"Modern Relationships"

"Modern Relationships"

We rarely get to hear how people actually make relationships work, especially in the high-pressure, fast-paced world of tech. While there's endless dating advice out there, what's missing are the real, unfiltered stories of how ambitious people navigate modern relationships and build a life together. Unlike every other aspect of modern life that can be solved with an app or outsourced to a service, building meaningful relationships remains stubbornly resistant to quick fixes. Through conversations with leading relationship thinkers and candid interviews with real couples, we dig into the raw truth of what it takes to make partnerships work - from the challenges and fights to the breakthroughs and lessons learned along the way.  I believe we learn best from seeing how others have navigated similar paths. These conversations offer honest perspectives on what it really takes to make modern relationships work in our corner of the world. Hosted by Erik Torenberg, investor and entrepreneur. Modern Relationships is part of the Turpentine podcast network.

  1. How to Be Attractive & What Data Says About Dating | Rob Henderson

    2D AGO

    How to Be Attractive & What Data Says About Dating | Rob Henderson

    Best-selling author, Air Force veteran, and psychologist Rob K. Henderson joins Erik Torenberg to explore the complex dynamics and evolutionary psychology in modern dating. The conversation examines how evolutionary psychology explains attraction patterns, particularly women's occasional interest in men with dark triad personality traits. Henderson unpacks the phenomenon through the lens of the Luigi Mangione case, discussing how violence and aggression can paradoxically enhance male appeal due to evolutionary adaptations. They explore dark triad attraction, pickup artist culture, partner selection research, and practical advice for men navigating relationships in the age of dating apps and challenging social dynamics. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Rob’s Newsletter: https://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/Rob-Henderson/177690581 Rob’s Best-selling book Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Troubled/Rob-Henderson/9781982168544 -- FOLLOW ON X: Rob - @robkhenderson Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia Chapters 00:00:00 Intro and Preview 00:01:41 Evolutionary psychology in relationships 00:04:17 Dark triad attraction case study: Luigi Mangione 00:10:56 Why women respond to violent men 00:14:04 Sponsor: Relationship Hero 00:15:54 Pickup artist culture evolution 00:20:40 Reconciling evolutionary psychology with being a good person 00:24:14 Partner selection research findings 00:29:49 Dark triad assortative mating patterns 00:31:13 High-leverage ways men can improve dating value 00:37:44 Age gap relationships 00:42:15 Black pill ideology and incel communities 00:49:41 Jordan Peterson vs. Andrew Tate as male influences 00:55:09 Vulnerability's role in male attraction 00:57:44 Closing thoughts on modern dating challenges 01:01:18 Wrap

    1h 2m
  2. Love Lessons from a Dating Coach & a16z Tech Talent Expert | Whitnie & Carl Narcisse

    MAR 21

    Love Lessons from a Dating Coach & a16z Tech Talent Expert | Whitnie & Carl Narcisse

    Carl Narcisse, a partner on the talent team at Andreessen Horowitz, and Whitnie Narcisse, formerly an operating partner at First Round Capital who just launched a matchmaking company, talk to Erik Torenberg about their relationship. The couple discuss their decade-long marriage that began at a baseball game, balancing tech careers with raising three children, and applying "people ops" principles to their partnership—like maintaining a #relationshipgoals spreadsheet to track their goals. They share insights on navigating cultural differences, dating 360s, and why relationships require both spiritual alignment and a growth mindset. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Whitnie’s website: Whitnie.com a16z.com: https://a16z.com/ -- FOLLOW ON X: Carl - @cnarcisse Whitnie - @WhitnieLow Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Intro (01:34) How Whitnie and Carl Met (03:49) Their Dating Journeys Before Meeting (07:22) Recognizing the Right Partner (09:57) Early Relationship Challenges (14:00) Cultural Differences (15:50) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (17:25) Handling Temperament Differences (19:00) Balancing Energy Levels (21:28) Wanting a Partner Who Leads (23:40) Whitnie’s Evolution from Avoidant to Secure (27:09) Applying People Ops to Marriage (31:47) Building a Support System (33:52) Relationship Goals and Communication (38:26) Whitnie’s Dating Concierge Business (44:23) The Value of 360 Reviews in Dating (47:04) Finding the Right Partner vs. The "Perfect" Match (53:34) Dating Process Advice (56:04) Marriage and Commitment (1:00:18) Navigating Challenges in Marriage (1:02:09) Parallels Between Recruiting and Matchmaking (1:04:30) Wrap Chapters 00:00:00 Intro 00:01:34 How Whitnie and Carl Met 00:03:49 Their Dating Journeys Before Meeting 00:07:22 Recognizing the Right Partner 00:09:57 Early Relationship Challenges 00:14:00 Cultural Differences 00:15:50 Sponsor: Relationship Hero 00:17:25 Handling Temperament Differences 00:19:00 Balancing Energy Levels 00:21:28 Wanting a Partner Who Leads 00:23:40 Whitnie's Evolution from Avoidant to Secure 00:27:09 Applying People Ops to Marriage 00:31:47 Building a Support System 00:33:52 Relationship Goals and Communication 00:38:26 Whitnie's Dating Concierge Business 00:44:23 The Value of 360 Reviews in Dating 00:47:04 Finding the Right Partner vs. The "Perfect" Match 00:53:34 Dating Process Advice 00:56:04 Marriage and Commitment 01:00:18 Navigating Challenges in Marriage 01:02:09 Parallels Between Recruiting and Matchmaking 01:04:30 Wrap

  3. MAR 14

    A VC and OpenAI executive on work-relationship balance | Elizabeth & Kevin Weil

    OpenAI Chief Product Officer Kevin Weil and Scribble Ventures' Founder & Partner Elizabeth Weil share how they've navigated demanding tech careers over 20 years while raising three children—from their whirlwind marathon meetup to building parallel paths in Silicon Valley. They discuss how they've navigated their career decisions while raising three children, why they believe in letting kids develop natural resilience, and their theory that "life's too short not to be with someone who brings out all the good things." Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Scribble Ventures: https://www.scribble.vc/ OpenAI: https://openai.com/ -- FOLLOW ON X: Kevin - @kevinweil Elizabeth - @elizabeth Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Preview and Intro (02:04) Meeting Story: Marathon Connection (05:33) Moving Fast: From Dating to Engagement (08:02) Partner Expectations: Finding Each Other (10:38) Life's Too Short: Relationship Philosophy (11:38) Relationship Chapters: Pre and Post Kids (13:00) Career and Motherhood Balance (16:31) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (18:05) Elizabeth's Work Philosophy (21:00) Kevin's Career Journey (23:15) Growing Up Together in Tech (26:21) Division of Labor & Parenting (30:37) Delegation and Help at Home (34:53) Parenting Philosophy: Raising Grounded Kids (37:25) Safety vs. Independence (40:05) Approach to Academic Achievement (42:38) Education in an AI World (46:09) Core Values for Children (48:47) Maintaining Marriage After Kids (50:55) Couples They Admire (53:05) Balancing Everything: Lowering the Bar (54:45) Final Thoughts: In It Together (56:14) Wrap

    57 min
  4. What Wellness Coaches Know About Staying Married | Jonny Miller and Kelly Wilde Miller

    MAR 8

    What Wellness Coaches Know About Staying Married | Jonny Miller and Kelly Wilde Miller

    Curious Humans podcast host Jonny Miller and creative coach Kelly Wilde Miller sit down with Erik Torenberg and share their framework for "shortening the half-life of reactivity" of conflicts, their sacred Sunday check-in practice, and why they view marriage as "an arena for surfacing our own stuff." Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE: Curious Humans with Jonny Miller: https://curioushumans.com/ Nervous System Mastery: nsmastery.com Kelly Wilde Miller: https://kellywildemiller.com/ Creative Dysregulation: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0CVBM1JTV?ref_=mr_referred_us_au_au FOLLOW ON X: Jonny - @jonnym1ller Kelly - @kellycwilde Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (01:07) Intro (01:50) Finding Your Partner (04:24) Transitioning from Friendship to Relationship (07:06) Engagement Story (14:13) Working Through Relationship Challenges (18:36) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (20:11) Marriage as an Arena for Growth (26:22) Conflict Resolution Techniques (30:49) Communication Frameworks (45:18) Nervous System Regulation (52:44) Sunday Partnership Check-ins (1:00:15) Children and Community (1:07:30) Thoughts on Polyamory (1:10:05) Final Reflections (1:14:00) Closing

    1h 15m
  5. E8: Marriage is a Preparation for Divorce | Agnes Callard & Arnold Brooks

    FEB 28

    E8: Marriage is a Preparation for Divorce | Agnes Callard & Arnold Brooks

    Philosophers Agnes Callard and Arnold Brooks bring their intellectual rigor to marriage and relationships. They sit down with Erik Torenberg to discuss their relationship's beginnings (when Agnes was Arnold's professor), their Platonic versus Aristotelian disagreements about whether marriage is something to transcend or achieve, and why relationships must "escape their beginnings" to thrive. Agnes explains why "marriage is a preparation for divorce," while Arnold argues the healthiest foundation for partnership isn't reciprocal support but simply appreciating how your partner lives—what he calls "bearing witness.". Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE: * New Yorker article on Agnes and Arnold, by Rachel Aviv: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/03/13/agnes-callard-profile-marriage-philosophy * Arnold Brooks: http://philosophy.uchicago.edu/arnold-brooks * Pre-order Agnes Callard's new book Open Socrates: https://wwnorton.com/books/open-socrates * Agnes Callard on Upstream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JotaCsaG3Y FOLLOW ON X: Agnes - @agnescallard Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (01:49) Intro (02:08) Agnes' and Arnold's relationship background (08:13) Marriage and philosophy connection (16:38) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (18:13) Discussion about divorce (26:37) Relationships haunted by their beginnings (30:18) Maintaining friendship with an ex-partner (34:00) Advice on choosing a partner (43:34) Conflict about ambition and contentment (49:35) Arnold's advice to overthink marriage together (59:42) Parenting philosophy and making children interesting (1:04:12) Reflections (1:08:17) Wrap

    1h 9m
  6. Propose On the First Date | Adam Gries & Rie Yano

    FEB 14

    Propose On the First Date | Adam Gries & Rie Yano

    Adam Gries and Rie Yano are both startup founders now building in the longevity space (Vitalism). They discuss their approach to partnership, from their serendipitous first meeting (started as a misunderstanding) to building a 50/50 marriage while running companies and raising children. They examine why great relationships shouldn't require constant work, how they maintain true equal responsibilities, and why finding the right partner parallels finding an exceptional co-founder. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero  It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- FOLLOW ON X: Rie - @rieglobe Adam - @adamgries Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Intro and Preview (01:50) "The One": Their Unique Meeting Story (08:25) "Co-locating": Their Innovative Long-Distance Approach (19:39) "Work is for Fools": Their Anti-Work Philosophy (23:05) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (24:40) The One Hard Thing - What Relationships Are Able to Handle (30:21) Highest Tension Moments: Working Together & Lemonade Incident (37:23) The True 50-50 Partnership (40:56) Systems for Success (45:05) Practical Hacks: Google Calendars & "Airing of Grievances" (47:19) Life board of directors meetings (52:16) On Men Doing More (57:13) Full Stack Parents (59:10) Monogamy: Intentional Choice or Default? (1:00:38) Chasing Longevity: Supporting a Partner with Unconventional Goals (1:03:26) Money & Career Dynamics (1:08:32) Modern Parenting Approach (1:11:18) If You Knew Then? Tolerating Pain & Cutting Losses (1:14:20) The Illusion of Difficulty: How to Find a Great Match (1:17:49) Finding Your "Three Sigma" Match (1:21:21) Closing Thoughts & Final Advice

    1h 23m
  7. Date 60 Was The One | Tara Viswanathan & Alex Modon

    FEB 7

    Date 60 Was The One | Tara Viswanathan & Alex Modon

    Tara Viswanathan (founder who recently sold her startup) and Alex Modon (startup founder) share their journey from a 15-minute Bumble date to marriage. They discuss Tara's systematic approach to dating (including analyzing 60 first dates), building a relationship while running startups, and their thoughts on balancing ambitious careers with starting a family. A rare glimpse into two founders making partnership work. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero  It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- FOLLOW ON X: Tara - @TaraViswanathan Alex - @alexmodon Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE: Books The Defining Decade by Meg Jay: https://www.amazon.com/Defining-Decade-Your-Twenties-Matter/dp/0446561754 Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805 -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Intro and Preview (01:41) Tara's Unconventional Quest for "The One" (05:19) Alex's Journey to Finding Love Unintentionally (07:53) Tara's "Crazy" Playbook: Love Hacks and Radical Self-Improvement (12:59) Lessons Learned from Countless "I Dos" (and "I Don'ts") (14:14) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (15:49) A Dynamic Approach to Partnership (18:24) Considering Age Rate and Stage of Life (19:35) Reclaiming Authentic Power in Love and Life (23:36) Decoding Each Other's Communication Styles (28:41) Integrating Family and Work Adventures (32:50) A Shared Vision for Family and Career (36:26) Future Family Plans: Adoption (50:39) Hot Takes on Dating (51:26) The Core of the Decision: Ask "What Feels Right" (55:05) Protecting Your Relationship (59:19) The Dream: An Integrated Life (1:03:14) Wrap

    1h 2m

    About

    We rarely get to hear how people actually make relationships work, especially in the high-pressure, fast-paced world of tech. While there's endless dating advice out there, what's missing are the real, unfiltered stories of how ambitious people navigate modern relationships and build a life together. Unlike every other aspect of modern life that can be solved with an app or outsourced to a service, building meaningful relationships remains stubbornly resistant to quick fixes. Through conversations with leading relationship thinkers and candid interviews with real couples, we dig into the raw truth of what it takes to make partnerships work - from the challenges and fights to the breakthroughs and lessons learned along the way.  I believe we learn best from seeing how others have navigated similar paths. These conversations offer honest perspectives on what it really takes to make modern relationships work in our corner of the world. Hosted by Erik Torenberg, investor and entrepreneur. Modern Relationships is part of the Turpentine podcast network.

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