83 episodes

Kelly is a life coach, counselor, teacher and parent who loves to teach other parents how to yell less and love more in your home to reduce tension and increase happiness within your 4 walls. She loves to unlock the secrets to creating magic and connection between the parents and children to have Harmony in the Home.

Harmony in the Home Kelly Hutcheson

    • Parenting
    • 5.0 • 9 Ratings

Kelly is a life coach, counselor, teacher and parent who loves to teach other parents how to yell less and love more in your home to reduce tension and increase happiness within your 4 walls. She loves to unlock the secrets to creating magic and connection between the parents and children to have Harmony in the Home.

    083: Understanding Your Parents’ Journey

    083: Understanding Your Parents’ Journey

    Why would you want to understand your parents?







    I often say that you get two phases of participating in the parent-child relationship dynamic: once as the child, and once as the parent. On the first time around, we have a very simple view of the world and we soak up information and experiences, and that informs our experience the second time around. As we become conscious of our behavior as parents, we become conscious of the experiences that formed our parents, and vice versa.







    Parents have an unfortunate habit of deriving their internal value from the behavior of their children, for example: “I am a good parent if my child is a straight-A student.” This is not a good mindset for many reasons, mainly because deriving internal value from external circumstances is a recipe for feeling like a failure, but also because by playing that game, you are failing to recognize the particular needs and individual spirit and agency of your child!







    Now, a tangent. It’s worth noting that for many listeners, childhood was a source of pain at the hands of neglectful or abusive parents. First: this was NOT your fault in any way. You did no wrong and you did not deserve what you received, for it was their own feelings of lack and fear and unworthiness projected onto you.







    Now, knowing this, it is helpful to understand their motivations for your own learning and development. Note that the word is “understand,” NOT condone nor forgive; accountability is a part of growing up.







    But understanding the “why” behind hurtful and harmful behavior is key in order to become conscious of our own potential for traumatizing our children by reenacting those terrible things that shaped us. The key is leveling with our own ever-present potential for doing both good and bad in order to learn from our parents’ lives and thus avoid making their mistakes.







    Now that you are in the adult role in the dynamic, the onus is upon you to take the steps that must be taken to grow and heal, and to be good to your child. Remember that parenthood has huge ups and downs. Many days will be B-minus days. But as you come to accept what is and make peace with yourself and the past, you will heal, you will feel like a better parent, and your children will be better because of it.







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    Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com.







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    • 23 min
    082: Understanding Your Ego

    082: Understanding Your Ego

    Our dog Maggie is incredibly protective! When she detects a strange person (like the Amazon delivery person, for example), she goes on high alert. THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG! This is (sometimes) endearing with pets, but less so when our own brain does this. Let me explain.







    The ego is part of the inner Self. It’s usually formed at a young age. It carries around a lot of weight. Sometimes our perception of our person-ness, our worthiness, is not great. This distorted version of reality might’ve come from school, peers, or our parents, but in any case, it’s not aligned with objective truth.







    When we undertake any difficult work - a diet, therapy, anything that involves real change - the brain goes into protective Maggie mode and says SOMETHING IS WRONG! You don’t want to be vulnerable, because you could get hurt, right? And you want to wait for the ego to calm down before you start trying to do hard stuff, right? Wrong and wrong!







    Listen, here’s a secret. Your ego is never going to go away. It’s part of you, and as a human being you are designed to protect yourself from harm and mitigate risk. The ego actually does do a pretty good job when it’s not sabotaging the things you WANT to do. As always, the key to understanding yourself and finding fulfillment is having grace and compassion for yourself. And when you’re trying to do a hard thing and the ego flares up … do the hard thing anyway. ;)







    2021 Oola goal sheet: https://tinyurl.com/GoalsForNextYear2021







    Our viral TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJtB8Qsg/







    Subscribe on Apple!







    Subscribe on Android!







    Join my FREE parenting bootcamp!







    Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me:







    Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com.







    Find me on Instagram!







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    • 22 min
    081: Goal-Setting in 2021

    081: Goal-Setting in 2021

    As 2020 draws to a close, I’ve been reflecting on all the wild things that have happened this year! One fun twist to this unprecedented year happened just a couple weeks ago. My editor posted a video to TikTok where he reacts to my description of how unhealed childhood trauma manifests. That video has now been viewed 241 THOUSAND times, and it’s brought new listenership to the podcast! How wild is that?!







    Over a thousand people have also made side-by-side reactions to this video. The put-a-finger-down reactions of many viewers lead me to believe that the takeaway is, look at all the possible ways in which people are broken.







    To listeners both old and new: you had the childhood that you needed to grow. - Now first off, I cannot stress enough the reality of bad situations. Neglectful, abusive, and purposefully mean parents and guardians exist. Horrible things happen to people who don’t deserve it. Let’s unpack what I mean when I say your childhood was “the childhood you needed.”







    Know that you are NOT broken. Know that everything in your past, whether good or bad, has been done. Make peace with that. Loving “what is,” as I say when quoting Byron Katie, begins with acknowledging all the things we cannot change. The universe has dealt you the hand you have, and you are not EVER to blame for other people's hurtful actions.







    Fortunately, the future is much brighter. As you become conscious of your wounded inner child, the power to move forward is in your hands. Your childhood memories and experiences, no matter how beautiful or terrible they were, are the tools you need AT PRESENT to move forward, heal, grow, and live a conscious life, so that the wrongs of the past are not repeated.







    Eventually, we must all individually level with the responsibility of attending to our own lives. That means a lot of things: getting professional therapy(!!!), talking to a life coach, or maybe even just going to bed at a consistent hour. That responsibility includes learning from the entirety of our childhood. It also includes setting goals and growing!







    This year, I invite you to join me in setting goals for the seven Fs of Oola: Fitness, Finance, Family, Field, Faith, Friends, and Fun. I’ve linked you to a goal sheet you can fill out. Reach out to me at coachingkelly@aol.com to get my address, send me your goals for 2021, and I’ll hold onto them for a year and mail them back to you at the end of next December so you can look back and calibrate your vision for the next year!







    2021 Oola goal sheet: https://tinyurl.com/GoalsForNextYear2021







    Our viral TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJWQKYQC/







    Subscribe on Apple!







    Subscribe on Android!







    Join my FREE parenting bootcamp!







    Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me:







    Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com.







    Find me on Instagram!







    Find me on Facebook!

    • 19 min
    080: Technology for Toddlers and Teens

    080: Technology for Toddlers and Teens

    Technology surrounds us. Everyone has to have a phone so parents can keep track of their children, video game systems are everywhere - and with the pandemic, tablets and computers now play a major role in our kids’ education. Many parents are confused as to what the correct amount of screen time is for their children. Well, I’m here to demystify that for you, because I asked all the experts and pediatricians and made polls in parenting groups and asked a bunch of you.







    Guess what transcendent truth I uncovered? I know EXACTLY how much screen time kids can have, by age. Here it is. Are you ready? The correct amount of screen time … will vary from child to child! Ha! Gotcha, didn’t I?! But it’s true, you and you alone have that stewardship, that responsibility, to determine what works for your kids.







    The thing is, everybody’s “Goldilocks” style of parenting tailored to the needs of their kid(s) will look different. You have to (you GET to) choose how much time your kids are on devices, and you should love your reason for it or make whatever modifications you feel are necessary. You get to choose whether and how extra time is given. You get to choose SO. MANY. THINGS. Moral agency for parents AND children is the power to experiment (and even make mistakes sometimes). It's a gift, so don’t waste it. :)







    Subscribe on Apple!







    Subscribe on Android!







    Join my FREE parenting bootcamp!







    Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me:







    Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com.







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    • 30 min
    079: Personal Development for Kids

    079: Personal Development for Kids

    I recently cleaned out my closet. I donated and threw out years’ worth of buildup. All those clothes, personal effects, and trinkets that were causing me stress are (for the time being) under control! And WOW, it feels great. Life can be like that too. We get buried under tasks and appointments and literal physical stuff just like in my closet. If we don’t know how to get out from under the pile, it’s scary.







    Now, I like to think of life as a school, an opportunity for me to become the best “me” I can be. My husband, my kids, everybody gets an opportunity to learn and grow. And luckily, lots of people have taken this test before, and they’re giving us their notes. What causes you agita? What stresses you out? There’s a book out there for that! And that’s because that author went on that journey and dealt with that struggle, and they know how to get their “closet” in order.







    One of the greatest gifts we can give to our children is our example. I read self-help and personal development literature, and then I encourage my children to read books in the same genre that are appropriate for their age and will teach them lifelong lessons. In this episode, I’ll discuss how I’ve incentivized reading to help my kids grow and become the best “them” they can be.







    Remember, the best way to teach your child a behavior or help them develop a trait is to model it yourself. This is especially true in reading books. I get distracted. I procrastinate. But I still do it, and you can too! You’ve got this!







    ALL THE LINKS!







    https://tinyurl.com/PDBooksKellyRecommends4Adults







    https://tinyurl.com/PDForPrimaryKiddies







    https://tinyurl.com/PDForIntermediateKiddies







    https://tinyurl.com/PDContractSample







    https://tinyurl.com/PDForTweensAndTeens







    Remember, it's okay to be B- at parenting. The real grade is how much you love your children, and no report card can show that. You've got this!







    Subscribe on Apple!







    Subscribe on Android!







    Join my FREE parenting bootcamp!







    Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me:







    Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com.







    Find me on Instagram!







    Find me on Facebook!

    • 29 min
    078: Healing Old Wounds in Current Time

    078: Healing Old Wounds in Current Time

    If you’ve ever felt the need to yell at your child over what your rational mind knows is something totally inconsequential, if you’ve had strong urges to “fix” something you dislike about your partner, or if you often feel like you didn’t get the childhood or the parents you needed to be successful, your mind is trying to heal wounds from your past in the now.







    We begin our lives as children, and our brains are little blank slates. We observe the way our parents interact with each other and with us. As we grow and mature into adults, we look for interpersonal connections, whether friendships, work environments, or romantic relationships, that mirror what our unconscious minds thought was “natural” or “normal” in our household.







    Being drawn towards narcissists or abusers is not something to beat yourself up over! It is part of your suffering, and there is no growth without suffering. However, you owe it to your future self, and to those around you, to become aware of those parts of your unconscious that draw you to bad people and bad situations and bad people, and to heal them outside of relationships. Having a spouse or a baby is not going to fix your problems.







    And if, heaven forbid, you realize that you are the yeller or the name-caller or the spanker that you swore you would never be, your job is to become aware of whatever it is in your past that triggers bad behavior in you, and then to decondition yourself so you can ALWAYS respond with reason, love, and compassion to your triggers. This is hard work, but it’s worth it. I promise.







    Subscribe on Apple!







    Subscribe on Android!







    Join my FREE parenting bootcamp!







    Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me:







    Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com.







    Find me on Instagram!







    Find me on Facebook!

    • 29 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
9 Ratings

9 Ratings

Isabelle De Crepe ,

Super efficient

I love Kelly’s podcast. She makes the concepts super easy to understand, with great examples and tips to remember them. They translate perfectly to real life and can be implemented straight away. Thank you Kelly!

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