The Imperfect Buddhist Matthew Hawk Mahoney

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Welcome to the Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss present moment awareness and incorporating Buddhist principles into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney, and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Warry.

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I have a long history with Warri. I remember being on a road trip with my family during the summer. It must've been like five or six coming up with all of these Warri thoughts about if we had enough gas or how far it was gonna be to the next place that offered food. And my dad, who was great with nicknames, came up with a nickname for me. He called me the designated warrior. My family laughed about it,

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Worried what he meant by that.

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Through my early adolescence and teen years, I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication and I took that up until I was about 18 or 19. My early 20s, I came into contact with my worried thoughts again. And from my early 20s up until now, I've been practicing meditation as a way to find some grounding in the midst of worried thoughts.

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I just got back from a week long work trip up in Cincinnati. We do this a couple times a year. There's a bunch of people in the office and new people that I'm meeting for my new position as a business development representative. During this work trip, I noticed that my anxiety or worry was turning up to a new level, getting home from socializing, I would think, oh no, did I make a bad impression? What if they didn't like me? What if they thought I was too quiet?

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We all do it, some of us more than others. Maybe not everyone, but most people will have these what ifs and if we're not careful, they turn into habits of negative thinking.

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Worry, like many other patterns of thinking, compounds on itself. So we may have a worried thought. In my instance, I'd have the worried thought, oh, did I make a bad impressions on my coworkers? Then I think maybe I was too quiet. And then if I go to try to fix it and act from that worry, I might say, oh, tomorrow I'm going to do a better job of shaking people's hands and looking them in the eyes and smiling at them as we talk. I'm going to do a better job of that. Oh, but then what if they sense that I'm being fake?

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Oh man, this doesn't feel very mindful. I'm not being a very good Buddhist. In those moments we are completely in our heads and our bodies and it's hard to step outside of it because the what-ifs feel so real. I'll continue worrying if I don't decouple from the thought that worrying is keeping me safe. We don't worry for no reason and in some way there's some justification inside. Whether it's subconscious or conscious that

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Boring will keep me safe. It'll keep me on the right path. It's gonna keep me going in the right direction or the direction that I desire.

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We can slow down enough and step outside of the worried habits of thinking and negative desire. Desire that's based on external circumstances being a certain way. So as we slow down, we use techniques that are available to us to become more present, whether that be awareness of our breathing, awareness of the room we're in, the sounds in the room, whatever we can do to bring our attention back. As we slow down, we can start to

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Find our own intentions and look at what our intentions are in life. How are we coming at life? Some of the good news about the mental energy of wari is that it's a pretty pronounced energy. It's not as subtle as some other things that we may work with in our meditative practices. Wari is pretty obvious, it's pretty flavorful, pretty strong. It's a good opportunity for us to tune in and become more aware, more present.

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Warring may have kept us safe in the past. We may have had to worry or think ahead or plan our next move to survive. And there's nothing wrong with planning or thinking ahead. We can really look out for the energy or thought when we start to notice it saying what if. We know that it's usually unnecessary worry. The energy of fear and worry,

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Hey, so before we start this episode, I do want to give you a heads up that we will be talking about some adult subjects. So if you have any people in your life that you're listening to this podcast with, or you yourself are somebody that feels like you don't want to hear about some very personal subjects, then you might want to listen to one of the other episodes or put on a different podcast. You've been warned.

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Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I undertake to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without love and long-term commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments

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and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. That's out of Thich Nhat Hanh's 5 mindfulness trainings.

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I want to welcome you to the Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss mindfulness and incorporating Zen principles into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney, and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Masturbation.

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Bye!

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First, I want to say thank you so much for joining me on this path together as we learn about and share experiences of incorporating mindfulness, Buddhist or Zen teachings into our modern lives. Thanks for choosing this podcast out of all the other Buddhist podcasts and mindfulness podcasts that are out there. It really means a lot.

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Understanding Buddhism, Zen, and Sexuality. Anybody familiar with Zen or Buddhism will be familiar with the concept of mindfulness, which is the teaching that one can train themselves to place their awareness in the present moment and through this awareness one can come into contact with truth or the way things are with the Dharma.

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If you were to look at old school Buddhism, old school Buddhist teachings, the Dhammapada, a lot of these teachings seem to be aimed at monks, people living in a community where practice was at the forefront of their life day in, day out, when they would eat, there was a ceremony, a practice that they would do, when they would sweep the floor, when they would meditate, when they would sleep, all these things were regimented and they were not allowed to.

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have any type of sexual relations with other people in the organization or outside the organization, strictly forbidden. And in some Buddhist teachings, it was taught that sexuality or sex lust were a defilement of the mind, that they led to endless suffering and rebirth and negative karma.

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self-pleasure. Sure, some people within monasteries or even lay practitioners view sexuality or sex in the same way that it's a defilement and a distraction from the path of liberation. But then in modern times you also have the Thich Nhat Hanh flavor, which I read that at the beginning there that it's not saying that there's anything inherently wrong with sexuality. It's as natural as eating. However, just like with eating,

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they recommend a mindful approach, being present, being aware in sexual activity, being present and aware with whom you have sexual relations with, what are the impacts, what is the karma related to these sexual relations.

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Zen Buddhism has an emphasis on direct experience and awakening through the present moment. Through our meditative practices, whether that's zazen, walking meditation, which is known as kinnhin, or other different various awareness training techniques like oriochi, which is a ceremony, a formal way of eating that's there to cultivate awareness. The core aim is this direct experience.

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of reality in Zen. And so it's never really been a contradiction in my mind when it comes to base sexuality, meaning not using porn to stimulate the mind or live in some type of fantasy and not projecti

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Welcome to the Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss present moment awareness and incorporating Buddhism into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney, and today's episode is titled, Buddhism and the Sacred Power of the Present Moment.

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What is the present moment? It's this very instance, this little sliver of experience where everything's happening.

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Living in our fast paced world, we're told we need to think about what we want to become when we get older. Most of us never really feel like we ever get older. We're always waiting for that big moment to come. The raise, the promotion, the perfect person to come into our life. That moment when we'll feel happy, completed, and everything will be just the way it should be. Our fast paced society doesn't leave a lot of room for the present moment. If someone's caught staring outside the window,

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at wind rustling the leaves outside on a fall day? They might be asked, what are you looking at out there? Oh, you're daydreaming.

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I was out to lunch with a friend. A couple weeks ago, Chris and I were sitting down to enjoy an Italian sub. We were talking about religion. Him and his partner are Christians and they've been practicing for a long time. I said, I really don't feel like what the heart of Zen Buddhism talks about is very religious. And I looked at him and I was like, where else do you think God is going to contact you?

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Can God contact you in the future, worrying about the future, dreaming of the future? Is he going to contact you somewhere in the past in your mind? Or is God going to contact you now in this very moment, this present moment?

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The heart of Zen Buddhism is cultivating and polishing our awareness and connection to what's happening around us and becoming more and more aware of the subtleties that exist on multiple levels beyond just the surface. The present moment holds huge transformational potential when we start to bring our attention to what is happening in our bodies, minds.

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experiences, we start to see them as phenomenon. We start to see that thoughts come and go. We start to see that emotions come and go. We start to see the people come and go. We start to see that life conditions come and go. Rich, poor, sick, healthy, young, old. We come in contact with the transitory nature of life.

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And so then we start to recognize that those things cannot be counted on for any type of security or self. Because if these things are all changing, then who are we?

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Our sense of self begins to change and what we are is more and more revealed. We are the presence that is experiencing life, experiencing all these changes. We start to identify with the presence that witnesses all of phenomenon.

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I read on a YouTube quote, one guy left a comment and he says, the longer I continue to do my spiritual practice, the more that I realize that true spirituality is not about becoming something you're not, but it's about letting go of what you're not until the true you is revealed. So that's why Zen Buddhism, it doesn't really force a whole lot down your throat. Yes, there's some precepts and there's some different teachings that you can read, but the real emphasis is on Zazen.

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practice. The real emphasis is on sitting and being present. Because when you do that, all this stuff that's talked about by the Buddha, you start to experience it yourself. So there is no real need for someone to shove anything down your throat if you are experiencing it in your own practice. But where else can we connect with the sacred other than this present moment, this very instance? When we call it this instance, we lost it.

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as James Brown would say, in the cut. I'm in the cut. You're in that very instant.

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I remember early on in my practice, just noticing how my mind wanted to go off so much into the future, into the past, and daydream or complain. And I was really bringing my attention and my awareness into the se

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Welcome to the Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss mindfulness and incorporating Zen principles into modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney and today's episode is titled, Buddhism and Intrusive Thoughts.

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It really doesn't surprise me that I was drawn to Zen Buddhism. And this is an important episode for me because as some of the most listened imperfect Buddhists out there might know, I've struggled with intrusive thoughts or impulsive thoughts for about the last 14 years. And it really was probably the reason I got into meditation at all. The message of Zen Buddhism that we aren't our thoughts.

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that we are the awareness around and experiencing our thoughts was very helpful to me in those early days and still is. To be able to see our minds as passing clouds, we practice what's known in Buddhism or even now some hippie culture, something called mindfulness. Mindfulness is the deliberate turning of our attention to the present moment and whatever we are doing in that moment.

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Mindfulness can be emboldened and strengthened through a practice known as Zazen, which is meditation in Zen Buddhism. We do these practices to help us be mindful in our daily lives. And intrusive thoughts or impulsive thoughts, they happen in our daily life while we're feeding the cat or driving the car. Before we delve deeper into the topic of intrusive thoughts and

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Buddhist philosophy. I want to take a moment to understand a little bit more about what these terms mean and how they impact people's lives. Intrusive thoughts can be described as reoccurring, unwanted, or usually distressing thoughts, images or urges that pop into your mind. They're usually intrusive, hence the name, in nature, and they appear and disrupt

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well-being. Some people would say that impulsive thoughts are more characterized by sudden urges or impulses to act and usually without consideration for the outcome and these impulses can arise seemingly out of nowhere. They compel people to engage in certain behaviors and as the name suggests, they're hasty or impulsive. In my practice, I've dealt more with intrusive thoughts than impulsive thoughts.

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Intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts can create intense anxiety, turmoil, and they can create a feeling of being out of control. If we don't have a way to deal with them or work on them and they're left unchecked, of course it's going to affect our relationships, our work, and overall quality of life. Throughout this episode, we're going to explore practical approaches to working with one's intrusive thoughts. And I'm going to share some of my personal experiences of

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the start of these intrusive thoughts along with some of the success that I've had along the way.

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Zen Buddhism is a storehouse of antidote for this type of affliction, namely intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts. Shunryo Suzuki said that to follow the path of Zen is to realize that your thoughts come and go of their own accord. You need not serve them tea. And in Buddhism there's this character known as Mara. Mara is the affliction of the world, suffering.

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and essential what he's saying is that Mara may come into your house. As long as you don't serve Mara tea, he won't stick or she won't stick around. Dogen Zenji said, in the landscape of silence, thoughts appear like passing clouds. They come and go, but the sky remains unchanged. How does one develop a state of being where the last little quotes I read

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become something that one experiences. One can begin to experience their own thoughts and emotions through the practice of mindfulness, through the practice of developing present moment awareness. And so hence we have the importance of mindfulness in one's daily life. Zen Buddhism offers various practices for cultivating awareness so that when that image pops into one's mind.

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eventually you can see it as phenomenon. You can see it as static electricity, if you will, the phenomeno

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To love is to recognize. To be loved is to be recognized by the other. Thich Nhat Hanh

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Welcome my friends and fellow travelers to the imperfect Buddhist, where we get annoyed when our kitties walk all over our recording equipment when we're trying to record a very serious podcast. I'm your host Matthew Hockmahoney, and in today's episode, we're talking about relationships. This episode is titled Buddhism and Relationships.

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I remember I told my coworker Christy that I was Buddhist, and shortly after she said something along the lines of, Buddhists don't believe in relationships. Sorry Christy if you're listening to this if I completely butchered what you said, but it was pretty much that sentiment. I guess some people outside of Buddhism, or maybe even in certain sects of Buddhism,

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don't believe in relationships or perhaps in the past in the monastic days they didn't believe in relationships. I know they definitely didn't allow them in most monasteries. There appears to be a wide spectrum of people's interpretation when you say Buddhism and relationships. You have people say that Buddhists don't believe in relationships and then you have like a self-help book on dating written from the perspective of the Buddha.

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In a more general sense, we have the central idea in Zen of cultivating awakening through present moment awareness. And I think this is a great way to enter into the conversation of Buddhism and relationships. As we grow in our capability of being present with ourselves through meditation or meditative practices, we develop an open, embracing awareness.

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We practice that on ourselves in silent meditation and our various other ways of practicing. We can extend that same loving, open awareness that we cultivate in meditation to people in our lives, including significant others.

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When we cultivate that present moment awareness, we also get to experience more of the best things in life because the best things in life are happening in the present moment, including our relationships, our interactions with our partners, our interactions with everybody in our life. It happens right now.

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you

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A more generalist view of how things are going in the relationships department in society right now. Relationships seem a lot more complicated than they did back when our parents or grandparents dated. Why is that? I think it's pretty obvious. If you start to look at modern dating, you see some pretty obvious things that stick out as far as dating apps, social media, but then there's some other things that seem like they're maybe not as obvious.

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A lot of people lack communication skills or the ability to connect to others through conversation, holding a conversation. I know personally, in my early 20s when I left the house, I found it hard to hold conversations with anyone, let alone a woman I found attractive. That kind of put a damper on my romantic life. Not really being able to hold a conversation with someone I felt was attractive because I didn't know how to navigate it. I didn't know how to

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The way relationships start these days is pretty different. We talked about social media and dating apps, people connecting more on a surface level, obviously looking at somebody liking the way that they look, you can swipe right or left. Also connecting more surface level with what they decide to tell you about themselves in their description. So we have a veneer that we interact with in the dating world. A lot of people

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We're very self-preoccupied and part of that comes with our culture and social media and the self-preoccupation that our culture pushes through advertising and through media. There's a hero in almost every movie or show that you watch and it's all about that character. And so in a way that starts to form the mind in a way that it's like you're the main character in your movie. So you start to look at your world in that way.

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I'll read somethi

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Who will master this world and the realms of Yama and the gods? Who will select a well-taught Dharma teaching as a skilled person selects a flower?

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Welcome to The Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss mindfulness and applying Zen principles to modern life. My name is Matthew Hawk Mahoney and today's episode is titled Buddhism and the Mexican Petunia.

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Lately, my wife and I have been trying to cut back on our use of the TV as a distraction device. We've experimented with taking the plug out of the TV or taking the batteries out of the remote, and it's never really stuck. This time, we've made it about three days. I've been trying to take more inspiration from nature. I've been trying to take more walks outside along our 1950s neighborhood streets. I've got these brick houses. They all look pretty much the same.

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This morning I went for a walk at about 6.30 a.m. as the sun was rising. I've been trying to pay attention to the natural world around me and notice things and try to look at the trees and the flowers and the plants without labels, looking to see what this being is in front of me. It's a lot easier for me to do that than it is with human beings. Human beings, we have all of our emotions and projections and wants and desires and all that stuff. So it can be easier for me to start with

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tree beings and plant beings and bug beings.

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The name of this episode's an interesting one, Buddhism and the Mexican Petunia. You might be wondering where I'm going with this. But today's episode, we're gonna talk about this Mexican Petunia that's growing outside of my window and the little lessons that I've learned from it over the two years that I've been living in this house. We're gonna learn from this unassuming flower, resilience, embracing impermanence, finding beauty and simplicity, growth and transformation.

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and non-identification with labels. That's a lot for a little plant that most people consider to be a weed to teach us.

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We bought our house about two years ago. When we moved in, there really wasn't a whole lot of landscape and we have the classic front and backyard grass. We have a magnolia tree that's beautiful in the spring that has beautiful white flowers. We have various other plants and shrubs. My wife pulled up some and I remember distinctly when we first moved in, there was this one plant that was growing near my office window down the ground, scrubby looking little thing. It looked different than a lot of the other plants around.

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mowing the yard. I was wondering should I mow it down? And my wife said, oh no don't do that. That's a Mexican petunia. Some people think it's a weed, but it's actually a really pretty flower. So we can just leave it. And the plant wasn't anything special. It has these long spear-like leaves to it. It's got a really dark green, pretty skinny small stem. And so some time went by and I think one or two little purple flowers popped up on it and I just

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was so blown away that a lot of people would consider this flower to be a weed or a pest. I was really surprised when I saw how beautiful the purple flowers were. Over time, we left it, we let it grow, and a couple small offshoots turned into a whole bush. After being here for a year, springtime rolled around again, and all of a sudden we got all of these beautiful purple flowers, and they're blooming right below my office window, so...

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I'm sitting at work and I look out the window and this purple flower will catch my eye. I noticed a heavy rainstorm would come and all the flowers would drop. And I was like, oh man, I really like to look at those. And the next morning there'd be brand new flowers. I remember telling my wife, holy crap, like this is an amazing plant. It drops its flowers and it has brand new flowers the next day.

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The Mexican petunia is very resilient too, with all the really strong storms we get here with wind and heavy rain, or when it gets really hot