What I've Learned About Love Mim Kempson

Have you ever felt like you weren't "queer enough"? Whether that be in how you look, dress, live your life, or how you do relationships... we might sometimes feel as though we're not visibly or overtly queer enough. 

Queer Gomeroi person and Sex Educator Shania Eddy joined me to speak on their experience coming out and finding language to authentically describe themselves, both in gender and sexual orientation. 

We talk about LGBTQ+ labels, STI stigmas, living with ADHD, dating with genital herpes, the concept of "comp het", slut shaming and sex positivity. Shania also shares her experience growing from a once hyper-independent person and into someone who connects deeply and vulnerably with their partner Dani - their first queer relationship.

Music: Cal Newton
Artwork: Abi Coldrey

In a world that tells us that one of the most meaningful things we can do with our lives is to have kids, what happens when we choose to be child-free? Well, we find meaning elsewhere and, shock horror, there's plenty of places to find it.

Alex and Jay O'Neill-King joined me on the show to talk about their journey deciding not to have kids, biological or otherwise. They've been together 11 years, married for 5 of them, and although there were moments along the way where they considered having a baby, the couple are confident in the choice they eventually made to rule out the idea completely. 

We talk about finding meaning and connection through having a "fur baby", showing up for nieces and nephews, and working in helping professions. We also briefly talk about "the maternal instinct", child birth, healing from childhood trauma, vasectomies, drug and alcohol addiction, and navigating change in long-term relationships.

Artwork: Abi Coldrey
Music: Cal Newton

Whether it's in marriage or the workplace, Sheilla Njoto-Thomson researches how women are discriminated against based on gender. Her recent PhD research looked into how hiring software and algorithms favour resumes that use "masculine" language (over "feminine"), therefore privileging male applicants over female. 

In this episode, Sheilla  not only talks about her research findings of workplace gender-based discrimination, but shares her personal experiences of how she processes her feelings towards patriarchy and oppression within her marriage and with her husband Andy.

We talk about heteronormativity, the division of domestic labour, mental load, weaponised incompetence, the caregiving penalty, the emotional burden of needing to educate her partner, and more.

Design: Abi Coldrey
Music: Cal Newton

What does it mean to be sex positive? In this solo episode I define what sex positivity is at its core, while also challenging the ways in which it can be taken out of context. 

Why have I called it "the sex positivity paradox"? Well… I've noticed that, sometimes, people can unknowingly use the term in ways that defeat the whole purpose of what the sex positive movement set out to achieve. 

I talk about shame, trauma, pleasure, healthy relationships, celibacy and more. If you feel like you don't fit in, like you're "inexperienced" in sex, or you're having (or not having) sex that feels inauthentic to you, then this episode is especially for you.

Design: Abi Coldrey
Music: Cal Newton

"Coming in" is a concept that came about as an alternative to coming out. Registered Psychologist and Narrative Therapist, Sekneh Hammoud-Beckett came up with the idea alongside her queer brother over a decade ago. In this episode we talk more about coming in, how Sekneh integrates narrative therapy with psychology, where "coming out" falls short for LGBTQ+ people, and what it looks like to challenge traditional relationship norms and discover for ourselves what fits for our identity and preferences. 

Music: Cal Newton
Design: Abi Coldrey

For an experience that happens to so many people, miscarriage is something that's hardly spoken about. Many suffer in silence. Not Jacqui Maloney, as she's come to learn. After having 2 miscarriages, part of Jacqui's healing has involved sharing her experience with loved ones and the people around her. 

We talk about processing grief, anger, blame and trauma. Jacqui reflects on the relationships she had throughout those chapters, offering her perspective on what can be helpful for people going through pregnancy loss. 

Jacqui is a Public Speaking and Media Coach, using her voice to not only champion having difficult conversations, but to uplift others in sharing their message. 

This episode is for people who've experience miscarriage, their loved ones, and basically everyone - because the more we spread awareness around this human experience that occurs 1 in every 4 pregnancies, the more we can distigmatise the conversation and hold space for people's pain. 

The organisations we mention in the podcast include:

https://www.pinkelephants.org.au/
https://www.bearsofhope.org.au/
https://www.sands.org.au/

Music: Cal Newton
Design: Abi Coldrey