Playing With Fire Joli Hamilton

Have you ever had really strong feelings for someone— so strong that they took over your brain (and maybe even your life)? That kind of obsession can be super exciting, but it can also have big consequences.

Limerence and New Relationship Energy are two kinds of intense romantic fixation that have some key differences, and we’re diving deep into both of them.

We’ve been there—and that’s why we want to help you navigate these (exciting, scary, complicated… the list goes on!!) states of being.

In this episode, we’re covering:

— Symptoms and characteristics of limerence, including intrusive thoughts and ambiguity

— How NRE can disrupt or challenge existing relationships in the context of non-monogamy

— Our own personal experiences with limerence and NRE, and the challenges it brought to our relationships

— The difference between limerence and NRE, and why making that distinction can help you better understand your feelings

— The psychological effects of limerence, and why it involves so much asymmetry

— The role of projections in and their impact on new, limerent, and existing relationships

— Strategies for navigating NRE and limerence, including communication, boundaries, and self-compassion

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— The book The Limerent Mind by Lucy Bain

— The book Living With Limerence by Dr. L

— Dr. Sophia Graham on signs that new relationship energy may be problematic

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here

Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When you hear the phrase "taking a break," do you think of fear, uncertainty, or sadness? We’ve been there, and we made this episode to help you forge a new path.

More often than not, unintentional breaks—whether from a relationship or a conversation—can simply delay the same outcomes and patterns. But breaks don't have to be evidence of a fundamental breakdown or incompatibility within a relationship. In fact, they can be a chance to hit refresh, realign, and come back stronger than ever.

In this episode, we dig through a treasure trove of questions and strategies that can guide you and your partner toward clarity and transformation during your break. We discuss how to create safety during a break while maintaining space, distance, and autonomy.

Listen in to find out how to take your breaks from scary disruptions to game-changing opportunities for reconnection.

Neuro-Somatic Intelligence Drills: Episode 84 of Playing With Fire

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here



Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Some kinds of jealousy can just feel totally overwhelming. They may even make you feel rage. Justice jealousy is definitely one of them.

Justice jealousy—a term that was coined by Jessica Fern (one of our favorite authors and recurring PWF guest)—can happen when your partner wasn’t able to provide something for you in the past, and then you witness them providing that same thing to one of their other partners. Ouch!

The feelings that come up in these situations can be strong. So we’re here to give you strong frameworks, ideas, and tools that can help you understand, unpack, and work towards finding a resolution. (Spoiler alert, resolution might not look like what you had in mind when justice jealousy is in the picture!)

In this episode, we talk about:

— Why it’s important to know the difference between jealousy and envy

— What underlying issues can fuel strong feelings of justice jealousy

— Why it may be more helpful to focus on empathy and understanding instead of strict ideas of fairness

— The complexities of relationship repair in situations of justice jealousy

— Communication, forgiveness, healing, and the tools that can help you work through justice jealousy and its related issues

Resources mentioned in this episode:
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non-Monogamy by Jessica Fern

Imago Dialogue: Episode 129 of Playing With Fire

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here



Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

So, you want to create relationship agreements with your partner. Great! You probably want those agreements to be fair, balanced, and symmetrical. Great… right?

Here’s the thing: everyone is different. We all have our own needs, wants, limits, trauma histories… the list goes on! So is trying to make symmetrical relationship agreements a worthwhile task? (Spoiler alert: not really!)

In this episode, we discuss how you can use the concept of asymmetry on purpose, and we break down why it can be a powerful way to create agreements that are practical, honest, and that account for the unpredicted.

Listen on to learn about:

—What ‘fairness’ actually means in the context of relationship agreements

—Why agreements should be explicit and mutual

—The power of actually writing down your agreements

—The importance of aligning your agreements with your values

—How the process of creating these agreements can be a transformative way to deepen your understanding of yourself and your partner

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here



Music: Dance of Felt by Blue Dot Sessions

There are a lot of bad ways to make relationship agreements. (Trust us, we’ve been there!) But creating supportive agreements can open up a world of experimentation for you and your partner(s), while also providing safe, solid structures to fall back on.

This isn’t our first episode on relationship agreements, and it won’t be the last (we LOVE this topic), but this one’s a must listen–we’re breaking down all the basics.

—Learn the difference between relationship agreements and relationship philosophies.

—Understand the 3 main types of relationship agreements and why you need to start with ONE SPECIFIC TYPE!

—Find out how your unconscious may try to take over the agreement-making process and what you can do about that!

Sexual health resources:

Planned Parenthood’s STI Resource Center

Real Life Relationship Conversations: SPREAD Sexual Health Framework Examples

Imago Dialogue is a framework for conversations that was created by Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. Learn more by listening to Episode 129 of Playing With Fire

Maxx Hill’s Relationship Smorgasbord

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here

Attachment theory has been all the rage recently, and hey, we get it - it’s a super helpful tool that comes up a lot in our work! But we’ve also been noticing some common pitfalls that are easy to stumble into while exploring the world of attachment styles. Labels like anxious, avoidant, or disorganized can feel quite restrictive, especially when people start to assume them as an identity.

Here’s the thing: you are a whole, complex, multifaceted person, and every relationship you have is going to be a little (or a lot!) different when it comes to attachment. That’s why, in this episode, we break down a fresh perspective on attachment, focusing on our tendencies instead of rigid labels.

We discuss the importance of context and nuance within conversations about attachment, especially when it comes to non-monogamous relationships. Plus, we talk about why there's a real need for more research in this area – and nope, it's not just because I'm a total research nerd!

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here