Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas, with Frederik Ribersson

Frederik Ribersson
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Narcissists manipulate others using toxic ideas. In this podcast, we decode narcissists and how they operate, we expose and deconstruct toxic ideas, and we learn how to negotiate effectively with narcissists. And, last but not least, we learn to break the toxic patterns during and after relationships, disinfect mental wounds and heal, so we can have a happy life afterwards and limit the damage narcissists inflict upon us. #fribersson #narcissism #narcissist #npd

  1. 30. AUG.

    123. Legitimate Criticism? How To Find Out (With A Real World Example)

    How can we tell if criticism is legitimate? Let's take a comment left on this podcast to see how we can test criticism to take onboard anything worthwhile, and avoid low level thinking / toxicity masquerading as legitimate criticism. In short: - consider "if this is true, what else would have to be true" - are those things true, or not? - what is the person actually saying? - are they attacking a person, or ideas? - does it display the symptoms of cognitive dissonance? In a recent episode, I described how one person hijacked a meeting of expats, turned it into a "let's crap on Sweden" event, how some people played along, others were really uncomfortable - and how she bragged about blackmailing people. But according to one listener, I "just didn't like that she worked with immigrants". Hm, maybe. Or maybe not. Let's break down the logic in that criticism to discern whether: a. it's fair b. the person finds the behaviour I described is not toxic, but healthy (?!) and it's impossible for lawyers to be toxic. Given my appreciation of other lawyers who are not blackmailers, my gut feeling is b. But just to be sure, let's check. This episode is not about an ill-thought snarky comment, but rather how we can take "what appears to be legitimate criticism", and scrutinise it using logic and method. So we can identify bad faith actors and fuzzy thinking.

    43 Min.

  2. 28. JULI

    122. Grieving a "Narcissist" The Right Way

    Grief helps us move on. But grieving a "narcissist" presents specific challenges. Get it wrong, and we're stuck for too long. But get it right, and we can recover faster. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified 5 stages of grief: DenialAngerBargainingDepressionAcceptance David Kessler suggests a 6th: Meaning. In this episode, I share some thoughts you may find helpful.

    35 Min.

  3. 29. JUNI

    121. How Narcissists Use TONE To Control Use

    Ever notice how narcissists (and others) use tone to mock someone they want us to disagree with? Sometimes it's baby voice: "And they said "You're unweasonable." Hahaha!". Why? It subtly signals to us that we shouldn't pay attention to what they are about to say. We can safely dismiss whatever the words are, because the person is being unreasonable, AS DEMONSTRATED by the tone used to convey what we claim was said. BUT... that baby tone is certainly an exaggeration designed to make us believe something and mock the person. Until we realise how tone is used, we'll be vulnerable to it being used against us. And what about "tone policing"? I.e. "I agree with what you say but I don't like how you said it?" Well... that depends if we discuss both independently, or whether tone is used as a pretext to AVOID discussing substance. I share some thoughts on this to help make you LESS vulnerable to toxic people and their manipulation techniques. And maybe help you avoid using them, if you do so without realising it.

    36 Min.

  4. 8. JUNI

    120. Clear Thinking Beats Narcissists: Happy Birthday To A Major Inspiration of This Podcast And What You Can Do

    Life during and after toxic relationships can feel like hell. And sometimes we find helpful ideas that help us get our life back together. I try to share those, and a major source of those ideas has been Scott Adams, the Dilbert creator, who also wrote some exceptional books to help people avoid bad ideas and have (as a consequence) better and happier lives. His birthday is June 8 (today) and he is very sick, it might be his last birthday. So I have a HUGE favour to ask you, listeners: When relevant, take the helpful ideas you find in this podcast and share them with people who need to hear them. You know how sometimes (maybe) I'll share something and it clicks, or something makes more sense? Some of what I share I borrowed from Scott and adapted to toxic relationships and narcissism (not everything, but many things). You too can pass on those ideas so they outlive Scott, myself, and eventually you. Not only will that continue to help making the world a better place, not only is that maybe the best way to be grateful to all the giants whose shoulders we stand on (Scott is one of my giants), but also you will feel the joy of having helped reduce the darkness in someone's life. As we already paid the price of toxic relationships, we might as well make the most of the benefits. Helping others is one of the highlights of my life now. And please share a thought for Scott. Without him, my work would be nowhere near as good, my life would be less enjoyable. I feel like I'm losing one of my closest friends, one of the highlights of my life so far. So it's time for me to step up and do more than I have recently. It feels lonely, and scary, and really sad. But if this podcast episode inspires even one of you to pass on some ideas I share, that would mean the world to me (no need to quote me, just share the idea). As always, thanks for listening. And Happy Birthday Scott! I'm grateful beyond words for all you've done, you're truly an inspiration - and I will do more than I've done recently.

    51 Min.

  5. 7. JUNI

    119. Is Shame How Narcissists Hijack Us? Some Thoughts

    Shame makes us look away, and that makes us MUCH more vulnerable to narcissists. But it's possible to recognise when we're feeling shame and STOP our coping mechanisms to REDUCE our vulnerability. I recently looked into shame and recognised some patterns I was not aware of, as well as coping mechanisms, and even dissociation. This explained some things I had experienced over the years. As this was awful, perhaps sharing my thoughts will make it less awful for you? In this podcast, I run though some ideas and anecdotes, as well as share a few tips. If you'd like more on this topic, let me know. Just as shame makes us look away, for some reason I'd been procrastinating from recording this episode. I hope you found this helpful.

    49 Min.

  6. 17. MAI

    118. Bad Advice on Dealing With Toxic People? 8 Mistakes To Avoid

    I saw a post on social media about 8 mistakes to avoid when dealing with toxic people and... I disagree with nearly all of it. In this episode, I run you through the "advice", explain what I disagree with, and why - and provide my alternative suggestions. I hope you find this helpful and it helps you figure out what to do and, more important, what NOT to do.

    32 Min.

  7. 21. MÄRZ

    117. Disarm A Narcissist: "Oh, you're being dogmatic?"

    Dogmatic people refuse to change their minds about topics. However, until we realise this, we can assume people are open to new facts or blind spots. But it's exhausting and dishonest. After all, if people are certain they are 100% right about everything all of the time (1 chance in a million), the probability we can change their mind is... 0%. So just say "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you're dogmatic about this." And if they say they are not, well, then things get fun. As always, thanks for tuning in! Hope everyone is well!

    44 Min.

  8. 13. MÄRZ

    116. How A Narcissist Hijacked A Group - And Lessons Learned

    I went to an event and it was weird. One person was being hyper negative, hijacked the event, made people uncomfortable - and some "flying monkeys" encouraged it. Regardless of the details, we can learn from dynamics and hopefully help you avoid the same type of uncomfortable situation in the future by helping you be prepared.

    36 Min.
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Narcissists manipulate others using toxic ideas. In this podcast, we decode narcissists and how they operate, we expose and deconstruct toxic ideas, and we learn how to negotiate effectively with narcissists. And, last but not least, we learn to break the toxic patterns during and after relationships, disinfect mental wounds and heal, so we can have a happy life afterwards and limit the damage narcissists inflict upon us. #fribersson #narcissism #narcissist #npd

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