Life in Relationship

Heidi and David Goehmann
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Life in Relationship Podcast

Writer, licensed clinical social worker, and theologian, Heidi Goehmann, produces resources that advocate for mental health and genuine relationships. She loves her family, post it notes, Jesus, adventure, Star Wars, Star Trek, and new ideas…not necessarily in that order.

  1. 12/12/2023

    Frustration with Chris Kennedy

    Special guest Chris Kennedy, Pastor and Author Chris’s book, Grace Under Pressure - https://amzn.to/3FBrdU2 (associate link)   Proactive v reactive approach Proactive = investing in taking care of ourselves, our emotions, our whole selves to be able to live in the moment more authentically as ourselves and in what we value/believe Reactive = awareness of emotion when it comes up   Tip 1 - Attend to and nurture The environment Relationships Internal needs Growth mindset – realist outlook + everything is redeemable   Tip 2 – Hold the tension of love with your frustration or anger   Tip 3 – Remember “more than they deserve” Tip 4 – Non-judgment – grace and truth with the understanding that God is judge, not me Tip 5 – Notice other people Tip 6 – values and faith as driver, emotion as information to process Shame Tip 7 – careful of pouring yourself out to the last drop, we are human   The impact of shame and guilt on our internal processing of anger “Holding It Lightly” from dialectical behavior therapy The purpose of frustration and anger

    27 min

  2. 28/11/2023

    Happiness

    How do I find more happiness? Happiness is a momentary emotion, as all emotions are, time oriented, even as a mood   Tip 1 - Look for happy moments, not a vague ongoing experience   Defining – emotion related to joy, gladness, satisfaction, or wellbeing Related to confidence or satisfaction with a moment, a person, a situation   Tip 2 – avoid all or nothing thinking Allow and acknowledge several emotions in your system at one time Value all the emotions   Tip 3 – We’re ok v. Yay! Positive psych and researching the experience of happiness Hedonia and eudaimonia – pleasure v meaning Markers of happiness = relationships, purpose, meaning/gratitude/mindfulness, physical health   Tip 4 – Don’t force it   Tip 5 – Know your values to find your eudaimonia happiness Purpose and pleasure, skill and fulfillment DBT values word list available to subscribers at heidigoehmann.com in December     Research: https://positivepsychology.com/predictors-of-happiness/ Waterman, A. S. (2013). Eudaimonia: Contrasting two conceptions of happiness: Hedonia and eudaimonia. In J. J. Froh & A. C. Parks (Eds.), Activities for teaching positive psychology: A guide for instructors (pp. 29–34). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14042-005 Huta, V., Waterman, A.S. Eudaimonia and Its Distinction from Hedonia: Developing a Classification and Terminology for Understanding Conceptual and Operational Definitions. J Happiness Stud 15, 1425–1456 (2014). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-013-9485-0

    26 min

  3. 14/11/2023

    Anxiety

    How do I tell the difference between my anxiety and my child’s?   Attachment relationships are more connected for regulation The value of presence The detriment of sponging emotion   Tip #1 – adults can bring the emotions to consciousness for kids Notice and name the emotion in the room Also helps us differentiate between my emotion and someone else   Tip #2 – go out into nature/Creation to release some emotion Link to forest therapy info: https://www.natureandforesttherapy.earth/   Tip #3 – know your own “stuff” (triggers, concerns, traumas)   Tip #4 – do not assume an emotion, ask about an emotion   Tip #5 – Be aware of triggers with no shame Practice accountability with kindness “I am uncomfortable. I want to hear what you have to say. I want to know what’s going on with you. The way it’s coming out is challenging for me.”   Tip #6 – hold the duality of parental responsibility with deep parental love and connection Common questions: will they be ok? Will I mess them up? What am I missing? Give yourself space to learn and grow Try to help kids be unburdened by adult problems   Tip # 7 – Maintain your connection with God Pouring out your emotions with God Resting with God Rhythms of prayer as emotionally regulating Hear God speaking to your emotions as a Gospel-oriented, invitation-to-relationship God

    25 min

  4. 24/10/2023

    Sadness

    How do I help my loved one when they are sad?   Differences in sadness and sorrow definition relationship to distress and emotion regulation   Elevated, heavy feelings – sadness, guilt, remorse/regret, powerlessness -       Time oriented, long suffering, pain taking time -       Death, change, trauma, heartbreak, injustice, loss, disappointment, bad luck, trouble   Consider the moments when someone becomes aware of something challenging No fixing acknowledgement goes a long way let these emotions be a process let people’s emotions, including our own be complicated and layered let it be seen by God with someone invite that person into regular life things    2 Corinthians 1:3-4, God of all comforts, God of all, but especially of comfort Psalm 18:6-8, God’s anger at what makes us sad or hurt     Resources: https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/sorrow-an-acknowledgment https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/honoring-our-sorrow-sadness-amp-tears-a-scripture-list-for-lent https://www.kfuo.org/2020/01/20/coffee-hour-012020-no-shame-in-sadness/

    30 min

  5. 17/10/2023

    Zeal

    Listener question: How do I have a conversation with someone I disagree with when I feel passionately about something?   Annoyed, accosted, attacked, or acknowledgment – honoring people’s passions while setting our own boundaries   Tip 1 – root around your belief systems and consider how it impacts people   Tip 2 – use words to state our emotions as well as our thoughts   Define Zeal -       great energy or enthusiasm for a cause of goal (google) -       eagerness and ardent interest in something (webster) -       fervor, determination, combined with kindness equalling great devotion (urban dictionary) -       related to passion that is hard to govern   Tip 3 - What is the love within this? What is the fear within this? -        Tip 4 – reserve zeal for injustice to give power to the marginalized Tip 5 – hate doesn’t help -       Ted Lasso – Be curious, not judgmental     Tip 6 – You can have boundaries Opt out of conversations – place for avoidance and distraction, change of focus Opt of relationships – what relationships in our life hold zeal in health and which are overwhelming Boundaries with your own emotions   Resources: Atlas of the Heart - https://amzn.to/46uBrRD Subsribe to heidigoehmann.com for more.

    24 min

  6. 03/10/2023

    Empathy with Boundaries

    Listener question: How do I have both empathy and boundaries? Article on empathy and boundaries at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/the-savior-complex-empathy-without-boundaries  The difference between “hey, hold my emotions” and “withness” Cognitive empathy: Do they need us to see their perspective? Listen and ask questions about what they are thinking and how they see the world and their current experience.  Emotional empathy: Do they need us to see their feelings? Listen and ask questions that help them name their emotions and give a space to honor them without judgment.  Boundary #1 – self-differentiation Boundary #2 – no drama making, honor the degrees of separation Boundary #3 - know your lens: perspective, bias, and assumptions Boundary #4 – empathy doesn’t fix people Boundary #5 – know your bandwidth  Boundary #6 – be yourself in your kind and compassionate clothing Boundary #7 – recognize all of our capacity for suffering   Mental Health Tool - Gut check practice Series on empathy at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/igniting-empathy-inside-of-me https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/how-do-we-talk-with-empathy https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/bringing-empathy-to-social-media

    25 min

  7. 12/09/2023

    Pleasure

    How do I get more pleasure in my life and relationships? Getting past the word pleasure - Culture and church cringy word, kind of awkward, vaguely sexual  Pleasure definition = enjoyment, satisfaction 1 - Look for pleasure to be relationship focused 2 - ask deeper questions about pleasure 3 - pleasure in balance with other emotions 4 - noticing skills   3 stages of pleasure: Wanting – expectation/anticipation, pursuit/drive Liking – sensation experience of pleasure, hedonistic hotspots in the brain Learning – brain updating information, making future predictions; brain begins linking neurotransmitters that were harder to link before     Resources: Altogether Beautiful video on expanding our understanding of pleasure 45 sec Preview: https://youtu.be/902FvFLwbA0?si=P8irRsjz0AH2ZQXj https://vimeo.com/ondemand/altogetherbeautiful/260826340 https://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2004/11/berridge https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/202107/the-new-neuroscience-pleasure

    24 min

  8. 28/08/2023

    Season 6 Trailer

    Welcome back! The Life in Relationship Podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. We are looking forward to sharing Season 6 with you. This season we are answering relationship questions all about Emotions to celebrate Heidi's book release of Emotions & the Gospel: Created for Connection. Emotions covered include: pleasure, anxiety, happiness, sadness & sorrow, frustration, zeal, and empathy. Join us for episodes dropping in September. Submit your relationship questions at lifeinrelationshippodcast@gmail.com. See you soon!

    2 min
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About

Writer, licensed clinical social worker, and theologian, Heidi Goehmann, produces resources that advocate for mental health and genuine relationships. She loves her family, post it notes, Jesus, adventure, Star Wars, Star Trek, and new ideas…not necessarily in that order.

Information

  • Creator
    Heidi and David Goehmann
  • Years Active
    2017 - 2023
  • Episodes
    100
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Show Website
    Life in Relationship

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