Teens & Their Mentally Ill Parents
Justine Carino is joining Of Course, They Make Me Crazy host April Norris to talk about teens and young adults living with mentally ill parents. Justine Carino is a licensed mental health counselor working in Westchester County New York. She also has a great podcast called Thoughts from The Couch. April says, “We're discussing teens and young adults managing living with with a parent who has a mental health illness like bipolar or borderline personality disorder just to name a few. Before we get into that, Justine. Why did you get into your line of work?” Justine answers saying, “I think there's probably two different layers to it. The first layer is I've always been really interested in why people do the things that they do, why they act the way they act, and the stories behind their lives and their choices. Everybody has a story. And once we start to learn that story, they make more sense to us. Right? Their decisions, the way they interact with their relationship styles makes so much more sense when we get to know their story. So, everyone has some kind of story. I'm so intrigued and interested in that. I think that was the first part of it. I started feeling that curiosity in high school. I took a Psychology 101 class as a senior. I loved it. In my mind, I thought I'm going to be a psychiatrist. I went to college pre-med, and quickly dropped out of the pr-emed program because it was so scientific. It was so challenging. I cried before every test, I said, you know what? Let me still explore psychology in a different way. And I majored in psychology and went to graduate school to become a therapist after that. So, I had one route, but it turned to the other, and I've loved it. And the other part of it is I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. I also come from a divorced family system. I think looking back also, I struggled with anxiety as a child and as an adult from time to time. But I think there's also some personal layers to the decision to choose this career.” April says, “And what you're doing is now helping dysfunctional families essentially come back to each other. I think that that speaks volumes, and it's huge. And we need so many of you out there.” April asks, “Regarding the teenagers you treat ... what is their biggest struggle? What do they come to you with?” Justine replies, “The teenagers that I see that are seeking therapy, I treat mostly anxiety and depression. I also have a subspecialty in grief. I support teenagers that lost a mother or a father or a sibling. But also it comes down to family dynamics as well. I do a lot of family therapy. I'm looking at these unhelpful patterns between parents and teenagers that lead to conflict and kind of get them all in the room and unpack these patterns and understand why they're happening and what we can do to correct them. But when we're talking about a teenager that has a parent with a mental illness, there's another layer to it. They might be dealing with different family dynamics because of their parent’s mental illness. There are a few things that are really challenging. One is that there's a lot of feelings of shame and isolation, embarrassment and feelings of disconnection. When you have a parent with a mental illness, you may grow up with that mental illness, not really realizing that your parent was different in any way. But then there's this moment as a teenager, you start to explore, like, Wait a minute. This isn't so normal or something's a little off here. And once you discover that it's hard to share that with other people. As a teenager, as an adolescent, we are so insecure at a baseline, we don't want to be different. Being different is scary for a teenager at that time of development. When you have a parent who might be different in mental health perspective, it's hard to admit that and talk about it with your friends or your peer
