totally different to look at.

"Thank you for showing me, body."

 

Your body is also grateful for you. What signs can you look for that s

Are you currently deciding whether to leave a relationship or to stay? Indecision can hang over you like a dark cloud and can be paralysing, keeping you from taking any action at all. What if you could have ease, joy and glory with this choice?

 

On this show, your host, Paula Peralta, talks with Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Heiderose Scheerer, about the question, to go or not to go.

 

If you are at a crossroads with any of your relationships and you don't know what's required or how to go about it, this episode can assist you to know that there are possibilities available; even when you don’t feel like there are.

 

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

 


Stop Over Thinking It
What’s Really Going On?
Do You Function From Compromise?
What Else Is Possible?
Compatibility
What Does Your Body Know?
An Invitation To Something Different
It Starts With Your Relationship With You



Stop Over Thinking It

Your mind will never be able to give you the answer you are looking for. There is no one fits all answer.

When you start asking should I stay or should I go, it's something that has been going on for a while. There is something that doesn't work for you.

Ask, “What is it that doesn't work for me? What is it that makes me ask the question?” and “How can I change it?”; or “Whose responsibility is it to change it?”, as we so often go to blame.

What is it that you actually would like to have? What's true for you?

You can ask the question, “What will my life be like in 5 years time if I stay? What will my life be like in 5 years time if I go?”, but what do you know? Once you get to that point of asking should I stay or should I go, you already know the answer.

If you are overthinking it and coming up with a pros and cons list, you are trying to justify your choice.  If didn't need to justify, what do you know? What do you desire, what do you require? What is true for you? What is it you would actually like to create?

Two questions to end the indecision are, 

1/ “Am I in an abusive relationship?”; whether it’s you abusing them or they are abusing you. 

2/ Has your health been suffering in the relationship?

 

What’s Really Going On?

What if your partner's annoying behaviours are a gift and they are there to be your teacher? What if perfection is pure fiction? How can you love an imperfect person perfectly? 

Who were you when you started the relationship? Who are you now? And what would you really like to create in your life?

So often we go to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Outside of abuse, you don't necessarily have to end the relationship just because you find something annoying that you don't think will change. There is always something else possible. A great question to ask is, “What would it take to change this?” or “What would it take for me to have ease with this?”

Another thing we often do is look to other relationships as an example of how a relationship should be, or how to deal with conflict, etc. But what is it that works for you?

When you carry traumas with you, it keeps you from having true intimate relationships. If your partner wants more intimacy and you want to run, it’s not wrong to run - but know what you are doing. If you are the one who wants more intimacy, what can you do to get it?

What are you asking for and can you be and do everything that is required to do that?

For example, if you desire the 5 elements of intimacy - honour, trust, allowance, vulnerability and gratitude in a relationship, is that something that is easy for you to do? Or would you benefit from talking to someone about that?

Do you want to stay in an unhealthy relationship or create a healthy relationship? and how do you know the difference?

The key is to look at yourself and be really honest with yourself. 

 

Do You Function From Compromise?

Compromise means giving up something valuable to you for the sake of the other person. And, you

Do you ignore your body until it’s screaming at you? What would happen if you were more present with your body, listened to it and took action, rather than putting up with pain, illness or things just not being right?

 

On this show, your host, Justine McKell, talks with 3-day Body Facilitator and Relationships Done Different Facilitator, Danielle Tooley, about creating a relationship with your body.

 

It's up to you to choose something different; and to choose to know that something different is available.

 

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

 


What Is A 3-Day Body Facilitator?
Being In Communion With Your Body
Tools For Teenagers
What Joy Can Your Body Bring To The World?
The Difference Between Body & Being



What Is A 3-Day Body Facilitator?

A 3-Day Body Facilitator is someone who can facilitate other people's bodies to create something different; whatever that is for them. Ultimately it's about having a communion with your body.

Danielle says that her job as a facilitator is for you to get awareness around your body and what you are creating with your body. It could simply be a question you haven't asked yet.  It’s about empowering you to get what that is for you; to have all the awarenesses so you can have more communion, more presence with your body.

Our hands are built to nurture and heal. As a baby you are cuddled and kissed and touched, but as an adult, unless you have a partner, you don't really get that, yet that is what bodies require. A 3-day body class gives you that touch the bodies are screaming for.

It's innate for our bodies to heal themselves. When you become more present with your body, the side effect of that is healing. Danielle stated that she will never get bored of listening to people's shifts and changes after a 3 day body class.

 

Being In Communion With Your Body

A lot of people ignore their body; it’s not a priority for them. If something is going on with your car, like a flat tire, you'll attend to it straight away, but if something's going on with your body, you’ll more likely put it off and only attend to it when it's screaming at you through some sort of pain or illness.

What if you made a conscious effort to really be intune with your body and what it's asking of you, so that you can attend to it before it gets to that stage?

Danielle said that she raised her kids to have a good relationship with their bodies. Danielle's daughter has a great relationship with her body; she loves it, enjoys it, has a sense of peace with it and tells Danielle whenever something is going on with her body and what it requires, like booking into a chiropractor because her shoulders are sore or asking Danielle to run a body process on her.

They've learnt that communion with their bodies from a very young age.

 

Tools For Teenagers

"Who does this belong to?" is a great tool for teenagers.  Look at who the teenager is amongst. Most of them are all thinking the same thing. Ask them, “Is it possible there is someone in your class that could be thinking that?” Danielle has had the experience where the teenager realises that there actually is someone and they get to know that they are just really aware of what’s going on for other people; that they are aware of other people's thoughts and the pain and suffering in other people's bodies. They can ask themselves, "Does this actually belong to me?" 99% of the time it's not theirs. Return it back to sender. 

Another great tool is Interesting Point of View. It assists you to become more of the observer than reacting to whatever is going on around you.

Teach your teenagers to have gratitude with their body; waking up each day with a sense of gratitude.

Maybe start a journal - what can they write that they enjoy about their body?

Explain to them that there is no cookie cutter mould with bodies, and we all want something different than what we've got. Dr Dain Heer, the co-creator of Access Consciousness, talks a lot