Healing Our Inner Child: Pathways to Embrace Our Suffering (Episode #10)

Welcome to episode ten of The Way Out Is In: The Zen Art of Living, a podcast series mirroring Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s deep teachings of Buddhist philosophy: a simple yet profound methodology for dealing with our suffering, and for creating more happiness and joy in our lives.

In this episode, presenters Zen Buddhist monk Brother Phap Huu and lay Buddhist practitioner and journalist Jo Confino are joined by special guest Zen Buddhist nun Sister Sinh Nghiem (Adornment with Liveliness). Together, they look deeply into healing childhood wounds. 

All three further discuss: inner healing, from healing the child within to collective healing and how to face our challenges, traumas and suffering to find a way through;  the possibility of transformation and healing past relationships; the original fear.

Brother Phap Huu expands upon: the importance of understanding the source of inner wounds in order to start healing them; Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings on childhood traumas; the Four Noble Truths; his own experience of being bullied as a child and its consequences; understanding and compassion for those we think are responsible for our suffering; apologizing and forgiveness; stopping the cycle of hate.

Sister Sinh Nghiem shares insights about: her journey to becoming a nun, from escaping Vietnam on a boat with her family after the war, to her career as a psychologist, and finding Thay through another teacher in the Theravada tradition; how the practice of mindfulness helped her deal with abuse suffered as a child; healing her inner child after she became a monastic. She also discusses specific spiritual practices that helped her healing process, like reconnecting with the body, and mindful movement.

Jo recollects a workshop by John Bradshaw on healing the inner child and the deep experience of transformation. He further muses on childhood and creative visualization, defense mechanisms, and the importance of understanding the context of our parents’ lives.

Finally, Brother Phap Huu ends the episode with a guided meditation on generating love for our own selves.

Co-produced by the Plum Village App:
https://plumvillage.app/

And Global Optimism:
https://globaloptimism.com/

With support from the Thich Nhat Hanh Foundation:
https://thichnhathanhfoundation.org/

List of resources 

Plum Village Community
https://plumvillage.org/

The Inner Child (short guided meditation)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zauJYihF2fQ 

Stream Entering Monastery
https://plumvillage.org/practice-centre/stream-entering-monastery/

John Bradshaw
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Bradshaw_(author)

Theravada tradition
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theravada 

Understanding Our Father
https://plumvillage.org/articles/understanding-our-father/ 

The Four Noble Truths
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy-RI3FrdGA 

‘The 16 Exercises of Mindful Breathing’
https://plumvillage.org/library/songs/the-16-exercises-of-mindful-breathing/ 

Qigong
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qigong 

Tai chi
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tai_chi 

Engaged Buddhism
https://plumvillage.org/series/engaged-buddhism/    

Quotes

“I’ve always been very impressed with Thich Nhat Hanh because he has integrated the very depths of Buddhist teachings with Western psychology. And he focuses a lot of his teachings on healing our childhood wounds, and that the wounds we receive as children tend to stick with us throughout our lives.”

“In Buddhism, we always practice in order to have liberation – but liberation has to be the liberation of something. Much of the time, as an adult, we want to understand our suffering. And in Buddhism, we have to shine light into the reality of what is happening in the here and now. In meditation and in mindfulness, when you are aware of yourself, you can start to recognize what is causing you pain and what is causing you suffering.”

“When suffering is present, happiness is also there. These opposites go hand in hand. If there is happiness, then we know that suffering is also present – and we have to understand that suffering is not solely negative, because if you truly look deeply into it, you start to understand yourself more.”

“When we meditate on our suffering, we can recognize that it is a continuation of the past. A lot of us experience early suffering as a child. If we didn’t have the chance, as a child, to transform it or to have a breakthrough and be free from it, then that suffering will still be very present with us today.”

“I had all the knowledge and all the wisdom and all the understanding to be able to go and sit with myself as a child and start that healing process.”

“Tai chi and qigong for me are not just about the movement, but about learning to be mindful in my movement.” 

“We may forget about the event itself, the situation, the story, but the body remembers the wound; the body remembers the events that happened.” 

“Even though our practice is to learn to dwell in the present moment and not be carried away by the future or be swept away by the past, in meditation itself we have to also visit the three times. The three times means we have to know how to reflect on the past, no matter how miserable it can be; it can be a lesson, it can be an insight that allows us to stop because we recognize that what has happened to us gave us so much suffering. And if we don’t transform this, we will offer the same suffering to the next person that is close to us.”

“If we don’t let go, then the perpetrator continues to make us suffer; we never break that cycle.” 

“I have learned through Thay’s teaching that, as an adult or as a parent, as an elder brother, as an elder sister, an uncle, an aunt, or a friend, our way of being is a teaching. The way we interact is a transmission in its own right. So my suffering has given me a lot of awareness about how I behave, and that has an immediate impact.” 

“We’re all on that path, we are all hurt, we all suffer; Thich Nhat Hanh talks about this original suffering existing from birth. It’s not that we must have had a traumatic experience growing up, but that, actually, birth itself is a traumatic experience.”

“I realized it’s so important to be able to heal through these very simple things, like being able to reconnect with your body to relax and release the tension in it.” 

“Our teacher emphasizes a lot about brotherhood- and sisterhood-friendship. This is one of his messages to all of us: that we need communities as individuals. Yes, we can recognize our own suffering, but sometimes our own dark corners are too big for us to illuminate. We need friends to help us see the blind spots so that we can step out of our suffering, to recognize and transform it.” 

“This present moment is creating the past. This is one of the keys that helped me become more free in this present moment. If we live it deeply, it will become the new past.”

“When you come here for the practice, you learn to bring the practice into your daily life, so that you become more solid, more stable, and more peaceful, in order to embrace the really difficult stuff – because you need that. If you don’t have a solid foundation of peace and connectedness and groundedness, then when your suffering comes up, you are automatically carried away. You are overwhelmed by the past and are not able to be grounded in the present moment with your breath. And that is a really, really important daily practice, which enables you to heal deeper wounds.”