36 episodes

Is My Child A Monster? A brand new parenting therapy podcast.  You get to be a fly on the wall in Leslie Cohen-Rubury’s office and listen in as she sits with parents who share their stories in therapy sessions recorded live. 

Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast Leslie Cohen-Rubury

    • Kids & Family
    • 5.0 • 42 Ratings

Is My Child A Monster? A brand new parenting therapy podcast.  You get to be a fly on the wall in Leslie Cohen-Rubury’s office and listen in as she sits with parents who share their stories in therapy sessions recorded live. 

    Salimah Part 2 of 4: When Your Teen Shrugs Their Shoulders

    Salimah Part 2 of 4: When Your Teen Shrugs Their Shoulders

    Welcome to part 2 of our 4-part series with Salima, a single mother of three children with very different needs. Last week we discussed her middle child, 7 year old Rene. This week we focus on her oldest, 13 year old Alani. Alani has been getting in trouble at school and uses the “shoulder shrug” to dismiss all of Salimah’s attempts to connect. Tune in to hear Leslie talk Salimah through ways to give your child the time and space to open up to you.
    Time Stamps:
    13:10 and 17:30 Narrate what you are doing so others can learn13:30 Choosing your words more intentionally14:00 Using imagery such as the ring of fire to increase the learning and understanding of a concept or skill.  15:27 Starting with validation before we start problem-solving17:54 When you ask the direct “why” questions, it can be like flashing a flashlight in someone’s eyes. Instead make statements or observations19:30 Shifting  your expectations - short term vs long term parenting20:09 Role play21:33 Getting your reserved or shut down child to engage in conversation.22:51 Say less and give them space23:11 The dominoes metaphor27:20 The 5 communications of the shoulder shrug - it means different things at different times29:31 Parent’s job description - helping a child understand who they are. To know who you are.31:18 The gift of connection - when our children think we know them better than they know themselves34:12 The six levels of validation (show notes link and possible newsletter or sample video)35:57 Validation is in the eye of the beholderResources:
    The 6 levels of validationVideo of the Domino AnalogyHow to guide to validation worksheet Leslie sent Salimah home withFor a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
    Leslie-ism: Turn your challenges into opportunities

    • 40 min
    Salimah Part 1 of 4: When Your Kid Destroys Their Room

    Salimah Part 1 of 4: When Your Kid Destroys Their Room

    This week we meet Salimah, single mother of three wonderful children, 13-year-old Alani, 7-year-old Rene, and 5-year-old Terrel. Parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all, and Leslie’s sessions with Salimah are a perfect example of that. The first of this four-part series focuses on middle child Rene. Salimah needs help figuring out why is Rene destroying her room, and how to handle those big emotions.


    TIME STAMPS
    6:58 The three states of mind- emotion mind, reasonable mind, wise mind
    8:05 The ring of fire as a metaphor when your child is emotionally dysregulated
    12:50 Explaining the difference between a trigger vs prompting event
    Can you identify the five prompting events that set you off to emotion mind15:50 Power of pause - the gift of the pause
    16:55 Re-considering the use of time-out as a form of punishment
    20:40 Create a toolbox of alternatives of how to react when your child has the big emotions; how can you connect and at the same time to give her space 
    Redirect them to do another activity such as go outsideProblem-solving or engaging in conflict resolution with the other personValidate and stop talking. Sometimes talking less is more effective.23:12 Narrate what you are doing and what you are thinking, as both a model and a strategy in difficult times
    25:49 Change your language away from “I’m in combat with my children,” which implies that they are your enemy 
    27:44 Having children put a mirror to us, and show us the ways we need to grow.
    33:00 Rules of the game - share with your children what you are thinking and doing 



    Show Note Links:
    A visual explanation of the three states of mindVideo on three states of mindLeslie’s blog posting explaining the three states of mindLeslie’s newsletter on becoming aware of violent language: Why words matter?Two articles on why time-outs aren’t effective: https://kidcrew.com/why-time-outs-are-not-effectivehttps://childmind.org/article/are-time-outs-harmful-kids/


    For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.


    Leslie-ism:  Keep in mind: your words have power and you can choose what to say.

    Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

    • 38 min
    Special Guest Dr. Liz Angoff: Explaining a Diagnosis to Parents and Children

    Special Guest Dr. Liz Angoff: Explaining a Diagnosis to Parents and Children

    Brains can be confusing - how they work, what they do, how yours is different from other people's. And explaining brains to kids can be a challenge. Today’s special guest is Dr. Liz Angoff, an Educational Psychologist who specializes in explaining brains to kids and their families. She primarily works with families undergoing assessment and diagnosis, but her tools and language are helpful for anyone who has a brain. Leslie has been recommending her book and website to clients for years. 
    About our guest:  Liz Angoff, Ph.D., is a Licensed Educational Psychologist with a Diplomate in School Neuropsychology, providing assessment and consultation services to children and their families in the Bay Area, CA. Dr. Liz’s mission is to empower children and families by helping them understand their amazing, unique brains. She is the author of the Brain Building Books, tools for engaging children in understanding their learning and developmental differences as part of the assessment process. More information about Dr. Liz and her work is available atwww.ExplainingBrains.com.


    Timestamps:
    7:50 Understanding the difference between the medical model diagnosis and neurodivergent affirming language approach
    10:40 Different is not broken, different is a mismatch (between child and environment)
    17:41 Diagnosis can be powerful tool, gives you the language that can help meet our child’s needs
    20:10 Validating a child’s struggle is powerful
    20:53 How do you tell your child about their assessment
    28:12 How do I help my child to not have such a hard time
    32:27 Three things that Liz wants parents to take away from this conversation


    Resources:
    Visit her website, full of wonderful resourcesHere is the script for explaining a diagnosis Dr. Liz mentioned in this episodeYou can find her book, The Brain Building Book, here

    Leslie-ism: Dr. Liz said "Talk to your child about their brain, do it early, do it often.” 



    For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
    Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

    • 37 min
    Emilee & David Part 3 of 3: When Your Kid Metaphorically Throws Up On You

    Emilee & David Part 3 of 3: When Your Kid Metaphorically Throws Up On You

    This is the final session with Emilee and David. Emilee felt a big difference when she stepped back from her son’s big reactions and no longer took his words and actions personally; that’s a huge achievement. David said he felt less pressure on himself as a parent—also a huge achievement. In this session, Leslie also explained creative ways to teach children about emotions, like using children’s books and other media. Leslie also addresses Jack’s neuropsychological testing and the results. Leslie supports Emilee and David as they digest this helpful information while remembering to see Jack as a whole person.


    Time Stamps
    10:55 Throwing up analogy: a way to not take your children’s words personally12:05 Neuropsychological testing and school accommodations17:35 How to teach your child about emotions- books, model it, watch other people, tell stories 24:01 Concept: being able to hold two opposing thoughts at the same time24:41 Bibliotherapy: using books to help teach children26:50 Receiving a diagnosis, and how to make it helpful and useful30:45 Movement breaks37:27 Childrens are like puppies: they all have big paws that they grow into, just like children and their big emotions

    Resources:  
    Video of throwing up analogyHandout of feeling words for kidsDr. Liz Angoff’s Website and resources: How to explain testing to kidsLeslie’s sample list of books she likes to read with children
    Leslie-ism:  Let’s honor the individual learning styles of child and adults alike


    For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.


    Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

    • 42 min
    Emilee & David Part 2 of 3: When You Have Different Parenting Styles and How to Do Less

    Emilee & David Part 2 of 3: When You Have Different Parenting Styles and How to Do Less

    This is part 1 of the 3 part series with Emilee and David. In the first session, we learned about Jack, their six-year-old son who is having trouble expressing his emotions. He often defaults to kicking and saying “I don’t know.” In this episode, Leslie looks closer at their differing parenting styles: David wants to get to the bottom of it, and Emilee tends to distract and redirect. Is it important to be on the exact same page as your partner when it comes to parenting styles? And what happens when what you dislike about your partner’s approach is exactly what’s missing  from your own.
    Time Stamps
    10:38 Anticipatory Anxiety: kids and adults can get more upset by the anticipation of the event than the event itself. 15:57 It’s not misperception, but rather simply having a different perception18:00 Instinct to “get to the bottom of it” might be causing more stress18:30 Can we normalize emotions rather than inflating them19:18 When you have different parenting styles: determine what’s working and what’s not working.  19:45 How to get the best of both worlds22:08 Emily distracts and redirects (indirect) David wants to get to the bottom of things (direct)26:05 Announce and name what you are doing, the change you’re imposing29:35 Their homework:  Don’t work so hard34:40 Normalize children who are arguing vs teaching children conflict resolution skills36:50 The lost ART of healthy neglect 41:40 Use the line “can you give yourself permission to make a mistake”43:20 "Plant the seed" and get out of there
    RESOURCES:  
    Why ‘how was school?’ isn’t a good question to ask kids. Here's a CNBC article with some ideas of what to say insteadDistress Tolerance STOP techniqueNYTimes article on unsupervised PlayThe Anti-Helicopter Parents Plea: Let Kids Play!Risky Play Encourages ResilienceLeslie’s book recommendation: The Last Child in the Woods by Richard LouvLeslie-ism: Do Less
    For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
    Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

    • 46 min
    Emilee & David Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Says "I Don’t know"

    Emilee & David Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Says "I Don’t know"

    This is part 1 of the 3 part series with Emilee and David.  Emilee and David have a six year old son who repeatedly says “I don’t know” when they try to help their son understand his big emotions. Many parents like Emilee and David want to teach their children how to regulate their emotions and how to understand their emotions.  But what happens when what you are doing is not working and actually producing the very opposite results than what you were hoping for.  
    Time stamps:
    13:10 How children physically express their emotions, and what to do13:55  Name and notice those body sensations and physical actions16:07 Alexithymia: when a child doesn't have the skills to name what they are experiencing18:30 Masking: a survival tactic for social situations22:20 Change from asking questions like "how do you feel?" to making statements about the situation26:45 & 34:07 Social Signaling: what is your child communicating to others28:41 Go below the surface: anger with mean words and an intense physical response is above the surface and disappointment is below the surface30:50 Take the pressure off of the child to express their emotions32:27 Beware of praise and instead, give feedback 35:40 Create a bridge from the behavior to describing the emotion: children may need help finding the words40:50 What to do if your child is masking44:43 Difference between when a child WON’T express emotion versus when they CAN’TResources: 
    AlexithymiaAutism Parenting Magazine's Guide to AlexithymiaChildren's Alexithymia Measure handoutThe Alexithymia Wheel and more resourcesMaskingMasking in Children ExplainedNHS's Guide on "Masking" Behavior in ChildrenPraise vs feedbackThe Psychology of Feedback vs PraiseHow to Give Feedback to Your ChildLeslie-ism: The slower you go, the faster you get there.
    For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
    Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

    • 47 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
42 Ratings

42 Ratings

liz b ct ,

Excellent!

I so appreciate this podcast both as a parent of little ones and a clinician! Such an interesting and informative podcast, episode after episode! Leslie does an excellent job providing valuable information and insights to help parents better understand various parenting challenges. Her style is clear and straightforward, and she is so skilled at sharing her conceptualization in a way that is both validating and linked to concrete strategies to create change!

Boxerdog826 ,

Unique perspective

Thank you for this podcast. It has been helpful to me both as a therapist and as a parent. I appreciate the actual sessions as well as the drop-in episodes with Dale. Thank you to all the parents who have shared their families with us to help us all.

mary viggiano ,

Empowering and insightful-not just for parents with young kids!

I love that the information and strategies are straightforward and compassionate. I have already shared the link with multiple friends. More please!!

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