SIBKL @Sg Buloh sgbulohsibkl

Wild thingYou make my heart singYou make everything … groovyWe got this in the mail today. Don't quite know what to make of it. 👇🏽Greetings from the wild things. We are a species of malcivilised furry crustaceans on a mission to find clean drinking water. And that’s why we’ve left the woods and are heading into the city. And no, contrary to folk-rock anthems that your fathers may have learnt to play guitar with, we don’t make anything groovy. Nothing at all. But clean drinking water makes us very happy. And we heard there’s someone visiting your church who brings this very kind of water. Leave us seats in the hall and space at the altar. We are thirsty.🤨 Dude seriously, like, what?

Once upon a time, there was a pooch called Spitzi. Now, Spitzi was special cos he drank his water the way a human soldier from ancient Israel would. Like, with his hands and everything. No you see, what you don’t understand is that Spitzi had hands. No, not front paws. Actual hands. Like, hands that you can use to stop traffic or throw food around. So one day Spitzi was down at the water just lappin it up when he got drafted, like to become a soldier. And there, they gave him a gun, which he held in his dog-hands. I know what you’re thinking. This is madness. Madness? This. Is. Spartaaaa! Wait… *inaudible conversation in the background.Scrap that. Pastor just said I got the wrong 300. This one’s on Gideon. Gaaargh. Inilah hakikat social media intern. They expect you to see a sermon title and be like all prophetic or something.

Bonjour! I see you are scanning the socials for what's happening on Mother's Day in church.Ah, scanning — that's what mothers do to sniff out threats when they enter a room. I remember getting sniffed before. Not good memories.Anyway, where was I? Mother's Day. Yes. It will be a Xena inspired Warrior Princess theme. Bring your mother because Pastor wants to inspire her with a sermon about Deborah and Jael bludgeoning evil men into the ground. A perfect message for those who are fierce and handle sharp tools more than once a day. Oh, and we have a photo booth where your mother can reenact chasing you with a battle axe. Like that time you didn't pass up your exercise book for three months and she eventually found out. Except back then she chased you with something else. This Mother's Day, give your mother the very best experience possible, and let her reenact it with an axe.

Are we there yet?Are we there yet?I'm bored. Are we there yet?I never said this out loud to my kids but the reason why I never answer them when they ask me "Are we there yet?" is because my name is not Yet. My name is Daddy. The logical assumption therefore is that they are talking to an imaginary friend called Yet. It's sweet to see your kids in such a happy-go-lucky place in life, talking among themselves and with their imaginary friends. Sometimes they even pretend to get annoyed with Yet. Such realistic actors.As for the question itself, the answer is "Yes, we are there yet."

One time, I came home from doing the groceries and I found someone else living in my house. They had redecorated the living room, repainted the walls and repaved the garden. Absolutely nuts. Of course, when I say “doing the groceries”, what I really mean is I got exiled for 70 years and had left my house vacant. But still… 70 years isn’t that long if you really think hard about it. It’s like a lifetime. It goes by just like that. Anyway, all that’s not the point. The point is that I finally came back. Amen to that. And I gotta learn to get along with those folks. Hmmm-what? They have to learn to get along with me? No, no, no. Firstly, I’m super easy to get along with. And no, this land is my land.

So long, Jerusalem. They’re guilty as sin. The last two tribes enter into riddance. Their tarnished coat of arms, their bruises, aquired like muses, talismans and charms.Kena kickkickkickdown bad.Seventy years isn’t that long. It’ll go by like *snap a fortnight. Cos even Persia crumbles if it's made to wait. But then what? Fresh out of the slammer to return to what? Alchemy? Only God can fix them (No really He can).