Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups

A.J. Mahari
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Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups

A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 34 years experience working with those surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner Child Healing, Family of Origin and Self Differentiation, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and much more.

  1. 27 OCT

    What is BPD Transient Paranoid Ideation?

    What Is BPD Transient Paranoid Ideation? What is Borderline Transient Paranoid Ideation? What does it mean? How can does it manifest for people with BPD and how can you recognize it and understand its scope and effect on you? Why does this trait (number 9) along with how it drives BPD splits to devaluation cause so many BPD Breakups and so much heartbreak for people who loves someone with Borderline Personality Disorder? https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

    29 min

  2. 15 OCT

    Borderlines Just Aren't That Into You The Emptiness of Idealization

    Borderlines Just Aren't That In To You & The Emptiness of BPD Idealization Borderlines just aren't that in to you, Codependents. The incredible emptiness of BPD idealization takes a long time to understand because it felt so great and felt and was too good to be true. BPD idealization just as BPD devaluation isn't about YOU. It's about who you represent unconsciously to un-treated person with Borderline Personality Disorder. You think you can do better, give more, understand more and do it differently and that it will make a difference - Nope! Codependents also often believe that they are so to blame for why people with BPD act out, act in, punish, as you walk on the impossible egg-shells. No matter what you, as a Codependent try to do differently, promise, change, fix and so on  - NONE OF IT will work because you are insignificant (for who you really are) to the Borderline. For the Borderline, it's all about the Borderline. You are just the "object other" that they blame. They don't actually ever get to know who you really are as you lose yourself more and more to their lost selves as they seek to use (unconsciously often) to just survive. There's no excuse for what they do to you in their attempts (all about them) to just survive, seeking identity through you but not ever seeking to truly KNOW you! https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

    22 min

  3. 15 OCT

    You Can't Give Borderlines What They Need They Don't Want It From You Anyway

    You Can't Give Borderlines What They Need They Don't Want It From You Anyway Codependents can't give your Borderline what he or she needs. People with BPD really don't want what they need from you anyway. It's a lose-lose situationship. People with Codependency can't help a partner, or any loved one with BPD, you lost yourself trying, you don't get your needs met. And you can't satiate a person with BPD and the more you try, and try to love them, the more you will punished for your love and care. Codependents need to unlearn childhood woundedness and how it is repeating in all your externalizing out and endless focus on someone with BPD and on Borderline Personality Disorder itself. What about you? https://ajmahari.ca/session

    25 min

  4. 15 OCT

    BPD Devaluation Introjected Now Is Codependents' Responsibility To Stop Internal Re Wounding

    BPD Devaluation Introjected Codependent Responsibility Stop Internal Re-wounding BPD devaluation and damage is introjected by Codependents. People with Codependency have a responsibility to stop internally re-wounding themselves internally. People with BPD damage people with Codependency who try to love them. Once you know what is happening, or what happened it is your responsibility to get into therapy and out of the relationship to break the betrayal bond and to learn how to stop over-focusing on the your Borderline Ex. It's so important to get out of denial and to stop abandoning yourself. Codependency denied only exacerbates the internal critic that continues to internally re-wound your inner child and createsand continues your own inner critic to judge you so harshly as likely you were judged in childhood and by your BPD Ex. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

    59 min

  5. 3 OCT

    BPD Discard Codependent Fantasy Pissing Into The Wind of Cognitive Dissonance

    BPD Discard Codependent Fantasy Pissing Into The Wind of Cognitive Dissonance BPD discards (final or not when unknown) fuel codependent fantasy and leave people with Codependency essentially pissing into the wind - as if that would be any reality of "taking a shower". These relationships ruptures often ending over and over again, also can be likened to the title of Judge Judy's book, "Don't Pee on My Foot and Tell Me it's Raining" Trying to continue in the  Codependent fantasy as this commenter I respond to does (with quite a twist near the end) means that in the cognitive dissonance of it all, the intermittent reinforcementof the still not broken trauma  bond, so many with Codependency, on/off partners, Ex's in a limbo place as well continue to actually "piss into the wind" in a fantasy illusion that to do wo would mean you have taken a "shower".  In a relationship with an undiagnosed and/or untreated person with patterns of or with BPD being stuck in cognitive dissonance trying to figure out the Borderline, continuing to abandon yourself, perhaps as this commenter, while believing a desperate delusion that  his Ex is getting closer to recovery or somehow will is the most agonizing height of so much pain and all of its rumination that you feel like you just can't stop obsessing on.  See if you relate, at least in part, to this commenter and his torment of Codependent denial and not really understanding BPD while at the same time he truly pisses into the wind as if he awaits an actual shower. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

    2 h y 5 min

  6. 25 AGO

    BPD NPD Who is The Person Behind The Idealization & Love Bombing?

    BPD NPD Who is The Person Behind The Idealization & Love Bombing? So many people who have been in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD with Co-Morbid Narcissistic Personality Disorder are caught in a trauma bond ruminating and trying to figure out who is the person behind the idealization and love bombing when there isn't a "real person" inside at all, only a false self.  The intermittent reinforcement within the trauma bond with someone with BPD or BPD/NPD keeps Codependents stuck in circles of (often misinformation) trying to give their own explanations or offer up erroneous ones or misinterpretations taken from perhaps listening to or reading too many contradictory sources online. The person you fell in love with doesn't exist. The person behind the idealization and the love bombing is the false self that protects the lost self in Borderlines and Narcissists. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

    23 min

  7. 8 AGO

    BPD Breakup or Discard Identify Your Codependent Part of The Dynamic To Heal

    BPD Breakup or Discard Identify Your Codependent Part of The Dynamic To Heal BPD Breakup or discard is so painful and so confusing for so many people who have, but may not realize it, Codependency. Getting into therapy and  going no contact is the way to identify your codependent part in the dynamic and to heal. Choose to no longer stay stuck in excessive obsessive focus on the Borderline and what they did, why they did it because that focus will keep the trauma bond in tact. You need to break that betrayal bond in order to heal. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

    47 min

  8. 4 AGO

    Quiet Borderline Inner Persecution and Codependent Reactionary Projection

    Quiet Borderline Inner Persecution and Codependent Reactionary Projection People who are Quiet Borderlines, the Discouraged sub-type of BPD, when triggered  have a fawn/freeze response. They withdraw. You can't pull words out of them. They don't hear you. They may take space, or ghost you in a patterned way, and you don't get it. You are trying to understand what the quiet borderline is doing. Many with Codependency think that it is the Quiet Borderline creating conflict when very often that's not the case. They are re-experiencing "lack of self" as the introjected persecutory object they were to a parent. People with Codependency need to understand your (often unconscious) reactionary projection about a significant part of the conflict that you experience and think is all coming from the person with Quiet BPD. Codependents will benefit from stopping their own repetition compulsion of pursuit of a Quiet Borderline who is deep inside re-experiencing inner persecution - they take on the role of the  wounding parent or parents and that's not seeking conflict or any type of fight/flight. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

    36 min
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A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 34 years experience working with those surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner Child Healing, Family of Origin and Self Differentiation, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and much more.

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