It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People TruStory FM

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy are joined by special guest Amanda Smith to discuss Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), continuing our Bringing It to Life series. They explore the common experiences of individuals with BPD, such as intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, and self-destructive tendencies.
The Power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)Amanda highlights the effectiveness of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) in treating BPD, emphasizing the importance of group therapy in conjunction with individual therapy. She shares success stories of individuals who have made significant progress through court-ordered DBT treatment.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are the common experiences of individuals with BPD?How can individuals with BPD work towards recovery?Is court-ordered DBT treatment effective for individuals with BPD?Key Takeaways:
BPD is characterized by intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, and self-destructive tendencies.DBT, which combines individual and group therapy, is a highly effective treatment for BPD.Individuals with BPD can make significant progress towards recovery through consistent and dedicated treatment.This episode offers valuable insights into understanding Borderline Personality Disorder, exploring effective treatment options, and discussing the emotional struggles faced by individuals with BPD. Listeners will gain knowledge and strategies for supporting their loved ones on the path to recovery.
Links & Other Notes
GUEST
Amanda Smith, LCSWBOOKS
The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderCOURSE
Online Borderline Personality Disorder Family Course [begins May 29, 2024]—led by Amanda SmithCoping with Chronic Suicidal Thinking and Planning: Success Strategies for Providers, Family Members, and Individuals Who Are Suffering [1-hour webinar Saturday, May 18 at 10:00 am Central--$29]ORGANIZATIONS
Hope for BPDNational Education Alliance for Borderline Personality DisorderMind.org.ukAustralia BPD Foundation Limited (listing of resources across Australia)ARTICLES
7 Tips for Working with Clients With Borderline Personality Disorder The New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:39) - Borderline Personality Disorder with Amanda Smith
(02:11) - Amanda’s Background
(03:18) - Diagnoses From Which You Can Work Your Way Free
(06:03) - Common Experiences in BPD
(10:38) - What Can Be Done?
(14:43) - Being Held Accountable
(20:58) - Court-Ordered Therapy?
(23:08) - When They Don’t Change
(26:46) - What Are They Feeling?
(31:12) - Dissociation
(32:53) - Wrap Up
(33:11) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part Two With Amanda

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High Conflict Cases and Money: Navigating the Complexities
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan are joined by special guest Kate Merrill, a California attorney specializing in complex divorce cases involving stock options and other business and corporate issues. As part of the Bringing It to Life series, they explore the intricacies of high conflict divorces involving money and finances.
Kate shares her unique perspective, having transitioned from a corporate attorney in Silicon Valley to a family law attorney. Her background in corporate law and MBA in finance enable her to approach these cases with a fresh perspective, uncovering hidden assets and untangling complex financial structures.
Bill and Megan discuss the common patterns of behavior exhibited by high conflict individuals in divorce cases involving money, including controlling finances and using manipulation tactics to hide assets or mislead their partners.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can a background in corporate law and finance benefit high conflict divorce cases?What are the common patterns of behavior exhibited by high conflict individuals in divorce cases involving money?Why is it crucial for clients to be their own advocates and educated consumers of legal services?Key Takeaways:
Understanding corporate structures, compensation packages, and investment vehicles is essential in high conflict divorce cases involving money.Clients must be their own advocates and educated consumers of legal services, as most family lawyers may not have the specialized knowledge required to navigate complex financial matters.Conducting a thorough investigation into the financial history of a relationship can uncover hidden assets and manipulative tactics.This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating a high conflict divorce involving money and finances, providing strategies to uncover the truth and achieve a fair outcome.
Links & Other Notes
GUEST
Attorney Kate MerrillBOOKS
High Conflict People in Legal DisputesDating RadarSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderORGANIZATIONS
Institute for Divorce Financial AnalystsARTICLES
When Math People and Feelings People NegotiateWhy I Wrote SplittingOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:35) - Bringing It to Life: Kate Merrill
(42:32) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: How to Help Those Who Struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder

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Surviving Academia: Navigating High Conflict Personalities in Higher Education
In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," the fourth installment of the Bringing It to Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle the unique challenges of dealing with high conflict individuals in academia. Drawing from a listener's question about a bullying boss in a university setting, Bill and Megan explore the dynamics of toxic work environments in higher education and provide strategies for navigating these treacherous waters.
The Ivory Tower's Dirty Secret: High Conflict Personalities in Academia
Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of high conflict personalities in academia, noting that the tolerant and helping nature of the industry can attract and enable difficult individuals. They highlight the specific challenges of dealing with tenured professors who exhibit high conflict behaviors, as well as the emotional toll this takes on colleagues and the institution as a whole.
Navigating the Minefield: Strategies for Dealing with High Conflict Colleagues in Higher Education
Bill introduces the CARS method – Connect, Analyze options, Respond, and Set limits – as a framework for managing interactions with high conflict individuals in academic settings. He emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, providing useful information without arguing, and imposing consequences when necessary, while acknowledging the limitations of individual action in the face of institutional tolerance.
The Delicate Dance of Leaving a Toxic Academic Environment
Bill and Megan address the challenges of leaving an academic position due to a high conflict colleague, particularly in the context of an exit interview. They discuss the potential risks of speaking openly about the reasons for departure, the judgment calls involved in deciding what to share, and the importance of securing another position before leaving.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Why do high conflict personalities seem to thrive in academia?How can I manage interactions with a high conflict colleague in a university setting?What are the unique challenges of dealing with tenured professors who exhibit high conflict behaviors?How can I navigate leaving an academic position due to a toxic work environment?Key Takeaways:
Academia's tolerant and helping nature can attract and enable high conflict personalitiesThe CARS method provides a framework for managing interactions with difficult colleagues in higher educationIndividual action may be limited in the face of institutional tolerance of high conflict behaviorsCarefully consider the risks and benefits of sharing reasons for leaving in an academic exit interviewSecure another position before leaving an academic job due to a high conflict colleagueThis episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for anyone navigating the complex world of high conflict personalities in academia. By understanding the unique dynamics at play in higher education and employing the techniques discussed by Bill and Megan, listeners can better protect themselves and their careers while working in this challenging environment.
Links & Other Notes
COURSESNew Ways for Work® Coaches TrainingConflict Influencer™ BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies(publishes June 2024)BIFF at WorkIt’s All Your Fault at WorkNew Ways for Work® Coaching ManualARTICLESThe CARS Method® for Resolving High Conflict SituationsHow To Write A BIFF Response®4 Ways to Set Limits at WorkOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:37) - Bring It to Life: High Conflict in Academia
(01:10) - The Question
(03:20) - Signs of High Conflict Behavior
(09:5

Parental Alienation: What It Is and How to Handle It
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan dive into the complex topic of parental alienation in divorce and separation cases. They answer a listener's question about an extreme case of alienation and provide insights on what alienation is, how it differs from estrangement, and most importantly, what can be done about it.
Understanding Alienation and EstrangementBill explains that alienation occurs when a child resists or refuses contact with a parent, not because of that parent's actions, but due to the other parent's influence. In contrast, estrangement happens when the child's resistance is caused by the rejected parent's own behavior, such as violence or emotional abuse. Bill emphasizes the importance of taking a scientific approach rather than a blame approach to understand what may be happening in each case.
Treating Alienation and EstrangementBill discusses the different treatment approaches for alienation and estrangement. In estrangement cases, the focus is on helping the rejected parent learn new skills and rebuild the relationship with the child through step-by-step counseling. However, in alienation cases, the child needs to be removed from the alienating parent's influence and have intensive time with the rejected parent to re-establish their normal relationship.
Bringing the Listener's Case to LifeBill and Megan analyze the listener's question, which involves an extreme case of alienation where the father shot the mother's new husband in front of their son. They discuss the importance of investigating the case thoroughly and ensuring the mother is a safe and stable parent. 
Questions we answer in this episode:
What is parental alienation and how does it differ from estrangement?What are the different treatment approaches for alienation and estrangement?How can a child heal from the effects of parental alienation?What steps can be taken in extreme cases of alienation?Key Takeaways:
Alienation occurs when a child resists contact with a parent due to the other parent's influence, while estrangement is caused by the rejected parent's own behavior.Treatment for estrangement focuses on helping the rejected parent learn new skills, while treatment for alienation involves removing the child from the alienating parent's influence.In extreme cases of alienation, the child may need to spend intensive time with the rejected parent, possibly in a psychiatric hospital setting, to re-establish their relationship.The goal is to achieve a healthy balance in the child's life, with both parents supporting moderate thinking, behavior, and emotions.This episode provides valuable insights into the complex issue of parental alienation and offers practical advice for those dealing with this challenging situation. By understanding the differences between alienation and estrangement, and learning about effective treatment approaches, listeners can take steps to help children heal and maintain healthy relationships with both parents.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSOur New World of Adult BulliesDon’t Alienate the KidsCLASS + COACHING FOR PARENTS IN ALIENATION CASESNew Ways for Families: CoParenting Without CourtCOURSES FOR FAMILY LAW PROFESSIONALSNew Ways for Families (Counseling Method or Coaching Method)Resistance, Refusal and the Child’s BrainErasing Family Documentary with Resist/Refuse Commentary from Bill EddyARTICLESIs Alienation a One-Parent Issue?Is Your Child Alienated?PARENT-CHILD CONTACT PROBLEMS BREAKDOWNOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:36) - Bringing It to Life: Alienation
(02:09) - The Listener Question
(03:36) - Alie

Bill and Megan continue their “Bringing It to Life” series, discussing how to identify and manage high conflict personalities in the workplace. They provide insights and strategies for leaders to improve workplace culture.
Bill and Megan aim to help listeners learn skills to keep conflict small and maintain healthy work environments. In this episode, they focus on limiting the damage caused by toxic employees.
Recognizing High Conflict Behavior Patterns
Bill explains the typical behavior patterns of high conflict personalities. These include blaming others, black-and-white thinking, uncontrolled emotions, and taking extreme actions.Megan notes that toxic employees can split work groups and harm morale. Their behavior tends to be rigid and repetitive.They discuss methods to identify whether one or more employees are exhibiting these disruptive patterns.Managing High Conflict Employees
Bill and Megan explore options like coaching, setting limits, and imposing consequences. They note that firing toxic staff may be necessary.They stress the importance of intervening early before the situation escalates. Allowing bullying and chaos enables bad behavior.The hosts explain how removing one high conflict person can calm tensions and shift workplace culture.Questions we answer in this episode:
How do you spot high conflict behavior patterns?Should you keep or fire toxic employees?What happens after a high conflict employee leaves?Key Takeaways:
Look for patterns like blaming, black-and-white thinking, uncontrolled emotions.Don't wait years to address high conflict employees.Removing bullies can transform workplace culture.This practical episode provides valuable insights for improving morale and productivity by minimizing the damage caused by high conflict personalities. Bill and Megan offer useful strategies to create a thriving workplace.
Links & Other Notes
WEBINAR (FREE)Register here:  Bullies in the Workplace — May 10, 2024BOOKSOur New World of Adult BulliesIt’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationNEW WAYS FOR WORK COACHES TRAININGCoaches TrainingARTICLESFire or Keep High Conflict EmployeesOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:36) - Bring It to Life #2: Impact of HCPs on the Workplace Culture
(01:06) - The Scenario
(06:54) - One or Both?
(09:38) - Contagious
(13:05) - Resistant to Change
(15:23) - Productivity
(18:40) - Aftermath
(30:26) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: High Conflict Divorce

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In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan continue their "Bringing It to Life" series with special guest Elaine Richardson, a solicitor and mediator from the UK. Continuing their conversation from the previous episode, they dive deep into the challenges of managing high conflict personalities in family law and mediation, offering practical strategies for professionals and individuals alike.
Identifying High Conflict PersonalitiesThey discuss the importance of considering three possibilities when faced with accusations of high conflict behavior: the allegation may be true, it may be a projection, or both parties may be engaging in high conflict behavior. They emphasize the need for professionals to maintain an open mind and avoid blindly believing one party's claims.
Navigating High Conflict Clients and MediationElaine shares her experiences as a solicitor and mediator, highlighting the importance of setting clear boundaries with high conflict clients. She discusses strategies for managing difficult situations, such as challenging clients when necessary and recognizing the "personality in waiting" that may emerge during the process.
Effective Communication StrategiesBill talks again about the BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) communication method as a tool for managing high conflict interactions. He explains how using BIFF can help de-escalate tensions and encourage mirror behavior from the other party. Elaine and Bill also discuss the importance of focusing on behavior rather than labels when addressing high conflict individuals.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can professionals identify high conflict personalities?What strategies can solicitors and mediators use to manage high conflict clients?How can individuals communicate effectively with high conflict people?What role does setting boundaries play in managing high conflict situations?Key Takeaways:
Maintain an open mind when faced with accusations of high conflict behaviorSet clear boundaries with high conflict clientsUse BIFF communication to de-escalate tensions and encourage positive mirror behaviorFocus on behavior rather than labels when addressing high conflict individualsBe prepared for the "personality in waiting" to emerge during the processThis episode of It's All Your Fault offers invaluable insights for professionals and individuals navigating the challenges of high conflict personalities in family law and mediation. Bill, Megan, and Elaine provide practical strategies and real-world examples that listeners can apply to their own situations, making this a must-listen episode for anyone seeking to manage high conflict interactions more effectively.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSBIFF for LawyersOur New World of Adult BulliesTRAININGNew Ways for MediationHigh-Conflict Mediation Lecture and DemonstrationMediation in Domestic Violence CasesCOACHINGShared Parenting Scotland (coaching + class for anyone in the UK)Pre-mediation coaching(for anyone prior to mediating)Workplace coaching (for executives/leaders; employees; HR; anyone)ARTICLESThe CARS MethodHow to Write a BIFF Response®Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:33) - Part 2 with Elaine Richardson
(01:46) - Approaching a Potential High Conflict Mediation Case
(05:55) - Three Possibilities of the Case
(10:22) - When Your Client Is High Conflict
(19:45) - Handling High Conflict Between Lawyers
(27:41) - New Law in UK
(32:15) - Shared Parenting Scotland
(34:58) - Wrap Up
(36:18) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Workplace Conflict

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