Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

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  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • EVERY TWO WEEKS

It can be hard to navigate relationships when you have ADHD. Host Cate Osborn has ADHD, a background in sex education, and a whole lot of questions like “How do I know what I want out of a relationship? How do I remember my friends exist? What can I do to handle conflict better?” Tune in to Sorry, I Missed This to learn about topics like social skills, boundaries, communication, intimacy, and sex. Join Cate in unpacking the taboo, painful, and often hilarious challenges of being in a relationship when you have ADHD.

  1. When ADHD, money, and relationships collide

    26 AUG

    When ADHD, money, and relationships collide

    What if your money problems weren’t just about willpower, but about who you are? In this episode of Sorry, I Missed This, Cate chats with Ellyce Fulmore, financial educator and author of Keeping Finance Personal, about how who you are affects how you deal with money. We cover how things like ADHD, race, gender, and queerness all shape your money habits. Ellyce explains how to understand your own “money story” and why some advice doesn’t work for everyone. We also talk about what happens when someone with ADHD gets into a relationship and has to mix money with a partner. Related resources What is the ADHD tax?Ellyce’s website, queerdco.comEllyce’s ADHD Aha! podcast episode: The pain of struggling with basic tasks — ADHD in the pandemicTimestamps (00:00) A word from Cate on ADHD and money (02:44) The intersection of identity and finances (07:57) Balancing treating yourself and impulse spending (10:13) The word “should” (14:09) Shame, guilt, and embarrassment about money (17:50) The ADHD tax (20:42) ADHD and finances in a relationship (25:05) Ellyce’s advice for starting to think about your money story (26:58) Outro and credits For a transcript and more resources, visit the “Sorry, I Missed This” show page on Understood.org.  We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

    28 min
  2. Throwback to a conversation on ADHD and social skills

    12 AUG

    Throwback to a conversation on ADHD and social skills

    Social skills can be challenging for people with ADHD. Whether it’s trouble with executive function, or anxiety from past situations, socializing can come with a lot of emotions. It can also be really confusing and bring up uncomfortable questions. Why does it seem so much easier for everyone else? Why can’t I hold on to friendships? What do I even like to do?  In this episode Host Cate Osborn chats with Caroline Maguire, MEd. Caroline is an ADHD coach, and author of the book Why Will No One Play With Me? Join Cate and Caroline as they talk about how ADHD affects social skills — and what we can do to help. Related resources Caroline’s websiteCaroline’s book, Why Will No One Play With Me?Caroline’s video, How to Stop People Pleasing With ADHDFor a transcript and more resources, visit the “Sorry, I Missed This” show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

    38 min
  3. So... How does that make you feel about your therapist?

    29 JUL

    So... How does that make you feel about your therapist?

    Ever wondered if your therapist gets you, or if therapy is even working? You’re not alone. This week, Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer is back to unpack the complicated, sometimes confusing, always human relationship between therapist and client (especially when ADHD is in the mix). Host Cate Osborn and Elizabeth dig into how different types of therapy work, how to tell if therapy is actually helping, and what kinds of conversations are and aren’t fair game in the therapy room. Whether you’re starting therapy for the first time or reevaluating a long-term fit, this conversation will help you trust your instincts and advocate for what you need. Related resources Dr. Kilmer’s website, elizabethkilmer.comTreatment for mental health issuesDialectical behavior therapy: What you need to knowCognitive behavioral therapy: What is CBT?Timestamps (00:00) Intro (00:43) What inspired this episode (01:53) Relationship between therapist and client basics (04:45) How do we know if a therapist is a good fit for us? (06:50) What is a ‘therapeutic modality’? What is a ‘manualized treatment’? (09:36) How do we know if therapy working? (13:51) How do we give feedback to our therapist? (17:29) How do we breakup with a therapist? (19:35) What do we talk about in therapy? (23:52) What do we do if we don’t have access to therapy? (26:09) Advice on how to start therapy (29:22) Outro and credits We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

    31 min
  4. ADHD and destigmatizing your desires

    15 JUL

    ADHD and destigmatizing your desires

    Forget what you’ve seen in movies: BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. As Dr. Leann Borneman explains, it’s more of an à la carte menu where consent, communication, and personal boundaries come first. You can take what works for you and leave the rest. Host Cate Osborn talks with clinical sexologist Dr. Borneman about the intersection of BDSM, neurodivergence, and executive function. They explore how some people with ADHD use parts of BDSM, like structure, sensory input, and clearly defined roles. These can help support attention, reduce overwhelm, and build emotional regulation. Listen as Cate and Leann challenge outdated assumptions, and learn how destigmatizing your desires can help you show up more fully in your life. Related resources Leann’s website, bornemancoaching.comLeann’s dissertation, The Intersection of ADHD and BDSM Engagement in Heterosexual WomenFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Timestamps (00:00) Intro (00:48) A comment from Cate on stigma (02:35) BDSM as a coping strategy, not just a preference (03:58) Society’s stigma versus the scientific research (06:37) Pick and choose what works for you, you don’t have to label yourself (10:53) ADHD and sexuality: Incapability versus lack of access (13:10) What is causing this lack of access to good sex? (17:27) Unmasking is key to authenticity and figuring out what you like (19:11) BDSM creates space for safety through it’s collaborative and consentful nature (21:54) Leann’s advice for those curious about BDSM and kink (24:33) Outro and credits Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

    26 min
  5. ADHD grief isn’t linear — and that’s totally normal

    1 JUL

    ADHD grief isn’t linear — and that’s totally normal

    Grief can be overwhelming for anyone — but for people with ADHD, it can show up in surprising ways. Therapist Rachel Hopkins joins host Cate Osborn to unpack the intersection of ADHD and grief. They discuss how time blindness, emotional intensity, and memory challenges can shape the grieving process — and how ADHDers might mourn in nonlinear, unconventional ways. Rachel also offers some insights for anyone struggling to grieve “the right way” while living with a neurodivergent brain. Related resources From the ADHD Aha! podcast, Love and grief with ADHD (Steve Wesley’s story)Grief-Fueled ADHD: Strategies to Manage A Complex Combination by Rachel HopkinsThe Invisible String by Patrice KarstThe Grand Hotel of Feelings by Lidia BrankovícTimestamps (00:48) A word from Cate on ADHD and grief (03:05) Nonlinear ADHD grief (06:11) Executive function challenges and grief (09:34) Emotional regulation and planning immediately following a loss (11:03) Time perception challenges and processing grief (15:34) Rejection sensitivity and worrying about others’ judgement of our grieving (20:19) Balancing distraction and avoidance (26:24) The importance of acknowledging that your ADHD will affect your grief, and celebrating your wins (27:29) ADHD and delayed grief reactions (29:30) Advice for neurotypical people supporting an ADHDer through grief (30:44) Rachel’s last thoughts and advice for any ADHDer going through grief right now For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org.  We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

    35 min
  6. How hormones hijack focus, mood, and energy

    17 JUN

    How hormones hijack focus, mood, and energy

    ADHD in women is often misunderstood, even by ourselves — and hormones are a big part of the story.  This week, host Cate Osborn chats with psychiatrist and researcher Dr. Lotta Borg Skoglund about how hormone cycles affect ADHD in women. From PMS to perimenopause, we explore how shifting hormones can change how ADHD shows up — and how that impacts mood, focus, and relationships. Dr. Borg Skoglund shares what the research says, what often gets overlooked in diagnosis and treatment, and how understanding the patterns in your cycle can make everyday life a little easier. Related resources ADHD Girls to Women by Dr. Lotta Borg SkoglundLotta’s research group, GODDESS ADHDA guide to hormones and ADHDFrom the Climbing the Walls podcast: Are hormones the final frontier for women with ADHD?Timestamps (01:42) The changes in hormones during the menstrual cycle, and how they can affect ADHD symptoms (04:57) ADHD symptoms across hormonal life milestones like puberty, pregnancy, and menopause (10:21) The formation of Lotta’s research group GODDESS ADHD (14:25) The importance of this overdue research, and the constant dismissal of women’s hormonal challenges (17:12) Mapping your cycle to help understand your ADHD symptom fluctuations (21:10) How do we track these things if our cycles are non-traditional? (24:06) How do hormones connect to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org.  We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

    28 min
  7. Too much or not enough: ADHD sensory challenges and sex

    3 JUN

    Too much or not enough: ADHD sensory challenges and sex

    If sex sometimes feels confusing, overstimulating, or just... a lot, you’re not alone. ADHD and sensory issues can show up during sex and in our physical relationships.  This week, psychologist Dr. Lyne Piché joins us to discuss how ADHD and sensory challenges can shape our sex lives, and how to talk about it. From touch sensitivity to struggling to focus, we dive into why things might feel like “too much” one minute and “not enough” the next—and how to figure it all out. Related resources Dr. Piché’s website, www.ADHDsex.comDr. Piché’s ADHD and Sex workbookAn earlier Sorry, I Missed This episode: ADHD, sensory systems, and communicationTimestamps (2:07) What is a sensory issue?  (05:16) How do we build awareness and language about our sensory issues in the bedroom?  (09:45) How do we tell the difference between sensory overload and just not being in the mood for sex?  (12:15) The importance of trust in your partner, and not “enduring” something just for someone else (15:22) How kink can help with sensory issues in sex (16:42) Letting go of the shame over not liking the things that you’re “supposed” to like (19:07) How can we talk to our partners about our sensory needs if we’re scared of hurting their feelings or disappointing them? (22:47) Building “yes” spaces and talking to our partners about our sexy sensory dos and don’ts—without feeling unsexy (27:44) Trying things out more than once to determine whether it’s a sensory issue or a preference For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org.  We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

    31 min
  8. ADHD and caregiving: Helping others when you’re struggling

    20 MAY

    ADHD and caregiving: Helping others when you’re struggling

    Being a caregiver to a friend or loved one is hard—add ADHD to the mix, and it’s a whole different challenge. Self-care and ADHD Coach Stephanie Antoine joins us to talk about what it’s like caring for our loved ones while managing executive dysfunction, burnout, and more. She also offers a few mindfulness practices to help us recenter when the stress feels like too much. If you’ve ever struggled to care for someone else while trying to keep yourself afloat, this one’s for you. Related resources Stephanie’s website, stephanieantoine.comDownload: Feeling stressed? Try the 5-4-3-2-1 mindfulness technique From the ADHD Aha! podcast, Jessica McCabe on motherhood, social anxiety, and ADHD medicationTimestamps (02:59) Why did Stephanie start helping others in caregiving roles? (04:52) Executive function and caregiving, and beating yourself up (07:51) How do we manage big feelings like frustration and resentment while caregiving? (12:33) Perfectionism and caregiving (17:14) The one thing Stephanie wants you to hear today (19:09) A short guided meditation exercise from Stephanie For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org.  We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

    23 min
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It can be hard to navigate relationships when you have ADHD. Host Cate Osborn has ADHD, a background in sex education, and a whole lot of questions like “How do I know what I want out of a relationship? How do I remember my friends exist? What can I do to handle conflict better?” Tune in to Sorry, I Missed This to learn about topics like social skills, boundaries, communication, intimacy, and sex. Join Cate in unpacking the taboo, painful, and often hilarious challenges of being in a relationship when you have ADHD.

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