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A Codependent Mind Brian and Stephanie
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- 社會與文化
An honest first-hand account of descent into and emergence from codependency. Brian and Stephanie share their journey of codependency recovery and understanding. Through first-hand experience, extensive research, and countless hours of discussion with Stephanie, his life partner, Brian has been able to understand the web of behaviors that formed his ’codependency’ and to heal from the trauma and the shame that was at the root of it.
Season one explores the origins of Brian’s codependent behaviors and the connection between Codependency and trauma. In addition to answering the question ”what is codependency?”, episodes on trauma bonding, narcissism, shame detail out how behaviors emerging from his childhood interpersonal trauma prevented him from developing healthy relationships as he grew into adulthood. In fact, they left him vulnerable to other disordered people like narcissists thereby exposing him to more trauma and entrenching the codependent habits even further.
In season two, we outline how Brian went about healing the trauma the formed the root of his codependency. We discuss how Brian was able to recognize the abuse he had suffered and was suffering and in doing so, finally get clarity about and distance from his relationships with narcissist; how he was able to learn how to sit with his emotions, recognize what they were, where they came from and how to process them; how he had to re-write the stories about himself and his past that weren’t serving him and were actually preventing him from living an authentic, integrated life; and how he worked, and is working, to break the codependent habits that were destructive to his well being and not conducive to forming healthy, integrated relationships.
Even after understanding and healing from codependency, Brian is still left with re-learning how to navigate relationships in a way that produces the kind of intimate, nurturing connections that he has always longed for. Season three addresses topics that come up in that process.
In the fourth season, we investigate core concepts about relationships and the ways in which codependent behaviors can make it difficult to form and sustain loving, intimate relationships.
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S6 - #1 Chapter One: Codependent Beginnings
This season Brian will be reading aloud from the book we just published (link and description below). Chapter One frames codependency as learned, strategic, adaptive response to feelings of powerlessness, to emotional pain. It also covers the dynamics within Brian's family that gave rise to the codependent behaviors that would eventually cripple him emotionally and relationally for most of his life.
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Buy now in paperback or eBook form: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1/
Based on the acclaimed podcast of the same name, follow Brian's transformative journey from codependency and despair to joyful, fulfilling and sustaining relationships. Gain guidance into examining your own life and crafting a personalized pathway to heal from codependency and trauma.
In Part 1 of his journey, Brian explores:
The family dynamics in his childhood that set the stage for codependent habits.
The long term effects of trauma, including its complex and chronic manifestations.
Threat responses (particularly freeze and fawn) and the connection to the behaviors that make up codependency.
The role of shame and fear in deepening his codependent habits.
How his codependent behaviors fostered isolation and perpetuated dysfunctional relationship dynamics.
The toxic interplay between narcissism and codependency, and the trauma bonds that ensnared him in relationships with abusive narcissists.
In Part 2, the re-making of a codependent mind, Brian describes:
What is on the other side of codependency? Is it worth it?
Healing from his emotional wounds by connecting with other people, repairing his emotional system and re-writing the stories of his life.
How he finally broke the codependent habits that prevented him from having the emotionally intimate relationships that he always craved.
Acquiring a new approach to romantic relationships.
This book is a beacon of hope for those seeking liberation from codependency's grip, providing both insights and practical guidance for the journey toward authenticity and connection. -
S6 - #2 Chapter Two: Trauma
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
In this chapter, Brian discusses the connection between trauma and his codependent habits. His experiences, including childhood dynamics and an early, abusive friendship are explored as sources of trauma, shaping his behaviors and triggering ingrained responses to threats - specifically freeze and fawn.
Brian’s journey of navigating trauma extended beyond physical safety to encompass emotional survival strategies. Amidst consistent fear and shame at home and with his childhood friend, emotional avoidance developed as a coping mechanism. Through dissociation and compartmentalization, painful emotions were suppressed and buried, leading to a solitary and chaotic inner life. While these strategies initially offered relief, they ultimately perpetuated Brian's emotional turmoil, as the unresolved emotional pain continued to escalate, fostering a cycle of isolation and dysfunctional relationships.
In this episode:
00:01:07 What is Trauma?00:03:13 New Layers of Trauma00:05:58 Threat Responses00:09:39 Emotional Trauma00:14:27 Emotional Avoidance
Thank you for reviewing, rating and liking the book and the podcast. It helps other people find us.
Contact us: https://www.codependentmind.com/ -
S6 - #3 Chapter Three: Human Connection
If you are enjoying listening to the book, please leave a review on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review/?ie=UTF8&channel=glance-detail&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1
In this chapter, Brian reflects on his struggles with codependency, which hindered his ability to form genuine connections with others. As a child, he learned to prioritize others' needs over his own, leading to a fragmented sense of self and difficulty understanding his emotions. As he navigated adolescence, he experienced sexual shame and a sense of unworthiness, further isolating him socially. He ended up passively accepting relationships with individuals who were also struggling emotionally, which often turned abusive.
A unique friendship with E, who shared similar struggles, provided safety but also enabled codependent behaviors. Reflecting on the friendship, the Brian acknowledges the complexity of their dynamic and the limitations of his codependent responses. Despite the challenges, the relationship taught him the value of intimate connections, planting a seed that would influence his understanding of healthy relationships in the future.
He then explores the many damaging relationships he has had with narcissistic individuals, highlighting the connection between codependency and narcissism, both stemming from trauma responses. While codependents seek safety by pleasing others, narcissists demand validation and entitlement. Narcissistic behaviors include grandiosity, entitlement, and lack of accountability. Brian's codependent tendencies made him susceptible to narcissists, excusing their abusive behavior. Different types of controlling behaviors are examined, with codependents managing emotions and narcissists asserting dominance aggressively. -
S6 - #4 Chapter Four: Toxic Relationships
If you are enjoying listening to the book, please leave a review on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review/?ie=UTF8&channel=glance-detail&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1
In this episode, Brian reads chapter 4, which details his back to back relationships with abusive narcissists. He describes the lovebombing that began both of those relationships, the trauma bonds that kept him stuck and the powerless way the relationships ended. Sex, power and shame were all at play, contributing to the dysfunction and despair he experienced during those two marriages.
In this episode:
00:02:17 Relationship Beginnings - Love Bombing00:06:12 Abuse00:09:47 Trauma Bonds00:12:45 How Trauma Bonds Form00:16:16 Cognitive Dissonance -Self Gaslighting00:19:39 Shame and Fear00:21:43 Relationship Endings
Contact us: https://www.codependentmind.com/ -
S6 - #5 Chapter Five: The Fully Made Codependent Mind
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
If you are enjoying listening to the book, please leave a review on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review/?ie=UTF8&channel=glance-detail&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1
In this chapter, Brian describes his mental and emotional state at the end of his relationship with J when he met Stephanie. As their relationship develops, he gets a glimpse of the kind of intimacy he always wanted, but his codependent habits start to threaten their connection and he has some tough decisions to make.
After the reading, Brian and Stephanie discuss writing Part 1 of the book and the learning and growth they experienced in that process.
Thank you for liking, reviewing and following the book and the podcast, it helps other people find us.
Contact us: codependentmind@gmail.com -
S6 - #6 Chapter Six: Getting Started
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
If you are enjoying listening to the book, please leave a review on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review/?ie=UTF8&channel=glance-detail&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1
In this episode/chapter Brian reflects on the journey of overcoming codependency, a set of learned behaviors initially meant to ensure safety but which eventually became dysfunctional habits. He discusses how these behaviors can be unlearned and reprogrammed through awareness of their origins and impacts. This reprogramming process involves not just removing or replacing behaviors, but transforming them into functional versions.
To achieve this transformation, Brian first needed to clear unresolved emotions like shame, fear, and resentment that accumulated over time. Facing these emotions was challenging and often painful, but necessary for gaining self-awareness. Despite the difficulty, the effort was worth it, leading to better understanding, healthier behaviors, and more fulfilling relationships.
Support from others played a crucial role in Brian's healing. Building deeper connections and opening up to people helped him break the cycle of codependency. Particularly, a supportive relationship with someone like Stephanie, who was invested and willing to challenge the author, was instrumental.
Journaling was another critical tool for healing, helping Brian reflect on past experiences and connect emotionally. Combining this reflection with discussions with Stephanie facilitated significant progress.
00:00:31 Getting Started00:02:33 Motivation00:04:48 Getting Help00:08:58 Connecting With Other People00:12:54 Journaling