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Updated 2025-05-15
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6d ago

What Recovery Actually Looks Like (Beyond Sleep)

---Register today for our upcoming webinar: Webinar: The Friction Framework! Why Your ADHD System Keeps Falling Apart — September 9. Register today at https://takecontroladhd.com/gps--- Rest, relaxation, recuperation. Three words we reach for when we're empty, and all three have collapsed into the same meaning: stop doing something. The older meanings point somewhere far more interesting, toward getting strength back rather than simply halting some energetic drain. This week, Pete walks Nikki through research from occupational psychology that helps explain a frustrating experience most ADHDers likely know well: taking the time off and still coming back exhausted. There are four distinct kinds of recovery, they don't substitute for each other, and picking the wrong one is why a whole weekend of rest can leave you no better than you started. Along the way: why sitting still can make mental noise louder, why your hobby might be the most restorative thing on your calendar, why the scroll fails every test, and how to match the kind of rest you choose to the kind of tired you are. Links & Notes The Recovery Experience QuestionnaireSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:32) - Support the Show on Patreon! (02:54) - On Rest and Recuperation (13:56) - The Big Four (26:42) - Fake Rest (29:20) - Match the Drain to the Recovery ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Aug 27

Worth Repeating: Why Some People Go Zero to Sixty with Anger (And Others Don't)

One of our favorite deep dives, revisited: why do some people go from calm to enraged in seconds flat, while others barely flinch? Bill and Megan dig into the science — and it might change how you think about jogging off your anger. Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, dive deep into the complex relationship between anger and high conflict personalities. This illuminating episode explores why some people experience instant rage while others maintain better emotional control, particularly in challenging interpersonal situations. The Science Behind Anger ManagementRecent research from Ohio State University challenges common beliefs about anger management techniques. Contrary to popular advice, activities like venting or intense physical exercise may not effectively reduce anger. Instead, the key lies in lowering physiological arousal through specific calming techniques. Bill and Megan explore these findings while discussing the brain's role in emotional regulation, particularly focusing on the relationship between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex. Different Personalities, Different Anger PatternsThe episode provides valuable insights into how various personality types experience and express anger differently. Bill explains how people with different personality traits may process and display anger in distinct ways, from calculated responses to uncontrolled emotional outbursts. This understanding is crucial for developing effective interaction strategies. Connection and Anger ManagementBill and Megan discuss the surprising effectiveness of human connection in managing anger. Whether through eye contact, using someone's name, or engaging in group activities, the power of connection emerges as a key factor in de-escalating high conflict situations. Questions we answer in this episode: Why do some people go from calm to enraged so quickly?How do different personality types experience and express anger?What anger management techniques actually work?How does early childhood development affect adult anger patterns?What role does human connection play in managing anger?Key Takeaways: Not all traditional anger management techniques are effectiveDifferent personality types express anger in distinct waysHuman connection can be a powerful tool for de-escalating angerEarly childhood experiences significantly impact adult anger patternsUnderstanding anger triggers is crucial for better managementThis episode provides essential insights for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities or seeking to better understand anger management. Through research-backed discussion and practical examples, Bill and Megan offer valuable strategies for managing anger in both personal and professional contexts. Links & Other Notes: BOOKS Our New World of Adult BulliesThe Archaeology of Mind: Neuroevolutionary Origins of Human EmotionsARTICLES A meta-analytic review of anger management activities that increase or decrease arousal: What fuels or douses rage?Breathe, don't vent: Turning down the heat is key to managing angerOUR NEWSLETTER Get our updates.SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS Invite us to speak.OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Catching Up (02:48) - Anger and Ways to Get Rid of It (06:16) - HCP Types and Anger (11:28) - Conscious vs. Unconscious (12:38) - Anger and the Brain (17:24) - Learning Self Restraint (18:59) - Study Highlights (20:27) - Difficult for HCPs (22:14) - More Research (30:03) - Archaelogy of the Mind (37:46) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Being Assertive
Aug 27

The “But I Have To…” Trap

---Register today for our upcoming webinar: Webinar: The Friction Framework! Why Your ADHD System Keeps Falling Apart — September 9. Register today at https://takecontroladhd.com/gps--- You look at the list. You look at the calendar. You already know there isn't enough day for what's on there, and somehow the first thing out of your mouth is still "but I have to." In this conversation, Nikki and Pete follow last week's capacity conversation down to the reflex underneath it. Where does the have-to feeling come from, what is it trying to protect, and what changes when you stop treating every task as though it weighs the same? They get into the five D's from Casey Dixon, why Pete has fallen hard for the one called disappoint, and the difference between deferring something and quietly hoping everyone forgets you agreed to it. Also: what to do when the list actually is too long and no mindset shift is going to fix it. Links & Notes Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (03:20) - The I Have To Trap (19:26) - The Raw Power of Disappoint ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Jul 9

How to Notice Progress Without Measuring It

---Register today for our upcoming webinar: Webinar: The Friction Framework! Why Your ADHD System Keeps Falling Apart — September 9. Register today at https://takecontroladhd.com/gps--- At the end of the day, when your brain starts tallying everything you didn't finish, where's the credit for everything you did? In the Season 32 finale, we close out the season on the quiet skill that gets buried under all that mental accounting — noticing your progress instead of measuring it. The unfinished stuff is loud: the laundry pile, the twenty-item list, the messages still waiting. The progress is silent, and a lifetime of report cards and performance reviews has trained us to see only what's left. We get into why that happens — with a detour through a 1927 psychology experiment that explains a lot about the ADHD shame loop — what self-compassion actually looks like in a real day, and why the answer isn't a shinier scorecard. Plus a family-dinner ritual worth stealing, an optical illusion that makes the whole point, and one of the more memorable cold opens of the season. It's our send-off into summer break, and a reminder that sometimes the entire practice fits into one word. Links & Notes Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:33) - Join the Community! https://patreon.com/theadhdpodcast (03:04) - Progress Without Measurement ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Aug 13

A Revisit: Breaking Down an ADHD Challenge

---Register today for our upcoming webinar: Webinar: The Friction Framework! Why Your ADHD System Keeps Falling Apart — September 9. Register today at https://takecontroladhd.com/gps--- We're on summer break, so this week is a Revisit: a favorite conversation pulled back out of the archive. In this one, Pete and Nikki put on their detective hats to break down an ADHD challenge. The idea is simple. "I can't focus" or "I can't follow through" is too big and vague to solve, so the episode is about investigating what's actually getting in your way and finding the specific roadblock underneath. There's a memorable South Park metaphor involved, plus a practical, low-pressure approach to trying one strategy at a time and keeping track of what works. An encouraging, useful listen, whether it's your first time or a return trip. Links & Notes Dr. Dodge Rea's podcast, The Change Paradox, on TruStory FM — and Nikki's guest appearance, Nikki Kinzer and The ADHD Paradox.How to ADHD with Jessica McCabe — the channel behind the motivation video that sparked this conversation (YouTube).Come join the ADHD Discord community.Support the show on Patreon.Tools mentioned in the episode: OmniFocus, OmniGraffle, MindNode, Todoist, and Day One.South Park's "Gnomes" — the origin of the underpants gnomes. (00:00) - Welcome to The ADHD Podcast (02:20) - Check out Nikki on The Change Paradox (03:48) - Skunkface (08:19) - Listener Question: Striking out as an Entrepreneur? (15:28) - Breaking Down an ADHD Challenge (23:38) - Underpants Gnomes (28:36) - Discerning the "Why" ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Aug 20

The Gap Trap!

---Register today for our upcoming webinar: Webinar: The Friction Framework! Why Your ADHD System Keeps Falling Apart — September 9. Register today at https://takecontroladhd.com/gps--- There's the version of you that exists right now, and the version you're pretty sure you should have become by this point. In this conversation, we get into the space between them, what Nikki calls the gap trap, and why that space fills up with shame so fast for ADHD brains. We talk about freeze as a nervous system response rather than a character problem, and about what it costs a fully grown adult to say "I don't know how to do this." Then Nikki offers the smallest possible way back in, along with three questions worth keeping close for the next time you're stuck. Nikki's new download, When You Feel Frozen: A Guide to Restarting Without Shame, is available now. Links & Notes Get the “When You Feel Frozen” GuideSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (03:05) - The Gap Trap (21:07) - Restarting with no Shame ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
2023-02-23

Divorce Radio and Celebrity Divorce with Guest Ilyssa Panitz

Divorce is hard and often confusing with bits of information online, in books and other sources, which can be helpful but also confusing. Journalist and radio host Ilyssa Panitz, THE Divorce Journalist, joins Bill and Megan in this episode to discuss her divorce radio show, how it began and why it is so helpful to both people experiencing divorce first-hand and for professionals too. She also has unique insight into celebrity divorce They will discuss: Her radio show The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitzincrease of high conflict divorce during and since the pandemicwhat she’s hearing from her listenerssimilarities and differences between celebrity divorces and everyone elsethe most important things she has learned about divorce by doing the radio showLinks & Other Notes ILYSSA’S WEBSITEILYSSA’S RADIO SHOWOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:26) - Meet Ilyssa Panitz (06:40) - Ilyssa's Background (08:40) - Radio Show (12:49) - Finding Experts (15:34) - High Conflict Divorce (17:55) - Affects of Pandemic (20:38) - Listener Feedback (24:01) - Lessons Learned (27:12) - Celebrity Divorces (33:15) - Biggest Lessons Learned (36:34) - Wrapping Up (39:40) - Coming Next Week: Listener Questions
Aug 13

Worth Repeating: A Retired Judge's Playbook for Family Court Success

In this classic episode from the archives, Bill and Megan sit down with retired Judge Bruce R. Cohen, who spent 24 years as a family law attorney and nearly 20 years on the bench in Arizona's Superior Court, for a rare look at family court from both sides. Judge Cohen pulls back the curtain on how judges actually weigh a case, why the old assumptions about gender bias no longer hold up, and what separates a parent who gets heard from one who doesn't. Judge Cohen unpacks how the "best interests of the child" standard actually gets applied in the courtroom, sharing personal stories — including the memorable "Bonnie story" — that show how presence and genuine humanity shape better outcomes for families. The conversation turns practical: rather than laying out a chronological case history or trying to prove who's "right," Judge Cohen explains that success in family court comes down to demonstrating your ability to meet your children's needs. Bill and Megan dig into how understanding your jurisdiction's specific factors — and letting go of assumptions about judicial bias — can make or break a case. Judicial Insights Addressed: How judges actually determine a child's best interestsWhy gender bias in family court looks different today than it used toWhat separates a "high conflict" case from a routine oneHow jurisdiction-specific factors shape a judge's decisionsCourtroom Strategies That Work: Focus on your children's needs and your ability to meet them, not a blow-by-blow of the pastShow up authentically rather than playing to assumed biasKnow your jurisdiction's specific best-interest factors before you walk inCredibility grows when you acknowledge your own weaknesses, not just the other side'sAim your case at future solutions, not past grievancesDrawing on decades on both sides of the bench, Judge Cohen offers a rare, practical look at what actually works in family court — insight you won't get from most legal advice. Combined with Bill and Megan's expertise, this is a conversation worth revisiting anytime you're preparing to walk into a courtroom. Additional Resources Books & Expert Publications: Managing High Conflict People in CourtThe Future of Family CourtMeet the Judge: Judge Bruce R. Cohen (ret.) bioClasses & Consultations: New Ways for Families® online class for parentsConflict Influencer™ online group for parents or anyone1:1 Consultation with Bill Eddy/Megan HunterStay Connected: Sign up for our newsletterVisit High Conflict InstituteSubmit a question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:02) - Welcome Judge Bruce R. Cohen (Ret.) (01:29) - Judge Cohen’s Background (06:01) - Connecting (08:28) - The Bonnie Story (13:18) - Time in Court (14:20) - Bill’s Time in Court (16:59) - Communicate Simply (27:29) - Best Interest Factors (29:50) - Gender Issues (35:31) - Control What You Can Control (37:07) - Identify Needs of Child (39:22) - High Conflict Cases (43:55) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Answering Listener Questions
2020-10-06

ADHD Parenting Principles with Dr. Russell Barkley

---Register today for our upcoming webinar: Webinar: The Friction Framework! Why Your ADHD System Keeps Falling Apart — September 9. Register today at https://takecontroladhd.com/gps--- Dr. Russell Barkley has been something of a firebrand in the ADHD community for over four decades. With twenty-five books — 43 separate editions — and his name behind numerous assessment scales and journal articles, he has established a career of education and advocacy in the field second to none. Today, Dr. Barkley joins us on the ADHD podcast. He’s here, ostensibly, to tell us all about his new book — 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD — but the conversation quickly turns toward advocacy, the tangible dangers of ADHD as a disorder, and the lives lost because too many dismiss it. We talk about the role of genetics and parenting and the role of each in ADHD. We hope you join us today; it’s an incredible honor for us to have Dr. Barkley on the show and are grateful to be able to share it with you all. Bonus! His team was kind enough to offer us a 25% discount on the new book! Click here to get it now! Links & Notes The works of Dr. Russell BarkelyJoin The ADHD Study Hall! (00:00) - Welcome to The ADHD Podcast (00:48) - Support the show: Become a Patron (02:02) - Introducing Dr. Russell Barkley (06:26) - The First Principle: Self-Regulation Deficit Disorder (09:46) - Seven things at risk with ADHD (14:05) - How do you talk to kids about a new diagnosis? (22:52) - A Legacy of ADHD Advocacy (27:32) - Signals and Myths of ADHD (37:20) - The things we can control (40:41) - The ADHD Pandemic and Parenthood (47:08) - ADHD Across the Lifespan (53:58) - Get the Book! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
2025-05-15

Aging Out Loud: Rethinking ADHD in Later Life with Dr. Kathleen Nadeau

---Register today for our upcoming webinar: Webinar: The Friction Framework! Why Your ADHD System Keeps Falling Apart — September 9. Register today at https://takecontroladhd.com/gps--- What happens to ADHD when the scaffolds of career and parenting fade, and we’re left navigating a world that’s quieter, slower… and far less structured? This week on Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, Pete and Nikki are joined by one of the most influential voices in ADHD research and advocacy: Dr. Kathleen Nadeau. An internationally recognized expert and the author of 14 books on ADHD, Kathleen is the founder and director of the Chesapeake Center—one of the largest private ADHD specialty clinics in the U.S. Her career has been defined by breaking new ground for underserved ADHD populations, and today she turns our attention to one of the most overlooked groups of all: older adults. Drawing on extensive research—including interviews with more than 150 individuals for her groundbreaking book Still Distracted After All These Years: Help and Support for Older Adults with ADHD—Kathleen guides us through the realities of aging with ADHD. She brings nuance, humor, and urgency to topics like isolation, structure loss, hormonal shifts, executive dysfunction, and the ADHD tax that shows up in the fine print of Social Security forms and medical claims. We discuss how declining circadian rhythms and deep sleep disruption may connect ADHD to increased dementia risk, and why the U.S. is still lagging behind global standards in using hormone replacement therapy to support cognitive health in aging women with ADHD. But this conversation isn’t about despair—it’s about reinvention, resilience, and the power of community. Kathleen shares powerful stories of support groups that thrive beyond professional guidance and offers practical strategies for maintaining purpose and mental clarity well into our later years. If you or someone you love is navigating ADHD after 50, this is the episode that finally speaks to that experience—with candor, compassion, and hard-won insight. Links & Notes Still Distracted After All These Years: Help and Support for Older Adults with ADHD by Dr. Kathleen NadeauThe End of Alzheimer’s by Dr. Dale Bredesen“The How and Why of Sleep” NIH Video LectureThe Chesapeake CenterThe VillagesSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:35) - Support the Show at patreon.com/theadhdpodcast (02:06) - Introducing Dr. Kathleen Nadeau (03:03) - How Does ADHD Evolve as we Age? (10:31) - Later Adult Diagnosis (20:02) - Hormonal Changes ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

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