TIARAS TEARS AND TRIUMPHS with SANDY J Podcast - Helping Victims and Survivors of Abusive Relationships Heal and Become Empow

I listen to this podcast as a man who has experienced violence and abuse from women in two separate relationships. I grew up with a violent and abusive mother and I normalised the behaviour in both relationships or put it down to things like PMT or me being the problem because that’s what I was constantly told. I have kids and have had to overcome enormous obstacles over the years because I wasn’t believed or even heard. I went to police stations and was told “are you scared of a woman are you mate?” Or: “we are not going to follow up your issue because you’re probably the perpetrator”. On another occasion I was run over by my former spouse (with the kids in the car) and when I went to Emergency the Female Dr said: “what did you do to deserve that?” Imagine if I was a female who’d been run over by the male spouse and a male Sr said: “what did you do to deserve that?” Nothing was reported by any of the authorities and often I wouldn’t even get an event number or any follow up. I gave up reporting anything pretty quickly. The family law system is just as biased against men particularly when it is manipulated by unethical solicitors. It’s completely unacceptable for solicitors to encourage conflict between separated parents because it might help their case later. What kind of a person thinks that it’s ok to make enormous amounts of money by maintaining that there’s a supposed history of conflict between separated parents? Manipulating people and systems like this is the exact kind of behaviour that psychopaths do. We don’t tolerate other psychopaths yet we seem to be completely oblivious when it comes to seeing them work their magic as family law solicitors. I’ve had two separate custody orders both of which were ignored by my former spouse. I couldn’t get them enforced unless I contacted the federal police website in Canberra an entire state away. I tried every other way of seeking resolution but my former spouse refused everything. End result: a massive debt for two sets of useless papers, money which could’ve gone to the kids for their health and education. My kids suffered greatly due to my former spouse’s unwillingness to put her own lies and emotions aside and resolve things for the kids. It continues to this day. I have sought help from everywhere but there are no supports for men or fathers for issues like this. No men’s shelters, no DV support groups, and no legal services set up to assist with male victims of DV. To be honest it’s a miracle I’m still alive because I had to do everything on my own. I still do. Podcasts like this are good sometimes because I’ve needed reassurance but it would be extremely helpful if DV issues were not always referred to as gender specific. It’s gut wrenching to hear people say that women are usually the victims and men are usually the perpetrators. I’m sure there are a greater proportion of women impacted by DV statistically but I also know that men don’t or can’t report so how can the statistics be accurate? The issue clearly doesn’t only impact women. Many men are also victims of DV. The definition of DV is not just physical abuse and some women are just as capable of as much cruelty as some men are. Any form of violence or abuse is unacceptable and it doesn’t matter what the gender is. I wish our country would look at this issue with open eyes because referring to it all the time in such a gender specific way is misleading to others and isolating for many good men who have endured DV in the exact same way that many good women have.

Incredible podcast that supports those in need, but also those around them. Thankyou 🙏

The work you are doing to support women who have been abused by men is simply amazing - I thoroughly recommend this podcast.

Sandy is a wonderful coach. The information presented here on this podcast is very helpful for people in abusive relationships. Tap in, get informed, supported & work towards change. Well done Sandy.