Haven‪!‬ Haven

What comes to mind when you think of mentorship? Oftentimes we picture the one-on-one type scenario like in Star Wars where Qui-Gon Jinn mentored Obi-Wan Kenobi who then later on matured and took Luke Skywalker under his wing.Yet, that can sometimes feel like a lot of pressure - to wait to be chosen by someone who sees something in you. Or, on the inverse side, it can be really difficult to select someone you want to invest your time & intention into that will truly benefit from your experience. I bring in my long-time (going on 10 years!) mentor in business, Mike Abercrombie, and we explore how mentorship is largely accidental. We discuss questions like - what is the difference between mentorship and coaching? What are the characteristics needed in a mentee? And, how do you know when you're ready to switch from mentee to mentor? Overall, you may find it to be less formulaic than we initially perceive and you can have micro-moments of mentorship in each stage of life.


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"Oh, are you feeling frustrated?"

"That sounds really frustrating..."

There are so many other words to express emotions other than "frustrated" but why was that the only one that what was coming to mind when I was trying to teach my toddler what was happening in their body?

Disappointed, jealous, embarrassed, angry, ashamed - those are way more on the mark and elicit an entirely different and appropriate response.

I realized that I may be emotionally illiterate - not only to identify and name the emotions, but to understand how they operate within my brain and psyche.

These are some of the conversations I've been having with Angel McNeil, the nanny who watches my kids and is currently studying these concepts in her Graduate program, so together we explore the science behind emotions, how to move through 8 of the most difficult ones, and overall hopefully scratch the surface of Emotional Literacy 101 together.


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The "gentle parenting" movement is all the rage right now.

At its core, gentle parenting is all about the relationship. It's talking about treating your child as a dignified human worth respect and choice all meanwhile teaching them emotional literacy and tools for how to handle the big feelings in their little bodies.

Many of us millennials entering into child rearing eras and are determined to do things differently than how we were raised during a more authoritarian time. So, of course, erring on the side of valuing the relationship as the most important component is enticing and alluring - but has the pendulum swung to far in the other direction?

Are we doomed to be sitting by the door during a meltdown saying "Yes, I hear you don't want to put your socks on... Sure, you wish you didn't have to wear those..." ad nauseam until they're late for school and we're late for work?

Tune in as I dive into this topic with my friend and child psychologist, Gaia Althsuler, to hear about the pros / cons of this movement and the middle ground of "gentle parenting-ish" where I find myself as a parent.


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Anyone who’s been in a relationship for a while knows that sometimes you need to have a quick assessment with your partner of “How are we? Are we okay? Are you happy? Is there any way we can be doing things better?”



Just like routine car maintenance - it’s important to pull off the highway from time to time and really check things out, ideally before a check engine light comes on.
In this episode I bring in my husband of 11 years and we go through some tools from our relational tool kit we have learned throughout the years, primarily from our marriage counselor… 




Using a drive-through method to hear each other’s needs
The difference between a critique versus a complaint
The power of wording - “You’re annoying” vs “You’re behavior is annoying me” vs “I’m annoyed”
The littler version of your partner in your head

We also land that at some point you need to stop over-analyzing all the ways you could potentially improve and just enjoy the ride together!


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"Come on, man, read the room..."

We've all heard some variation of that phrase at some point in time. It typically means someone assessed a situation incorrectly before behaving and then the disconnect was palpably felt by the others in the group.

But, I have noticed that, when asked, most people they would say they DO have the ability to read a room correctly.

My question is - is that really true? Can people accurately interpret the energy, behaviors, undertones, and body language in a sociological manner?

I bring in my friend Mebra and we talk a bit about what is required to hone in on this skill (curiosity, self awareness, and a bit of humility) and what it feels like to be read by someone (depends on who is doing the reading, doesn't it?)

Ultimately, it is important to tap into this ability, but what you DO with that information is far more valuable.


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IT’S A TAKE-OVER!!

My husband Aaron is my #1 requested return guest so we took it a step further and let him entirely take over this episode. I had no clue what direction he wanted to go in… I just showed up on the couch and was along for the ride. 



Ultimately he wanted to explore the topics of labels together - some labels we are proud of, they make us feel giddy or older or special. While other labels can stick to us in a way that we don’t want to be known for or identified with. 



Why do we feel misunderstood when given labels we don’t think we align with? When is the appropriate time to label things - in the moment or in hindsight? We explore a few of these questions together and also share some of our favorite DTR (define the relationship) memories from years ago. 


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