The Humility to Learn and Grow

The Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot (4:1) famously teaches, איזהו חכם הלומד מכל אדם – “Who is wise? He who learns from all people.” The Mishnah here defines the term חכם as referring to a person who learns from everyone. In a different context, however, the Rabbis seem to give us a different definition of the word חכם (“wise”). The Gemara, in Masechet Kiddushin (49b), addresses the case of somebody who betroths a woman on the condition that “I am wise” ( על מנת שאני חכם ). How do we know if the kiddushin (betrothal) is valid? How “wise” does this man have to be for the condition to have been fulfilled, such that the woman is now married to him? The Gemara states: כל ששואלים אותו דבר חכמה בכל מקום ואומרה – if he is proficient enough that he can answer Torah questions on any topic. Even if he is not an outstanding scholar, the kiddushin is valid if he is generally knowledgeable about Torah law. How do we reconcile these two sources? How can the Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot define a חכם as somebody who learns from all people, while the Gemara defines it as somebody with broad knowledge and proficiency? We find the answer in the commentary of Rav Ovadia Bartenura to this Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot . He explains the question of איזהו חכם to mean – “Who is the person who deserves praise for his wisdom?” In other words, the Mishnah here is not defining the word חכם . The definition of this term is taught to us by the Gemara in Masechet Kiddushin. Rather, the Mishnah is teaching us what kind of wisdom deserves our admiration and praise – the wisdom of הלומד מכל אדם – of having the humility and openness to learn from the people around us. We are naturally inclined to see other people’s faults, but not our own faults. We are naturally inclined to see other people’s mistakes, but not our own mistakes. We are naturally inclined to notice what other people don’t know, but not what we don’t know. We feel uncomfortable admitting that there are things that other people do better than we do, or that other people know more about than we do. So we live in denial. As the prophet Yirmiyahu (9:5) bemoans, שבתך בתוך מרמה – “You reside in the midst of deception.” We live in a state of self-deception, fooling ourselves into thinking that we have it right, and other people have it wrong. This is why the Mishnah teaches that the חכם , the person who deserves praise for his wisdom, is הלומד מכל אדם , the person who can overcome this natural tendency, and be open to learning from all people. If a person is naturally bright, and so he has amassed a lot of knowledge, this isn’t necessarily something to be proud of. The most praiseworthy חכם is the one who is not afraid to acknowledge that he has what to learn from the people around him, who is open to learning from other people, rather than always assuming that he knows better. The Hebrew term for a Torah scholar is תלמיד חכם , which literally means “a wise student.” When we refer to Hacham Ovadia Yosef zt”l or Rav Chaim Kanievsky zt”l as a תלמיד חכם , we are saying that they were students . Yes, they were students, throughout their lives. They reached the towering heights that they reached specifically because they never ceased being students, they never felt that they knew enough, they always strove for more, and they always realized that there was more for them to learn and more room to grow. As we draw closer to the Yom Tov of Shavuot, when we reaffirm our קבלת התורה (acceptance of the Torah), let us remind ourselves what accepting the Torah means. It requires us to have the humility to recognize that we have more to learn, that we are not always correct, that we do not have all the answers, that we do not do everything right, that we have so much more growing to do. It is only if we live with this humility that we w