Thriving Through Trauma Katie Tougas

Aaaaand two years later... ?







This second episode is a continuation of what I started in February of 2019. I released the first episode and promptly fell into more trauma including a car accident, sexual assault at work, and a nasty lingering break-up. I do not go into detail about WHAT caused me to lose my momentum, but rather WHY and HOW one deters from their intended path in the first place.







This episode touches on procrastination, self-sabotage, neuroplasticity, the four stages of competence, the three stages of trauma recovery, and more... Thank you for you patience with me in this release, technology was attacking me the entire time I tried to record this - so I hope you enjoy!!







Episode 2 Transcript:







Alright. Let’s scratch everything I had pre-written for this episode because, since March 2019, when I initially started writing this one… guess what? LIFE HIT ME AGAIN WITH ANOTHER CURVE BALL THAT I WASN’T READY FOR… and then another… and then another… and now it’s been over two years. Who can relate? Who else feels like every time they embark on something new or get settled into something that they are actually happy with – that SOME OUTSIDE FORCE has it in for them and uproots any plans they had in place?







WELL YOU’RE RIGHT… to an extent. How would you feel if I told you that you did have SOME control over your external reality? You may not be able to control the events that occur around you or the other people in your life, but you can control your reaction to them - you can control what is happening WITHIN you. It IS POSSIBLE to get to a place where you can essentially choose your emotional response to something outside of yourself, even if you may not feel like you are there right now.







Now, I’m not saying it’s EASY to get to this place, or that one can get to it overnight – everyone’s process and journey is different, and everyone learns at a different pace. Heck, I’m still recalibrating my own system - and I’ve improved significantly!! Look, I’m actually writing again… Regardless, when you’re trying to learn how to control or at the very least, UNDERSTAND this part of yourself, it is almost inevitable that procrastination will ensue due to your lack of personal emotional control and intrinsic understanding. Or maybe your intrinsic understanding has been established to such a degree that you simply stop yourself because you know that sharing yourself in this new way will show your vulnerability and humanness to others? I’m here to share with you that, THAT, that vulnerability is exactly what this world needs right now - to know and see that vulnerability and humanness is okay. We have been dehumanized as a collective and we inadvertently have done this to ourselves because we were operating on a lower level of consciousness. We’re waking up. We are stepping into our individual alignments, but we are fragmented and are still trying to control parts of ourselves that rebel against any threat that seems to be trying to take away their autonomy - we are rebelling against ourselves due to a misguided sense of self-love. Self-sabotage isn’t real, but I’ll get into detail on that in a later episode. 







I digress, I’m going to stop using the word control for a moment because I can feel this resistance coming up within me as I write. There is a part inside of myself that resists doing what I know is in alignment with myself because in the past, I have been shamed for doing what I enjoy. So, as a result, as soon as I start doing what I enjoy… I find some way to have it shut down either by placing blame on things or those around me or by distracting myself with an activity that I think would be more productive in the bigger picture or better for someone else, for that moment… In doing this, I keep getting myself stuck and surrounded by feelings,...

So I finally got this uploaded! This first episode is a concise summary of my plans for this project... It is starting out as an audio journal for myself to document my insights from my own trauma-based psychotherapy, in order for me to stay more grounded and present in my daily life. If what I share happens to help even one person, then my work here is done. Who knows what this will turn into in the coming months and years, but that is the most exciting (and terrifying) part of all this! Personally, my challenges stem from complex post-traumatic stress disorder or CPTSD, but other mental health topics will be discussed. In addition, I'll try my best to provide tools and real-life examples that have been working for me through my healing process thus far!







Eventually, interviews and various other conversation topics (including metaphysics, spirituality, quantum theory, and neuroscience) will be integrated into the story that will come from this endeavour. For now, let us work on re-establishing safety and stability within ourselves to overcome dysregulation in our daily interactions - together :)







Episode 1 Transcript:







Hi there everyone! I’m going to be cliché and start this off with a quote:  It just occurred to me that many people in this world are actually afraid to heal because their entire identity is centered around the trauma they’ve experienced. They have no idea who they are outside of trauma and that unknown can be terrifying. Google tells me that is from Ebonee Davis – my apologies if that is incorrect, aha.







So… I guess I’m finally recording this thing. Wow. I wonder what the determining motivational factor was that prompted me to actually take action after all these months of… we’ll call it planning? Mmm.. no, healing, but don’t be fooled – I’m still healing.







Maybe I genuinely just want to relate to and help people.







Maybe I needed a place to vent and express myself that wasn’t as private as a journal and more efficient than painting or sketching like I used to… 







Maybe I’m curious to see if this too, will blow up in my face. Or rather, that it will be a face-slapping success. That’s the part that scares me.







Maybe I finally got so fed up with the bullshit I was allowing into and creating for my life, that I just had to say that enough is enough and move in a new direction for my own sake.







Or maybe it’s only when things get so dark around and inside of you, that you have no other choice than to figure out how to turn on your light within.







The only thing that I know is certain is that I am goddamn terrified to release this or any subsequent episodes because I have never authentically loved myself in public before.







Too late now, I guess... 







Intro







Firstly, HELLO LISTENERS! I’m Katie and this is my podcast: Thriving Through Trauma, using pain to reclaim your power. What a happy accident that you have stumbled onto my new personal project. I’m genuinely super grateful that you have chosen to give me a chance. Thank you. 







I would like to tell you that all my episodes won’t start out as existentially-questioning as this one did, but that would be making false promises to you – which isn’t fair to either of us. It is almost like I am constantly experiencing an existential crisis, perhaps you are too, and that is why you’re listening to my voice. I’m not going to lie, I am in the middle of my healing journey (hence the title of this podcast) and because of that – this project might have a rather messy start and then simply remain messy. I’m not sure, but however it turns out, it will be beautiful. There is much I have already worked through in regard to m...