Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Episode Summary: 
We’re in the midst of the Sacred Scars Stories Series, during which I’m talking to real people who have experienced real pain, real wounds, and come out on the other side of healing with beautiful sacred scars to show for it. This week, I’m talking with author, trauma-informed life coach, Janell Rardon, seeking her perspective as a mental health professional regarding what prevents people from seeking healing as well as key steps or activities to help in our healing journey. 

Quotables from the episode:
God didn’t create us to go through difficult experiences alone. Asking God “Why did this happen” is rarely of much help. The answer to “why?” doesn’t really satisfy our longing and pain, but there are other questions that are more helpful. A wound is something that disrupts life. It stops you in your tracks and disrupts forward motion and causes pain. We have jarring experiences that interrupt the normal flow, and perhaps interrupts our ability to cope with normal life, and causes physical, emotional, relational, or spiritual pain. On the other hand, a scar is actually a healed wound. Scars don’t erase the memory of the pain from the wound, but they don’t allow the pain to take up the same real estate anymore because healing has taken place. The book Sacred Scars highlights we as humans hurt, and are susceptible to the lies of the enemy. The enemy is referred to as The Father of Lies and as The Accuser of the Brethren. He is constantly whispering in our ears that we aren’t loveable, we can’t be forgiven, and that we have no value, no worth, and no purpose and that we deserve the pain we experience. I’ve had a tendency in the past to look at my scars as an ugly reminder of the pain I have gone through. My hope is that readers of Sacred Scars can get to the point that they no longer look at their scars with disdain but as something beautiful that shows that they have overcome and that there is no shame to those scars. If we can make that shift from shaming or shameful to sacred, then we have won the victory. Shame is liars language, whereas grace is the language of love. If we are filtering our wounded experience through the hands of a Father God who loves us, then He is the one who will help us get from a place of shame to a sacred place. I was so ashamed of my physical scars. I had heard the verse that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. But because my deformity occurred after birth, I could not fathom how God could find it beautiful or wonderful, so I couldn’t either. What brought about healing in my heart was when I read over the resurrection story in the Bible and realized that Jesus still had his scars in his resurrected body. Those scars were beautiful and served the purpose of proving that He was who He said He was and that He had done what He said He would do. In the same way, our scars are beautiful and serve a redemptive purpose. There are primarily four things that prevent people from seeking healing for their painful wounds: 1) Pride 2) Shame 3) Fear and 4) Discomfort Pride says, “I’ve got this.” Shame says, “I am a mistake.” Fear says, “I’m afraid of the future.” Discomfort says, “I’m uncomfortable with others knowing the worst part of me. It takes courage to say, “I need help here” with a wise, discerning purpose who can make space for you and your healing. As a mental health professional, nothing our patients say surprises us anymore. We’ve heard just about everything and just want to help our patients through it, knowing that when they share their darkest secrets and bring them into the light, they no longer hold the power over them. Once we let the light in, shame has to flee! No one comes into our office because everything is going well. Once they share, relief sets in because once they share their pain, they realize it was not as bad as they expected. Some things that help our healing journey are: find things that bring j

Episode Summary: 
As part of our “Sacred Scar Story Series,” my guest, Lisa Saruga, shares part of her story about being a victim of a violent crime on a college campus, and how God is now using her painful wounds to create a sacred scar that helps and encourages others. Latest statistics indicate that about 20% of Americans have experienced attempted or completed rape. That is over 430,000 American victims each year, 1 rape every 73 seconds. Yet only 5 out of 1,000 rapists go to jail. Part of Lisa’s sacred scar is her work toward changing legislation to provide greater protection for victims than perpetrators.

Quotables from the episode:
I’m at a point now, where I’m not grateful for the experience I endured, but I am grateful for my sacred scar. There was no healing until I took the time to process the wound. A lot of people post-trauma minimize what they went through, as a form of self-preservation. My experience impacted all areas of my life, including my parenting out of fear that something could happen to my kids. The assault negatively impacted my ability to trust others and God, but ironically it also deepened my faith in God. God is a God of justice. God didn’t purpose for me to experience trauma, but he can and is using it for his purposes. The key to my healing was to surrender to God. God doesn’t forget our experiences. He wants to heal us, but we have to be open to the work that healing entails. God didn’t purpose for you to be abused, but he can use all things for his purpose. I have learned to trust God, his timing, and his faithfulness. He showed me in a powerful way that when we are working to chip away at walls that stand in the way of healing, we have no idea what kind of powerful work he is doing on the other side of that wall. While God does not purpose for us to experience trauma, he can use our trauma for his purposes if we let him. Sometimes he is up to great things when we don’t even sense that he remembers our trauma. I encourage victims to find a support network and talk about the experience. Hiding it away on a back shelf in our brain does not work forever. We all experience bad things in our life. We can heal from trauma with appropriate help, but tragedy results when we don’t heal from the trauma.
Scripture References:
Romans 8:28 (NLT) And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT) He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. John 16:33 (NIV) I have told you these things, so that in my you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.  
Recommended Resources: 
How to Heal From Sexual Trauma and Violence - Episode 183 Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson  The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms   Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails

Episode Summary: 
In this week’s episode, I speak with Gina Kelly who was a sixth grader when she was hit by a truck which caused significant physical and emotional injury and wounds. She shares what she endured, as well as how she has seen God use that for good, and how she has witnessed God’s faithfulness to her through it all.
 
Quotables from the episode:
There was definitely a defining moment in my life, which happened a little over 45 years ago. When I was a 6th grade crossing guard and was crossing the street to get to my post, I was hit by a truck. I flew 100-125 feet in the air and landed in a snowbank. I suffered the most pain in my life from that event: the physical pain, the trauma, the suffering. I had a skull fracture on the right side of my head, which left me deaf in one ear, complete facial paralysis on the right, I had six broken ribs on the right and my right lung collapsed. Physically, my body went through a lot from that. That event caused emotional wounds too. I was just entering middle school when I had to wear an eye patch over my eye, my smile was very asymmetrical, so I experienced a lot of insecurities with my physical body and with the emotional wounds that went along with the physical wounds from my accident. One of the ways that God used the wounds you experienced for someone else’s good was when I was in a car accident and suffered physical injuries and you reached out to me to comfort me in my healing process. That is directly related to the scripture that says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” Before the accident, I was pretty reserved and shy. After the accident, I remember two prominent feelings. One was feeling like I was in a fishbowl because I went back to school and everyone was curious about the girl who almost died so all of a sudden, as someone who preferred to shrink back to the edges of society was thrust into the forefront because everyone wanted to know what happened and that made me uncomfortable. I did experience some cruelness. About two weeks after I returned to school, I participated in the spelling bee. In the very front row were two boys from a different elementary school and every time I went up front, they made faces at me and pointed at me, and I was nervous anyway trying to remember how to spell the words and I remember crying with my parents after we left. I experienced the shame of not wanting people to see my deformity. I was blessed to have one youth leader who sat with me in my pain, listened to me, spoke truth into me and little by little I no longer covered up my asymmetrical smile. Something good came out of it in that they did not put another sixth grader in that role but had an adult as a crossing guard going forward. It’s been 45 years since my accident and just over the past couple of months God has been revealing to me some lies I have held onto since childhood. I was recently at a youth conference and one of the speakers felt the call to pray for someone who was deaf specifically in their right ear. I realized that since my accident no one had ever prayed for me and for what I had gone through. My whole life I’ve praised God for keeping me alive but there was something about going back and specifically praying over that area. When the leader prayed over me, he happened to touch my scar that I hadn’t revealed to him, and God revealed to me that I was still seeing myself as broken, which was a lie and God showed me I am not broken. Also, because I couldn’t hear physically in that ear, I had believed I couldn’t hear God speak very well either. There was that spiritual wound. I had always previously sensed his presence on my left side, but recently, during my quiet time when I was journaling, I sensed God speaking to my heart

Episode Summary: 
No parent expects to live longer than their children. The death of a child brings such unimaginable grief that is almost impossible for others to relate to if they haven’t walked that road. On this episode, I had a conversation with Alycia Morales about the pain, the wounds, and now the sacred scars she bears after her son, Caleb, died a few years ago. She shares the hope that she has found to help her as she grieves. Listen for how to overcome grief from the death of a child.

Quotables from the episode:
Frequently, some areas of our greatest areas of ministry come out of our greatest areas of woundedness and pain. The death of our son caused emotional, relational, and spiritual wounds and pain. I experienced a bout with grief amnesia and couldn’t remember any of the details of his death, until one by one God reminded me what happened and it was like I re-experienced it all over again. Despite death touching each one of us, it’s just a shadow because Jesus conquered it. Even though darkness is overwhelming and I couldn’t see through it, as soon as you let God’s light in, that shadow shifts or disappears completely. So I needed to let God’s light shine into my grief. I went to the Word looking for encouragement and God promises that if we will call out to Him, He will answer you. Grief is a gift from God, but if we’re not careful, it’ll lead us into places we aren’t meant to go. As all the first holidays, his birthday, and the anniversary of his death approached, I could feel myself going deeper and darker, and I realized I was under a spirit of grief, but the minute my pastor prayed over me, that came off me. The hole that my son left in my heart is still there, but is precious to me. We have complete healing in Christ through little drops of his healing balm in our lives. The essence behind Sacred Scars is that we will all go through some form of pain and woundedness, but in the hands of a holy and redemptive God, He can and will bring good from it. What the enemy intended for harm, God will use for good for the saving of His people (Gen. 50:20). Six months after my son died, I was able to comfort another family whose son died. When we’re willing to be authentic and vulnerable and transparent about our pain, even though sometimes it’s really embarrassing what we’ve gone through, what we’ve done, or what’s been done to us, when we bring that out of the dark and into the light, and we share it with others, it brings them comfort. You could step in and comfort that couple in a different way because you understood. You knew what they needed because you had been through something similar, in a way that others of us could not know. That’s a beautiful example of God redeeming the pain in our lives. As I started writing about our grief journey, it helped others know how to help someone else who is going through this. We all still have things that God has called us to do in life and we have people He wants us to minister to out of that pain we’ve endured, and He has lives that He wants to restore out of our pain, and He can use our testimony for His glory. Even though my son died, I have to keep living, I have to keep going. It’s not that we move on, but rather, we move forward with God walking with us through the rest of the story. Every day we get closer to being reunited with our loved ones so continue walking out your faith. Scripture References:
Ecclesiastes 3:4 “…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…” Proverbs 18:1 “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.” Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the darkes

Episode Summary: 
In this episode, I wanted to share with you what brought me to the place where I knew this book was needed, where I knew God was calling me to share my own sacred scars, why I’ve written the book Sacred Scars for you, and what I hope you’ll get out of it. 

Quotables from the episode:
Sometimes our wounds come at the hands or wounds of others; sometimes we behave in a way that causes or contributes to our wounds; and sometimes there is no obvious explanation for them. But the hope that we have in Jesus is that when we will take our painful wounds and surrender them to the creator of the universe, the very One who knit us in our mother’s womb, we can experience a redemptive scar, a beautiful sacred scar in place of our wounds when we allow God to heal what has hurt us. The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms is about how we hold onto our faith while we are waiting on God for our healing. Sacred Scars picks up where The Hem of His Garment left off. Sacred Scars is for those who think, I’ve gone through something so bad that it disqualifies me from living the abundant life that Christ came to give; I’ve gone through something so bad or I’ve done something so bad that it disqualifies me from being loved and valued; or I’ve gone through something so bad that it disqualifies me from service to God. Sacred Scars was written for that reader, to assure them that there is nothing they have gone through that is beyond the hands of a redemptive God. Jesus never gave up, so as a child of God, it’s not in my DNA to give up. The thing that drives me the most is that I’m just not going to let the enemy have that much satisfaction. The lies of the enemy is what produces guilt, shame, regret, remorse, isolation, fear. As long as he can take us there because of the wounds that we’ve gone through, as long as we listen to those lies, we will live a defeated life, but Jesus came so we can have victory. The only way to experience that victory is to recognize the lies of the enemy and to determine that I’m willing enough to feel the pain to get healing.  In over 30 years in private practice, I’ve had thousands of people come into my private practice ashamed to share their deep, dark secret because they feared I would reject them or abandon them or give them a strange look like, “I can’t believe what you just said.” But nothing surprises me anymore. What I found, is that when people will share that secret that they are so embarrassed and ashamed of, it doesn’t hold power anymore. Once they bring it out into the light, the enemy loses. Wounds are open assaults either on the body or the mind. They are those things that have been injured, abraded, or infected and leave us in a state of pain. When we are wounded, we need healing. I love what God does: in the physical body, when you get a scratch or a burn, or an infection, your body automatically sends cells to try to produce collagen to produce a scar. This book is focusing on scars, because once we have a scar, that wound, that painful experience (whether it’s physical, emotional, relational, spiritual) doesn’t hold the same pain that it did when it was an open wound. When we will take our wounds to God and let Him heal the wounds, because He’s such a good and redemptive God, He will bring beautiful sacred scars as a reminder not just of the pain we’ve gone through, but of the healing that’s taken place if we’re willing to go on that healing journey. God never pries our heart or our hands open. He’s always waiting for us to say, “Okay, Lord, I’m ready.” Too often, we’re afraid of the pain of the unknown more than we are the pain of the current discomfort of our injured situation. If you will step out and entrust your pain to God, He can bring a beautiful sacred scar. We’re all familiar with physical scars but I think it’s also important to recognize that we all carry invisible scars from emoti

Episode Summary:
With one in five mobile searches being for pornography, it may be more prevalent than you think. Jody Allen shares her story, her pain, her wounds, and her sacred scars that resulted from her husband’s addiction to pornography. Tune in as Jody offers hope and strategies for overcoming the deep wounds caused by porn addiction.
 
Quotables from the episode:
Pornography can create emotional, relational, and spiritual wounds. I felt betrayed because I was living with someone who’s behavior was inconsistent with who he was. I lived a constant cycle of regret, apology, relapse, and feeling unimportant which created emotional wounds. Nothing can prepare a person for the breakup of the family. When God didn’t answer my prayers the way I wanted him to answer, that brought about spiritual wounds. Because when the God of the universe, the one who hates divorce, doesn’t answer your prayers in a way that is consistent with his will and pro-marriage, it leads to disappointment. One in five mobile searches is actually for pornography. My husband’s pornography addiction caused me so much shame. We answered all the “what if” questions, and came to the conclusion that we would ultimately be okay if we trusted God. Guilt, shame, and condemnation does not come from our Heavenly Father but from the Father of Lies. Shame made me believe that people were judging me and left me feeling like I wasn’t good enough. The wound is the open painful place that is festering and hurts so bad. But once we have a scar, it doesn’t hurt as much. It’s the place where healing has taken place. It doesn’t mean we forget the pain of the wound, it just means that it doesn’t have the same hold on us. As part of my role as a women’s ministry leader, I didn’t feel I could expect other women to share their story if I wasn’t willing to share my own story. Those hard years were preparation for my future ministry. The enemy wants to isolate us from others to shut us up. Satan is an equal opportunist. He is so sly and wants us to believe in any area of sin that “just once” doesn’t matter. We don’t have to squeak by. We don’t have to get to the other side of our pain and just survive. We can thrive. We can get to the other side of our pain and heartache and flourish. Pain doesn’t have to win. Pornography doesn’t have to win. Divorce doesn’t have to win. Let us take the best things from our time of pain and suffering…maybe it’s a fresh perspective, new skills, or a fresh start. If we know Jesus, we have the potential to get to the other side of our heartache and be whole and even be happy on the other side of it.  
Scripture References:
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given you the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound mind.”
Genesis 50:20 “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
Exodus 12:36 “The Lord caused the Egyptians to look favorably on the Israelites, and they gave the Israelites whatever they asked for. So they stripped the Egyptians of their wealth!”
 
Recommended Resources: 
Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson  The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms   Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How