The Dichotomy Diaries Podcast Amanda Lynette Arnier, MLS

Dear Diary (& Listeners),
There is nothing more difficult than losing a loved one. 
The pain one experiences when they can no longer hug, kiss, smell, confide in, and share life with a loved one is unlike any other. 
Imagine experiencing this pain abruptly. There's just one difference, your loved one isn't dead. They ran away, entirely aware of the pain they knew this would cause you. 
How does one manage the stages of grief and the confusion intertwined in such a malicious act- at the hands of someone they trusted? 
It's f*****g hard, but it is possible. I am proof. 
This inaugural episode of The Dichotomy Diaries is called The Sin City Serpent. You will relive with me; meeting the Mormon/Latter Day Saint (LDS) man I married. We will dive into the spiraling, dark world where his career choice lived. You will experience the love-bombing, narcissistic tendencies, and financial abuse and manipulation first hand. Together we will dissect how deep trauma bonds are formed. And how trauma responses can look different for everyone. 
You may find yourself, like me- asking these questions...
Why does she offer love to those who treat her so poorly?
Why does she exhaust herself for the sake of others' comfort?
Why does she anchor her "home" in another person rather than within herself?
These questions and more will be answered throughout Season One. 
If you're looking for "The Tea", you have come to the right place. Every episode released will get you closer and closer to the center of what just might be, the cruelest love scam of all time.
Stay tuned for surprise BONUS episodes featuring special guests and the highly anticipated upcoming episodes featuring the NINE WOMEN who DICK got to first; and how all of this was unknown, until now.
If you're looking for an amazing story on True Crime, Narcissistic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Financial Abuse, Manipulation, Sex Work, and Spiritual Abuse. You're in the right place.
Brace yourself, this is just beginning.
 
With Truth, Courage, and Pain,
Amanda Arnier, MLS
 
If you have experienced anything similar and would like to be a guest on The Dichotomy Diaries, please email: TheDichotomyDiaries@yahoo.com
VIDEO RECORDINGS OF EPISODES ARE HERE!Music and Sound Production: Ashley England
Podcast Website: www.thedichotomydiaries.com 
Insta: @TheDichotomyDiaries 
TikTok: @TheDichotomyDiaries
Facebook: The Dichotomy Diaries

Dear Diary (& Listeners),
I had a profound realization this week. 
It's easy to view all that has happened as a loss. A devastating, painful loss. 
Recounting my relentless effort and hope left me with this overwhelming feeling of emptiness. 
How could I have given and given with absolutely nothing in return?
Why did he never feel or notice how hard I was trying to love him?
Was I actually loving him?
And then it clicked. Sometimes, the way we learn the true meaning of Unconditional Love- is by experiencing the pain of its absence. This wasn't one big L. My Try, My Consistency, My Persistence...it was all unconditional, always. 
This week you will start to see Dick's true colors start to emerge. Lies wrapped in manipulation presenting themself as love are sprinkled all over this episode. You'll meet a few Sugar Daddies, Our Bishop, and find yourself front row to the epic way Dick proposed...
 
Forever Speaking My Truth,
Amanda Arnier, MLS
 
If you have experienced anything similar and would like to be a guest on The Dichotomy Diaries, please email:
TheDichotomyDiaries@yahoo.com
VIDEO RECORDINGS OF EPISODES ARE HERE!Music and Sound Production: Ashley England
Podcast Website: www.TheDichotomyDiaries.com
Insta: @TheDichotomyDiaries
TikTok: @TheDichotomyDiaries
Facebook: The Dichotomy Diaries

Dear Diary (& Listeners),
You know how some people say, "God will never give you more than you can handle"?
After recording this episode, I found myself thinking about that phrase a lot.
The process of outlining my relationship with Dick for this podcast has been filled with sorrow, but it has also brought understanding.
There were so many painful moments I experienced during this time that had been subconsciously tucked away in a file cabinet in my mind. Unpacking those file cabinets feels like I am experiencing them again, for the first time, right along with you.
I probably have some of the same questions you all are having:
Why didn't I just let him leave for good?
How many times does Dick have to tell me he doesn't want to be with me before I actually believe him?
But the biggest question of them all is...
Why didn't leaving him ever cross my mind?
So, I did a little soul searching, and what I realized was heart-wrenching.
I subliminally laid everything I had at his feet: my money, my family, my love, my support, and my future. I continued to trust him even when he gave me every reason not to. I was scared not to trust. I was scared to lose the ONE thing I had left... Him.
God would never give me more than I can handle, right?
This week, you'll learn more about my proposal, wedding planning, and events leading up to the big day. We will uncover yet another Sugar Daddy, dissect the gambling more, and experience the worst abandonment up until this point in the story. You'll also begin to understand his explanation behind leaving, followed by our plan to fix the core problem.
Forever Speaking My Truth,
Amanda Arnier, MLS
 
If you have experienced anything similar and would like to be a guest on The Dichotomy Diaries, please email:
TheDichotomyDiaries@yahoo.com
Music and Sound Production: Ashley England
Podcast Website: www.TheDichotomyDiaries.com
Insta: @TheDichotomyDiaries
TikTok: @TheDichotomyDiaries
Facebook: The Dichotomy Diaries

Dear Diary (& Listeners),
I cried recording part of this episode. 
 
And it got me thinking...
Why did THIS episode make me cry?
What is it about my wedding that sparks the tears?
 
You’d think that reliving the abandonments, the emotional abuse, and all the other subpar efforts confused as love would make me sad...
 
I know the answer.
 
This episode didn’t make me cry because I was reflecting on that moment of my wedding ceremony. Tears started flowing in the studio because right then; I felt as if I may never get to experience such a meaningful moment again.
I felt hijacked. Such important meaningful moments, all hijacked by a human incapable of love and compassion.
 
The thing is...it’s all b******t. We don’t just get ONE shot at happiness. We get as many as we give ourself. So this is me publicly throwing away the self-limiting doubts.
I finally feel happy again.I know who Amanda Lynette Arnier is. I love that bad ass, resilient bitch. Someone will love me. Far better than I could ever imagine before.
 
In this episode you will join me for my beautiful wedding in Sedona, AZ. You will also spend an evening in the emergency room. Followed by a road trip to Colorado, Dick’s self-proclaimed LEAST FAVORITE state.
Be sure to share, like, and review. Your feedback and support mean everything.
 
Forever Speaking My Truth,
Amanda Arnier, MLS
 
If you have experienced anything similar and would like to be a guest on The Dichotomy Diaries, please email:
TheDichotomyDiaries@yahoo.com
Music and Sound Production: Ashley England
Podcast Website: www.TheDichotomyDiaries.com
Insta: @TheDichotomyDiaries
TikTok: @TheDichotomyDiaries
Facebook: The Dichotomy Diaries

NOTE: This episode's audio is less than desirable, but if you can make it through- I PROMISE Episode's 7 on are INCREDIBLE. I really taught myself all of the things. Please do not judge The Dichotomy Diaries based on this Episode's audio quality.
Dear Diary (& Listeners),
When I tell you I have had the busiest three weeks of my life. I am nowhere close to joking. 
You know, sitting back right now with my feet up on my desk and my hair up in a bun- I feel pretty damn accomplished. 
I did some shit I didn't even think I was capable of...
I just recorded, edited, and fully produced an entire podcast episode BY MY SELF!
I put myself out there to create new relationships with actual human people. I gritted my teeth through the discomfort of social anxiety and what I uncovered on the other side is so fucking special. 
(Not me basking in the new incredible friendships I have created)
Now you're probably like "Wait, Amanda...You're so extroverted. How could you possibly have social anxiety...?"
Let me let you in on a little secret. 
When you are alienated from everyone you love and continue to self isolate through healing- you straight up lose those skills. 
I'm also just going to be blatantly honest...
The trauma I endured while with Dick, made me develop an anxious speech pattern where I LONG PAUSE almost every time I speak, when asked a question. I also swear to (Non-Mormon) God, that I developed a stutter. 
This is what happens when you are so afraid of constantly saying the wrong thing. Walking on eggshells virtually every second of your life, does crazy shit to your brain. And when you have an immensely unique and complex brain, you need to socialize. Otherwise, you end up in a prison of your own thoughts. It wasn't very fun, but thankfully as you can hear- no more stutter and shorter pauses. WIN.
During this episode we dive DEEP into the World of Financial Domination. You will meet Jamie, a client of 9 years and begin to understand the "why" behind this secret fetish lifestyle that so many live behind closed doors. Join me as my two oldest friends and I explore all things FinDom in Episode 5, Sergeant Steroids.
 
Forever Speaking My Truth,
Amanda Arnier, MLS
 
If you have experienced anything similar and would like to be a guest on The Dichotomy Diaries, please email:
TheDichotomyDiaries@yahoo.com
Music: Ashley England
Sound Production: Amanda L. Arnier, MLS
Podcast Website: www.TheDichotomyDiaries.com
Insta: @TheDichotomyDiaries
TikTok: @TheDichotomyDiaries
Facebook: The Dichotomy Diaries

NOTE: This episode's audio is less than desirable, but if you can make it through- I PROMISE Episode's 7 on are INCREDIBLE. I really taught myself all of the things. Please do not judge The Dichotomy Diaries based on this Episode's audio quality.
Dear Diary (& Listeners),
There's a theme this week. 
We Teach People How To Treat Us.
And while yes, what I taught Dick our entire relationship was that he could walk all over me...
My lesson plan is a little different now. 
Boundaries are difficult for so many reasons. The scariest part for me always was that I meant well with them, but they were always perceived as mean, cruel, or selfish. 
We tend to fall into habits of letting people cross our boundaries to "keep the peace". But let's be honest, PEACE for who?
Episode 6 comes with a TRIGGER WARNING. This episode contains discussions about suicide ideations. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please seek help immediately. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or your local crisis hotline.
This week you will sit with me some of the darkest times I've ever experienced. I'm not going to lie to you. This isn't something I share easily. I am embarrassed about it. However, just like everything else I am embarrassed of- I know it is something I have to get out of my soul. You will find that all of my fears and assumptions come true in this episode. My false sense of self-esteem comes shattering down. And just when you think the delulu can't get any worse...I sell all my belongings. 
 
Someone asked me this week if I am open to love again... 
I giggled.
I am love. I don't know any other way to be. 
 
And that is something I will never change about myself. We teach people how to treat us. So if we lead with love, chances are- we just might just end up finding that needle in the hay stack. 
 
Forever Speaking My Truth,
Amanda Arnier, MLS
 
If you have experienced anything similar and would like to be a guest on The Dichotomy Diaries, please email:
TheDichotomyDiaries@yahoo.com
Music: Ashley England
Production: Amanda L. Arnier, MLS
Interviewer: Cousin Riley
Podcast Website: www.TheDichotomyDiaries.com
Insta: @TheDichotomyDiaries
TikTok: @TheDichotomyDiaries
Facebook: The Dichotomy Diaries