Why Independent Women Struggle with Dating

It's our season finale! This season we talked a lot about how men and women are different-- from how we express ourselves to how we receive feedback. One thing is clear from our previous episodes: when women and men don’t understand our differences we struggle in relationships because friction is inevitable.

Though men and women are different, I think we need each other. That is oftentimes difficult to see with so many women advocating for equality and taking on the head of household role. In this episode we discuss the harmonious roles that men and women can play in each others’ lives, why we need each other, and how we both possess the masculine and feminine energies needed to balance and complement each other.

I also share my thoughts from an independent, unmarried woman’s perspective and we dig into how difficult it can be for independent women to find a complementary balance with men or even recognize when an imbalance exists. We discuss why self-sufficient women have a harder time dating, how men are turned off by that independence, and on the flip side how some women are trained or taught to date and marry. 

We hope you enjoy this episode. If you do, let other people know by writing us a review and rating our podcast with five stars on Apple. If you haven’t already, check out the rest of Season 3, and don’t forget to subscribe so you won’t miss future episodes! 

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In this episode:

[07:27] - In coming generations, Pops thinks that women will assume the “the head of household” role. 

[08:46] - Though, they often talk about how men and women are different, Brittney clarifies that one is not better than the other. 

[10:38] - Brittney thinks that unfortunately a lot of black women have been forced (voluntarily or involuntarily) to take care of themselves and their families alone, but realizes she doesn’t want to perpetuate that cycle. 

[11:53] - Men and women need each other. We’re meant to balance each other. However, for some reason, we’re sometimes afraid to admit that we need each other.

[12:39] - Pops thinks that a clean slate and open-mindedness are key to achieving balance and understanding in a relationship. Old ways of doing things won’t work.

[14:06] - As creatures of habit, Brittney thinks that this is where doing the work in relationships comes in.

[16:29] - Brittney shares an example of when the heart (emotion) and the head (rational thinking) work in unison to complement each other in a family.  

[18:34] - Pops acknowledges that Brittney possesses masculine and feminine energies. In a relationship, he suggests each person clarifies the role they want to play in order to achieve balance. 

[23:52] - Pops says that it’s a turn-off when women claim “I don’t need a man”.

[25:55] - Brittney has a theory that men don’t really want to be in a relationship with super independent women. Pops thinks that it’s too challenging for men. 

[26:46] - Pops has been in a relationship with an independent woman where he felt like it couldn’t bring anything satisfactory to the table. Brittney thinks that men want to be in relationships where they feel needed. 

[32:04] - Brittney realizes that she wasn’t necessarily taught how to be a partner or to be in a relationship. She was raised to be independent, while other women are taught how to play the game.

[34:31] - How do we break the cycle of non-partnership? How do teach children that men and women needing and complementing each other is ok and good?