Wholey Schmidt Sarah Schmidt

Didn’t have perfect parents? Join the club. Listen to this week’s episode to find more empathy, forgiveness, and love for your parents. Can we give them the benefit of the doubt– maybe they were doing the best they could…

Nobody will ever be, or has ever been, a perfect parent. In pursuit of understanding our hurts, traumas, and wounds, we tend to blame our parents without considering why they couldn’t show up the way we needed them to. In this episode, you are going to hear a bit about my mom’s story and the challenges she faced. Taking care of her many siblings, joining the convent at 14, leaving at 25 and starting her own life for the first time, and processing a miscarriage. As you might recall from the last episode, my mom’s inability to support me during my cancer experience was one of the most painful times of my life. Yet, in learning more about her life experience it has allowed me a deeper understanding of why she may have shown up in the way she did. And now years later, I have developed a close, supportive, and beautiful relationship with her -- in fact, she will be on the podcast soon!

We’re often quick to vilify our parents, especially when reflecting on painful childhood memories that still affect us today. Nonetheless, we must remember that our parents are just humans too, doing the best they could with the tools and self-knowledge they had at the time. Even though it can be challenging to put resentments aside, I can attest from firsthand experience that giving my mom permission to grow and transform, instead of continuing to blame her for her shortcomings, has become one of the greatest gifts to me and my family.

Did you have to parent your parents? When I reflect on my own childhood, perfectionism and early parentification appear to be central themes that have shaped my identity. While these traits have undoubtedly brought about many positive things in my life– and a deep sense of independence… they have also initiated a lifelong sense of pressure, which I’m just starting to soften out of.

So, what exactly are perfectionism and parentification? On this week's episode, we dive into these themes along with a piece of my story that illustrates how they played out in my life.

When you look back on your life, there are some moments that will make you stop and say… Wholey. Schmidt. Over my half-a-centrury on this planet, I’ve learned a thing or two about finding the silver lining in some of life’s most challenging experiences…and if we can’t reflect back and make meaning out of the hard things… what was it all for anyways?

As a psychologist– I always learned that telling your own story is a major no-no. But I’ve found so much healing in my vulnerability, that I hope in sharing my story, you feel less alone in yours. Hi, I’m Sarah Schmidt… and welcome to Wholey Schmidt Podcast. Together we will find resilience in whatever life throws our way.