The Rabbi and The Shrink Rabbi Yonason Goldson and Dr. Margarita Gurri, CSP

How do we escape from the prison of our mind?

How do we acquire the mindset to transform failure into victory and success?

What do we want our life and our legacy to be?
These and other pressing questions are addressed when a Muslim ex-con, a Catholic shrink, and an Orthodox rabbi sit down together on The Rabbi and the Shrink.  Don't miss this episode with Lester Young!
https://www.linkedin.com/in/lester-young-b1b6a0106/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7Y3oh7l_wqJSCPtitB9BFw

1:30 How a life sentence became a life’s mission
What do we want our life and our legacy to be?
One man, one book, made all the difference
We are all masters of our own fate
Authentic leaders inspire us to challenge ourselves


4:00 Free will: the past does not have to define us
We can’t necessarily change our circumstances but we can change ourselves
Dissociation started a process that ended with prayer
A perpetrator can honor a victim by becoming a new person
The path to reconciliation and redemption


14:00  How do we truly make amends?
The most horrific failures can be transmuted into unimaginable victories
When we can resolve our differences and errors we don’t need the justice system to do it for us


17:00 Witnessing a victim’s pain evoked empathy
Victims of pain and violence can become perpetrators
We can always grow to recognize how to reinvent ourselves and take responsibility


21:00 When you prepare yourself, providence provides the opportunity
Journaling and gratitude
Five stages of incarceration:  denial, anger, victimization, asking forgiveness, self-forgiveness
The need for prison reform:  Recriminalization vs. Decriminalization


25:00 Wisdom attracts adherents
Change yourself, change your environment
We are all living in prisons of one kind or another


29:00  We all need advocates and support
Rehabilitation begins the day you walk into prison
Addressing the collateral damage victims
Why aren’t our correctional facilities corrective?


35:30 Word of the day:  allyship
the status or role of a person who advocates and actively works for the inclusion of a marginalized or politicized group in all areas of society, not as a member of that group but in solidarity with its struggle and point of view and under its leadership:
Genuine allyship does not come with special recognition—we do not get awards for confronting issues people have to live with every day.
the relationship or status of persons, groups, or nations associating and cooperating with one another for a common cause or purpose:
Joseph went from prison to king of the world in a day
Nelson Mandela
Never lose hope -- break out of the mental prison walls and the opportunities that will appear

How do we bridge the distance between the speaker and the listener?

Why is speaking truth to power both an illusive and a sought-after commodity?
Why is shooting the messenger really shooting yourself?


These and other fascinating and relevant questions are addressed when leadership guru Kimi Hirotsu Ziemski joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimihirotsuziemski/

https://ksppartnership.com/

1:00 What is the responsibility of the asker and the askee?
Commitment to time, energy, and understanding
Fear of appearing stupid or insensitive
Lack of confidence that we can clearly express ourselves
We think it’s safer to stay silent, which sets us up for failure


5:00  William H. Whyte:  the greatest problem of communication is the illusion that it has taken place
It doesn’t matter how hard we try to be clear if we don’t succeed
The courage to say:  I’m not clear


8:00 Take responsibility, using humor or self-deprecation
Beware of being “bullied by your own admiration”
Accidental bullying
Responsible third party interventions


12:00  You will surely rebuke your neighbor, but don’t bear a sin because of him
Love rebuke
Rebuke = validation
Timing, wording, privacy, pure motivation
We are all so insecure today, that giving and receiving rebuke is almost impossible, yet it is a leader’s obligation


15:00  The follower’s responsibility to follow wisely and follow wise leaders
If you “shoot the messenger” you won’t receive many messages
Every leader needs a trusted advisor


20:00 The first follower transforms a lone wolf (or a nut job) into a leader
The price of short-term discomfort vs the value of long-term success
Create a culture of trust


26:00 Our attitude toward learning and growth comes from upbringing and social norms
Why is speaking truth to power both an illusive and a sought-after commodity?
Have the courage to step up and make a difference
Have the courage to say what needs to be said


34:00 Insecurity promotes rationalization, which is to everyone’s detriment
Find a back door when you can’t confront problems head on


36:30  Word of the Day:  Zeugma
the use of a word to modify or govern two or more words usually in such a manner that it applies to each in a different sense or makes sense with only one
“They covered themselves with dust and glory.” – Mark Twain
Ethical behavior serves us and others in different ways.
Consider the difference between the process and the outcome


45:00 How do we invite others into the conversation?
Start by clearing our mental palate from intellectual junk food
Inspire others to ask us about being more than we are
Start small
What one thing can you do!

Why are New Year's resolutions so hard to keep?

Do we want to change enough to really commit ourselves?

What are some basic strategies to do and be better?

These and other critical questions are addressed in this archive episode of The Rabbi and the Shrink.

1:00 Repentance means a return to the straight and narrow through 1) stopping the improper behavior, 2) feeling remorse, 3) verbalizing our apology, and 4) planning a strategy not to backslide into old behaviors.  Without a specific, concrete plan we have little chance of achieving lasting change.
4:00 The story of the first time Rabbi Goldson observed the Sabbath according to Jewish law, which demonstrates that the promises we make to ourselves may be the most important promises we keep.
9:30 Many people are not good to themselves, which may be why ethics really does start at home.  What do you do to take care of or honor yourself?
11:00 Is there any sin that is truly unforgivable?  According to the sages, only seven biblical figures totally forfeited their share in the world to come through actions that led others to sin. 
13:00 Start with achievable goals. Find accountability partners.
15:00 Are there do-overs?  Aside from the most egregious and lasting harm we might cause, we should be able to hit a reset button and commit to better behavior than wallowing in regret or resentment.
If a sin leads me to set higher standards for myself, then it actually becomes metabolized into something positive.
18:00 Look at the past with fresh eyes, recognize each party’s responsibility, evaluate with empathy, identify what needs fixing.
We are heroes and victims and witnesses in almost every situation.  We need to ask ourselves: how do we become heroes?
21:00 There’s no app for being ethical, and there shouldn’t be.  It’s by grappling with gray areas that we develop our ethical muscles.
When it comes to our errors, we can always make ourselves better, but we can’t always repair the damage we’ve done.
23:30 Moderating our response to others’ mistakes, especially children.
25:30 The Nazi officer asked a camp inmate for forgiveness.  Should the Jew have forgiven him?
28:00 Does mental illness exempt a person from culpability?  But it shifts responsibility to seeking help and to those in a position to help.  Sometimes we just have to struggle with the impossibility of finding closure.
33:00  What was, what can be, and what should be, is the path forward.
Continuing behavior should not be forgiven unless it is uncontrollable or no effort is being made to control it.  The evils of sarcasm.
39:00 Word of the day: incogitant -- thoughtless, careless, or lacking the faculty of thought.  We have to be thoughtful to be ethical, but we also have to balance high standards against reasonable expectations for others and ourselves.
The Hebrew word for rebuke shares its root with the word for vindication.
42:30 How do we understand the biblical command not to bear a grudge?  We can’t control our feelings, but we can control whether we act on or articulate our feelings.
We don’t have to say everything we think. Only speak when it’s likely to do some good.
47:00 If two people both think they’re doing the right thing and they disagree with each other, how do we reconcile their different perceptions?
Schedule a time to discuss disagreements; don’t ambush people.
“I’d like to understand your point of view.”
54:00 How do parents confront school policies or actions by the school that the parents see as unethical.  Often a third party intervention can de-escalate conflict.

Why is business more like baseball than brain surgery?

Are we responding to a virtual world by creating a culture of mistrust?

Why don’t leaders recognize the profitability of a healthy company culture?

These and other critical questions are addressed when ethics evangelist Nick Gallo joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ngallo/


https://complianceline.com/


1:00 The resonance of ethics
The aspiration of culture and flexibility
Happiness comes from purpose
Serving by helping others help themselves


4:00 The value of culture first
Lean into your strengths and talents while improving your weaknesses
We don’t serve our cause or our partners by pressuring people to be automatons
A diverse community promotes vibrancy and creativity
You can’t sell an idea if you don’t live it yourself


9:00  Why don’t leaders recognize the profitability of a healthy company culture?
Our best intentions may not survive the pressure of the status quo
We don’t have patience to wait for change to improve our lives


13:00  COVID is the Great Revealer
Crisis brings out the best and the worst
Adaptability is the key to enduring success
How do we benefit from weaponized ethics?


15:00 Are we responding to a virtual world by creating a culture of mistrust?
The paradox of monitoring tools


19:00 A lot of our training is broken
Salespeople are forced to sell outdated solutions rather than participate in creating new ones
Imagine sales teams and creative teams working together


23:00 Why is compliance the enemy of ethics?
Using the law to subvert the law is a toxic mindset
Fear of change urges people to go backward


26:00 Hierarchy of values can work against us
Cultural values have to be lived, not just spoken
Compliance is the safety platform but doesn’t encourage growth


30:00 Always do what’s in the best interest of everyone
Risk, creativity, and vision
Ethics sherpas help leaders up the compliance mountain
Leaders project the values that define a culture


35:00 Children of heroes become heroes (and vice versa)
Followers are “children” of their leaders
You can’t make plants grow, you can only provide a healthy environment


40:00 Reframe anxiety as excitement
We live in exciting times if we visualize where we can go


43:00 The word of the day:  insouciant
We have to balance being free from anxiety against being careless and cavalier
We need a measure of tension if we are going to grow and achieve
Life is more like baseball than like brain surgery

What’s the difference between influence and manipulation?
How has COVID created the need for a new leadership breed?

How do you lead those who don’t want to take risks to do what’s right?

These and other fascinating questions are addressed when Judith Germain, the Mindful Maverick, joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/judithgermain/

https://themaverickparadox.com/


1:00 What is the Maverick Paradox?
What kind of leader will risk everything to do what’s right and give up everything to defend it?
Why do companies hire mavericks and then resent them?
You can be a maverick by personality or by vision
Maverick leader is who you are and what you actually do
Everyone can be a maverick leader


5:00 We all have the potential but we don’t all have the will
“Maverick leaders will swim upstream like a salmon even though they know there’s a bear waiting for them


7:30 How do you lead those who don’t want to take risks to do what’s right?
All of human experience is paradoxical
Leaders need to be consultants and promote an antifragile culture


12:00 How do we help mavericks grow?
The difference between extroverted mavericks and introverted mavericks
Patience is a learned trait
Manage the tension between independence and interdependence
Authentic leadership is getting others to want to do the right thing


15:00 What’s the difference between influence and manipulation?
It comes down to intention
Eventually people revolt against manipulation
Maverick leaders are great storytellers
What’s the difference between socialized mavericks and extreme mavericks?


19:00 It’s lonely being a maverick
Pull yourself out of the fight to carry on the fight
When does tension lead to innovation?
How has COVID created the need for a new breed of leaders?


25:00 If you’re not being challenged, something is wrong.
Unanimity is overrated
If a maverick stops arguing, it means they’ve stopped caring


29:00 Four different personalities
Conformist, maverick behaviorist, socialized maverick, and extreme maverick
Balance the good of others and the good of themselves
What are the defining characteristics of a maverick leader:
Determined
Reputation -- character and competence
Influence
Versatility
Execution
Narration
Differences with a sense of common vision drives success


34:00 Trust is built or undermined over time
Principled leadership inspires trusting followership
Grover Cleveland
Unreasonable expectations sabotages the system
Ethics always begins with accountability
Only through passionate engagement and constructive disagreement can we get closer to the truth


45:00  Word of the day:  iconoclast
Challenge the conventional wisdom
When politics becomes religion, there can be no ethical debate
Strike the balance between civility and being contrarian

#41  Julie Hruska -- Awaken from sleepwalking into self-confidence


How do we prioritize competing values and commitments?
What are the 6 habits of success?
What is holding you back from being successful?


These and other compelling questions are addressed when high performance coach Julie Hruska joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.
https://powerfulleaders.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-hruska-067414188/


2:00  How living others expectations can go wrong
Waking up from sleepwalking through life
Recalibrating for service serves ourselves
Everyone needs clarity and courage
You can’t serve others by being a dream merchant


7:00 Reject indoctrination and embrace wisdom
If we’re afraid of clarity, we retreat into sleepwalking
Believe in your own ability
Pay attention to your mindset and your internal voice
If we don’t choose our beliefs and values, we lack confidence


12:00 The comfort of the status quo
With low risk comes low reward
How do we prioritize competing values and commitments?
The only way to have integrity is grapple with hard choices
Who are you right now -- good and bad?
Then you have to have the vision of where you want to go


16:00 The 12 elements of success
What are the 6 habits of success?
What holds people back?
Limiting beliefs
Ego
Dismissal
The value of a coach is holding us accountable to put principles into practice


20:00  Sustained growth is the secret to long term success
Why is kindness essential to meaningful influence?


24:00 An unethical coach exploits our fear
Responsible leaders and coaches empower others, don’t create dependence
“Dissolve the teacher” -- make it about others, not about you
Generosity of spirit is essential to ethics
Abundance mindset eliminates the stress of competition


31:00 Often we learn through counterexample and struggle


32:00 The word of the day: penumbral
The partial shadow that resides outside the full shadow
Shadowy or shady
Don’t be afraid to step out of the shadows and risk greatness
I have the responsibility to share my talents and abilities with the world


“It’s our darkness, not our light that we fear the most.”


“It’s in our weaknesses that we find our true path.”