49 min
Special Episode: How To Avoid Messing Up The Holidays! Start Right Here: Conversations About What Matters Most
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- Mental Health
In the spirit of Allen’s 12-counts (12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery, 12 Smart Things To Do When the Booze & Drugs are Gone, 12 Hidden Rewards to Making Amends, etc.) and in the spirit of this pandemic-fraught holiday season, Allen presents his list of 12 stupid things to mess up the holidays along with helpful comments from Thom. As with most of their collaborations, even in the fun, there are some more enlightened moments. Thom wraps the episode with his Help for the Holidays, (Don’t Run from Positive Guilt and The Rules of Self-Care Apply to the Holidays Too).
NEXT WEEK: Allen & Thom are joined by their friend and colleague, Mary Gordon, to offer their version of 2020: Year In Review.
You can download Thom’s "Help for the Holidays" here: https://3f48999b-b083-4400-97b5-96c49b21a0e7.filesusr.com/ugd/e71801_c8f8b44df1814cddbbe64767c7fe296e.pdf?fbclid=IwAR1L3O41V5dnd75c_X0MohLOg5tY4vovikI14IkEosZ4JbBipsAieElsFfo
Allen’s 12 Stupid Things that Mess Up the Holidays (and the Corresponding “Cures”)
1) Take this holiday as an opportunity to point out the character defects of your family members, since they will give you ample opportunities to do so.
Cure: Keep quiet about their shortcomings, especially when you know you are right.
2) Expecting this year to be different than any other.
Cure: Accept that nothing will be different, if you haven’t surrendered your unenforceable rules.
3) Lose yourself in making everyone else happy.
Cure: Make yourself as important as others, not more and not less.
4) Swallow whole and uncritically someone else’s notion of what this time of year is supposed to mean.
Cure: Personalize your concept of the holidays.
5) Expect others to take better care of you than you do yourself.
Cure: Accept personal responsibility for your happiness, comfort, security, safety and serenity.
6) Accept gifts or help that are not given with an open hand.
Cure: Only accept those gifts that are offered freely - with an open hand. Ask to be seen and recognized if your partner doesn’t know you. Take responsibility to create the kind of relationship you want.
7) Deny or resist feelings from your past or current situations that surface such as resentments, grief or disappointments.
Cure: Embrace whatever emotions or memories surface. View this as an opportunity to complete unfinished business.
8) Keep yourself in a state of perpetual motion.
Cure: Hold still and experience your feelings.
9) Expect your family to be different than they are, hoping that things will be different because of this magical time of year.
Cure: This is a false hope. Your response needs to be “of course” this is the way they are, and things are - I can learn from all of these experiences.
10) Believing that family problems indicate that something is wrong.
Cure: Problems are a natural occurrence in families and indicate that something is right, not wrong.
11) Give “Thank you for nothing darling gifts” and expect gratitude or graciously accept “Thank you for nothing darling gifts.”
Cure: See the peop
In the spirit of Allen’s 12-counts (12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery, 12 Smart Things To Do When the Booze & Drugs are Gone, 12 Hidden Rewards to Making Amends, etc.) and in the spirit of this pandemic-fraught holiday season, Allen presents his list of 12 stupid things to mess up the holidays along with helpful comments from Thom. As with most of their collaborations, even in the fun, there are some more enlightened moments. Thom wraps the episode with his Help for the Holidays, (Don’t Run from Positive Guilt and The Rules of Self-Care Apply to the Holidays Too).
NEXT WEEK: Allen & Thom are joined by their friend and colleague, Mary Gordon, to offer their version of 2020: Year In Review.
You can download Thom’s "Help for the Holidays" here: https://3f48999b-b083-4400-97b5-96c49b21a0e7.filesusr.com/ugd/e71801_c8f8b44df1814cddbbe64767c7fe296e.pdf?fbclid=IwAR1L3O41V5dnd75c_X0MohLOg5tY4vovikI14IkEosZ4JbBipsAieElsFfo
Allen’s 12 Stupid Things that Mess Up the Holidays (and the Corresponding “Cures”)
1) Take this holiday as an opportunity to point out the character defects of your family members, since they will give you ample opportunities to do so.
Cure: Keep quiet about their shortcomings, especially when you know you are right.
2) Expecting this year to be different than any other.
Cure: Accept that nothing will be different, if you haven’t surrendered your unenforceable rules.
3) Lose yourself in making everyone else happy.
Cure: Make yourself as important as others, not more and not less.
4) Swallow whole and uncritically someone else’s notion of what this time of year is supposed to mean.
Cure: Personalize your concept of the holidays.
5) Expect others to take better care of you than you do yourself.
Cure: Accept personal responsibility for your happiness, comfort, security, safety and serenity.
6) Accept gifts or help that are not given with an open hand.
Cure: Only accept those gifts that are offered freely - with an open hand. Ask to be seen and recognized if your partner doesn’t know you. Take responsibility to create the kind of relationship you want.
7) Deny or resist feelings from your past or current situations that surface such as resentments, grief or disappointments.
Cure: Embrace whatever emotions or memories surface. View this as an opportunity to complete unfinished business.
8) Keep yourself in a state of perpetual motion.
Cure: Hold still and experience your feelings.
9) Expect your family to be different than they are, hoping that things will be different because of this magical time of year.
Cure: This is a false hope. Your response needs to be “of course” this is the way they are, and things are - I can learn from all of these experiences.
10) Believing that family problems indicate that something is wrong.
Cure: Problems are a natural occurrence in families and indicate that something is right, not wrong.
11) Give “Thank you for nothing darling gifts” and expect gratitude or graciously accept “Thank you for nothing darling gifts.”
Cure: See the peop
49 min