027 - Jess Koncz - What a Polyamorist Can Teach a Monogamist, Co-Creating The Right Relationship for you, Navigating Pain vs. Discomfort & Finding Unconditional Love in Evolving Connections

I guarantee you: this episode of Unmapped will make you a better partner, friend and lover.

On Unmapped this week, I have the honour and privilege of speaking with Jess Koncz, who has been - along with one of my best friends - my life’s most influential teacher on relationships. She’s the Founder of The Open Circle and FAR (Festival of Alternative Relationships) and predictably, this episode is an honest and vulnerable deep dive into the world of polyamory, open relationships and Jess’ journey to ethical non-monogamy (ENM). 

What’s less predictable is the immense value this conversation has for those of us in traditional relationships. Jess is an incredibly wise woman.

Here’s what I loved about this episode:

• When people think of open relationships, they think of sex. At no stage was sex the primary topic of conversation in this episode.
• When a trigger is causing you discomfort, go deeper to work through it. When it’s causing you extreme pain, ease up - perhaps this isn’t for you.
• If you really love someone unconditionally, the role they play in your life won’t matter
• Thinking scarcely about opportunities to connect with someone (this might be my only chance!) actually creates disconnection

Enjoy this one folks. In the future, Jess is going to be one of the world’s thought leaders on creating meaningful, loving and beautiful connections. For those of us already in her circle, she already is.

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 - 16:40 - Intro, Letting go of the Entrepreneurial Identity, Giving Yourself Space to Breathe

16:40 - 35:13 - The Journey to Non-Monogamy, Polyamory & Love, Polyamory vs Open 

35:13 - 49:03 - Co-Creating Gorgeous Relationships & Relational Structures, The Importance of Security, Thresholds for Jealousy

49:03 - 59:24 - Pain vs. Discomfort, Unconditional Love in Evolving Connections

59:24 - 1:13:04 - Principles of ENM

1:13:04 - 1:27:58 - Communication in Relationships, Abundance & Scarcity

1:27:58 - 1:42:40 - The Open Circle & FAR

1:42:40 - 1:56:45 - Creating Safe, Connection-first Spaces 

1:56:45 - 2:06:07 - FAR Tickets & Outro