A Gay and A NonGay James Barr and Dan Hudson

I love this podcast, great banter between James and Dan, both really likeable guys. Only thing I do find frustrating is James often generalises gay culture that every gay man sleeps around and is promiscuous. Although I know it happens a lot there is a part of the community this doesn’t represent.

Not what it used to be. Lost its lustre.

All three stars to Dan Hudson, I don’t know how he puts up with James Barr’s constant patronising vitriol towards him. My fear is that it is actually because Dan is… a straight man, and this whole podcast is a strange form of revenge fantasy for James. It’s as if every aspect of "straightness" bewilders and infuriates James enough that he feels justified tearing Dan apart for being a "member". Dan bats this all off with an enormous well of patience and dignity, but really must everything he discloses about his life somehow relate to the "flawed" nature of his heterosexuality? Personal and romantic problems Dan has relayed over the years have nearly always been strewn around the room in an effort to find evidence of the "toxicity" at the root of it. James’ disclosure of his own problems often lead to Dan having to "answer for" straight men, but when the shoe is on the other foot then James can see clearly in himself he is just one individual and does not speak for the whole gay caucus (Dan of course knows this too). Worse, that none of his problematic feelings and actions are his fault - that they are the fault of people like Dan, and therefore the fault of Dan. Why the lack of extrapolation? Does he not want to imagine that Dan is just as much of a three dimensionally idiosyncratic person as he is? Is it a competition to him?
What I hear increasingly often is Dan actually shutting down and giving up on what he was trying to say in the wake of the torrents of thinly veiled spite that invariably come out of James’ mouth. And this James doesn’t even seem to realise or care about - as soon as there’s room for it he’s off into his own world and lamenting and seething about how it all affects him etc. And I have a horrible feeling that if James reads this review then Dan will be in trouble again…
It upsets me that this man James, full of knee jerk reactions to moral inquests, doesn’t realise he is one caricature of the modern era of latent contempt we are all smiling publicly, and scowling privately, our way through.
I wish them all the best, they are both good people, and yes there are things they will never understand about each other. Dan by now though is more than acutely aware of his own blind spots and tries to be affirmative and sympathetic. James labels his own with words like "ridiculous" and "wrong" and "stupid". Here’s an intriguing question, one they might have considered discussing if this came across their desk about another show years ago: why does this podcast exist in its present state?
It really breaks my heart because it was such a frivolous yet optimistic idea, the guests and questions are often fascinating, and the tone used to be very kind and constructive, and now I can envision more cooly cynical people tutting and saying "isn’t this how you knew it would go all along… person X and person Y, you knew they weren’t going to figure it out didn’t you? And don’t go saying it’s because X had it worse than Y because we all do."
Can me and them please be wrong?

- Daf; pan, trans (because if I disclose this maybe James won’t bat my opinions away?)