Dr. Lisa Shulman - Before and After Loss: A Neurologist's Perspective on Loss, Grief, and Our Brain

I’m so happy to introduce you to today’s guest, Dr. Lisa Shulman. As I told her at the beginning of our conversation, had I found her work when I experienced the loss of my husband in 2006, I may not be doing the work that I am doing now. I thanked her for doing her work and for writing her book Before and After Loss because the way she describes the impact of loss and grief on the brain is truly life-changing for all of us. When I first found her book I thought, how come I didn’t know about this before and how come my community doesn’t know about her?

Dr. Shulman and I have a wide reaching conversation about her own experience of grief when her husband died to her research and need to understand, as a neurologist, just what was happening to her brain as she experienced grief or as she calls it, emotional trauma. 

Like me, she had much professional experience with grief before her own experience, so she anticipated that she would have an easier time than others because she had been close to the experience, but as she learned you don’t really know how it actually feels until you are walking in those shoes.

Dr. Shulman explains why our Survivor self kicks in after emotional trauma to keep us moving through the world, and in many cases, high-functioning. It’s how we continue to go to work, take care of our children, maybe even make big life changes and take risks. It’s in this mode that we start to believe that we’re “ok” and so do the others around us.

I had chills when she talked about the depression that comes with grief wasn’t the problem. The real problem as she understood and experienced it was the utter disorientation and loss of self-identity, one of the big invisible losses that I talk about in my book Second Firsts and in my Life Reentry classes. It took a long time for her to unpack and understand that was what was going on. Because, as you know if you’ve experienced the death of a loved one, you’re not only grieving the person that you lost but also the person that you were in relation to them.

“When you understand how the emotional trauma of loss impacts the brain, it normalizes the experience and you feel less alone. We are all having very similar experiences, right down to the kinds of dreams that we have.” ~ Dr. Lisa Shulman

Dr. Shulman explains that it’s the same brain pathways whether you are experiencing the death of a loved one, losing your job, or go through a divorce. No matter the loss, it’s alll tied up in the brain’s evolutionary patterns for our survival in the face of threat. Grief is felt in the same place of the brain no matter what loss you are experiencing.

She approached her grief as a neurologist and wants to normalize the experience of grief for everyone. As she explains, when you understand how emotional trauma impacts the brain, it normalizes the experiences and helps us to feel less alone. While of course everyone’s experience is different, it’s also true that we are having very similar experiences, right down to the kind of dreams that we have. 

Dr. Shulman wants everyone to know that the experience of loss is a normal response of the brain and that there are extremely powerful, tangible things that we can do for ourselves to promote our healing.  She believes that the more we understand that we can promote positive neuroplasticity for ourselves we can truly being to heal. 

I hope that you’ll listen and let me know what you think of this conversation. Please comment below or share with me on social media. Please share it with your friends and family, and be sure to tag me if you share it on social media so that I can say thank you. I’m @christinarasmussen7 on Instagram and @ChristinaRasmussen2014 on Facebook. 

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