Good Dads Podcast Good Dads

We continue talking to Frank Tristan about parent involvement and how having humility can go a long way in any situation in life.
Frank has been teaching and coaching for the last 20 years and loves the opportunity to invest in young people. He and his wife Natalie were married in 2008 and have two children, Hays and Taylor. They are regularly involved in church and love experiencing new adventures with their family. As a dad and an educator, it is easy to see how important the role of a father is in raising successful young people. When dads lead well, generations are impacted. This passion has led Frank to work with the Good Dads organization to see more families and communities impacted for good.
Show Notes
(5:10) I’m creating a culture of family   
(5:54) I’ve gotta give your wife a break. You’re a parent just as much as she is.   
(11:04 ) Kids will really respect when they know that you care about them and they know that you’re genuine.   
(12:17) There was a new connection when I apologized to him. Same thing in parenting: We can all go too far sometimes.   
(18:49) Whatever makes me mad on Monday had better make me mad Friday… it’s a consistent line.   
(20:16) The opposite of love is selfishness  Resources
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Frank Tristan, head football coach at Glendale High School, father, and husband, talks about the balance of being a coach and a parent in this Part One episode.
Frank has been teaching and coaching for the last 20 years and loves the opportunity to invest in young people. He and his wife Natalie were married in 2008 and have two children, Hays and Taylor. They are regularly involved in church and love experiencing new adventures with their family. As a dad and an educator, it is easy to see how important the role of a father is in raising successful young people. When dads lead well, generations are impacted. This passion has led Frank to work with the Good Dads organization to see more families and communities impacted for good.
Show Notes
 
(1:32) Parents are great, they are. Most of them just want their kid to be successful.  
(4:26) What my kids respond to is giving them honest praise on things they can control.
 
(5:05) I just tell my kids that “if you want to stop playing sports now, I still love you.”
 
(10:05) The thing you can control is your effort and attitude, so that’s how I’m gonna judge if I’m proud of you or not. 
 
(12:47) You’re not gonna bash your coach in front of me… that’s not good for the team, and you’re not gonna bash other teammates. 
 
(13:07)  The best thing a parent can do is tell the coach “thank you.”
 
(15:30): One of the things I think is always important as a coach to parent/parent to coach is talk about it in person.  
(22:25): If you’re not sleeping on a regular basis, your body’s out of whack, you’re not gonna reach your full potential…your body’s gonna wear down.  
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Frank Tristan, head football coach at Glendale High School, husband, and father, talks about the rewarding aspects of coaching and his "ABC" technique (Ask, Balance, and Competitive).
Frank has been teaching and coaching for the last 20 years and loves the opportunity to invest in young people. He and his wife Natalie were married in 2008 and have two children, Hays and Taylor. They are regularly involved in church and love experiencing new adventures with their family. As a dad and an educator, it is easy to see how important the role of a father is in raising successful young people. When dads lead well, generations are impacted. This passion has led Frank to work with the Good Dads organization to see more families and communities impacted for good.
 
Show Notes
(1:16) Guest Introduction   
(3:00) In high school and college both my coaches were influential. My dad was obviously so important, but those guys cemented who I wanted to be in life, and I was like ‘Man, I could do that, that would be awesome and rewarding.’  
(5:22) Definitely the homerun I think in coaching or any coach would say that kid that maybe doesn’t have the support at home and you connect with him and you see him develop. That’s been the most rewarding.   
(8:43) It’s the growing pain you have as a parent, the same thing. You want those kids to do so well, like “What are you thinking?”  
(9:10) At the end of the day, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Once you’ve done it a little bit with some length to it, you realize ‘it’ll all work out.’ We just have to be consistent.   
(10:04) ‘A’ stands for ‘Ask.’ We just ask our kids…   
(11:36) ‘B’ stands for ‘Balance.’ We want to keep balance in it…  
(12:50) ‘C’ stands for ‘Competitive.’ … If you’re going to do something, you’ve gotta be your best… you’ve gotta work hard and want to compete.   
(16:21) One of the things I’m working at, but my wife is very good at, is the ability to say no  
(19:00) You’d better be in it for the kids, because that’s gonna be a lot more rewarding than just “hey, I want to win a game."  
(22:07) I think it’s so important that kids understand their identity is not in a sport, and that’s a scary thing when kids get wrapped up in only their approval of how good they can hit a baseball or kick a soccer ball or spike a volleyball. That gets really dangerous.   
(23:53) That’s why sports are so great, you have so many great qualities come from being in a sport. A lot of employers are going to hire employees that have been in sports. They know they can overcome adversity. It’s incredible. 



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Join us this week in the Good Dads studio as founder and director Dr. Jennifer Baker and J Fotsch jump into the third installment on the challenges and joys of parenting a 4- and 5-year-old children. 
Preschool-age children do not have the capacity to regulate their emotions as grown-ups, and some children throw more tantrums than others. One of the best way to avoid the potential meltdown is for dads to give choices: It offers leeway to strong-willed children so they can feel they have some control over their situation. By negotiating and getting down on your child's level, parents can teach their children to manage their behavior. In fact, managing children is far more about teaching parents to manage their own behavior above all else.


Show Notes
(3:08) If you know a tantrum is likely to happen in the grocery store ... where they want something and you're not going to get that thing for them, then I would say, first of all, avoid taking them to the store.

(4:26) Try to forestal those tests of the will, especially the ones that you're going to lose—because you can't make a child chew and swallow. 

(7:22) So the worst case-case scenario is to give into this ... Sometimes you know, you're tired or you want them to just be quiet, so you just be like, "Ok, fine, three donuts, just get out of my face."

(10:03) Usually tantrums happen around a particular setting.

(11:32) You gotta understand—we've all had moments when we're not in a good space, and really, we just need a nap and a snack.

(12:58) That's the thing, though. Kids know when you're exhausted. They know! ... They just sense it.  
Resources 
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Join us this week in the Good Dads studio as founder and director Dr. Jennifer Baker and J Fotsch talk about the challenges and joys of parenting a 4- and 5-year-old children. 
This period of life is marked by inquisitiveness and unfiltered honesty. It's certainly true that they say the darndest things! These youngsters are at their peak of innocence, but they're also very in tune with potential tensions between Mom and Dad.
Your kids are always watching and listening. They're absorbing what their parents say and do, so we talk about the important ways that dads can lead by example.


Show Notes
(1:35) By the time children are 4 and 5 years old, you can relax a little.

(8:39) That's when you hear parents talking about, "Oh man, it's so hard, and I'm so tired, but it's worth it." And you're like, "Really?" And before, when I didn't have kids, I'm like, "Is it? It doesn't sound worth it."

(9:09) Write down what your kids say. Write down those little moments because later on, you'll want to remember those.

(11:30) Researchers were so surprised to find was that the children (starting Kindergarten) were so much more aware of what was going on in the couple's relationship than the parents thought.

(13:35) Your kids' emotional health is very much tied up in how well you two (the parents) are getting along.

(15:06) By four or five, your child has been observing you for four or five years. They are accustomed to the tone of your voice, the expression on your face. They have a pretty good idea of how you're going to react to certain things. They know you.

(15:31) Being a girl dad, (I'm) making sure I give the example of how I treat her mom. That's how I want her to be treated when she's at the dating age ... Like when I kiss my wife in front of her and she goes, "Ew, that's gross."  
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Are children master manipulators, or just trying to get their way? Is it okay to have night-time snacks? What's a dad to do when his child disobeys, turning on the TV after bedtime? Join us this week with J Fotsch and Dr. Jennifer Baker as we cover common questions for dads of four- and five-year-olds, including bedtimes, sugary snacks, discipline, pretend-crying and more.
 
Show Notes
(2:14) I try to tell (my daughter) when I know she's fake-crying, or fake-whining. She does that very, very good. I tell her, I say, "Do you know something? I know when you're not really crying—that you're fake crying—and I also know when you're pouting and you're trying to get something. So let's not do that."

(3:38) Many times adults make the mistake of thinking a child thinks the way they do. And they don't! A child (who's) maybe 4 or 5 has very concrete thinking.

(6:08) Let's say that you want a cookie ... There's no reason you shouldn't get that cookie. And you're gonna try to figure out any way that you can to get that cookie. And if something works—and has worked—like crying or whining or begging or whatever, then you're going to do it as long as you can to see if it works.

(7:26) If you reward the behavior that you don't want to see, by giving in, giving the cookie ... then you're likely to see more of that behavior because it worked.

(10:15) When you smile, children know really they've lost the battle. It's like, when we (parents) get angry ... it's like throwing a pebble in a puddle. You got a reaction there. Alright, let's see if I can throw a bigger pebble. Ok, now I really got you going! Look at you, your face is all red.

(13:41) You can't tell a child to sleep. Have you ever tried that? It doesn't work.

(18:42) Most parents could make their lives much easier if they have a routine and they stick to that routine. Kids love routine. They feel safe in routine.  
Resources 
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