11 episodes

What if you could hang out with a couples counselor and a communication expert, ask them about relationship needs, love, sex, romance, conflict, intimacy, passion, and more; then take an insight or two to rebuild and reshape your own relationships? That’s what we do each week on Transforming Relationships by Gudlife. Hosted by Don Olund –– Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, executive coach, speaker, and author –– and Amanda Berlin — PR and communications pro and former corporate publicity strategist — every episode is an in-depth look at how to communicate better, recapture the romance, and come back from loneliness, overwhelm, betrayal, neglect, and abandonment. The goal is to provide you with sound relationship advice and support in a more timely fashion.

Transforming Relationships by gudlife Don Olund and Amanda Berlin

    • Society & Culture
    • 5.0 • 9 Ratings

What if you could hang out with a couples counselor and a communication expert, ask them about relationship needs, love, sex, romance, conflict, intimacy, passion, and more; then take an insight or two to rebuild and reshape your own relationships? That’s what we do each week on Transforming Relationships by Gudlife. Hosted by Don Olund –– Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, executive coach, speaker, and author –– and Amanda Berlin — PR and communications pro and former corporate publicity strategist — every episode is an in-depth look at how to communicate better, recapture the romance, and come back from loneliness, overwhelm, betrayal, neglect, and abandonment. The goal is to provide you with sound relationship advice and support in a more timely fashion.

    Be the Good Kind of Interrupter: How to Use a Time Out Before Emotions Overheat

    Be the Good Kind of Interrupter: How to Use a Time Out Before Emotions Overheat

    Time out in relationships? Of course, it can be done! But you have to learn how to do it effectively to make sure any conflict eventually arrives at a resolution and it doesn’t end up in a stockpile. 
    When we find ourselves in a conflict, we often forget the importance of embracing the pause. And it just might be the best thing you can do at that moment. Pushing forward in your effort to just move out of an argument as quickly as possible is not always the solution. You can't think clearly in those moments and emotions are amped up. At some point, an argument warrants a pause.
    In today’s episode, Don teaches us how to employ the tactic of a timeout before emotions start to overheat. This is an effective tool you want to learn to be an effective communicator in your relationships, especially when you find yourself stuck in a conflict or when things go south.
    We’re specifically going to walk you through the five rules for how to effectively call a timeout and as always, we’re sharing a quick script around enacting a timeout. Find out how to be the kind of interrupter where you’re able to avoid blowout fights and employ an adult timeout effectively, without having to withdraw. 
     
    In this episode, you will hear:
    The concept of the stress cycle When to know you need a timeout Withdrawal vs. timeout The purpose of a timeout Five rules for how to effectively call a timeout A quick script around implementing a timeout  
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    Supporting Resources:
    https://gudlife.com/ 
    Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle
    https://www.amazon.com/Burnout-Secret-Unlocking-Stress-Cycle/dp/198481706X 
     
    Episode Credits
    If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

    • 38 min
    6 Things You're Saying to Your Partner That Make Matters Worse

    6 Things You're Saying to Your Partner That Make Matters Worse

    Have you ever found yourself regretting how you showed up in an interaction? Or maybe you walked away thinking you could have handled it better?
    In today’s episode, learn how to take language and use it for good as opposed to using it for ill in our relationships. Specifically, we discuss these six phrases that can undermine human connection and productive conversations. Becoming aware of those things allows for respectful, effective communication to happen amid conflict. Then we’re sharing some quick scripts that you can use to replace each of those phrases so you’re better prepared the next time you jump into any conflict.
    Remember, it’s all about power – and power is the right to your own thoughts, your own feelings, your own voice, and your own choice. By being more mindful of how we choose our words to make sure we don’t misuse and abuse our power, our partner will then feel heard and understood. 
     
    In this episode, you will hear:
    The misuse and abuse of power Phrases you need to avoid saying Avoiding “you” statements Avoiding contemptuous and extreme statements Being curious instead of judgmental Things to never say in certain conversations  
    Subscribe and Review
    Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet. 
    We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
     
    Supporting Resources:
    https://gudlife.com/ 
     
    Episode Credits
    If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

    • 33 min
    Tired of Wasting Time Arguing? Part 3: How to Repair After the Argument

    Tired of Wasting Time Arguing? Part 3: How to Repair After the Argument

    This episode is the last of the three-part series where we specifically talk about how we begin to repair after the argument. In the last two episodes, we have outlined the cycle of conflict where you can interrupt that cycle, break through it, and find a way to disrupt the cycle so you don't continue repeating that pattern. 
    Maybe the couple got into a conflict and they got into mutual repair. They left back on the rails, learned some things, and tried to integrate some changes around the dynamics they were dealing with in their marriage that caused the conflict. 
    Now, when we get to this part of the repair cycle, the key is to handle it well. There are conflicts that are easy to repair. And when a deeper offense occurred, you want to be a little more specific in how you handle the repair and don't simply say you're sorry. At the end of the day, it’s all about personal responsibility and mutual responsibility.
    Remember, this is not an overnight thing. It's unrealistic to expect yourself to come out of the gate with an entirely new way of being with your partner and in a totally perfect "by the book" way. And so, even just the act of bringing awareness to your conflict pattern is a great first step and those little incremental improvements you can make in your interactions with your partner are going to make a world of difference. Whatever incremental positive change you make in your dynamic is your goal and that will begin to breed change in your whole dynamic. 
     
    In this episode, you will hear:
    The five declarations for an effective repair Admission and taking personal responsibility Accepting responsibility without putting on blame Getting your but’s out of the way The difference between saying sorry and asking for forgiveness Agreeing to work on changing your behavior A quick script on how to deliver a thoughtful, heartfelt, effective repair Subscribe and Review
    Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet. 
    We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
     
    Supporting Resources:
    https://gudlife.com/ 
     
    Episode Credits
    If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

    • 30 min
    Tired of Wasting Time Arguing? Part 2: Breaking the Cycle of Conflict

    Tired of Wasting Time Arguing? Part 2: Breaking the Cycle of Conflict

    This is Part 2 of a three-part series on how to resolve conflicts peacefully. If you are tired of wasting time arguing, then this episode is for you! 
     
    If you are stuck in that fighting rut, if you feel like you are freezing each other out, or even if it doesn't feel like you're actively fighting, this is all part of your conflict cycle. In the previous episode, we’ve illustrated how to recognize a conflict pattern. Now, a lot of that has to do with awareness, which is the first step in creating change.
     
    In this episode, we specifically break down the ways to break out of the conflict cycle. Now that you have a better understanding of the conflict pattern, it’s critical to know at which point of the cycle is the perfect time for you to disrupt it. Once you’ve found that perfect gateway, then you’re able to shift that energy from fighting all the way up to the mending part.
     
    In this episode, you will hear:
    A review of the conflict cycle A sample scenario of a couple going through a conflict cycle Shifting from “we react” mode to “we respond” mode Why you need to infuse respect Teeing things up for the "we repair" part How “the timeout” works when things escalate The power of mutual ownership Moving from “we repair” to “we mend” A quick script to pivot from “acting out” mode to “we respond” mode Subscribe and Review
    Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet. 
    We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
    Supporting Resources:
    https://gudlife.com/ 
    Episode Credits
    If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

    • 27 min
    Tired of Arguing all the Time? Here's How to Resolve Conflict Peacefully, Part 1: Identifying Your Conflict Cycle

    Tired of Arguing all the Time? Here's How to Resolve Conflict Peacefully, Part 1: Identifying Your Conflict Cycle

    Are you tired of wasting time arguing? Then this episode is for you! This is the beginning of a three-part series on how to resolve conflicts peacefully. 
     
    Recognize that this may be a cycle or a pattern of behavior, which is actually the first step to altering the pattern and then ultimately repairing it. 
     
    You may not recognize that you're in a conflict pattern. Maybe you're saying things to yourself like "this isn't what I signed up for" or "aren't we better than this?" The beauty of these conversations is the realization that you actually can change the way your relationships are going if they're going in a direction you're not happy with. 
     
    If you see yourself in this pattern, just remember that this is the first step because awareness is a powerful tool to enact change. You need to be aware that you're in this cycle before you can actually disrupt it and change it.
     
    Then in the next two episodes, you will learn how to break this conflict and save your relationship. You'll reduce the frequency, intensity, and duration of your conflict, and you'll also expect an increase in connection, friendship, partnership, and intimacy because you won't be stuck in those Cold Wars for as long as they used to be. 
     
    Finally, we’re giving you four scripts of what to do in a conflict situation. 
     
    In this episode, you will hear:
    What happens in the typical conflict cycle How reactions draw us more deeply into the conflict How to identify you’re not in a good place What the Cold War is like The two commodities we’re losing out on The importance of mutuality Four scripts of what to do in a conflict situation Subscribe and Review
    Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet. 
    We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
     
    Episode Credits
    If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

    • 29 min
    How to Connect with Each Other When You're Busy Taking Care of Everyone Else

    How to Connect with Each Other When You're Busy Taking Care of Everyone Else

    One of the reasons behind conflicts among couples is the disconnect that falls on their relationship. There's a dominant dynamic relationship pattern where most of the interaction is now centered around their responsibilities. They're busy trying to get kids off to school, do the laundry, clean the house, and do so many other things they need to take care of. 
     
    In other words, couples interact more over the tasks of married life and family life, and they spend much less time just being a couple. They have forgotten to connect and talk about nothing else other than each other.
     
    And so, it becomes difficult for couples to manage this and turn toward each other when it feels like there’s too much to carry. The problem is they don’t know how to shift their attention from other people into connecting with each other. 
     
    In this conversation, we discuss the five symptoms of this kind of relationship, what’s not working, and how you can start making some changes in your relationship as a couple so instead of connecting outwardly, you begin prioritizing your connection with your partner. 
     
    Our quick script for today then is on how to strengthen your connection with your partner and shift your attention from “others” to “us” in your relationship.
     
    In this episode, you will hear:
    The five symptoms of the problem Bad habits around connecting outwardly and not prioritizing our connection with our partner Ways to shift out of a task-oriented mindset into a relationship mindset The five don’ts when tuning into your partner A quick script on connecting with your partner and shifting your focus onto each other Subscribe and Review
    Have you subscribed to our podcast? We’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet. 
    We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
     
    Episode Credits
    If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

    • 33 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
9 Ratings

9 Ratings

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