47 min
"Yesh מ׳ז׳ל׳ BiYisroel"-Speaking frankly about teenage male sexuality in the Frum World-Responses to Doctor Shloime Zimmerman's From Boys to Men-with Rabbi Shmuel Skaist LPC, CSAT-c Standing in Two Worlds with Doctor Sam Juni
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- Religion & Spirituality
This episode has serious Adult Content
Episode 75: The Sexual Miseducation of Religious Adolescents
Spurred by Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman’s recent book titled
“From Boys to Men,” Rabbi Kivelevitz chairs this panel
discussion with Pro. Juni and Rabbi Shmuel Skaist who is a
noted educator, mentor, and psychotherapist specializing in
sexual addictions. Dr. Zimmerman’s underlying premise, which
the panelists fully endorse, is that adolescents will persist in
some sexual behaviors (especially masturbation) regardless of
any educational efforts. R. Kivelevitz applauds the book as a
valiant effort to deal with the “guilt spirals” which youngsters
experience around masturbation, especially as the book could
potentially result in a backlash from the organized religious
educational establishment. Prof. Juni notes that such reactions
have been commonplace toward researchers who broached
sexual taboos even in academia (e.g., the Kinsey Reports).
Juni’s main critique of the book highlights its narrowness of
focus. His specific points are: 1) Masturbation should not be
stressed to the exclusion of other challenges of adolescent
sexuality (e.g., pornography); 2) The book should not be
limited to boys while excluding girls; 3) The issue of
homosexuality cannot be ignored; 4) The book should not have
been addressed to parents / educators; rather it would best be
addressed to adolescents; 5) Since the intent is to minimize
tension and maladjustment of adolescents, the main focus
should be on sexual development issues rather than Halachic
challenges. Expanding on the latter point, Juni notes the
emotional difficulties around sexual development among
religious youth does NOT revolve around the violation of
religious percepts. Rather, they are driven by erroneous
assumptions by the young person that s/he is different from
his/her peers and that there is something wrong with her/him
– which is often verbalized as “I must be crazy.” These issues
are identical to those of irreligious youth. Thus, claims Juni, all
that is needed here is a very precise message which stresses
statistical normality rather than Halachic percepts. That
message – The behaviors you engage in related to sexual
curiosity -- including masturbation, sexual exploration with
others, and porn watching -- are behaviors which ALL of your
peers (including your religious peers) engage in very
frequently. That message would dispel the erroneous
assumptions which drive the guilt spiral and emotional
pathology among youngsters, even when they are taught that
these behaviors violate Halacha.
R. Skaist argues forcefully that what is needed to deal with the
decompensatory results of miseducation is a concerted effort
to teach what is normal, rather than being limited to teaching
what behaviors are not desirable. Adolescents need to know
that sexuality should be part of a general emotionally positive
relationship with another individual which includes much more
than physical interaction. R. Skaist also deplores the
differential tracks in sex education of boys vs. girls, which then
potentially portends relationship problem in marital couples.
Juni amplifies this position by noting that members of each
gender often end up with a negative perception of their
spouses as they conflate their negative views of sexuality with
their partners.
R. Kivelevitz explores the Halachic stance toward masturbation
with Dr. Juni and R. Skaist. Apparently, some authorities view
the ban on masturbation as applying solely to cases where it is
used as a method of birth prevention by a married couple.
Knowing that some authorities are not categorically opposed
to masturbation may suffice to minimize the overwhelming
guilt which some religious adolescents experience.
R. Kivelevitz raises the issue of pornography viewing. R. Skaist
dispels some erroneous ideas of how explicit sexual material
might be used in psychotherapy. He a
This episode has serious Adult Content
Episode 75: The Sexual Miseducation of Religious Adolescents
Spurred by Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman’s recent book titled
“From Boys to Men,” Rabbi Kivelevitz chairs this panel
discussion with Pro. Juni and Rabbi Shmuel Skaist who is a
noted educator, mentor, and psychotherapist specializing in
sexual addictions. Dr. Zimmerman’s underlying premise, which
the panelists fully endorse, is that adolescents will persist in
some sexual behaviors (especially masturbation) regardless of
any educational efforts. R. Kivelevitz applauds the book as a
valiant effort to deal with the “guilt spirals” which youngsters
experience around masturbation, especially as the book could
potentially result in a backlash from the organized religious
educational establishment. Prof. Juni notes that such reactions
have been commonplace toward researchers who broached
sexual taboos even in academia (e.g., the Kinsey Reports).
Juni’s main critique of the book highlights its narrowness of
focus. His specific points are: 1) Masturbation should not be
stressed to the exclusion of other challenges of adolescent
sexuality (e.g., pornography); 2) The book should not be
limited to boys while excluding girls; 3) The issue of
homosexuality cannot be ignored; 4) The book should not have
been addressed to parents / educators; rather it would best be
addressed to adolescents; 5) Since the intent is to minimize
tension and maladjustment of adolescents, the main focus
should be on sexual development issues rather than Halachic
challenges. Expanding on the latter point, Juni notes the
emotional difficulties around sexual development among
religious youth does NOT revolve around the violation of
religious percepts. Rather, they are driven by erroneous
assumptions by the young person that s/he is different from
his/her peers and that there is something wrong with her/him
– which is often verbalized as “I must be crazy.” These issues
are identical to those of irreligious youth. Thus, claims Juni, all
that is needed here is a very precise message which stresses
statistical normality rather than Halachic percepts. That
message – The behaviors you engage in related to sexual
curiosity -- including masturbation, sexual exploration with
others, and porn watching -- are behaviors which ALL of your
peers (including your religious peers) engage in very
frequently. That message would dispel the erroneous
assumptions which drive the guilt spiral and emotional
pathology among youngsters, even when they are taught that
these behaviors violate Halacha.
R. Skaist argues forcefully that what is needed to deal with the
decompensatory results of miseducation is a concerted effort
to teach what is normal, rather than being limited to teaching
what behaviors are not desirable. Adolescents need to know
that sexuality should be part of a general emotionally positive
relationship with another individual which includes much more
than physical interaction. R. Skaist also deplores the
differential tracks in sex education of boys vs. girls, which then
potentially portends relationship problem in marital couples.
Juni amplifies this position by noting that members of each
gender often end up with a negative perception of their
spouses as they conflate their negative views of sexuality with
their partners.
R. Kivelevitz explores the Halachic stance toward masturbation
with Dr. Juni and R. Skaist. Apparently, some authorities view
the ban on masturbation as applying solely to cases where it is
used as a method of birth prevention by a married couple.
Knowing that some authorities are not categorically opposed
to masturbation may suffice to minimize the overwhelming
guilt which some religious adolescents experience.
R. Kivelevitz raises the issue of pornography viewing. R. Skaist
dispels some erroneous ideas of how explicit sexual material
might be used in psychotherapy. He a
47 min