Quiet, Not Silent: Recovering with BPD Avery the Quiet

CW: Mentions of DV, Assault, Body Shaming
EMDR is going to be very, very hard for me to do. And I know I can f*cking do it.
This is what trauma does, though. It breaks you into pieces.
I needed to let myself break, instead of absorbing it all and eroding slowly into dust.
And I can put myself back together, perfectly imperfect.
This is The Art of Falling Apart.
Four years ago, during the first year of the pandemic, I became a victim of intimate partner violence. In order to survive and cope with the ongoing abuse, I suppressed my emotions and memories, and denied my reality. Finally, after leaving in December 2020, I began my journey of healing - and part of this journey involved content creation and community. In the years that followed, I was not yet in a stable enough place, emotionally, to be confident that I could handle EMDR. Now, after completing DBT, building my support system, and taking my time coming to terms with various traumas from the past, I am finally in a position to try.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy approach aimed at alleviating distress associated with traumatic memories. We can process these memories using bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, taps, or sounds.
I recorded this voice note before going to bed after doing an Assessment Phase of EMDR that day. Here's how it worked:
Assessment: We went into my personal history, current symptoms, and trauma experiences. This is to help my therapist have a look at my unique needs, triggers, and areas of distress. We talked about specific memories that were especially coming up for me and causing problems for me. We then talked about my particular goals with EMDR.Target Memories: We talked about some of my specific memories that are causing me distress. These memories are really emotionally charged, recurrent, and have a significant impact on my functioning and specifically my self-worth.Distress Levels: My therapist asked me to rate the level of distress associated with each memory. For her, this helps to prioritize which memories to address first and provides a baseline for tracking progress.The Container: We went through a visualization exercise with me in order to bring me back to the present and manage my difficult emotions after.
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The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skills, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.
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Music by: ODDBAHL • Lunareh • Out of Flux
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Content Warning: Discussion of Self H*rm
Behaviorism is a scientific approach in psychology that focuses on the study of observable behaviors rather than people’s internal mental processes. The reason it's good to consider Behaviorism when learning about Interpersonal Effectiveness, is because it's helpful for us to understand how to reinforce the behaviour we want to see in ourselves and in others, and to make sure we're conscious of the ways we might be reinforcing unwanted behaviours without realizing.
In this episode, I’ll go over my reflections on the FINAL WEEK of the course, including:
What is Classical and Operant Conditioning?What is Positive and Negative Reinforcement?Why do we need to reinforce behavior when people should just know it's the right thing to do?What is the difference between Continuous and Intermittent Reinforcement?Are we reinforcing other people's behaviour without even realizing it?What is the difference between Positive and Negative Punishment?Why isn't punishment effective in eliminating behaviours in the long term?MICROHABIT TRACKERS: Reinforcing your own behavior
Thank you to Roland, Alicia, Jesse, and the TheraHive team for collaborating with me and allowing me to try out this course!
QUIET BPD PATREON | TYSM to my wonderful patrons:
Christian • Steph • Winter Peach • Ashley Marie • Tom • Mimi • Kristen • Bjorn • Laura • Sierra • Bree • Ruxia
Your support helps me to keep going. [ m o r e ]
TheraHive: DBT Skills Group, Course Info
Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide
Blog Post: Dr. Jesse Finkelstein Joins 'Quiet, Not Silent' podcast to Share Insights on DBT
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INSTAGRAM | PATREON
averythequiet.carrd.co
SHOP: Heart & Sleeve Co.
[ d i s c o r d ]
The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community with daily affirmations, tarot readings, DBT skills, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.
[ c r e d i t s ]
Music by: ODDBAHL • Lunareh • Out of Flux
[ d i s c l a i m e r ]
My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the fourth and final module - known as Interpersonal Effectiveness - teaches you skills to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and maintain relationships while achieving your personal goals. If you'd like to take this exact course, here's a 25% discount code you can use on your deposit - just cause you listen to my pod. (QUIETBPD25)
Many people with BPD have a tendency to think in polarized ways, referred to as black and white thinking, or “splitting”, in the sense that you’re split right down the middle and can only think on one side or the other - no in-between. In our relationships, we often subconsciously engage in idealization and devaluation: coping responses to a fear of abandonment.
This week is all about Dialectics: the foundation of DBT. Dialectics refer to the concept that two opposing things can BOTH be true at the same time. That there is no one OR the other. That there is instead, a Yes, AND.
Thank you to Roland, Alicia, Jesse, and the TheraHive team for having me try out this course!
P.S. The first Patreon BPD n CHILL WAS AMAZING!! Thanks for coming! The full hour is now on Patreon. And if you missed this one... You're invited to the next one! TYSM to my wonderful patrons:
Christian • Steph • Winter Peach • Ashley Marie • Tom • Kristen • Mimi • Bjørn • Pluto • Laura • Ruxia • Bree
Your support helps me to keep going. [ m o r e ]
TheraHive: DBT Skills Group, Course Info
Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide
Blog Post: Dr. Jesse Finkelstein Joins 'Quiet, Not Silent' podcast to Share Insights on DBT
[ s o c i a l s ]
INSTAGRAM | PATREON
averythequiet.carrd.co
SHOP: Heart & Sleeve Co.
[ d i s c o r d ]
The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skills, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.
[ c r e d i t s ]
Music by: ODDBAHL • Lunareh • Out of Flux
[ d i s c l a i m e r ]
My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the fourth and final module - known as Interpersonal Effectiveness - teaches you skills to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and maintain relationships while achieving your personal goals. If you'd like to take this exact course, here's a 25% discount code you can use on your deposit - just cause you listen to my pod. (QUIETBPD25)
In this week of TheraHive's course, we'll go over two DBT tools: FAST, and The Dime Game.
FAST is a skill you can use in an interaction where your self-respect should be prioritized. It stands for Fair; Apology-Free; Stick to your values; Truthful.
The Dime Game is a great tool you can refer back to any time, especially with issues where you're unsure who to go to for advice on the situation.
You also don't need to memorize it all. Here's The Dime Game.
In this episode, I’ll go over my reflections on Week 4 of the course, including:
What kind of things can I used the FAST skill for?Am I right to prioritize my self respect sometimes?What does it look like to use the FAST skill effectively?How do I balance the priorities of both my self respect and my relationships?Am I justified in asking for things or saying no?Ten things to consider when determining how strongly you should ask or say noWhat does it look like to use The Dime Game to say no to someone?What does it mean when we need to put our safety or survival before using the Dime Game?
Thank you to Roland, Alicia, Jesse, and the TheraHive team for having me try out this course!
TYSM to my wonderful patrons:
Christian • Steph • Winter Peach • Ashley Marie • Tom • Kristen • Mimi • Bjorn • Pluto • Laura
Your support helps me to keep going. [ m o r e ]
TheraHive: DBT Skills Group, Course Info
Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide
Blog Post: Dr. Jesse Finkelstein Joins 'Quiet, Not Silent' podcast to Share Insights on DBT
[ s o c i a l s ]
INSTAGRAM | PATREON
averythequiet.carrd.co
SHOP: Heart & Sleeve Co.
[ d i s c o r d ]
The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skills, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.
[ c r e d i t s ]
Music by: ODDBAHL • Lunareh • Out of Flux
[ d i s c l a i m e r ]
My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the fourth and final module - known as Interpersonal Effectiveness - teaches you skills to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and maintain relationships while achieving your personal goals. If you'd like to take this exact course, here's a 25% discount code you can use on your deposit - just cause you listen to my pod. (QUIETBPD25)
A lot of times, it’s not what you say that can be effective, it’s HOW you say it. The GIVE skill stands for: Gentle, Interested, Validate, and Easy Manner.
The GIVE skill in DBT is all about the Relationship Effectiveness objective when it comes to interpersonal situations, and it’s meant to help you leave that situation with the other person thinking well of you.
Do you wanna be RIGHT, or do you wanna be EFFECTIVE?
In this episode, I’ll go over my reflections on Week 3 of the course, including:
Why do we sometimes make threats or make our behaviour someone else's responsibility?How do we stop using these kinds of coping mechanisms in order to make ourselves heard?How can I be gentle, without being passive?What happens when we effectively use the GIVE skill in tougher interactions?What does it mean to validate someone? Should we validate things even if they're invalid?Is there such a thing as HELPFUL invalidation?How do we recover from corrosive, or harmful invalidation?A letter to my 15 year old self, validating them after a big moment of invalidation
Thank you to Roland, Alicia, Jesse, and the TheraHive team for collaborating with me and allowing me to try out this course!
TYSM to my wonderful patrons:
Christian • Steph • Winter Peach • Ashley Marie • Tom • Kristen • Mimi • Bjorn • Pluto • Laura
Your support helps me to keep going. [ m o r e ]
TheraHive: DBT Skills Group, Course Info
Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide
Blog Post: Dr. Jesse Finkelstein Joins 'Quiet, Not Silent' podcast to Share Insights on DBT
[ s o c i a l s ]
INSTAGRAM | PATREON
averythequiet.carrd.co
SHOP: Heart & Sleeve Co.
[ d i s c o r d ]
The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skills, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.
[ c r e d i t s ]
Music by: ODDBAHL • Lunareh • Out of Flux
[ d i s c l a i m e r ]
My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), the fourth and final module - known as Interpersonal Effectiveness - teaches you skills to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and maintain relationships while achieving your personal goals. If you'd like to take this exact course, here's a 25% discount code you can use for your deposit - just cause you listen to my pod. (QUIETBPD25)
This week, TheraHive’s Interpersonal Effectiveness course is gonna teach me about the DEARMAN skill, which is one of my personal favourite skills. I’m REALLY excited to share my experiences with this part of the course.
DEARMAN is an acronym that stands for Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, and Negotiate.
This one you typically use when you have an objective that you need to be effective with: asking for something; saying no; finding solutions; and making sure the way we’re expressing these things are taken seriously and are constructive, rather than destructive.
In this episode, I’ll go over my reflections on Week 2 of the course, including:
How to be assertive and ask for what you need - with the DEARMAN skillWhat does it mean to be assertive, vs demanding?Why is DEARMAN especially helpful for recovering people pleasers?What if the other person is being difficult, despite us being effective?THE FIRST TIME I ever used DEARMAN - with a very difficult roommate and her boyfriend
Thank you to Roland, Alicia, Jesse, and the TheraHive team for collaborating with me and allowing me to try out this course!
TYSM to my wonderful patrons:
Christian • Steph • Winter Peach • Ashley Marie • Tom • Kristen • Mimi • Bjorn • Pluto • Elleot
Your support helps me to keep going. [ m o r e ]
TheraHive: DBT Skills Group, Course Info
Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide
Blog Post: Dr. Jesse Finkelstein Joins 'Quiet, Not Silent' podcast to Share Insights on DBT
[ s o c i a l s ]
INSTAGRAM | PATREON
averythequiet.carrd.co
SHOP: Heart & Sleeve Co.
[ d i s c o r d ]
The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skills, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.
[ c r e d i t s ]
Music by: ODDBAHL • Lunareh • Out of Flux
[ d i s c l a i m e r ]
My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.