Finding Me Again - passion, purpose and parenting Rachel Lackey Therapy

In this podcast Rachael describes the difficult transition out of a dance career and into finding herself.
“This is your amazing body…the fact that you can breathe like you do, the fact that you digest like you do, that you can think like you do…”
Rachael tells me about pilates and the Franklin Method and how they have shaped her life and connection to her body.
“If you can get to know your body and work with it - it feels like that’s the answer to everything…and not feeling guilty for giving it what it needs.”
We discussed how parenting has affected our bodies. Not just the births, nursing, sleepless nights, but me putting my back out wrestling with the kids when I should know better! I talked about the fear of doing fun things with my children for the last time to protect my body.
Rachael talked about all the preparation she did during pregnancy for labour.
“But then it was really disappointing to feel something’s not right in my pelvic floor…I felt embarrassed to go to the doctor.”
We looked at the impact of having a prolapse, how common it is, and Rachael’s approach for recovery and strengthening. Rachael runs a 6 week course on the pelvic floor, starting in Autumn 2021 (and at regular intervals each year. Check out https://www.rachhall.com/pelvicfloor
Rachael also does a Your Dream Body membership. You can get free classes on her website to get a taste of Rachael’s approach. I did one yesterday and it was fantastic. https://www.rachhall.com/yourdreambody

“Something about getting older and using your energy toward things that matter to you. And I don’t care anymore what people think of me.”





















I’m joined today by my friend Dorien Davies, puppeteer, actor, mum to Poppy and passionate gardener.
Dorien explores becoming shyer as she gets older. Being an extrovert but becoming more uncomfortable at auditions, self critical and needing to conserve her energy for things that matter.
Feeling Rejected on the School RunShe talks about the school run and the mom who always looks so put together. Wondering why she didn’t even acknowledge her and learning to realise it’s not personal and that she doesn’t care!
Trauma and Social TimeShe talks about thriving on hugs and being around others. Then the pandemic hitting and before that, her dad getting sick and dying. Before then she used to prioritise social time, drive to four children’s birthday parties in one weekend.
“As you become older expending that energy becomes harder. Making people feel special and acknowledged is something I might have to keep for myself a little bit.”Parenting an only child during the pandemicIt was 100% harder, says Dorien, because “her only playmates were two 40 year olds” She talks about coping without work, people and creative outlets whilst trying to teach in Spanish (whilst not speaking Spanish).
Dorien talks about the joy of sending her daughter to beach camp and having the full day to herself.
Parenting Grief“There’s something that dies when you have a child and I don’t know if it’s a bad death, but the freedom of following your interests...even allowing yourself to have an interest. I have to steal away to do something I want to do.”“As someone’s who’s been so driven my whole life, I’ve gotten duped into this domesticity that now feels so vital and so important that I will miss or forget an important phone call with a producer because I’m so involved in cleaning.”“Maybe there’s a death in the sense that you realise that what you wanted before is not necessarily the thing that is going to make you happy. Maybe it’s that the fulfilment you get from having a child, it changes the scale.”Passion for GardeningDorien talks about gardening as a healing ritual, even though she doesn’t have a garden. She’s become the head of the landscaping committee for her group on condos and has a veg box she tends with love, and runs the gardening curriculum at her daughter’s school. “
“If you live in a city and you’re recharged by nature, you have to find the pockets.”You can find Dorien as Lulu on Word Party and Duff’s Happy Fun Bake Time.

“That you knew how to do that, and that you were still excellent at your job and made my kid well and made me feel safe, but also took care of me…just what we needed.”

She talks about needing to forgive herself for taking a little time before she could see him, when he had just been born and was so at risk, to fortify herself. Osa shares how it felt to hold him for the first time, after 4 weeks.

Osa talks about the power of stories, her passion for them, both as a counsellor and for pleasure. Hearing of different experiences as a break from her now - recharging from her busy life. Retreating to someone else’s creativity. Also Rhianna.

Osa talks about having to live at Birmingham Children’s Hospital with her eldest son, whilst friends and family took care of her younger son. She describes not being able to feel like anyone. Feeling like a blob who was there only to take care of her boys.

Things then got better for her son’s health, a year passed, she got “all the jobs”. Then her hair started to fall out and Osa describes the impact of this on her identity and self worth.

“I went back to performing and back to working with young people and encouraging and motivating them and I think that was me unconsciously finding myself again. Back to the base of me.”

She changed her look at that time - colours and hair wraps, to connect to her identity.

Next Osa wants to put down one of her commitments to make space for more creativity, particularly writing and singing. Her beautiful voice closes out this episode.

Take Aways

Listen to the people who know you, see your goodness and tell you that you are loveable.

Take moments (perhaps your commute or returning from the school run) as recharging time.

Fortify yourself before a tough day with powerful music.

Explore clothing colour and hair style/wraps to re-connect with who you are.

Honour your own needs and comforts, rather than just trying to please others.

Osa had so much wisdom and life experience to share with me that I’ve made a part 2, focusing on race and parenting as a black, British, Nigerian mum married to a white, British man, living in a mostly white area. Coming soon!

“Singing is A super power, accessible to everybody - which can take you from one bad feeling to something completely different.”

My guest today is Emma Isaacs, Surface Pattern Designer and Creative Coach. She’s here to tell her story of burn-out, messy creativity, ADHD and parenting.​

Take Aways
Do one thing at a time, with everything you have. Minimise distractions and throw yourself into playing with your child and engaging in your hobbies and passions.

Engage in therapy and keep going even when the returns seem limited. Invest in this self-exploration for yourself as a person and to benefit your parenting.

Notice if you are feeling resentful of others’ happiness. Use this as a sign of being unfulfilled and disconnected. Prioritise self-reflection, attend therapy if you can, address it.

Do not compare yourself to other parents, whether favourably or negatively.

Explore forms of meditation, which for Jamie included playing Spelunky. Engage in hard work processes, where rewards are long-term, rather than quick, less fulfilling returns like social media.

Play.

CHECK JAMIE OUT
Breeders series 2 is out now.
Find Jamie @matronboy on Twitter

On the mailing list this week
Mailing list subscribers, you will receive a video this week guiding you through the process of putting other things to the side and immersing yourself in playing with your child(ren) so that you can all get the most out of it.
Subscribe at www.findingmeagain.me/podcast

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