90. Q&A (Separation, Opposite Sex Friendships, Narcissism, Recharging & Manhood)

In this insightful Q&A session, the Vallottons tackle 5 questions submitted by listeners pertaining to marriage and friendship.

Questions Answered in This Episode:

1. When one spouse feels the need for separation to heal and rebuild, but the other is unwilling, what do you do?

• Make a real plan if you separate, and get help doing it
• Build a NEW marriage, not fix the old
• Focus present-future, and not on the tangle from the past
• Real justice is getting what God paid for, not getting an apology

2. What specific emotional needs are unhealthy in opposite sex friendships?

• It’s less about a specific list of needs that are or aren’t ok to be met by an opposite sex friend. It’s more about the depth of intimacy in ANY area that you allow yourself to go to.
• When you invest emotional intimacy into friendships with the opposite sex, and then that person finds a committed partner, you’re putting yourself in a position to be left and wondering if your heart is valuable.
• Our single seasons are meant for investing in same-sex friendships and vibrant community, not opposite-sex intimacy.

3. Do you have any suggestions for dealing with narcissistic tendencies in a spouse?

• Be careful not to label your spouse with a disorder! Selfishness and an inability to care for you well does not make your spouse a narcissist.
• There are true narcissists, however! You should get a professional to help you diagnose and treat. 
• Ultimately a narcissist will need a full rewiring, which they’ll need a professional to help with.
• Use healthy boundaries in the process!

4. How do you recharge well when you have a marriage and family and work to take care of?

• Plan ahead
• Get small breaks but plan for the full recharge moments
• Grow in an awareness of HOW you like to fully recharge
• Become a great teammate with your spouse so you get the support you need without derailing your family when you need to recharge.

5. I’m a husband and a father that loves God, but I just don’t feel a lot of purpose or motivation, and I keep getting stuck in this rut. What should I do? 

• Men get trapped in being self-focused and forget that the POINT of focusing on me is so I can be great for other people. 
• Cure to addiction, not wanting to be present at home
• Life should be about leading others well, not just self
• Being a leader is one of the most important jobs on the planet. Moses freed 400 years of bondage because he lead…

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