40 min
Salimah Part 2 of 4: When Your Teen Shrugs Their Shoulders Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast
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- Parenting
Welcome to part 2 of our 4-part series with Salima, a single mother of three children with very different needs. Last week we discussed her middle child, 7 year old Rene. This week we focus on her oldest, 13 year old Alani. Alani has been getting in trouble at school and uses the “shoulder shrug” to dismiss all of Salimah’s attempts to connect. Tune in to hear Leslie talk Salimah through ways to give your child the time and space to open up to you.
Time Stamps:
13:10 and 17:30 Narrate what you are doing so others can learn13:30 Choosing your words more intentionally14:00 Using imagery such as the ring of fire to increase the learning and understanding of a concept or skill. 15:27 Starting with validation before we start problem-solving17:54 When you ask the direct “why” questions, it can be like flashing a flashlight in someone’s eyes. Instead make statements or observations19:30 Shifting your expectations - short term vs long term parenting20:09 Role play21:33 Getting your reserved or shut down child to engage in conversation.22:51 Say less and give them space23:11 The dominoes metaphor27:20 The 5 communications of the shoulder shrug - it means different things at different times29:31 Parent’s job description - helping a child understand who they are. To know who you are.31:18 The gift of connection - when our children think we know them better than they know themselves34:12 The six levels of validation (show notes link and possible newsletter or sample video)35:57 Validation is in the eye of the beholderResources:
The 6 levels of validationVideo of the Domino AnalogyHow to guide to validation worksheet Leslie sent Salimah home withFor a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Leslie-ism: Turn your challenges into opportunities
Welcome to part 2 of our 4-part series with Salima, a single mother of three children with very different needs. Last week we discussed her middle child, 7 year old Rene. This week we focus on her oldest, 13 year old Alani. Alani has been getting in trouble at school and uses the “shoulder shrug” to dismiss all of Salimah’s attempts to connect. Tune in to hear Leslie talk Salimah through ways to give your child the time and space to open up to you.
Time Stamps:
13:10 and 17:30 Narrate what you are doing so others can learn13:30 Choosing your words more intentionally14:00 Using imagery such as the ring of fire to increase the learning and understanding of a concept or skill. 15:27 Starting with validation before we start problem-solving17:54 When you ask the direct “why” questions, it can be like flashing a flashlight in someone’s eyes. Instead make statements or observations19:30 Shifting your expectations - short term vs long term parenting20:09 Role play21:33 Getting your reserved or shut down child to engage in conversation.22:51 Say less and give them space23:11 The dominoes metaphor27:20 The 5 communications of the shoulder shrug - it means different things at different times29:31 Parent’s job description - helping a child understand who they are. To know who you are.31:18 The gift of connection - when our children think we know them better than they know themselves34:12 The six levels of validation (show notes link and possible newsletter or sample video)35:57 Validation is in the eye of the beholderResources:
The 6 levels of validationVideo of the Domino AnalogyHow to guide to validation worksheet Leslie sent Salimah home withFor a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Leslie-ism: Turn your challenges into opportunities
40 min