The Unlock Lab Tosca DiMatteo

For many people, answering the questions; “What’s your life’s purpose”, “What’s your why” or even "what job are you looking for" can feel super daunting. This is especially true when you know you want to transition, but you’re not sure – what do. In this episode I will share a new way of thinking about your destination, which essentially that knowing your general direction is ENOUGH. Tune in to know you aren’t alone in not having all the answers to where you are headed.  T

 

Key Messages:


If your inner critic is telling you that “other people have it all figured out – so what’s wrong with you?” – know this is a damn lie!
Don’t hold yourself back from reaching out to people because you don’t exactly know what you want.
If the big questions around “what you want to do” feels daunting, ask yourself smaller questions like “Who do you want to be when you show up in a room?” and “What is tugging at your heart to do right now”?
Be expansive about what you want – so you can consider more possibilities that perhaps never even entered your mind
Honor the immediate next step that gets you excited
Don’t be attached to a timeline of when you will ‘figure it out’
Allow the puzzle pieces that you see BE what they are – without forcing it into a picture of what your life ‘should’ look like.
Conversations with others (most especially the ones that are furthest out of your circle) can help you to discover what excites you.
Your compass is directionally sound. Trust that and know that with each step you're going to get more information, you're going to get more puzzle pieces to see what that picture can actually look like. 



Quotables:

(00:14) “Please don't hold yourself back from conversations because you're thinking that you have to know before you reach out to people or before you do anything at all.”

(2:09) “I think it's easy to be hard on ourselves about this because I think we can compare ourselves to other people's journeys, other people who seem to have a real clarity around what they're going after and what they want next. And I think that's also a story that we tell ourselves because I think the vast majority of people are all figuring it out”

(3:34) “the more that we can just be honest with ourselves and authentic and transparent, the more the magic can come in.”

(8:53) “What are the things that you find yourself talking about? A lot. We can just ask ourselves these more bite sized questions and allow those puzzle pieces to just be what they are. And when you're ready to see what that picture creates, you will know it and you can't force it and you can't pressure it.”



Tosca’s Links and Resources:

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode

 

Giving Flowers To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

In this episode I talk about a new way to approach your resume re-write AFTER you have taken some time to CLEAR your past hurts (check out the episode: “The First Step to Land Your Next Job: It’s Not Your Resume”). This might mean that you completely start from scratch so that you can look back at your experience with an entirely new lens – based on what you now understand about your winding road AND what you want going forward. Tune in for inspiration and practical tips to update your resume as one of your many tools to find your next opportunity.

 

Resume Tips:


Get your colored pens and your markers and pull out construction paper and plot out your different landing points in your career. Don’t even start with a word document. Lay out the roadmap that you've been on. You're simply plotting; where have I been? You can take this a step further, further and ask: What did I learn? What impact did I leave behind? What was my legacy?
Do not omit things that need to be on your resume, that add to your experience and showcases who you are. This means, include the things you do on the side, and what you do in your personal life. This could include being the C.E.O. of your household – or leading a local community volunteer project.
Include an interests section on your resume – this helps the reader to find a personal connection.
Get in the C.A.R. of your experience – recall the CONTEXT, ACTIONS and RESULT of each role – and each major responsibility you had within it.
Don’t worry about length of resume at first – just write everything you remember about that role and what you did.

 

Quotables:

 

(8:53) “So what I want you to do is focus on getting in the C.A.R.. And getting in the C.A.R., when you look at each of your jobs, is about looking at the context of your role, the actions you took, and the results that you provided. And by doing this, by taking this C.A.R. approach, what you're going to do is you're going to better understand the impact that you had in your job. So it's not about capturing your job description and all your job responsibilities. It's about saying, what was the context, what were the actions, and what were the results of that action, so that you can more fully honor the impact that you had. All of this background does matter, and how you position it gets deeper into the process. But what I'm saying is, when you honor what that context is, then your results really pop in a bigger way and you can more clearly see the impact. And some of the actions that you took might rise to the surface that you normally bury."

 

(11:15) “The other big piece of how I want you to approach your resume is from a whole life perspective. So I do not want you to omit things that need to be on your resume or need to be honored. And that might range from being the CEO of your household to taking a year long break and doing all kinds of amazing things during that break. That might mean certifications that you got. Maybe you got a yoga certification. Anything in your life that shows who you are, that honors that you're about growth, that expresses yourself. A lot of people leave interests off of the resume. I'm a big believer. Keep interest on, because that's the human part of the resume that people want to connect with you.

 

(12:48) “I know it sounds a little crazy. My perspective on resumes is that this is a beautiful place for you to feel empowered and in love with your journey.”

 

Tosca’s Links and Resources:

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode

 

Giving Flowers To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tosca-dimatteo/episodes/The-First-Step-To-Land-Your-Next-Job-Its-Not-Your-Resume-e2ing7u

In this episode I explain why it’s important to rip up the old playbooks of what the process is for looking for what’s next. Traditional thinking says – dust off that resume PRONTO. Not so fast my friends, I want you to get your head and heart right before you dive into updating your resume. This is because when we are in the pursuit of what’s next, we often have to process and clear the path we have recently been on – or in some cases go back way further. This enables you to get your mojo and your confidence back for going after what you want next. Tune in for inspiration and practical tips on what to do first. And don’t worry – we will get into my hot resume tips in my very next episode.

 

Action Items When Looking For Your Next Role:


DO NOT touch your resume until you can find a glimmer of excitement and how
Take the time to process and clear what is still feeling crappy from your career journey
Assess if there is a disconnect between how you feel about yourself and how you present yourself externally to the world
Take a BREAK – as long as you possible can to ground back into the REAL you and avoid burnout
Put together your support team and system
Consider what advice you would give your best friend if they were in your situation
Take a look at your environment and make some adjustments that align with where you are going and who you want to be in that journey
Choose what feels good and fun
 

Quotables:

(5:20) "If your confidence is in the crapper, if you're feeling not enough, if you're feeling frustrated, or if you're feeling like what you're looking for isn't going to exist or doesn't exist, or you're just feeling negative and pessimistic about things, then if you touch your resume when you're in that energy, it's not going to serve you. The resume is not actually the most important thing in the process of career transformation. What's most important is that you are energetically in a great place, that you feel good about yourself and your experience and what you bring to the table. Because once you feel that way, once you've stepped into the narrative that serves you, once you've looked back and said, what do I need to clear and done that work? And you look back and say, what have I learned from the things that maybe didn't go well or didn't go the way that I wanted it to? Once you're able to do that, then the resume is a reflection of your truth and how you actually feel about yourself.

 

(13:14) When you're ready to take the next step in your career, my recommendation is for you to take a look at your environment and make some adjustments. So it kind of goes back to this idea of what's the energy that you're in and when you're ready for a new chapter. Taking a look at your space is really helpful to say, okay, how do I want to signal to myself that I'm ready for change and I'm ready for this next step? It could be a few different things. It might be your office space. It might be somewhere in your home.

 

(17:39) “If it feels heavy and daunting to look at your resume and to make adjustments, don't do it. Wait until you're in a space where you can find a little bit of excitement to tell your story, a little bit of excitement to look at what's next. We are conditioned to believe that we have to things, that we have to do things even when we're in a crappy mood or whatever. And that's not true. I think that you will be way more productive and way more effective if you first honor that you want to get your mind and your heart right.”



Tosca’s Links and Resources:

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode



Giving Flowers To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

I’m thrilled for this episode where I interview burnout expert Cait Donovan. Cait spent years researching the topic and carved out her own path towards recovery. Cait sheds light on burnout warning signs, from physical exhaustion to a lack of fulfillment at work. We discuss the intersection of mental well-being and physical health, and the dangers of overriding our body's signals. Cait shares insights into entrepreneurs' unique challenges, the fine balance between helping others and setting boundaries and the importance of self-care. Our conversation journeys through understanding the body mind connection and the value of listening to one's internal signals to prevent and recover from burnout. With practical wisdom and heartfelt advice, Cait's expertise offers invaluable insights and the roadmap to navigate the intricacies of burnout.



Introducing Cait:

Cait Donovan is a Keynote speaker, one of New York City’s leading burnout experts, host of “Fried – The Burnout Podcast,” author of the book "The Bouncebackability Factor", and an acupuncturist with a master’s degree in Chinese medicine. Her creative burnout recovery solutions have been featured on podcasts and online magazines such as “Forbes”, “NPR,” and “The New York Post” and in companies such as Lululemon, and Pepsico.

 

3 Key Takeaways:


Harness the power of a Resentment Journal: Discover how acknowledging your bitter feelings can be a steppingstone to a healthier emotional state and why this tool might be more beneficial than gratitude logs for those battling burnout.
Say "NO" with grace: Learning to decline requests is essential, but doing it with kindness can preserve relationships and personal integrity. Hear Cait discuss the subtle balance between self-care and maintaining positive relationships.
Physical and emotional well-being are deeply intertwined: Tap into your body's wisdom by listening to what your aches and exhaustion are trying to tell you. Physical issues can be a manifestation of deeper emotional turmoil and vice versa.



Quotables:

(6:48)  "I did not figure out burnout by myself, because when I realized it was burnout, and I realized that regardless of the amount of knowledge I had on meditation practices and acupuncture, Chinese medicine, nutrition, lifestyle, qigong, Tai Chi, yoga practice for 18 years, the whole thing, as much as I knew about all of these things, I still ended up here. So I probably don't have the knowledge." - Cait

 

(23:13)
"Burnout is not your fault. If you got here because you missed a lot of signals. You missed a lot of signals because you were taught earlier in your life that other signals were more important and it was successful for you, therefore you repeated it. We are not going to demonize our coping mechanism around here. You did it. It helped you." - Cait

 

Cait’s Links:

Free Resource Step 1of burnout recovery: The Resentment Journal

Website: https://caitdonovan.com

Podcast: https://friedtheburnoutpodcast.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/caitdonovanspeaks

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/caitdonovanspeaks

 

Tosca’s Links and Resources:

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode

 

Giving Flowers To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

Additional Music: Tuesday by Sascha Ende
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/2992-tuesday
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Summary 

In this episode I challenge the status quo and ask the daring question—what is success, really? We can easily find ourselves chasing benchmarks set by society, or those we spend our time with, often losing ourselves in a never ending cycle of new goalposts. Tune in to discover that the true measure of success could be something entirely different. Something even BIGGER.



Episode highlights:


Unpack the dangers of a one-size-fits-all definition of success, and the self-sabotage that ensues when we chase externally imposed goals.
Life lessons learned including my transition from a finance-centered mindset to one rich in impact and personal alignment. And also a lesson in how I was measuring my relationships.
Client story showing just how profound redefining success can be.

 

🏆 3 Key Takeaways:

1.    Embrace a mindset shift: Start to define success on your own terms, prioritizing your well-being and inner peace over society's loud expectations.

2.    Measure the qualitative: Success is not just about the numbers; it's about growth, relationships, and how your work aligns with your core values.

3.    Continuous re-evaluation is crucial: As life transitions, so should your benchmarks for success. Identify what truly resonates with your identity beyond external accolades.

 

Quotables:

"This concept of really looking deeply at how you want to define success is life changing because it's waking you up to the rules and the systems and the people that you're living your life by. Because if it's not yourself, then there's an opportunity for you to live your biggest, best life yet, because you get to define what success looks like for you. And nobody else can dictate that. Not your parents, not your colleagues, not your boss, not your friends, and certainly not society at large."

 

"Defining success may mean that you're taking things day by day, and the quantitative measures may be something you push to the side. And you focus more on qualitative measures like who you're being and how you're showing up and what you're prioritizing and sticking to your prioritization list and being discerning and all these other ways that we can define success that aren't perhaps metrics that we're used to, like financial, like quantity, like all of those things."



“Redefining success is not just an act; it's a revolutionary movement towards a more authentic and satisfied self. “

 

Links and Resources:

Blog Post: The Revolutionary Act of Redefining Success

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode

Girls Inc. NYC

 

Giving Flowers To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

Additional Music:
Tuesday by Sascha Ende
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/2992-tuesday
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard license

In this episode, I share my experience in facilitating an intimate conversation with my most intimidating audience to date, in a challenging environment. I wasn’t speaking with a group of CEO’s or folks in an industry I am unfamiliar with…I was speaking with teenage girls at a Girls Inc. conference in Brooklyn, New York. Tune in for a new perspective on how you can approach your own challenging audiences and overcome the anxiety or fear you may have about it.



Key tips for how to successfully connect with, engage and influence challenging or intimidating audiences:  

1. **Clear Old Fears and Past Experiences**: Acknowledge and clear any old fears or past experiences that may be creating a narrative of the audience or the situation. Doing this will enable you to approach the audience with a fresh perspective and genuine intent.



2. **Understand Your Audience**: Take the time to understand the perspective of your audience to make sure you aren’t operating on any outdated or false narratives you’ve created about them.



3. **Be Fully Present to be Adaptable**: When you’re fully present in the moment, you are more prepared to flex to what is needed – and sometimes this involves get out of the way of the group dynamics and wisdom.  



4. **Build Trust Immediately**: Being vulnerable, authentic, and honest is the fastest way to build a foundation trust. This might even involve addressing the elephant in the room.



5. **Focus on Intent Over Outcome**: Instead of focusing on the outcome, prioritize aligning with the intent you want to bring to the occasion. As you know – we can’t control how people react to us, but we can control how we show up.



6. **Trust the Impact of Your Message**: Trust that your message will reach and resonate with those it is meant for, even if the immediate feedback may be limited. Celebrate the seeds you have planted that came with your pure intent.  

 

14:50

“I know that I planted seeds into those girls. And even though I didn't get the necessarily all the feedback right of how it went or the feedback of how it landed, I trust and I know that whatever they were meant to receive, they received. And they walked out of that room with something new. And I think that for anybody who is in these situations, I don't care if you're in corporate, you're trying to influence change or you have your own business and you're putting out social media, that you have to trust that when you are aligned to yourself and you are your true self and you're your authentic self and you have good, positive, pure intentions, that what you put out in the world matters. And it will reach who it's meant to reach, and it will plant the seeds it's meant to plant."

 

18:17

“My invitation to you is whatever that challenge is that somebody has invited you to, or that you want to invite yourself to do it! Because there is the growth opportunity. There was growth in me clearing old stories and narratives and my past and clearing the way for a new experience."

 

Links and Resources:

Tosca’s Website

Get in Touch with Tosca

Submit your question for Tosca to answer on her ALL ACCESS episode

Girls Inc. NYC

 

Giving Flowers and Appreciation To:

Theme music by: Adrian DiMatteo

Podcast audio edited by: Landis Podcast Editing  

Additional Music:
Tuesday by Sascha Ende
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/2992-tuesday
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license