Divorce Exposed Debbie DeChambeau

Have you listened to the Cold Podcast? Its a true crime podcast that is well researched. It talks about the story behind the crime and the emotions the wife was going through.
Marriage isn't easy, but when you are married to a narcissist, it can be difficult to know truth from abuse. When someone makes you feel you aren't good enough, you begin to believe it.
When someone manipulates the situation it becomes difficult to sort the truth. 
The story inside the Cold podcast happens every day. Many women make it but many don't.
This episode is one womans story. 
If you are in an abusive situation, get help. Your life matters..

EP 12 Its been awhile since our last episode, but we are back with some insights, observations and suggestions for staying married and surviving divorce. 

Episode 11:  Well, someone has to take fido in the divorce. Is it worth going to court over? If you have children, I think the dog should be with them.  I’m not a psychologist, but there’s a popular saying, a boy and his dog, and there is truth to that statement!
INTRODUCTION
What I really want to talk about today is how the pet can help you through your divorce. And I’m talking about my own situation because we lost our pet this week and this is my way of working through the grief. I cleaned the water bowl for the last time.
Our last pet was Patches. He was a black lab with some greyhound in him and he was huge.
He was my youngest sons 16th birthday present.
Unfortunately, shortly after my sons birthday, my marriage fell apart, so the emotions are spinning today on so many levels.
In all fairness, I think it’s important for me to say up front that I’m not a dog lover. I’ve had one the past 30 years mostly because of my kids, but I don't think I would have gotten a second dog after my first passed.
DUSTY
But it was me that wanted the first dog, who we named Dusty. I don’t remember where we got him from but I saw him and had to have him. It might have been the hormones in me, wanting a baby and not being successful, but it was me that said “can we take him home?” Dusty was a black lab, as all of our dogs have been. He was a trooper and ironically, I did get pregnant shortly after getting him.
This thing called a boy and his dog is so true. My boys were so attached to the dog. After awhile, I wasn’t in love with the dog any more but did the motherly duties and made sure he was taken care of.
He died shortly after my first divorce of old age.
RASCAL
When my second husband and I bought a house together we got a rescue within weeks of moving into the house. At the time, my boys were 9 and 12. I could see that they really needed a dog, and so did my husband. The three of them were dog lovers. I went along with the program because of them.  We let the boys pick him out. His foster name was rascal and we thought that was appropriate for him and kept the name.
Rascal liked to run away and we were always traipsing through the neighborhood, shaking the cookie jug, looking for him. My boys were responsible for walking him after school and my husband walked him before bed. Sometimes I would go along as it made for a great opportunity to have a conversation.
When my youngest was turning 16, he asked for a dog. We had many conversations about it and I wasn't thrilled because I knew I’d be doing a lot of the caring. One day my husband had one of his clients call me about a black lab they needed to give away. I figured that since my husband had her call me that he was ready for a second dog. I made arrangements to get the dog and while picking him up, they had a second one they also needed to get rid of. I wasn’t thrilled about 3 dogs,but I knew my husband would love one for his birthday so, boom, we had 2 puppies and an old dog.
Both my son and my husband celebrated birthdays in October, so it was a perfect gift for both of them.
If you’ve listened to other episodes on my marriage, you know it was around when my son turned 16 that my marriage came to an end. Because of what happened, my son had to move out and all of a sudden I had to care for and train 2 puppies on my own. Fortunately I had a neighbor down the street that loved dogs and she volunteered to walk the two puppies regularly. I don’t know what I would have done without her. Within two months, they had outgrown the cage and we discovered that they were going to be really big dogs.
The stress of my marriage falling apart was so overwhelming for me that caring for all of the dogs was too much.
Within 6 months of getting the two puppies, I gave one of them away. I gave my husbands away and kept my sons. And that begins the story of patches.
PATCHES
Standing on his back legs, he was over 6 feet tall. But thought he was a lap dog. He

EPISODE 11 - NESTING: An innovative way to keep your children from having to go back and forth with visitation.
It’s not for everyone, but I believe it’s a concept that we need to explore more and try to figure out ways to make it work. I understand that parents don’t always get along hence they divorce, but that’s not the children's fault. Why do they have to pack up every other weekend to go visit mom or dad? Why do they have to have their life disrupted because their parents couldn’t figure things out.
Could this be one of the reasons why we have so many issues with millennials today? Parents are over compensating for the divorce. It’s complicated and there isn’t one right or wrong answer, but the parenting issue needs to be at the top of the divorce discussion.
My guest is Cheri Morris who is a divorce coach with Dear Divorce Coach. She’s an attorney who pivoted her career into coaching, based on her own divorce. I love what she is doing and the approach she is taking. I’ll link to her contact information in the shownotes.
The first time you get divorced, there’s a lot of questions, a lot of overwhelm. How you handle it is somewhat influenced by who is initiating the divorce. If it’s you, the emotions might be very different than if it is your spouse who wants the marriage to end. It’s a process, with phases that many of us go through. We can’t see them when we are in the middle of it, but others on the outside that work with divorcing people will tell you that they see many of the same patterns.
A coach can help you through this and keep things in check. At the end of the conversation we talk about the difference between a therapist and a divorce coach. I have to admit, before this conversation I didn’t think you’d need both, but now I believe you might.
Hiring a divorce coach is an added expense to the divorce process, but it can be one that brings a lot of value to the end results as well. It could also save you a lot of money by staying out of court through some practical negotiating strategies.
If you are going through a divorce and have children, get them into therapy right away. You might be ok with the divorce, but they need help processing what is going on! Please don’t ignore this important piece, no matter what their age. It’s particularly important for teens and early twenty somethings. .
That should be something you do before you start processing the paperwork with an attorney!
If you like what you hear in this podcast, please share it with a friend or family member. The divorce rate is over 50% in the US and a lot of people are thinking about divorce long before they actually take the first step. Knowledge is power and hopefully each episode provides some value for helping those who are married or contemplating divorce.
You can listen to this podcast on the website at DivorceExposed.com or  iTunes if you have an iphone, Spotify if you have an account and if you are a droid user,  go to your app store, you can download any number of podcast player apps where you will also find the podcast such as Stitcher and Google Play. If you ever can’t find the podcast on a particular player, please let me know.
DISCLAIMER
The most important thing to remember is that I am not an attorney, financial advisor or a therapist. If you are going through difficult times and feel you need help, please reach out to someone, either a friend, family member or a professional and get support. I’ve listed some resources on the resources page of the website and encourage you to check there or reach out to your friends and family for referrals. Your life matters and getting help is the best thing you can do for yourself.
POST DIVORCE GROUP
One of the other things I am hoping to do is put together a virtual support group that will
focus on helping you move forward, put everything into perspective and help you get your life back. It won’t be a complaining session but an opportunity

What happens to your relationship with your in laws after the divorce?
It’s one of those topics that doesn’t usually get discussed in the divorce negotiations but can be touchy and emotional after a divorce. I’ve experienced a good relationship and silence.
This episode is intended to get you thinking. I’m not sure I have all the answers, but I have a few scenarios for you to ponder as you move forward post divorce.
If you are going through difficult times and feel you need help, please reach out to someone, either a friend, family member or a professional and get support. I’ve listed some resources on the resources page of the website and encourage you to check there or reach out to your friends and family for referrals. Your life matters and getting help is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I recently visited with my in-laws which is what inspired me to create this episode. They were so happy to see me. I am the daughter they never had. It makes my son happy that I visit them. If I was still married I’d be seeing them, so why should getting a divorce change things?
The problem is that your relationship with your in-laws post divorce isn’t part of what is normally negotiated and I’m sure isn’t something a judge would rule on!
Depending on the relationship you have with them before the divorce can impact the post divorce relationship. I believe it’s something we should talk to them about, particularly if there are children in the picture.

Getting divorced is difficult but understanding how to work with your attorney can make the process a little bit better.