The Intimacy Lab Michelle Renee, Human Connection Coach

In this conversation, Michelle Renee and Nikita Fernandes discuss their connection in the therapy world and their passion for sexual healing. They explore the importance of platonic intimacy, body image work, and the power of touch. They also share their go-to outfits for a booty call and the things they love to receive but have a hard time asking for. The conversation ends with a discussion about the hottest things someone has said in bed. In this conversation, Michelle and Nikita discuss various topics related to sexuality and sexual health. They talk about the importance of communication and making noise during sexual encounters, as well as the significance of self-pleasure and self-care. They also touch on the stigma surrounding herpes and the need for education and support for individuals with STIs. Nikita shares her upcoming projects, including becoming a licensed therapist and speaking at a conference on sexual health and mental health. Michelle discusses Soft Cock Week and her upcoming TV appearance. They emphasize the importance of body positivity and acceptance in sexual relationships.

Takeaways


Platonic intimacy is essential for rekindling sexual intimacy in relationships.
Body image work and exploring non-genital zones can be incredibly erotic.
It's important to communicate and ask for what you want in bed.
Vocalization and affirmative consent can enhance sexual experiences.
Being naked in public can help overcome body image issues.
Touching and exploring different pleasure points can build anticipation and desire. Communication and making noise during sexual encounters can enhance pleasure and indicate enjoyment.
Self-pleasure and self-care are important aspects of sexual well-being.
There is a need for education and support for individuals with STIs, particularly in reducing the stigma surrounding herpes.
The conference on sexual health and mental health provides a platform for discussing the impact of STIs on mental well-being and promoting education and awareness.
Body positivity and acceptance are crucial in fostering healthy sexual relationships.



Nikita Fernandes (she/her) a Mental Health Therapist-LP and Sex Therapist based in New York City. She can be found at ⁠https://healingwithnikita.com⁠ or email at nikita@texgibson.com.



Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is⁠ ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.

If you’d like to ask a question, for Michelle to answer on an episode, ⁠click here⁠.

To grab your own set of We’re Not Really Strangers, ⁠click here⁠.



Links from today's episode:

⁠https://AASECT.org⁠

⁠

https://www.briangibney.org/⁠

⁠

https://www.surrogatepartnercollective.org/⁠



⁠https://embracespt.org⁠



⁠https://humanconnectioncoach.com/resources⁠



Asexuality episode: ⁠https://www.meetmichellerenee.com/episode/7⁠



Spoon Theory: ⁠https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory⁠



We’re Not Really Strangers XXX Adult Edition: ⁠https://amzn.to/44e7XXY⁠



Naked with Strangers Article: ⁠https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/202102/spending-time-naked-strangers-can-improve-body-image⁠



Something Positive for Positive People: ⁠https://www.spfpp.org/⁠



Something Positive for Positive People Safe Sex Expo: ⁠https://www.spfpp.org/offerings/p/safe-sex-expo⁠



STI Risk Chart: ⁠https://www.sfcityclinic.org/patient-education-resources/std-risk-chart⁠

⁠https://softcockweek.com⁠



Sex Sells on FuseTV, Season 3 - Episode 5: ⁠https://amzn.to/3JA8Twt⁠




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Summary

In this teaser episode, Michelle Renee provides an update on the restructuring of the podcast for Season 2. She shares her personal healing journey and compares it to peeling layers of an onion. Michelle discusses the cycle of woundedness to healing and the continuous process of self-development. She gives a preview of the upcoming episodes for Season 2 and emphasizes the importance of taking time to ensure the podcast brings her joy. Michelle encourages listeners to engage by submitting questions or comments.

Takeaways


The healing journey is a continuous process of growth and self-discovery.
Embracing self-development can be a fulfilling and transformative experience.
The cycle of woundedness to healing involves going back and forth between healing and facing new challenges.
Engaging with listeners and incorporating their questions and comments adds value to the podcast.



To send a comment or ask a question, go to IntimacyLabPodcast.com



Follow Michelle on social media @MeetMichelleRenee



The video version of this podcast is available on Spotify and Youtube



Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Season Update

01:53 The Healing Journey

03:03 The Process of Healing

03:21 The Cycle of Woundedness to Healing

04:20 Embracing Self-Development

04:57 Season Two Preview

06:24 Restructuring the Podcast

06:54 Engaging with Listeners




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In this conversation, Michelle Renee and David Khalili, MA, LMFT, discuss various topics related to connection, communication, and personal growth. They explore the importance of asking for help and setting boundaries, as well as the impact of goal-focused sex on relationships. They also discuss the role of journaling in emotional processing and the benefits of expanding the definition of sex. The conversation highlights the need for healthy endings and the value of working triadically to provide comprehensive support. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, communication, and building strong connections. In this conversation, David Khalili discusses his favorite parts of the book on ⁠Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker⁠. He highlights the concepts of reparenting and the inner critic. The discussion then moves on to understanding the inner critic and outer critic and the toxic relationship between the two. David emphasizes the importance of playing a different game in life and finding alternative ways of succeeding. The conversation also explores the topics of verbal ventilation, permission for tears, and the significance of grief and mourning. The impact of nurturing and the broad scope of complex PTSD are discussed. Finally, David shares information about Rouse Relational Wellness and the therapy services they offer.



David Khalili (he/him) is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a board-certified sexologist, and the founder of Rouse Relational Wellness in San Fransisco. He can be found on social media at ⁠@rousetherapy⁠ and at ⁠https://www.rousetherapy.com⁠



Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is ⁠⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠⁠ and can be found on social media at ⁠@meetmichellerenee⁠.



If you’d like to ask a question, for Michelle to answer on an episode, ⁠click here⁠.



To grab your own set of We’re Not Really Strangers, ⁠click here⁠.



Other Links from this episode:

⁠David Khalili on Get Nake with Dr Kate⁠

⁠Reid's Formula for Difficult Conversations⁠

⁠Sex Geek Summer Camp⁠

⁠Reid on Bawdy Storytelling telling a Betty Dodson story⁠



Takeaways


Asking for help and setting boundaries are essential for personal growth and healthy relationships.


Goal-focused sex can lead to desperation and a lack of connection with partners.


Journaling can be a powerful tool for emotional processing and self-reflection.


Expanding the definition of sex can lead to more fulfilling and diverse sexual experiences.


Healthy endings and working triadically can provide comprehensive support and promote personal growth. Reparenting and addressing the inner critic are important aspects of healing from Complex PTSD.


Judging others and oneself is often a result of the toxic relationship between the inner critic and outer critic.


Playing a different game in life and finding alternative ways of succeeding can help break free from constant self-criticism.


Verbal ventilation and permission for tears are essential for emotional release and healing.


Grief and mourning are necessary processes that should be acknowledged and supported.


Complex PTSD can result from a lack of nurturing and emotional support.




Taking breaks and engaging in comedy can be a helpful form of auto-regulation.


The power of Golden Girls and other forms of comedy in improving mood and well-being.


Rouse Relational Wellness offers a variety of therapy services focused on couples and sex therapy.






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In this conversation, Michelle Renee and Grace Heer discuss the power of vulnerability and deep connection. They share personal experiences and insights on the importance of being authentic and open in relationships. They also explore the use of cards to deepen connections and create meaningful conversations. The conversation highlights the impact of vulnerability at events and the power of asking yourself what you need. They also discuss advice for mental health and self-care, as well as the process of figuring out what you want in life and listening to your body when making decisions. In this conversation, Michelle and Grace discuss the importance of exploring personal desires, taking care of mental health, recognizing the need for rest, listening to your body's signals, the importance of boredom and rest, balancing work and self-care, processing childhood experiences, and finding joy and self-care.



Grace Heer is a professional cuddler, cuddle event facilitator, life coach, and end-of-life doula in Orange, CA. You can learn more about her at GracefulCuddles.com or on Facebook and Instagram at Grace Heer, Coaching and Cuddling. Links are on her website.



Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.



Takeaways


Take the time to explore your personal desires and what you truly want in the moment.
Prioritize your mental health and find small ways to make up for neglecting it.
Recognize the signs of needing rest and create white space in your schedule.
Listen to your body's signals and pay attention to what it needs.
Embrace boredom and rest as essential for rejuvenation and creativity.
Find a balance between work and self-care to avoid burnout.
Take the time to process and heal from childhood experiences.
Find joy in simple activities and prioritize self-care.
Remember to prioritize your own needs and take breaks when necessary.



If you’d like to ask a question, for Michelle to answer on an episode, ⁠click here⁠.



To grab your own set of We’re Not Really Strangers, ⁠click here⁠.



Links of note from today's episode:

Michelle's Facebook

36 Questions to Fall in Love

Kassandra Brown's Radical Listening

Terry Real's book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship


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In this episode, Michelle and Adelina discuss the concept of earning vulnerability and the importance of feeling safe and supported in order to open up. They also explore the different levels of vulnerability and how trust is built over time. The conversation shifts to building friendships with colleagues in the sex-positive community and the unique connections that can be formed. They share personal stories of meeting influential figures in the field, such as Lucy Fielding and Dan Savage, and the impact these encounters had on their lives. In this part of the conversation, Michelle and Adelina discuss Michelle's experience with Dan Savage, the fear of rejection, the unpublished episode, self-reflection and validation, and the mystery behind it. They also talk about embracing their inner dork, the success of Soft Cock Week, the podcast journey, favorite takeaways from interviews, quotable moments, the challenges of recording, the Soft Cock Week events, the glitch and the help, the underlying message of Soft Cock Week, the beauty of free-form conversations, and the Intimacy Lab experiment.



Takeaways




Vulnerability is earned through feeling safe and supported.
Different levels of vulnerability exist, from sharing personal experiences to entrusting someone with your care and life.
Building friendships with colleagues in the sex-positive community can be a source of connection and understanding.
Meaningful encounters with influential figures in the field can have a profound impact on personal and professional growth.



Adelina Adler is a sex coach and sex educator based in Wilmington, NC. You can find Adelina on Instagram at ⁠@askaddyadler⁠. She is the host of ⁠Sexplorations! with Adelina Adler⁠ on Spotify.



Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is⁠ ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.



Have questions you'd like answered by Michelle or her guests? Leave them at IntimacyLabPodcast.com.



Notes from today's show:

Cuddlist Training Discount

Soft Cock Week Podcast

Interview with Paul on Queer Relationships, Queer Joy

Joli Hamilton, polyamory coach

We're Not Really Strangers

How Cuddlist changed my life, podcast episode 3

Episode 4 where I answer the love question with Vanessa

Brian Gibney, episode 2

Sara, episode 1

The Intimacy Professionals - more can be found here

Psychnetworker

Lucie Fielding's Trans Sex

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity

Get Naked with Dr Kate Episode with David Khalili

David Khalili's books: Mental Health Workbook for Men and Sex Worriers

Michelle's Newsletter Sign Up




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In this episode, Michelle Renee is joined by Aubri Lancaster, an asexuality and aromanticism educator. They discuss the concepts of asexuality and aromanticism, providing a comprehensive understanding of these orientations. Michelle shares her personal journey and how she discovered her own asexuality. They also explore the connection between aphantasia and asexuality. The conversation highlights the importance of differentiating between sexual attraction and desire. In this conversation, Aubri Lancaster and Michelle Renee discuss personal desire and attraction, exploring intimacy beyond sex, different pathways to asexuality, navigating sexual attraction and desire, expanding the definition of intimacy, challenges in sex education and advocacy, the importance of language and understanding, and decentering sex in relationships. The conversation explores the topic of solo sex within committed relationships and the importance of communication and negotiation in maintaining a healthy sexual dynamic. It challenges the societal expectation that sex should only occur within a partnership and highlights the need for individuals to prioritize their own sexual satisfaction. The conversation emphasizes the significance of open dialogue and mutual understanding in navigating differences in sexual preferences. Overall, it encourages a shift towards more inclusive and personalized relationship agreements.



Aubri Lancaster is an AASECT certified sexuality educator with a focus on asexuality and aromantisism. She can be found at ⁠AceSexEducation.com⁠ or @acesexeducation on social media.



Check out Aubri's upcoming webinar "Am I Ace Enough?"



Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is⁠ ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.



Takeaways


Understanding personal desire and attraction is a complex and individual experience.
Intimacy can be experienced in various forms, including platonic, intellectual, and touch-based connections.
Asexuality encompasses different pathways and experiences, and it is important to recognize and respect these diverse perspectives.
Sexual attraction and desire can be separate from emotional and romantic connections.
There are many ways to connect and experience pleasure beyond sexual activity.
Sex education and advocacy face challenges in terms of societal norms and limited support.
Language and understanding play a crucial role in exploring and accepting diverse sexual orientations and experiences.
Relationships can prioritize different forms of connection and intimacy, and sex does not have to be the central focus. It is acceptable to prioritize solo sex even in committed partnerships.
Lack of communication and understanding can lead to issues in sexual dynamics.
Negotiating relationship agreements is crucial for establishing mutual satisfaction and avoiding societal expectations.
Open dialogue and self-awareness are essential in navigating differences in sexual preferences.



If you’d like to ask a question for Michelle to answer on an upcoming episode, click here.

To grab your own set of We’re Not Really Strangers, click here.



Links from today's episode:

Aubri's Episode of The Bonding Hour

Michelle's Episode of The Bonding Hour


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