（英語）名字如何塑造我們的故事｜回憶錄第二集｜EP. 1813

“Our names are the stories we carry into the world.”

「名字，是我們帶入世界的故事。」

My Chinese name is Li Zi-Jin (李姿錦), and my father said he personally chose it for me. Li is an extremely common surname—you can find people with the same family name everywhere in Taiwan. Yet, as a child, I felt different because of this name, since the great Tang dynasty poet Li Bai also carried the surname Li. That connection gave me an extra sense of pride and belonging. As for Zi (姿), my father chose this character because it contains both “second” (次) and “woman” (女), symbolizing that I am his second daughter. The last character, Jin (錦), is made up of “gold” (金) and “silk” (帛), representing his wishes for me to have a rich and beautiful life. As a little girl, I often felt that my name carried a mission—that my father’s hopes and expectations were all packed into those thirty-two brushstrokes.

我的中文名字是李姿錦，爸爸說這是他親自為我取的。李是一個極其普遍的姓氏，在台灣到處都能遇到同姓的人。然而，小時候的我卻因為唐代大詩人李白也姓李，而覺得自己與眾不同。這樣的聯想，讓我對這個姓氏多了一份驕傲與歸屬感。至於「姿」，爸爸選這個字，是因為它的結構裡有「次」和「女」，象徵我是他的第二個女兒。而「錦」由「金」與「帛」組成，代表他對我的期待——希望我能擁有富足而美好的生活。小時候的我常覺得，名字就像一個使命，爸爸的心願和期待全都壓在這三十二劃裡。

When I was in elementary school, my name became the subject of jokes among classmates. They loved to mimic the sound of “Li Zi Jin” saying it sounded like “ni zi ji” (“yourself” in Mandarin). Outwardly, I laughed along, but inside I felt embarrassed. What’s more, the last character of my name, Jin, was often misread as Mian (It means cotton in Chinese). Eventually, to avoid awkwardness, I let some teachers or strangers call me “Zi-Mian” instead. Looking back, those jokes were probably harmless, but they did plant a seed in me about the connection between names and identity.

小學時期，我的名字常成為同學的玩笑。他們喜歡模仿「李姿錦」的發音，說聽起來像「你自己」。表面上我會跟著笑，心裡卻覺得尷尬。特別是名字最後一個字「錦」，常常被誤讀成「綿」。後來，為了避免尷尬，我乾脆讓一些老師或陌生人叫我「姿綿」。現在回頭看，那些玩笑或許沒有惡意，但確實讓我開始思考名字與身份的關聯。

In the fifth grade, I got my first nickname—“Spider.” Back then, it was trendy in class to change the last character of someone’s name to “Pig.”(豬） So Zi-Zhu (姿豬) became “Spider” (蜘蛛). My good friend Yashi even designed a spider logo for me: an oval with a smiling face, a bow on its head, and eight little legs. That time of my life was filled with pure joy. We always signed each other’s cards with this little spider, as if it was a secret code and a symbol of our friendship.

五年級時，我有了第一個綽號——「蜘蛛」。當時班上流行把名字最後一個字改成「豬」，於是「姿豬」就變成了「蜘蛛」。我的好友雅詩甚至幫我設計了一個蜘蛛簽名：一個橢圓裡畫著笑臉，頭上戴著蝴蝶結，還有八隻腳。那段日子充滿了單純快樂，我們總會在彼此的卡片上畫上這隻小蜘蛛，就像是一種友情的暗號和象徵。

After graduating from high school, I left my hometown of Kaohsiung and moved north to attend Fu Jen Catholic University. My entire social circle changed. I became obsessed with fashion and makeup, copying styles from the Japanese magazine Cawaii: heavy eyeliner, bleached blonde hair, and miniskirts to class. But my attempts made me the subject of ridicule for some Taipei classmates. They secretly gave me a nickname, “Xiao Baihe” (Little Lily), because they thought I looked like a hostess from a nightclub, and those who works at the nightclub always have a flower name. Still, I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I thought “Xiao Baihe” was beautiful, and I even enjoyed being called that. Looking back, that experience taught me to stop caring too much about others’ opinions and instead focus on my own preferences and self-expression.

高中畢業後，我從高雄北上到輔仁大學，生活圈完全改變。我開始迷上時尚與化妝，模仿日本雜誌《Cawaii》的風格：濃濃的眼線、染成金色的頭髮、穿著迷你裙上課。但這些嘗試卻成了部分台北同學取笑的對象。他們私下給我取了個花名「小百合」，因為覺得我打扮得像酒店小姐——而酒店小姐總會用花名。儘管如此，我一點也不介意，反而覺得「小百合」很好聽，甚至樂於被這樣稱呼。回頭看，這段經歷讓我學會不再過度在意他人的眼光，而是專注於自己的喜好與表達。

我的網站是flywithlily.com