Last Men On Earth

Lex Jurgen & Matt Ralston
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Last Men On Earth Podcast

The setting is today. The male of the species has been cowered to near extinction by a combination of privileged white girl Soul Cycle feminism and excessive pass interference calls in football. From their drunken repose at a Hollywood area bar and pizza joint, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston broadcast the last bastion of masculine thought to a dispersed audience of survivors. Like a giant dick beacon, if that’s your thing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  1. LMOE #174: Extremely Blurred Lines

    07/10/2021

    LMOE #174: Extremely Blurred Lines

    Yes, it's true. Matt and I take more work vacations than the cackling chunksters on The View. Hopefully, those moments we do return to tape more shows we're not quite as stupid. Though that's clearly up for debate. On our latest and greatest Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive into the Emily Ratajkowski Blurred Lines assault allegations, because her breasts are perfect and that always warrants attention, talk about the sexual coercion stories out of the women's soccer league we didn't even know existed, get into Cooper Hefner sinking his dad's Playboy empire with virtue-signaling stunts, wonder why "prostitution" was renamed "sex trafficking" by the police and media after 1,000 years, and decide whether there's any nobility to NBA vaccine holdouts like Andrew Wiggins and Kyrie Irving. We're back, with a vengeance. And yes, Matt does look a lot like Joy Behar now. Adoringly yours, Lex. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1h 32m
  2. LMOE #173: Megan Rapinoe in a Babydoll, Now We Have Your Attention

    25/06/2021

    LMOE #173: Megan Rapinoe in a Babydoll, Now We Have Your Attention

    Matt came back from the week off he demanded for Juneteenth, which is interesting because he was definitely on the slaveowner's side. Every dance has two partners. We reunited to discuss Victoria's Secret firing the Angels and going with butch soccer star and activist Megan Rapinoe in their lingerie campaigns, Chrissy Teigen going full Blue Velvet on unwitting sad people on Twitter, LeBron James being AWOL on the Covid Vaccine, and Matt and I decide who our favorite dude competing as a woman in the 2021 Olympics will be. It's a wonderful time to be alive. A less wonderful time to be dead. As always. We do love our audience. And we want you to love us back. We're not asking for sexual favors. Though we're not not asking for that. But a few coins in our metaphorical guitar case as we sadly sing Oasis songs wouldn't hurt. Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth podcast and help free the world! Love and kisses. Lex. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1h 32m
  3. LMOE #172: Hollywood Pays Big Woke Bills

    11/06/2021

    LMOE #172: Hollywood Pays Big Woke Bills

    The boys are back in town again. I think because we don't have vaccine passports we're technically not allowed to leave. But beside the point. Matt and I got together at my mountaintop lair and recorded yet another Smithsonian archive level Last Men on Earth podcast episode. Someday we'll get that Kennedy Center honor. Once all the cellists are dead. In this week's Last Man on Earth episode, we explore Chris Harrison's $50 million dismissal from The Bachelor for improperly being a racial reactionary, put ourselves in the shoes of 1970's University of Michigan linemen being fondled quite openly by the team doctor, explore the bowels of TikTok stardom, and objectively reviewed the Logan Paul, Floyd Mayweather fight for the shallow bit of circus nonsense designed for idiots that it was. Objectively speaking. We do ask you to kindly subscribe to be patrons of our show, as that is how we are raising money for Matt's transition into a female leprechaun. The cost of hacking off his Lucky Charms is more than you might expect. For a couple of shekels, you can really make his transformation to butterfly happen. We respect and admire you. Lex Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1h 38m
  4. LMOE #171: Bill Gates, Pussy Magnate

    13/05/2021

    LMOE #171: Bill Gates, Pussy Magnate

    Don't call it an audio comeback! We're back with a fully functional amateurish episode of Last Men on Earth. This is the one where we discuss why billionaires like Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates can't figure out until it's too late they can have hot young trophy wives, Matt explains why baseball player Drew Robinson's failed suicide was hardly heroic, we delve into Hollywood pretending to discover not a single member of the Golden Globes is black, and we wonder why women follow the likes of Chrissy Teigen for working mom and parenting advice. This episode jam-packed full of fudgy flavor. Lick it. Go on. Nobody's looking. As always, we come hand in hat asking for you to become a patron of the show on Patreon.com. We honestly really do use any contributions toward beers and heroin, so you know it's money well spent. Bless you, even the ugly people. Lex. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1h 26m
  5. LMOE #170: The Sickly Covid Tapes

    06/05/2021

    LMOE #170: The Sickly Covid Tapes

    I'm not going to sugar coat this, we took a year off to hide under our couches with our various gendered fully-legal sex workers and came back and screwed up the audio recording on our very first try. I think it may be the long-term impact of Covid, even though neither of us had Covid. That's how sinister the China virus is. Nevertheless, if you care you care to give it a whirl, Matt and I dive into the Covid lifestyle, Elliot page cutting off her breasts, err, his breasts, in order to write a screenplay, Tess Holliday claiming to be the world's first obese anorexic, SI Swimsuit diving faster toward bankruptcy with male models in its swimsuit edition, and Serena Williams next in a line of neverending self-serving documentaries about the struggles of being rich and famous and universally press-adored. It's actually good shinola, if you can make it through the intense record lag pops on the track. As always, we beg your indulgence for recording equipment and beer money via Patreon.com. Because our nation is at its best when it rewards failure. Thanks (heart emoji banging another heart emoji against its will), Lex. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    2h 9m
  6. LMOE #169 - COVID, Heard Dumps, and NBA SJW

    13/07/2020

    LMOE #169 - COVID, Heard Dumps, and NBA SJW

    There are heroes in this life, and then there are HEROES. Like Matt and I drinking beers and eating pretzels and violating many standing COVID restrictions by our mayor, governor, and almighty W.H.O. Council of Elders by coming together for the big 169. Greatest Generation type stuff. Hold your applause. After what seems like a lifetime of coronavirus maniacal scare-casting, we've put out Last Men on Earth Podcast #169. On this week's episode, we dive into our own personal pandemic stories, I force Matt to take a test "NBA Social Justice Slogan or Top Selling Rap Album Name", we project the fate of noted pedo-pimp Ghislaine Maxwell, we wonder where NFL team name changes may end up after full slippery sloping, dive into the fecal details of the Depp and Heard melee, and end on a happy note praising Sports Illustrated for putting a dude who wanted to be a woman in a bikini onto their Swimsuit edition, finally. Banana Hammocks for all my friends! Naturally, we can't live without basic funding for our coronavirus tests. So become a member of our Last Men on Earth patron family and keep hope alive. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1h 39m
  7. LMOE #168 - Amber Heard Lied, Kobe Died

    04/02/2020

    LMOE #168 - Amber Heard Lied, Kobe Died

    Matt and I are on a roll. Like Mahomes to Hill, and trust me, the pitcher and receiver analogy is perfect. I'm Mahomes. Fuck it, the Niners should've won. I'm going to make Hill pay tonight. Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth and you can live forever. We do need your $1.50 for beer money. And you need to stop feeling guilty about listening for free. On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive into the hard landing of Kobe Bryant who Matt wished dead on tape two year ago, though he gets bonus points for calling Amber Heard a liar two years ago on wife abuse charges, we explore Harvey Weinstein's micro-penis, tell you the truth about Meghan Markle's master plan, wonder if two Latina (Latinx!) moms pole dancing at the Super Bowel really constitutes female empowerment, and expose the woke narcissism that is Joaquin Phoenix. We do this for you, because we care. Care back. Become a Patron of the Last Men on Earth for the price of two cigarettes, or one beer, or 1.5 Slim Jims. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1h 54m
  8. LMOE #167 - The Internet Is For Porn

    26/01/2020

    LMOE #167 - The Internet Is For Porn

    Now that Matt and I are shitting out content on a regular schedule, it's time to consider your patronage of this blessed audio work. Where would the world be without the De Medici family supporting Michelangelo? Or George Soros supporting transnational sex workers? The bare, naked, honest, and horrible truth needs benevolent patrons as well. Support the Last Men on Earth podcast with your couch change, you glorious motherfucker. On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive deep into the study that shockingly declares teen boys are watching Internet porn daily, discussing Deb Dugan's Grammy corruption non-revelations, dive into Terry Crews' sex fasting process, discuss the sad fate of fat Canadian trans-activist Jennifer Yaniv, I share my Elizabeth Warren real life nightmare, and we wonder how many more minutes until Julianne Hough's hockey playing husband comes out of the penalty box, err, closet. This episode is jam packed with speculation posing as fact. So very modern. And yes, we want your dollar. Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth podcast. Oh, the hit lists you'll be on when the Bolshevik Bros take over. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1h 25m
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About

The setting is today. The male of the species has been cowered to near extinction by a combination of privileged white girl Soul Cycle feminism and excessive pass interference calls in football. From their drunken repose at a Hollywood area bar and pizza joint, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston broadcast the last bastion of masculine thought to a dispersed audience of survivors. Like a giant dick beacon, if that’s your thing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Information

  • Creator
    Lex Jurgen & Matt Ralston
  • Years Active
    2015 - 2021
  • Episodes
    150
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Show Website
    Last Men On Earth

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